10. Chapter 10
Jinx
So much shit is swirling through my fucking head, making it hard to focus.
Part of me wants to panic, and it’s taking everything I have not to.
The other part wants to give him everything of me.
When he started kissing my scars and saying those…
words, all I wanted to do was shut him the hell up.
I don’t want to feel shit right now. All I’ve been doing since I got here is feeling shit.
I want to shut up my brain for one fucking second.
But as soon as the flat of Mason’s tongue swipes over my hole, everything goes silent. All I’m focused on is the arousing sensation.
That’s it.
That’s exactly what I need.
Despite the overly exposed position, I pull my legs further back.
He moves away and fingers my hole, swirling it around the muscle. “You like that?”
“More. I need fucking more,” I say.
“Say, please.”
I blow a raspberry and sigh. “Please rim me some more. Please!”
Mason blows on the spot he licked, sending chills throughout my body. I shudder and groan when his magical tongue is on me again. He swirls, licks, prods, nips. I’m almost drowning in pleasure. I’ve never felt anything like it. Where has rimming been all my life?
Have I played with my ass? Sure. A tongue? There’s no comparison.
I’m writhing, spreading my legs, pulling them back.
“I need more,” I blurt.
He blows on me again in response. I huff at him, and he chuckles. It’s low and rumbly, going straight to my nuts.
When he plants his lips squarely on my hole and kisses it, I know he’s done. I want to whine, but I’m so fucking relaxed. He helps ease my legs down, and I just lie there, my ass still tingling with his phantom tongue.
Mason reaches for the condom and hands it to me. “Roll it on me. When you’re finished, I want you to pull your legs back for me again.”
“Don’t you want me on my stomach?”
“Is that how they always fucked you?”
I nod.
“Then, no. This isn’t a fuck.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and tear open the condom with my teeth. I take it out and place it on the head of his cock, and roll it down, making sure to stroke and squeeze as I do.
Mason hands me a wipe, and I clean my hands. He takes it from me and tosses it in the trash can near his bed, then he pours some lube into his hand. I lie back and spread myself open for him again.
“How many years has it been since anyone’s been inside you?”
“Uhm, two summers ago.”
“Your body will remember.”
“I… don’t want to remember that.”
“No, your body will respond to me.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just watch him as he focuses on my ass again and eases in the first finger. I close my eyes and try not to get lost in my past. It was rare for anyone to work me open, so I’m okay so far.
Mason’s fingers are as practiced as his tongue and mouth.
He finds my prostate and massages it as he gets me to relax.
My muscles are pretty loose now. Soon, he has two fingers inside me, making my dick leak all over me.
My mind is clear again. I don’t know how he has me focused solely on what he’s doing, but whatever it is works.
“How are you doing, Jinx?”
“Good. Mind so fucking clear.”
He leans forward and kisses the back of my thigh. It’s such a sweet response, and I’m not sure what to make of it.
By the third finger, he’s done and pulls out of me.
Like before, he rests his hands on either side of me and hovers there, forcing me to look up at him. His dark waves spill onto his face, looking like a sex god. He’s definitely one of those tall, dark, and handsome types.
“You have a choice. I can either make love to you while you’re on your back, or you can ride me, which will give you full control over the sex.”
“Uhm…” God, choices are hard. “Ah, I think… I think I’d like to be on my back.”
“You sure?”
I nod with more confidence than I feel. “Yeah.”
Mason scans my face to check for lies, I guess.
“Okay, keep your legs back. As soon as I’m inside, you can set them down.”
Once more, he hovers over me, one hand wrapped around his cock. “Are you ready for me?”
I quickly nod. “Ready…”
“Tell me to stop at any time you’re uncomfortable or triggered.”
I want to say I won’t get triggered, but I can’t make that promise after what happened earlier today. No matter how much control I try to have over my life, it proves that the brain does whatever it fucking wants.
Mason nudges his tip against my ass and pushes in.
My hands are on my head, gripping my hair, my eyes closed through the stretch and burn.
