Chapter 10 #2
I turn my head slightly, studying her reflection in the mirror. She doesn’t look uncertain, upset or impulsive. There’s a steadiness in her gaze as her eyes roam over my tatted up back and arms. This is a woman who knows what she wants. I just wish I knew too.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Nat.”
She steps fully into the bathroom and closes the door behind her. The click of the latch tells me she plans to stay.
“You already know what I want.”
I watch her for a moment longer, then toss my shirt into the hamper, feeling the air shift as her gaze follows the movement. Turning around, I take a step closer to her, thinkin’ she’ll be intimidated by my size and take off. But she doesn’t.
“You want to talk,” I guess, using what little intelligence I have. “Women love to talk. You talk with each other, strangers on the street and with us. So, let’s hear it. What do you want to talk about?” Deep down inside I know it’s about being my old lady, but I could be wrong about that.
“I want to shower.”
Relief surges through my chest. “Goddamn woman. If you wanted to shower first, you should have just called it.”
“No. I want to shower with you.”
The strongest feeling of need gnaws at my gut right now.
Wanting me to say yes, to feast my eyes on her lovely form and finally know every detail of her body.
I’m so caught up in that fantasy that I don’t answer immediately.
I turn back towards the sink, giving myself a second to get my head together.
“You’ve had a long day,” I tell her. “You’re not thinking clearly.”
“Yes, I am.” Judging by the tone of her voice, I’d say she was pretty certain of herself.
“Being naked together is a slippery slope. It might lead to other things.” I try to phrase it not to out myself as the pervert I so clearly am.
“Oh, I’m counting on that.” I hear her footsteps, as her feet move against the tile.
I take a step back, although all I want is to gather her up in my arms and never let her go.
Suddenly, she surges forward until she’s standing right beside me. She’s close enough for me to smell her perfume. I watch in the mirror as she pulls her shirt over her head and tosses it towards the hamper. She removes her bra as well.
I just stand there gazing at her lovely body. Her breasts are full, with blush pink nipples. I have never known that kind of want that I’m experiencing right now. My cock is so fucking hard.
“I don’t understand. Why would you want me when you have anyone?”
“Because we’re the same. You said so yourself. We understand each other and are what my religious foster parents used to call equally yoked,” she says quietly. “Deep down inside you must have realized that we’re made for each other.”
“You’re nineteen,” I shoot back sternly.
“So,” she says sharply.
“I’m seven years older than you.”
Hauling in a deep breath, she continues, “Age is just a number. I’m not some young college kid who doesn’t understand relationships and responsibility.
I grew up being a full-time caregiver for a bunch of kids, all day long, every single day year after year.
That changes a person. I wouldn’t even know how to interact with guys my own age. They seem like children to me.”
“You’re also Rick’s sister,” I point out.
“I’m not Rick though. I’m me,” she says slapping her hand against her chest. Lord help me because I can’t help but notice how that hard slap makes her pretty breasts jiggle and her skin pink up. I close my eyes and count to ten in my head to keep from reaching for her.
“Rick is my best friend. I promised him that I wouldn’t hit on you.”
“Well, you sure as hell kept that promise. God knows you haven’t given me any reason to hope we might end up together.”
I shoot back, “Do you think wanting something makes it okay?”
“No. I think pretending you don’t want it makes you dishonest.”
I shake my head slowly, feeling conflicted like never before.
“You don’t understand what it costs for us to cross this line.”
“It doesn’t cost anything. That’s all just made-up bullshit in your head to keep you from opening up to accept the love you deserve in life. This is all about wrangling your fears to the ground and taking what you want in life.”
“Fear? I’m not afraid of shit,” I growl. This woman can prick my pride faster than any person alive.
“You’re afraid of hurting me. Instead of owning up to that you’re making it about every other issue under the sun. This isn’t about Rick saying I’m off limits or him hating you for falling in love with me. It’s not about my age or any damn thing else except your belief that you’re too large.”
