19. Ashley
ASHLEY
I ducked into the ladies’ room off the lobby to wash my face.
I couldn’t believe I had told Fox all of that. I was still shaking. My childhood wasn’t something I talked about with anyone. Small town living had meant that everyone seemed to know our business. I’d been stared at in school and whispered conversations had followed me for years. When I’d started applying for jobs as a teenager, more than one prospective employer had repeated ‘Barnes’ in a way that still made my skin crawl.
That’s what had been nice about a boyfriend on the other side of the world. He hadn’t known any of that and it had been bloody refreshing.
All through dinner, I’d been sitting on pins, watching Fox easily field pointed questions from Mom and Whit. I kept trying to picture Shane being comfortable with that, but as amiable as he was, Shane didn’t like anyone prying. Everything I knew about his family troubles had come through Fox or Sandy. Shane hadn’t shared much of it with me himself.
It shocked me to realize that.
How would Shane have reacted if I’d told him about my father? I had a feeling my anxiety would have sat in me like an abscess the rest of my life before I confessed it to him. He definitely wouldn’t have said the right things if I had. Shane didn’t know how to handle conflict and volatile, complex emotions. At best, he would have clammed up and booked us onto the next catamaran off this island.
Fox was always a steadying presence, like a pier that let the harshest storm waves batter him while he stood there and put up with it.
I eyed him as we rode up the elevator, wondering about his remark about feeling set apart from his own family, but I didn’t bring it up on our short walk to the Holloway’s room.
Sandy opened the door to my soft knock. “Oh, Ashley. I am so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” I returned Sandy’s hug and we held it for a long minute.
“Come to the balcony. Eddie’s out here.”
Sandy ushered us through their room and onto the balcony which was lit by the pool below. I accepted Eddie’s hug and shoulder pat and leaned on the rail, motioning for them to take the chairs they’d already been occupying.
“What are your plans now?” Sandy asked.
I bit back a groan, thinking I really needed a decent answer to that, true or not. I focused on the immediate future instead.
“Enjoy the week as best I can. I think we agreed to take Fliss and Ryan to the beach tomorrow.” I glanced at Fox.
“Oh?” Sandy followed my gaze to Fox and I thought I detected a deeper inquisitiveness come into her demeanor.
“Teach them to boogie board,” Fox said. “Join us, if you like. Come show them how it’s done.”
His gentle tease eased Sandy’s worried frown into a wistful chuckle.
“If the doctors would quit telling me I’m too young for a hip replacement, I would. Shane always says I’ll sink like a stone once they finally— Tsk. I’m sorry Ashley.”
“Sandy, it’s fine,” I insisted. “I’m upset, but you can talk about Shane. We’re all here for the week. Let’s skip the blame and make a nice memory the way we intended to.”
“That’s very generous of you.” Sandy played with the pendant she always wore while glancing at Fox again. There was another question in her expression. “You’re staying the week, too?”
“I am.” Fox’s voice took on a firm note. Resolve or something else that was matter-of-fact and stubborn.
I heard what he didn’t say—that we were sharing a room.
“Moral support,” I said with a grateful smile, holding his gaze, not mentioning the shared room either, which gave my conscience a pinch, but it was totally innocent. Convenient. We would be working.
“It’s been a long day,” Fox said, straightening off the rail. “Do you mind if we catch up with you tomorrow?”
“No, of course. You have a good night.” Sandy showed us out, curious gaze staying on us until she had closed the door.
“It really has,” I said as we were entering our suite. “Been a long day,” I clarified when Fox sent me a quizzical look.
“Hell to the yes it has. I haven’t slept in a bed in...” He looked toward the clock on the nightstand, then gave me a blank stare. “It’s been so long, I can’t math.”
“Is that you telling me to take the pullout? Chivalry is dead,” I teased as I moved to haphazardly unpack my suitcase into the drawers.
“Is that you playing the jilted bride card again?”
It was silly trashing, but I forgot to laugh as I noticed a card on the bed.
“Too soon?” He came up behind me.
“Hmm? No.” I showed him the card on the bed that was no longer sprinkled with rose petals. “We had turn-down service and room-service breakfast tomorrow. What do you want?”
We filled out the card and left it on the latch outside the door.
“This package was a very thoughtful gift, Fox. Thank you,” I said sincerely. “As consolation prizes go, I’m feeling less gut-punched.”
“Good. Because I thought these things in my wallet were coupons for discounts, but they’re actually things I paid for.” He drew the keycard folder from his wallet and fingered through the slips of paper. “That was the massage.” He threw it away. “This is the board I reserved for Shane, but we also get snorkelling gear for two. You get two free cocktails at the pool.” He gave me the voucher.
I smirked. “Not drinking for a while?”
