Chapter Fourteen
T he next two weeks passed in a blur of work and play. Bear agreed that a little kissing and cuddling was fine, but he drew the line at getting naked and intimate.
Josie suspected it was scary for him—his body had changed, making love would be different. She didn’t have a tremendous amount of experience so she wasn’t sure how it would all work, but she loved him so much that she wasn’t afraid, and she was happy to give him, and them, time.
The month of August was almost over, and Labor Day was approaching. Everyone was making plans to do something, but Josie had no desire to go anywhere and do anything but be with Bear.
“Do you think we should invite my parents and Jasper over for Labor Day weekend? We could grill—well, you could grill—and I could handle the rest. I know Jasper is dying to meet you.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked.
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
He shrugged. “Might be a little awkward for everyone.”
“You mean three wheelchairs at dinner? We’ll call it the wheelchair friendship club.”
Bear groaned and shook his head. “That’s horrible.”
“It’s kind of funny.”
“It’s not.” But he couldn’t help smiling a little.
Josie called her parents that evening to see if they’d like to come for dinner over the weekend. “I’d love for you to see Bear’s house and everything we did to make it work for him.”
“I don’t know,” her mom answered. “Jasper’s been tired lately, and I’m not sure driving all that way for dinner is a good idea. Maybe you could just come home and spend the weekend with us?”
“Don’t you want to meet Bear?”
“Honey, we’ll meet him sometime when the timing is better. But give him our best, okay?”
Josie hung up disappointed but decided not to say anything to Bear that evening. Maybe she could give it a few days and try talking to her dad. Or maybe it was just too early, and her mom was right, she needed to hold off and wait for another time.
*
What Josie didn’t know was that Bear had received a call from Jennifer Calhoun, Josie’s mother, asking him to meet her for coffee. She thought it was time they met and hoped he wouldn’t mind not saying anything to Josie about their get together.
Bear thought it was a peculiar request, but he knew Josie was sensitive about her family and didn’t want to upset her. So, he drove to the coffee shop in Livingston where Jennifer had suggested they meet as it was a good halfway point for both of them.
He spotted Jennifer right away. She looked like an older version of Josie, only a Josie that hadn’t aged as well as she could have.
“Mrs. Calhoun,” he said, approaching.
She nodded and smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Thank you so much for meeting with me,” she said, clearly nervous.
“I’m happy to meet you. You must know I’m a fan of both your son and daughter.”
“Thank you. I’m a fan, too. I have great kids. I’m really lucky.”
“Let’s get you inside. It’s a hot one today,” he said, leaning forward to open the door and holding it open until she was safely inside. He followed, the door bumping the back tire of his chair as it closed behind him.
They ordered drinks at the counter and then found a table in the back corner, away from the bright sunlight glaring against the glass. At the small table, Bear pulled out a chair, pushing it to the table next to theirs to create room for him.
Jennifer looked around. “I’ve never been here before.”
“I haven’t, either. How did you learn about it?”
“Rye once mentioned it, said it was a good place to meet up, in case I ever wanted to get out for a bit.”
“You should meet him.”
“Hard to get away.”
The barista arrived at their table with their drinks. “Iced coffee with milk,” she said, handing Jennifer her order. “And a black coffee for you,” she said, placing Bear’s cup on the table.
Bear sipped his coffee and waited for Jennifer to speak. She’d requested the meeting, and he was curious as to what she wanted to say.
“I don’t know how much you know about my family,” she said after a moment, nudging her glass. “I was born and raised in Alberta, Canada. I met John—the kids’ dad—in Calgary. I was young, early twenties, and within six months of meeting, John and I were married. It was a whirlwind courtship, but the biggest reason we married so quickly was that I was pregnant with Rye.”
Bear simply listened, having no desire to speak.