She’s not wrong about any of that. Rather than admit it, I just stand there staring at her like a complete idiot. This smart, beautiful woman is overwhelming all my defenses and I can’t have that.
When she speaks again, it feels like being harpooned through the fuckin’ chest.
“You’re afraid you won’t be able to stop once you start. That you’ll hurt me.”
I don’t bother to deny it. She can tell by the expression on my face that she hit the nail on the head. She takes a step closer.
I glance away. “It looks like you’ve thought about this a lot.”
“Yes, of course I have. You’ve slowly become one of the two most important people in my life.”
“How long have you been mulling this over in your mind?”
She hesitates for the first time, and I see something serious in her eyes.
“Since the first night I realized you weren’t looking at me like everyone else did. You didn’t see me as a sad little exploited foster kid that the system let down. You saw me as a person because like you said, we’ve both been through it.”
My eyes drift back to her earnest face. Something in my thinking shifts because she’s right. Of course she is.
“You never treated me like I was a burden. You treated me like something precious that needed to be treasured and protected. And I like that feeling way too much to ever let it go.”
I can’t stop staring at her beautiful face, as all the pieces of information she just dropped slot into place in my mind.
“People have taken away my choices my whole life,” she says. “You never did that. I want to make the most important choice of all, who I love.”
“You really want me, right?”
“Yeah, I love my brother but I’m not going to pass up an opportunity at happiness because he’s declared me off limits. I’m not ever going to let people control me. I’m making my own choices in life from now on. And I don’t want to hear any more of this nonsense about you being too big.”
“But I am. Everyone in the world can’t be wrong and you’re right about that.”
She shrugs, making her breasts jiggle again.
“Yeah, I get that you’re big. I’d have to be blind not to see that.
What I’m saying is I like that part of you.
When I’m with you, I feel safe, sheltered and protected, like nothing in the world can get to me.
The mechanics of being together don’t scare me.
Sure you’re big, but you’re gentle and tender. ”
God dammit, she’s right. “You’re changing everything I thought I knew about myself and my life.”
“You were always going to have to change in order to find a life partner. Changing for the woman who adores you is just icing on an already delicious cake.”
After a long moment, I reach out and close my hand around her wrist, tugging her closer.
“Please don’t tell me later that I pushed myself on you. I think that would break me.”
“I would never blame you. This is me telling you what I want for myself.”
“Don’t ever tell Rick I took advantage of you. He’s my best friend and I don’t want to lose him.”
“Of course. Saying that would be a lie and I’m not a liar.”
I feel a hint of a smile come over my face. “And don’t ever pretend you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into by gettin’ with a biker instead of a banker.”
“I won’t,” she says smugly, because at this point, she knows that I’m giving in.
Steam curls around us as I open the front of my jeans with my free hand.
“Alright, I’ll shower with you. If it goes alright, I’ll make you my old lady.”
She laughs easily at my lame joke.
“You’re too much. I love that dry witty sense of humor you have.”
“Have you ever had sex before?” That question catches her off guard. I can tell by how quickly her head comes up. “It’s not a trick question, Nat. I just want to know so I can make it good for you.”
“No, I never got the opportunity or met anyone I wanted. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”
“Thanks for being honest with me. I want us to take our time and make sure you’re comfortable and make sure your body is prepared enough to take my thick cock, alright?”
She nods and slides her pants down the curve of her hips and tosses them into the hamper.
And I stare and stare and stare some more. I know that I’ve got my feelings involved here but Natalie is shockingly beautiful. No, it’s not that her body is technically perfect, it’s more like a perfect-to-my-eyes kind of thing. The feeling is so strong that there is no denying it.
We get into the shower together and I turn her around and begin soaping up her back. I want to put my hands on her in a way that reassures her and isn’t overtly sexual.
“Are you okay with what I’m doing?”
She turns to look at me over her shoulder. “No, I want more.”
I smother back a smile because this woman who’s asked to be my old lady is bold about wanting me. I like that more than I should. A little voice in the back of my mind says Natalie’s first time should be with a man who cares about her pleasure, a man who loves her like I do.