He was right. The body remembers. I bear down and breathe through the sting, but he worked me open well.
Still, I’m panting, pushing years of mental and emotional pain aside.
My mind keeps trying to go back to my past like some fucking cruel bully.
It takes everything I have to stay in the present.
Once he’s halfway inside, he grips my face under my jaw. “Talk to me.”
My eyes blink open to a face so concerned and caring about my well-being. It’s an expression I can’t ever recall seeing before, except for Aleks, but we never fucked.
“I’m fine.”
“Jinx,” he says, his tone a warning.
“I’m fighting a bit. Just… keep going. Please.”
He doesn’t let go of my face, watching me for a second. Deciding that I’m okay, he sinks all the way in. My eyes slam closed, breathing heavily, heart racing. It hurts like fuck. I knew it would after all this time.
Mason holds still, waiting for me until I give him the green light.
Once the pressure is gone, I nod. “Go.”
I expect him to go to town on my ass. Instead, he lies heavily on me, draping over my body like one of those weighted therapy blankets, which I have at home. His body is warm and comforting. Though he’s heavy, I can take it.
His cock stretches me, fills me. It’s nestled there, still unmoving, but pulsing.
His face is pressed against my throat, hot breath on my skin.
I’m surrounded by Mason, inside and out.
Instead of panicking because I can hardly move, I relax under his weight, like he knows exactly how to keep me calm.
I finally let go of my hair as my brain clears again. I reach around him and dig my nails into his back.
“How are you?” he whispers.
For some fucking reason, my eyes water, and I don’t know why. I’m not in a bad place right now. Not one bit. “I’m good,” I whisper back.
Weirdly, I feel loved, which is fucking impossible. We’ve barely known each other for a week. Is this what it feels like? How do you measure something you’ve never experienced?
“I’m going to move now, okay?”
“Okay.”
Mason doesn’t lift himself off me as he pulls out and pushes back in. It’s slow, intentional. He doesn’t just take what he wants. He’s giving back in equal measure, rolling over my prostate.
One hand is pressed to my cheek, the other is under me, my head cradled in his palm. It turns us into one being.
Though I feel safe and comfortable, emotions are fucking warring inside. Not the traumatizing ones, but those that are trying to fight the happiness I’m feeling, taunting me, telling me this isn’t real. It goes against all the practicality I’ve tried to live by.
“Never forget you’re precious,” he says softly in my ear.
A tear slides down my face, but I’m pinned down, unable to wipe it away. I’m not precious. Never have been. Never will be. Not to anyone.
As Mason moves faster, my mind is redirected back to him.
“More,” I demand. “Faster. Harder.”
He does as I ask, but he still holds tightly to me. He kisses my cheek, and I wince because I’m sure he can tell I have stupid fucking tears on my face.
While my hard dick can’t move, being pinned down, his movements roll over it, stimulating it. Between that and him constantly hitting that spot, my body starts to burn, and the pressure slowly builds. I get lost in it. Yes. Give me this. More.
Mason continues to thrust, peppering my face with kisses. He hasn’t lost his rhythm. He’s methodical in everything he does. Every kiss is intentional.
“Let me know when you’re ready,” he says.
I simply nod, my fingers digging deeply into him to hold on to this feeling before the inevitable crash.
“Make me come,” I say. It’s all become too much. I need to spill. I need to run. To hide.
“You got it.”
Mason sits up, pushes one of my legs back, and with his other hand, he starts stroking me. His hips roll with force, hitting me harder and faster. His eyes don’t leave mine, so I look away. Thank fuck it’s dark in here, except for the moon finally peeking through.
Between the stimulation on the inside and on my cock, I’m about to explode. I feel it coming, almost like impending doom. I never want this to end, but I’m desperate to escape. These warring thoughts are pissing me the fuck off.
Focus, Jinx!
My climax explodes out of me before I’m ready. Hot cum spatters my stomach and chest. I cry out, experiencing one of the most powerful orgasms I’ve ever had. I cling to the bedsheets, my back arches, and my toes curl. Sweat beads on my skin, cooling me.
