Chapter 25
The next afternoon, Ashley drove us to Jamie’s for the BBQ. The SSI person shadowing me followed us and I’m sure it annoyed him when we stopped at the grocery store to get snacks, and then the liquor store to get beer and wine. They said we only had to bring what we wanted to drink but that didn’t feel right to either of us, so we bought three dozen red, white, and blue decorated cupcakes, and enough beer and wine for a small army.
Ashley couldn’t make up her mind so she grabbed a variety, saying she wanted options. “It’s not like beer goes bad.” I couldn’t argue with her logic.
On the drive over, Ashley reminded me not to let my history with Asshat Craig cloud my judgement about Jamie. I thought she was crazy when she told me I should pretend he hadn’t said anything last night, and start today fresh.
After thinking about it, I realized she was right. Even if Jamie wasn’t interested in dating, we were still friends, and I didn’t want to feel awkward around him. I decided I’d approach today as a friend, with no expectations.
Then Jamie answered the door, looking sexy as sin in his dark blue cargo shorts and a fitted gray t-shirt. A wide smile spread across his face when he saw me.
This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.
Last night’s fantasy flashed before my eyes, causing me to blush. Way to stay cool. I forced myself to stop thinking about what it’d feel like to kiss him, but my heart continued to beat a little faster. Wanting to hide the embarrassment written all over my face, I studied the cupcakes I was holding as if my life depended on my ability to memorize every feature.
Jamie took the cupcakes. “How many people do you think will be here?” His tone was light. “Hey Jack, come take these so I can release Eric.”
Jack took one look at the stack of cupcakes and laughed. “That’s a lot of fucking cupcakes.”
“Come on in. AJ’s helping Doug with his smoker. They’ll be here in thirty or so.” Jack said as he led us to the kitchen. Not that we needed a guide, we could see the kitchen from the doorway. Jamie had a spacious, open floor plan.
Ashley shrugged, like she didn”t care, as she set the bag of wine bottles on the counter. “I’ll go grab the beer.”
“There’s more?” Jack asked incredulously.
Just then Meg walked in and gave us each a hug, gushing about how happy she was we were there. “These things are usually alpha-male testosterone heavy.” She rolled her eyes at Jack, who’d lifted an eyebrow at her. “It’ll be nice to have some girl power for a change.”
“Did you just say alpha-male testosterone heavy like it’s a bad thing?” Ashley asked, fanning her face. “Because that sounds like heaven to me.”
Everyone laughed, then Meg told Ashley she only thought that way because she didn’t have to deal with them all day, every day.
Jamie, who I’d been low key staring at me since he came back in, laughed, then said, “You know you love us Meg, alpha-male testosterone and all,” as he patted her on the head. I expected her to argue, but all she did was swat his hand away and roll her eyes.
Ashley remembered she was supposed to be getting the rest of the beer. “Hey Em, come help me with the rest of the beer.”
Jamie and Jack both spoke up. “I can grab it.” They really were cut from old school southern gentleman cloth. My mother would approve.
Whoa! No need to think like that.
“No, we got it. Girl power, right Meg?” Ashley showed off her biceps as she asked.
Jamie and Jack both turned and stared at Meg, waiting for her to answer. They look like cats ready to pounce. Based on their expressions, I had a feeling she let them do most of the heavy lifting.
Meg looked from Jack to Jamie then back to Jack, she obviously wanted to agree with Ashley, but her sheepish expression made it clear she knew they’d call her out if she did.
“Right. Except for lifting heavy things.” Meg said.
“And reaching the top shelves,” Jamie added.
“And killing spiders,” Jack grinned.
“And open-”
Meg cut Jamie off. “We get it! I need a little help sometimes. No need to gloat or rub it in.” She tried to sound upset but was laughing too hard to pull it off.
God I want what she has. Not only did she have a fun, loving relationship with Jack, but she had an easy going friendship with his brother. It was the kind of fairytale relationship every girl dreams about.
“We got it. Come on Chica.”
