9. Chapter 9
Mason
I stare out the window as Jinx drives my pickup toward the stables.
My heart and soul are worried for him. But if I wanted to send Jinx home and end this, it’s too late now.
Is it arrogant to assume that he needs me?
This relationship could make or break him.
Hell, it could make or break me. Still, I want to go forward with this. I need to do this for both our sakes.
I’d planned to start our first session today, but it’ll have to wait until he comes back next time. After Jinx’s panic attack, he needs to rest his mind, body, and soul.
Instead of cooking, I reheat last night’s leftovers and make us a little salad to go with them.
About an hour later, Jinx steps inside the back room, stomps his feet of snow, and strips out of his warm gear. He walks into the kitchen, looking much better, wearing a small smile, but he’s got dark circles under his eyes—a clear indication of the toll the panic attack took on him.
“Are they good?” I ask.
“Yeah, they’re all fed and warm. They’re gorgeous, Mason. Especially the black one.”
I smile at that as I plate our food. “Yeah, she’s special. That’s Black Beauty, my pride and joy.”
“I can see why. I have a Palomino named Waffle.”
I chuckle and put our plates on the kitchen table. We sit, and he instantly digs into his food. “Starving,” he says with his mouth full.
“Why Waffle?”
He shrugs and takes a large bite of salad. “Aleks and Julien are addicted to sugar or something. Seriously, it’s weird. All our animals are named after sweet things, except for Julien’s horse, who’s named Big Blue.”
“How many animals do you have?”
He stares at the ceiling, taking a sip of water.
“Hmm, we have eight dogs now, of all shapes and sizes. Our first one was Nutmeg. We adopted her on our road trip here. There are about ten cats… I think. They’re mostly barn cats, but three live in the house, and one spends the most time with me.
There are chickens, ducks, rabbits, and we even have a bearded lizard named Pop Rocks. ”
“Jesus. How do you all take care of them all?”
“We all chip in, and Julien has staff that helps, too, including a vet on hand.”
“It’s a zoo.”
Jinx smiles broadly and shakes his head. “It’s mostly Aleks. He loves animals and has gone a bit overboard, and Julien will pretty much give Aleks whatever he wants. But I think he’s starting to draw the line. He’s getting tired of cleaning up all the shit as much as we are.”
I take a sip of wine and observe him. This is the happiest and most animated I’ve ever seen him. I’m getting to know him still, but I hadn’t expected to see so much light from him. “You love them,” I say. “Julien and Aleks, I mean.”
He thinks about it for a moment as he butters his bread. “Yeah, I guess so, though I’ve never told them that.”
“Why not?”
“I dunno. All those touchy-feely emotions hold me back. I’m not even sure I’ve ever loved anyone before.
Jinx is truly interesting. Everything that comes out of his mouth fascinates me.
I’m filled with a mixture of regret and excitement at bringing him on.
I want to learn everything about him: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
He’s rough around the edges and has walls built upon walls despite his honesty.
I’m not sure those walls were built to keep people out, but rather to keep himself in, hidden and tucked away.
He gulps down his food as if it’s his last meal, and while I’m hungry, too, I’ve barely eaten, so focused on him, filled with lingering worry.
When he sets his fork down and drinks the rest of his water, I say, “I’m going to offer something I’ve never offered anyone else. It also goes against our dynamic.”
He raises a cute brow with the fork hovering over his mouth. “What’s that?”
“If you want, you can fuck me. Will that help you? Will you feel a little more in control that way?”
Jinx is completely unfazed by my suggestion.
Maybe he’s hiding it, but I expected a little bit of a surprise for some reason.
“I’ve fucked plenty. I’ve had a lot of sex for the past two years.
That’s not what I need. What I need is to have a man inside me, willingly…
on my end. I want to actually enjoy it for once.
” He shoves his plate away and stares at his folded hands on the table.
“I want… what Julien and Aleks have. They’re both…
they’re like me, but they’re so free with sex. So trusting.”
“Are you sure?”
He gives me a curt nod. “We haven’t known each other long, Mason, but I’m a quick learner.
I know you expect full honesty and transparency, along with my obedience.
It’s all going to be a challenge for me, but I really want this.
If I want it to work, I have to be. You have to be.
I get that, and I trust you enough to do it.
I hold myself back from everyone. Everyone.
There are lots of reasons for that. I’m ready for something different.
I think…” He sighs heavily, but he doesn’t finish.
“You think…” I hedge.
“I think I need to be cracked wide open, letting everything spill out of me. I really believe you’re the one who can help me do that.”
My gut clenches and my body sags. Jesus.
I’m in fucking awe. And impressed. “Everything you do and say is about your need for power, isn’t it?
Here you are, choosing to trust me to have dominance over you.
Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?
How honored I am right now? I’m not going to lie either; it’s a little scary for me.
Not just from what happened with my last partner, but also because expectations are very high. I don’t want to fail you.”
