Chapter 62
Chapter Sixty-Two
BELLAMY
W ebs covered my father’s mind. That was what it felt like wading through it. Every time I entered a new area, I hit barriers that I had to slowly push my way through. I’d go into what I thought was a memory, but it was just blank space, or it was some false memory Khalasa planted, my brothers being tortured, my mother dying.
Or it was real memories, painful memories. My brothers being turned to swans played over and over in his mind on a loop that he couldn’t turn off. I’d pushed that memory away, tried to replace it with a happier one, but it kept coming back to the forefront of his mind.
So many horrible memories after such a long life, and Khalasa had made them all the prevalent ones, the ones he couldn’t turn off. No wonder he’d gone crazy.
My poor, poor father. My heart broke all over again for him, for what he’d gone through.
Right now, he was dreaming of his wife, the curse of the Wilds taking her. He saw the curse turn her into the catlike creature she became while he could do nothing about it. I entered this memory, coming to a stand next to my father and changing the setting to a field my father used to bring me and my brothers to in the Wilds.
My father blinked next to me, his whimpering stopping as he lifted his face toward the twilight sky.
“So beautiful,” he whispered.
I took his hand and gripped it tight as my brothers and I frolicked through the field. My brothers were chasing me as I giggled and shrieked. One of them would catch me and tickle me, then let me go again while my father just watched.
“The family you always dreamed of,” I said. “You got it, you know.”
“It took a long time,” he said absently.
He was here, but I knew his mind was pushing those nightmares forward. That we teetered in a precarious in-between. He wanted to stay in this memory, wanted to bask in it, but the nightmares were strong, crowding in on us.
I kept them at bay. I needed to do this gently. Taking him to her castle, to that room, to that day he found out about her betrayal, it wouldn’t be easy. Not when he was already so fragile.
“Father, I don’t blame you for anything,” I said.
He turned as if he was just noticing me there. “It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head, black hair falling over his forehead. “I blame myself plenty.”
“You shouldn’t.” I lay a hand on his arm. “You’re a hero. You did the best you could to try and save everyone.”
“I doomed them instead.”
“They were already doomed. The gods were out of control. They were going to destroy humanity. It’s awful, what happened. But it’s not your fault.”
In the distance, Ryder caught me and lifted me over his shoulder as I kicked and batted at him while laughing.
“Father, we need your help,” I said.
He looked at me. “With what?”
“A memory,” I said. “You came upon Khalasa’s notes at one point.”
He tilted his head.
“You saw something about her learning how to get rid of her own powers. Her godhood.”
“Yes, yes,” he murmured, a crease forming between his brows.
“Do you think we can go to that memory? To that place? Can you show me?”
Fear flashed in his eyes. “Her castle?” He backed away. “She’ll punish me.”
I reached for him, grabbing his hand with both of mine. “I won’t let her.” My words came out as a growl. “I won’t let her touch you or your mind ever again.”
A sad smile formed on his face. “My brave, brave girl. You deserved so much better than her.”
He’d said that several times to me growing up, and I’d always thought he was talking about the mother who rejected me.
“I didn’t need a mother,” I said. “Not when I had such a great father and brothers.”
Tears filled his eyes. “Okay,” he whispered. “Let’s go.”
“Can you lead me there? Can you try to think of that place?”
“It’s hard,” he said, but he closed his eyes, and slowly the field began melting away.
Walls sprang up around us, filled with bookshelves. A vaulted ceiling fell over us, crashing down on the walls. Windows showed the star court, glittering and beautiful under the twilight sky.
“You’re doing good, Father,” I said, squeezing his hand. “So good.”
A stack of papers fell through the air, fluttering to the ground and scattering about. I gasped, wondering if those were it.
“You did it,” I said and fell to my knees. But the papers were blank.
I looked behind me at my father, who stood there, looking so small and pale.
“It’s okay. I’m here,” I said, getting up and rushing to him. I took his hand and led him to the papers. “Can you remember leaning over them, seeing them?”
He swallowed. “I don’t know . . .”
Purple smoke filled the room, and Khalasa walked through it. My father snatched his hand away from mine, shrinking back against the desk, shaking.
“Did you really think I’d leave that memory in his mind, daughter?” Khalasa asked.
Her long black hair flowed over her shoulders, so similar to mine. I’d always thought I got my black hair from my father while my brothers got their lighter hair from our mother. But while my father’s hair was straight and finer, my hair was thick and wavy, just like Khalasa’s. Her purple eyes glittered.
My father whimpered, and I moved in front of him.
“Stay away from him,” I said.
She reached out and stroked my cheek. I shivered at her cold touch. “He took you from me,” she said. “He used my own scythe against me, poisoned my mind with lies for so many years.”
“Why didn’t you tell me the truth?” I asked. “All those years ago in the Wilds. As you started gaining back your power against my father. He kept you prisoner for years, but you did finally get your powers back, your memories.”
She sighed. “I didn’t know at first. I really thought you were just another brat your father had with that woman he called a wife.”
The hatred and venom in her voice took me aback. So much vitriol.
“I wanted to make your father pay. So I did to him what he’d done to me. Death would’ve been too kind. I twisted his mind, filled it with nightmares, made him watch as I played with all his children like little toys I could break. I didn’t know you were my daughter, not until I cursed your brothers, tried to curse you as well, but I couldn’t. That’s when I realized the truth.”
All those years I thought my brothers had protected me from the curse. They had, in a way. They’d told me to run while they stood in front of me. But of course Khalasa could’ve just found me.
“You ran away after the curse failed on you, and I was going to find you. But he came.”
Kairoth.
“He took me by surprise, and he imprisoned me. But now I’m free, and I will never be trapped again. Not by anyone.” She gave me a sad smile. “We could’ve been great, you and I. But I can see you’re too far gone. You won’t join my side. So I’ll have to destroy you along with the rest of them. We’ll start over again. A new world where we won’t make the same mistakes we did in the past.”
“You can’t,” I said. “You don’t have all the weapons to free the gods.”
She gave me a curious look as my father continued to shake behind us, now curled up in a ball and muttering to himself. “Is that what you think?”
She wiggled her fingers, and with that, she disappeared while her cruel laugh continued to echo in my father’s mind.