I turned to Ashley after she closed the door. “What’s up?” She wouldn’t have turned down the guy’s offer unless she wanted to talk privately.
“Just want to make sure you noticed how Jamie looked at you when we got here.” She was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “He may not be ready to say it yet, but he’s definitely into you.”
I smiled, not a nice normal smile but a goofy grin that ruined any hope I had of playing down my feelings. I looked at my pink flip-flops, hoping she hadn’t noticed. She didn’t say anything else as we each grabbed a case of beer from her trunk.
“Is it bad that I like him?” I asked as I put my case down on the trunk. “What if he’s just being nice? Will people think it’s too soon?” I didn’t want Jamie, or anyone else, judging me for jumping from one relationship to the next.
“Emily, your last relationship was shit because your last boyfriend was an abusive asshat.” She apologized when I cringed. She wasn’t wrong I just didn’t like hearing it put so bluntly. “You deserve to find someone who’ll love you and treat you like the queen you are. You can’t help the timing, and seriously, who cares what other people think if you’re both happy?”
She was right. I shouldn’t care about what other people thought, but I did. I always had. That’d always been one of the biggest differences between me and Ashley. I always worried about what other people thought, while she rarely ever did. It’s why she could live a carefree, adventurous life and I, well, I couldn’t. Truth be told, I was a bit jealous of her.
“I know you’re nervous, but he’s worth the risk. You know he’s a great guy, always has been. It’s not just an act to impress you. He has a great job, he’s genuinely caring and protective, your friends and family already like him, he’s-”
“I get it, he’s great,” I picked up my case of beer again “but I’m not even sure he feels the same way so-”
“And hot. Like stupid sexy hot.” She cut me off, completely ignoring my argument. “You can’t tell me you don’t want to ride that!” She laughed when I blushed all the way to my forehead. Never, not in a million years, would I have said something like that. Even though I fantasized about it last night. And she knew it. Which was exactly why she said it.
“He is hot.” There was no denying it.
“Maybe bat your eyes at him a little,” She batted her eyelashes at me as we walked, “to let him know you’re interested. Guys love that shit.”
“I’ll look like a stupid cartoon if I try that.” I’d never been good at flirting, especially the finer art of physical flirtation.
I couldn’t get the cartoonish image of me batting my eyelashes at Jamie, all demure and innocent, and him gushing with big eyes and his heart beating outside his chest. When I thanked Ashley for the visual, we started laughing again. We were still laughing when we got to the door.
When Jamie opened it, the image came back stronger than ever and I laughed so hard I snorted. Which caused us to laugh even harder. Then Ashley got the hiccups. We were laughing so hard, we could barely stand up straight.
Jamie grabbed the cases of beer from us, carrying one in each hand. “Do I even want to know why you’re laughing so hard you’re crying?”
I shook my head no, because there was no way I could answer yet. We finally stopped laughing enough to stand up, and wiped the tears from our eyes as a truck pulled up. AJ and Doug. I looked at Ashley, and she looked at me. We batted our eyelashes at each other, and busted out laughing all over again.
“Do I even want to know?” Jack was standing behind Jamie, smirking.
“Dude, I have no idea what’s going on.” Jamie said as he held the door open for us.
We hung on each others arms, trying not to laugh which only made us laugh more, as we walked to the island in the kitchen. I was sure everyone thought we were crazy.
Jack went out to help AJ and Doug bring the smoker, and their coolers, to the back yard. Luckily Jamie went out to help them after putting the beer on the counter, which gave Ashley and I time to recover.
We felt comfortable enough with Meg to share why we were laughing so hard as we helped pack coolers with ice, beer, and water. It’d lost some it’s power, so we didn’t lose control. Neither did Meg, which was good because if she had, we probably would have too.
“Are you going to do it?” Meg asked after we stopped laughing.
“Do what?”
“Bat your eyelashes at him? Let him know you’re interested.”
Oh my God, she’s serious.“I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” They both looked at me like I was crazy. To get them off my back I added, “If I flirt, it’ll have to be something a little less cartoonish.” I didn’t think I could ever bat my eyelashes again without losing it.