“We loved each other,” Jennifer continued, “so it wasn’t a bad thing to marry quickly, but marriage is hard. There is no road map with it, and everyone handles difficulties differently.” She paused, her fine dark eyebrows drawing together. “John and I have had good years and bad years. That’s what marriage is. You don’t get the good without the bad. I know that. And we are blessed by our children. I consider myself very fortunate with that in that regard.”
“You are a devoted mom.”
“Sometimes they were all that kept me going.” She hesitated, expression troubled. “In general, I don’t think I’m a pushy mom, or an overly protective mom, but when it comes to Josie I worry.”
Rye just waited. Now that he was here, he had all the time in the world.
Jennifer smiled nervously, her hands clenching together on the edge of the table. “All of my kids are special, and they all have unique attributes, but Josie is different. She’s such a love. She has been my cuddle bug since she was just a little girl. But not just with me, with the entire family. She was the first to wake up and give hugs. She was the one who’d sneak into your room at night and give you one last kiss. She’d do everything in her power to make people happy, to make us, her family, happy. When John would be drinking and impossible, Josie would still go to him and try to talk sense into him, trying to divert his attention from whatever was making him angry.”
Bear’s chest ached, and he hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until he had to exhale. “Did your husband take it out on you?”
“He was never rough physically. It was his moods more than anything. He got in a very dark place and there wasn’t much I could do until he sobered up.” She looked away, cheeks pink, her mouth quivering slightly. “Josie sometimes forgets to protect herself. John never hit her—or any of us—but he certainly wasn’t always kind.”
Bear didn’t think he’d ever like Josie’s dad now.
“You know, Josie only moved out a year ago. Until then, she’s always been with us.”
And still Bear bit his tongue. What was the point of this? Where was she going?
“It’s good for Josie to be out of our house and finding herself. Every young person needs that time to discover who they really are, which is why I don’t want Josie to jump into anything too fast. I don’t want her to lead with her heart, but that’s what she does. It’s what I used to do. I was a lot like Josie, and I thought love was magic, love would conquer everything. But it doesn’t work that way. A successful relationship requires more than love and I just want her to have time. I want her to gain more experience. I want her to have some adventures and to focus on herself. I want her to not be me, and rush into forever, before you really know what you’re doing.”
“You’re afraid that I’m rushing Josie into a commitment.”
Jennifer shook her head. “No. My fear is that Josie is rushing herself into a commitment.” She looked at Bear, brow creased, her lavender blue eyes revealing her anxiety. “I hate putting you in this position, but I didn’t know what else to do, and I don’t want her to do what I did. Because when you’re young, you just don’t know how long life can be, and how much crap it can throw at you.” She paused and waited, as if needing confirmation.
He nodded, once. It was that or nothing. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, not then.
“Bear, she clearly cares for you a great deal, and I can see why she does. You’re handsome and strong and inspiring, and she only sees the beautiful things, she doesn’t realize what it could be like…”
Her voice faded. She didn’t finish the thought. But Bear understood what she wanted to say but wouldn’t let herself.
“You are afraid that with me being injured, it will be hard on her,” Bear said. “You’re afraid she won’t have the life you want for her.”
Jennifer clenched the table’s edge. “You must see this isn’t about you. This is about me, and my experiences, and how I struggled over the years with having been dealt a challenging hand.”
“I’m not judging you.”
“It was so difficult when Jasper was born, so difficult to get him stable, so difficult to keep him alive. It felt like we spent half of our life at the hospital, praying that our sweet boy would survive the night. But at least I had John at my side. But then when John fell and broke his back, I lost him… we were no longer equals, I became his caregiver, too.”
“I can’t imagine.”
“We’d all depended on him, but after he was hurt, he withdrew, struggling with depression and anger. I thought the depression would be temporary, but they became part of him. His personality changed. I didn’t blame him then, because how do you reconcile your world changing in the blink of an eye? John was a proud man and tough. Athletic. He wanted to be the John who wasn’t hurt. He wanted to be the man he’d been before his fall.”
“I can relate.”