Once my body is limp and numb, Mason focuses on his own orgasm. Both of my legs are shoved back again, and he rails the hell out of me. I’m over-fucking-stimulated, and before my dick tries to get hard again, Mason shoots his load. I can feel the power and heat of it through the condom.
He throws back his head and his fingers claw the hell out of my legs. I’ll probably have bruises there.
When he’s finished, my world crashes around me. My hands rush to my face as a tidal wave of emotion pummels me, breaking my levee.
“Get out! Get off!” I yell, pushing against his chest, but he won’t fucking budge.
“Not this time, precious.”
“Stop calling me those things!”
Mason grabs my face, forcing it still. “No, because you are.”
“I’m fucking not!”
I try to wiggle my body away, but it’s hard when he won’t remove his hands.
“Please,” I say, resorting to begging.
“No. I did that last time, and I regret leaving you alone.”
“Please…”
Mason pulls out of me and walks away. He’s gone for a minute, and when I think he’s finally going to let me be alone, he returns. He sits on the edge of the bed, warm wetness grazing across my skin as he cleans the cum off.
A sob is bubbling to the surface, and I really wish he’d get the fuck out. I can’t. Not in front of him. I freaked out once. I don’t want to do it again. A scream bubbles up from deep inside, desperate to lash out at fucking something.
Strong fingers slide underneath my back and lift me, then strong arms wrap around me, holding me close. “It’s okay, precious.”
“Stop,” I say again, but there’s no more bark left in me.
“No. Let it out.”
“I… can’t.”
“You can. You’re safe here.”
My hands drop, my forehead pressed to his shoulder, as I shake my head. “I’m afraid.”
“I know.”
And I let go. Body and soul just let go in a rush. A dam bursts. Ruptures. The first sob escapes me, and he holds me tighter.
“You’re safe,” he says again, his voice barely a whisper. I feel it more than hear it.
I pull away and sniff, wiping my nose with my hand. But Mason’s prepared, handing me a box of tissues, as if he knew this would happen. He probably did.
“I’m so freakin’ embarrassed,” I say. “Two breakdowns in one day. Good times…”
He cups my face and forces me to look at him, but I don’t want to. I also don’t look away. His hazel eyes hold me tethered to him.
“Jinx, your reaction is very normal after everything you’ve gone through.”
“Not for me, it’s not.”
“Bottling everything up isn’t healthy.”
I grunt at him and try to pull away, but he doesn’t let me. “You did,” I retort because I need something to fucking hurt other than me, but he doesn’t take the bait.
“No, I didn’t. I’ve been reclusive, but that doesn’t mean I’ve bottled everything up. Eventually, I had to push aside my pain because I had to move forward with my life.”
Mason drops his hands as I wipe my face and blow my nose. “Sorry,” I mumble.
“It’s okay, but I’m not your enemy, Jinx.”
My body sags, and I nod. “I know.”
Like he’s done a lot since I’ve been here, he holds my jaw, fingers digging into my cheeks, but this time, it’s more forceful.
To my surprise, he smothers me in a kiss.
A deep one, forcing his tongue inside my mouth.
This isn’t a kiss. This is claiming. He uses his entire body in it.
When he pulls away, he bites my bottom lip gently before letting go.
“There are going to be a lot of big feelings while we do this. Be prepared. I want you to be free to explore them. Embrace them, precious. Don’t be afraid of them. Trust me.”
I look down at my hands holding the gross tissue and nod. “Okay.” While I agree, I don’t want to feel anything, but after what happened, I know he’s right. I just have to decide if I’m okay with that.
“Did you like being made love to?”
“It was… what do you call it? Bittersweet?”
His laugh is gentle. “I can see that. You can have this again anytime you’re good for me, but only if you want it. I’ll happily worship you in return.”
Mason stands and offers me his hand. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“To run you a bath. I’m going to give you a dose of what’s to come as far as rewards go.”