“Possibly never again. And a dinner cruise.” He showed me the slip. “On Monday. We missed it. That blows.”
“You really don’t know what day it is. That’s tomorrow.”
“But I flew out on Sunday.”
“It’s still Sunday.”
“Good God. Talk about a long fucking day.”
I chuckled, then, “Can I ask one more favor before we call it a night?” I finished unpacking and showed him my turquoise baby doll. “I brought this because I didn’t think I would actually need pajamas.”
He stared at it, looked kind of fixated, and swallowed loudly.
A fist of heat clenched low in my belly. A slow blush crept through me, climbing higher and higher until my breasts were tight and my throat constricted.
“I, um, would prefer to sleep in a T-shirt if you have an extra?”
“Oh. Sure.” He turned away to paw into the duffel. “I thought you wanted to trade. Blue is not my color.”
I chuckled weakly and opened one of the dresser drawers for him, inviting him to unpack into it. He did, offering a blue T-shirt I recognized.
“That’s Shane’s.”
“I grabbed his bag. Remember?”
I had forgotten, but shook my head. “I’ll figure out something else.” I looked for my yoga shorts.
“He’s not going to care if you borrow his shirt.”
“You really need to quit loaning out things that don’t belong to you, seeing as you can’t even share a bar of soap.”
It was supposed to be a chirpy little joke, but he dropped his hand to his side, shirt dangling from his loose grip.
“Are you serious right now? We’re going back to the hair clip?”
“Forget it,” I muttered as his tone took me right back to that morning when I’d had to lock myself in Shane’s bedroom to hide my tears.
“The package was open and there were still two more in it. It was right there on the shelf. It was exactly like the toothbrush I gave her from the drawer. Were they made of elephant ivory? I don’t understand why it was a big deal.”
My blood pressure rose despite my best efforts at keeping this as meaningless as it ought to be. The house had been a fairly communal living space, probably because it wasn’t something the men were planning to keep. It wasn’t home . Friends slept on the sofa all the time and both Fox and Shane were pretty relaxed about loaning tools or equipment or vehicles.
“I couldn’t get them in Australia,” I muttered.
“But you had four . Jasmine used it for five seconds. Were you worried she had lice? What?”
And there it was, the mockery and complete disregard of my feelings that had gutted me that morning. I didn’t understand why it felt like such a knife to the gut, but it did.
“You know what? I’ll wear my wedding dress to bed.” I whirled into the bathroom only to realize there was no door to slam. “What a stupid bathroom!”
I stood there, impotent and furious, able to hear him exhale with impatience.
“We’re too tired for this, you know that, right?”
He’d been sleeping on and off all freaking day, but okay.
“Let’s not say things that can’t get unsaid. I should have asked first. Okay?” He was dealing his words out slow and precise. “I honestly didn’t think you would mind, but I should have asked and I shouldn’t have laughed when you got upset. I honestly thought you were playing it up.”
I stood there out of sight, eyes clenched shut against my reflection so I wouldn’t see my cringe of mortification. Yes, it had been an overreaction, but I was still so mad . Why?
“I don’t understand why you’re still angry,” he continued in that ultra-civil voice from the main room. “But I accept that you are. I’m sorry. Wear the T-shirt or don’t. I’m going to bed.”
“You laughed at me,” I blurted, and immediately wanted to swallow the words, but more came out. “And so did your girlfriend.”
A thump of silence, then, “ Ex -girlfriend.”
“She slept in your room!”
“I slept on the couch and why does it matter?” His voice was suddenly close enough to snap my eyes open.
We stared at each other in the glare of the bathroom vanity lights surrounding the mirror, neither of us able to hide our tension or hurt or frustration. I felt hideously exposed. My heart pounded as though I’d come face to face with a mountain lion.
“I didn’t enjoy having someone I didn’t know laughing at me. I thought you and I were friends, but you paired up against me to make me the butt of your stupid joke.” That’s what had hurt, that he’d taken that woman’s side against me.
Fox stared at me for a long minute, expression inscrutable. His jaw worked as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it.
“I was using you to get her to leave,” he finally admitted through tight lips. “I could tell she was sizing up the house, thinking if Shane’s girlfriend was living there then I’d welcome permanent company too. I didn’t want to start up with her again. That’s why I slept on the couch when she was more than willing to share the bed. Your snap-show made it easy to tell her she should probably look elsewhere for long term accommodation.”
“Why did you even bring her home from the pub if you didn’t want her around?”
“I don’t know. She had just got back into Sydney. She needed a place to flop for the night. I thought I wanted sex, then I didn’t. The T-shirt’s on the bed. Go to sleep.” Seconds later, the pullout creaked as he yanked its frame from the sofa.