Tears filled her eyes and she struggled to hold his gaze. “I’m sure you can.” Her voice dropped to a mere whisper. “Which is why this is so hard for me.”
Bear reached across the table and took her hand. “It’s okay,” he said, feeling how she trembled. “Everything is fine. Don’t be afraid.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You can’t,” he said gently, kindly. “You won’t.”
Jennifer blinked and a tear fell. Impatiently, she brushed it away reminding him all over again of Josie. “Our move to Park County last year changed things for all of us. John is doing better. Jasper is healthier and happier and wanting to start college. The girls are both finishing their education. Rye is married to wonderful Ansley. Things are good. They should be good. But one thing hasn’t changed.”
Bear’s chest felt bruised. Each breath hurt. “You’re still the caregiver,” he said. “And you will always be the caregiver.”
She nodded. “I’m not complaining, but it is the reality I live with. There have been times where I wanted to run away, but of course I didn’t. I couldn’t. Jasper…” She swallowed hard and put a hand across her eyes, struggling to put her intense feelings into words. “But you see, you see why I’m protective of Josie. You see why I want you—I need you—to be careful with her.” Another tear fell. “And not encourage her. She is lovely, and she has the heart of an angel. She never thinks of herself, so her family—those of us who love her—have to do that for her. We have to remind her that she’s important, and her dreams are important, and those dreams should be protected. Even if she doesn’t yet know what those dreams are.”
*
They left the Livingston coffee shop without either of them touching their drinks. Bear walked Jennifer to her car and waited for her to drive away before heading to his truck.
Once inside his truck, he sat motionless for a long time. Jennifer had said so much. It had been a torrent of words, of fear, of pain. It was a lot to take in, almost too much for Bear to process.
A dark weariness swept over him as he drove the ten miles back to Marietta. He was exhausted in a way he hadn’t been since first moving from the hospital to the rehab facility and he had to learn how to do everything again, so daunting when just learning how to transfer to a wheelchair from a hospital bed had overwhelmed him. It wasn’t just learning how to navigate the transfer, it was the specific muscles that needed strength, the confidence that he could do it, the realization that his legs would never be able to support him again. There would be no steps, no running, no speed—not unless his upper body could do it for him.
He knew he was lucky to be a para not a quad. He was lucky that eventually he’d have independence again. He was lucky that he had a woman who loved him, a woman who’d support him.
Until Savannah couldn’t be that woman, unable to handle the changes, unable to see a future for them now.
She ended the engagement and didn’t disappear from his life completely, just slowly weaning herself off, finding comfort with others since he couldn’t comfort her the way she needed.
He was the one who told her she didn’t need to come see him anymore when it was clear to them both that she didn’t like visiting him, that she spaced the visits out, from every day to every other day, and then every three days, and then just once a week.
She said she had work. She was playing at the Bluebird. She was writing music. She had to go into the studio and cut a new track. She had an excuse for everything. And she expected him to understand. She expected him to be okay with her disappearing on him and he was, he supposed, provided it just stopped.
No more uncomfortable visits. No more pecks on his cheek. No more stilted conversation about his rehabilitation. She didn’t like the rehab facility filled with men in hospital beds with wheelchairs at the sides.
And then there was the time someone asked for Savannah’s autograph as she left. He was a male nurse and he recognized Savannah, having seen her at different venues, and he’d bought one of her CDs after a show.
Savannah, who had barely smiled at Bear that visit, now glowed with gratitude, and took the time to visit with her smitten fan. It was then Bear knew they were done. He wasn’t angry as much as resigned. They’d been through so much together, but the stress had driven them apart instead of bringing them closer.
Bear parked in front of his house, his boxy, plain little house with the beautiful interior, a space Josie had labored over to get it just right for him.
He swallowed, his eyes hot and gritty. He felt like hell. His world had shattered again. His chest seized, everything tight and hard.
It was over. He and Josie were done.