“Good.” She gave me a warm smile. “I think you should.”
I was half hoping she’d say Jamie likes you too, but she didn’t. Maybe she didn’t know, or she knew and didn’t want to betray his confidence. This was all so confusing; Jamie had told me he’s interested but not ready, so we should just be friends, and I assumed he was just being nice. But Meg seemed sweet, and honest, so I doubted she’d encourage me if she thought Jamie wasn’t interested. And Ashley was completely convinced he was interested.
I nodded but didn’t know what to say, though I was comforted by her encouragement since it felt like a nod of approval. But as flattering as it was, I was still unsure about the whole situation. Luckily, I was saved from having to respond by the arrival of the SSI guys.
Doug and AJ gave Meg hugs before greeting us. I noticed their guns when their shirts lifted a little and remembered something Jack had said earlier about all the alpha males making their house the safest place in Texas. Then I wondered if it was because I was here, or if it was normal for them to wear their guns everywhere. Probably normal, just about everyone in Texas had a gun so it’d make sense for guys who did security for a living to always wear theirs. I’d ask Jamie later if they were working. I hope not, I didn’t want to feel guilty if they got stuck working because I was here.
AJ said hi to me without taking his eyes off Ashley. She was looking extra sexy in her tight jean shorts and a low-cut, white tank top with rhinestone fireworks decorating the front. How she managed to look casual and sexy at the same time was beyond me. I was in jean shorts, and a royal blue tank top with cute red and white flowers. I looked casual for sure but wasn’t even close to looking sexy. Then again, I wasn’t trying to.
Doug introduced himself. “Hi Emily, I’m Doug, we haven’t officially met yet.”
I shook his hand, “Hi Doug. It’s nice to meet you.”
Then he introduced himself to Ashley, who turned to Jamie and asked, “Is everyone who works for you hot? I mean, I’m not complaining, just curious.” She was still shaking Doug’s hand.
Doug shook his head, grinning, then pulled his hand away from hers.
Jamie shook his head, but didn’t answer.
Jack smoothed his hair back and stood taller as he answered, “It’s our number one priority at Sheppard Sons Investigations to provide top-notch security eye candy.” He sounded like a radio announcer acting out one of those old fashioned ads, causing everyone to bust out laughing.
Meg rolled her eyes so hard I could have sworn I heard them hit the back of her head. “Good lord, I need a drink. Anyone else?”
Everyone raised their hands. We worked together to carry the coolers, food, and picnic supplies out to the backyard, where they’d set up canopies over two picnic tables. The grill and smoker were set up a few yards away. They’d also set up folding chairs around a fire pit which was piled high with wood. We’d have one hell of a bonfire later. I felt more relaxed as Ashley and I helped Meg set the tables while the guys started grilling.
“Are you expecting a lot of people?” I asked as I put plastic utensils in the cute Fourth of July themed holder.
“Yes and no, people will be coming and going all day. Most of the SSI guys plan to stop by at some point. John and Mary are coming over later this afternoon and Jamie said your brother might stop by. So, there might be a lot of people, just not all at once.”
I didn’t realize Jamie had invited Chris. Though I shouldn’t be surprised, they were best friends.
After we’d set the table, finished prepping the food, and the guys finished fawning over Doug’s smoker, they started grilling. Jamie and Jack started the chicken first, since it’d take longer.
I paused, looking around to make sure the guys weren’t within hearing distance before whispering, “I was thinking about maybe flirting with Jamie, but maybe this isn’t the right time or place-” I cut myself off. Did I really want to go through with it? Hadn’t I just decided I was okay staying in the friend-zone?
“Here,” Meg pushed a plate of burgers into my hands, “take this over to Jamie, and start flirting.”
“Oh, I couldn’t.” I tried to protest, but she turned me towards the grill and gave me a gentle push.
“Of course you can, just follow Ashley’s lead.” We looked over to where Ashley was standing next to AJ, tracing the lines of his tribal tattoo, and gushing over his muscles.
“Well, maybe be a little more subtle than that.” We chuckled like old friends sharing an inside joke. As I carried the plate of burgers to Jamie, I wondered if he had any tattoos. I couldn’t see any but he had a lot of skin I couldn’t see.
I handed the plate of burgers to Jamie, shivering when his fingers brushed against mine. Jacked walking away as I looked up at Jamie and gave him what I hoped was a flirtatious smile. My nerves had me worrying I might look like a deranged freak or something. I released the breath I’d been holding when he smiled back, his hazel eyes sparkling in the sunshine.
“Thanks.”
I didn’t want to leave him just yet, so I asked, “Need any help?”
“Nah.” My heart dropped, then he winked. “But you can keep me company while I man the grill.”
Once again, I assumed the worst. And was wrong.
Relieved, I answered around my smile, “I can do that.” We talked about random stuff, nothing too serious, which was nice. I’d expected things to be awkward between us today, but was glad they weren’t.
I hadn’t eaten anything since a yogurt at breakfast, and almost died when the heavenly smell of grilling meat made my stomach growl. I didn’t even get to finish thinking ‘I hope no one heard that’ when Jamie said, “The burgers are almost done. Can you grab the cheese?”
He asked the crowd, “Who wants cheese?”
There was a chorus of “Me” and “I do” as everyone answered.
Jamie melted the cheese, then plated the chicken and burgers before carrying them to the tables where everyone was claiming their seats. It shouldn’t surprise me that everyone made sure there was a space for me to sit next to Jamie, that or at a far end which would have been rude. I have a feeling we’ll be pushed together a lot today. Everyone, including me if I was being completely honest with myself, wanted us to happen.
“I’m so hungry I could eat a cow!” Meg joked as she reached for a pan of baked macaroni and cheese.
“Is that bacon in the mac and cheese?” I asked as my mouth started to water.
Meg nodded as Jack said, “It’s Meg’s specialty.” He practically glowed with pride. “It’s become a staple in our house.”
“It was my grandmother’s recipe. It’s super easy to make, and has always been one of my favorites.”
“It looks delicious.”
Then I heard Craig’s voice in my mind, “You should stick with a salad and a burger with no bun so you don’t get any fatter.” I closed my eyes and told the voice to shut up. Great, now I’m worried I’ll look like a pig in front of everyone. I looked around, Meg and Ashley weren’t being shy about loading up their plates. No one here would judge me or call me fat for eating some pasta. Fuck you, Craig. I helped myself to a big scoop of the mac and cheese, a burger with all the fixings, well except onions. I couldn’t hide my smile when I noticed Jamie didn’t put onions on his either. Then I chastised myself, it probably had nothing to do with me. For all I know he doesn’t like onions.
I’m pretty sure I moaned a little as I ate. Not only did it all taste so good, but it felt good to enjoy a fun, judgement-free meal with friends.
We were finishing up with lunch when John and Mary arrived. There were hugs and handshakes all around. Jamie introduced Ashley to his parents.
When they joined us at the table, John helped himself to a burger and a big serving of Meg’s mac and cheese before sitting beside me.
“Have you tried this yet Emily? It’s amazing.” He asked around a mouthful.
“I did Mr. Sheppard, and you’re right, it was so good I’m pretty sure I was drooling.” I blushed. Crap, did I say that out loud, to Jamie’s dad?
“I wouldn’t blame you. It’s drool worthy. And please, call me John.” He called down to Jack, “Son, pass me a beer will ya?’
“Any preference? We have lots to choose from.”
“Surprise me.”
“Mom?” Jack asked before closing the cooler.
“I’m good, I’ll pour myself some wine.” Mary was sitting next to Meg and they were whispering excitedly while glancing at Jamie. Meg’s guilty smile told me all I needed to know, they were talking about me and Jamie.
I put my hands in my lap, and looked down at my plate as my mind started racing. If they were talking about us, then Mary probably knew I liked Jamie. Wait,does that mean she thinks Jamie likes me? Did she want us to get together, or was she worried about her son being with someone like me? Is she worried I might bring trouble because of Craig? Does she even know about Craig? I knew there was client confidentiality, and stuff like that, but did it count if it was the owner’s wife, or mother?
I heard Craig’s voice telling me I was stupid, ugly, and fat. I clenched my teeth in an effort to shut him up.
My hands started shaking. This is all too much. I was barely out of my old relationship and here I was worried about what Jamie’s mother thought of me. I was thinking like someone who was worried about meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, or like we were already dating. Which we weren’t.
I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. “Em, are you okay?” Jamie’s voice was thick with concern as he whispered in my ear. Shit, I must look pathetic. I felt the heat in my cheeks as I nodded but didn’t look up.
“My mom brought brownies and cookies, want to come help me carry them out?” Oh my God, I could hug him right now. He’d just offered me a chance to get away from all the prying eyes.
“Yes please.” That was a stupid response. Nothing like making it obvious I wanted to run away and hide. Luckily, no one except Jamie and John heard me. I tried to hide my embarrassment by looking at my feet, because everyone was watching us as we walked away, even though they tried to look like they weren’t.
I followed Jamie inside, not sure how I was going to respond if he asked me if I was okay again. Should I say ‘nothing’, or tell him the truth. Can I do that without being embarrassed? Or making it weird between us?
Jamie stopped in the kitchen and faced me. “Are you sure you’re okay? Did someone upset you?” He looked, and sounded, worried.
“No. I’m not upset. I’m just, it’s,” I tried to collect my thoughts and failed. Then started rambling, “I saw your mom and Meg whispering, all animated and eager, and then Meg gave me this huge grin like she knew some big secret and I know it’s stupid but I kinda freaked out because Meg knows I like you.” I stopped short and snapped my eyes up to look at him. Holy shit, I just blurted out that I like him.
When he didn’t say anything I tried to apologize. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry Jamie-”
“Em-”
“I didn’t mean to-”
“Emily.” Jamie raised his voice, I stopped talking and looked back up at him. My first instinct was to be afraid, but it only took a second to realize he wasn’t mad. He had the cutest smile on his face. “I like you too.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“But you said-”
“I know. I lied, to myself,” he paused, “and to you, and I’m sorry.”
“Really?” God, I sound like a pre-teen. Get your shit together.
“Yes, really.” ‘He reached out and gently grabbed my hands, then pulled me closer. “I have a long list of reasons why I shouldn’t ask you out, but right now all I can think about is how nice it’d be to get you alone so we can talk.”
“I’d like that.” I was pretty sure I’d just agreed to go out on a date with Jamie. Of all the scenarios I had running through my mind when we came inside, this wasn’t even close to being on the list.
He pulled me in for a hug. “Me too.” His arms felt warm and strong as he wrapped them around me. I wanted to stay there, warm and safe, for a lot longer than the few seconds the hug lasted.
He pulled away. “It’s kind of weird, isn’t it? We’ve known each other most of our lives, but we don’t really know each other. Not as adults. I want to get to know the adult version of you, Emily.” He paused. “Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, because it feels the same for me.” A date!
We were quiet for a moment. “Jamie, can we keep this between us for now? I’m not sure I can deal with,” I looked outside, “all that right now.”
“Of course.” He chuckled. ”They can be a bit much.”
I nodded, grateful he understood.
“We’ll have to talk to Chris sooner rather than later. He’ll kill me if he finds out from anyone else.”
I laughed. It seemed insane that Chris would go all protective big brother against his best friend, who he hired to protect me. But whatever, guys were dumb that way.
“I guess, but not yet.”
“Come here.” He pulled me into a hug, and it felt… different, more intimate, more meaningful. Maybe it was the way he placed his hands on my lower back, or the way he applied a bit more pressure than he had before. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but this hug felt like more. I rested my head on his chest, wrapped my arms tighter around him, and sighed.
“We’ll figure this out together, okay?” He pressed his cheek to my head, and my heart melted. I went from I don’t know, to my heart melting in less time than it took to cook a burger medium rare.
“Okay.”
“We should go back outside before everyone thinks we ran away.”