Jinx stands, walks over to me, and straddles my lap. His arms rest on my shoulders, and his eyes stay on mine. “It’s like you said, we just need to be honest and open, right?”
This weekend has been grueling. It was heavy and so full of details about Jinx. I’m nervous about taking him on, but I don’t regret choosing him. I chose right. He’s going to be my perfect partner. I can feel it.
“You’re exactly right. But I have one more stipulation before we begin.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m going to make love to you first. I insist. Then, when you leave, we’ll begin with some small things while you’re away.”
He grins crookedly. “Is that an order, Daddy?”
I place my hand on his neck and pull him close, our lips a breath away. “Yes.”
He’s the first to lean in those last two inches and kiss me, but I control the show.
I swipe my tongue across his mouth, and he instantly opens, allowing my tongue to consume him.
Jinx fingers and tugs on my hair, tilting his head as we deepen the kiss.
We suck, nibble, and lick. He’s a fantastic kisser.
When we finally pull away, I rest my head on his. “Now, go on up to my shower and get yourself cleaned up.”
“Yessir.”
On the outside, I appear as nonchalant as Jinx can be. On the inside, my nerves are rioting. In those eight years of not having a sub, I haven’t had sex either.
He just got out of the shower and is lying on his back, looking up at me with wide, blue eyes, gnawing on his bottom lip.
I sit next to him on my side, resting on my elbow, as I finger back his wet hair. “I haven’t had sex in a long time, just to be clear. But I think we should get tested before we have sex without condoms.”
“Yeah, okay. It’s been a while for you, huh?”
“Yes. It’s by design.”
“Are you going to tell me all of it one day?”
“I will.”
Jinx fingers the blankets beneath him as if to keep his hands from reaching for me. “Can you kiss me again?” he asks so sweetly.
I graze the backs of my fingers across his cheek and smile at him. “Of course.”
As I lean down to press my lips to his, he whispers. “I’m fucking nervous right now.”
His vulnerability, once again, puts me in awe.
The amount of trust he’s handing to me leaves me with a profound sense of respect and amazement.
All that bravado is gone. He’s completely open to me, but it comes with an unexpected softness and shyness, which isn’t like him at all.
What I don’t like is his reverting to a more childlike state. It’s fucking concerning.
“I’m nervous, too, my pet.”
“You are?”
“Yes.”
“Why? Because you haven’t had sex in a long time?”
I chuckle. “If only. That’s part of it. Mostly, I don’t want to hurt you. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally.”
“You might.”
I suck in a gasp at his brutal truth. He doesn’t placate me at all. “I’m aware.”
“But I might hurt you, too. Not that I want that.”
“You might,” I mimic. “I’m prepared.”
I press my lips to his, and our tongues dance in each other’s mouths. He relinquishes control of the bedding and reaches for my face, deepening our kiss. My cock grows solid and heavy.
I drag my hand down his smooth body and cup his swollen cock. When he thrusts into my hand, I wrap my fingers around his length and give it a few gentle tugs. It’s as smooth as the rest of him.
His eyes close as I stroke him and press kisses to his cheek and throat. I move down and bite one of his nipples delicately, then I suck it, pulling a groan from him.
I’m giving him softness and tenderness, letting him experience pleasure without fear.
One of his hands is back to gripping the sheets, the other is clinging to my hair.
“Have you ever been kissed by a man, my pet?”
His eyes blink open to a dark sea of blue. “Once… he did. Phillip. But I like your kisses more. I like your scruff against my face. You’re a much better kisser.”
“I’m asking because while we’re together, as you reclaim your body and power, having firsts will help.”
He nods and closes his eyes again as I work my way down his body, pressing kisses here and there, then run my tongue through his navel. “Can I kiss your scar?”
“Uhm… yeah. Sure.”
Instead of double-checking, I choose to trust that he’s being honest.
The scars are appalling. They’ll always remind him of what he’s gone through. He can heal his mind, but his body will always be marked by his past. Every time he looks in a mirror, his body will never let him forget. By kissing them, I’m hoping to change the way he views them.
“Your scars are about survival, Jinx. You lived. You learned. You’re here, free from pain,” I whisper between each kiss on the long laceration.
“I won’t say they’re beautiful because they represent abuse, but they also represent life.
He couldn’t kill you. Now, they represent freedom from that abuse. You’re a survivor. You’re strong.”
As I kiss him, I keep watch on him. His eyes are closed, but his mouth trembles slightly.
“Just… just fuck me already.”
There’s that defiance and fight against heavy feelings.
“No. I’m going to take my time and love on you. Worship you. You’re so beautiful, my pet.”
“I’m not! Just… shut up. Stop it.”
I don’t take his biting words personally. I understand the root of his anger. But it’s a good reminder that being with him won’t always be easy. His girlfriends were too young and immature to see his true nature and inner strength. This is where the gift of age comes in.
Once I’ve reached his hips and pelvis, I kiss both sides. His cock is still solid and leaking sticky pre-cum on his abs.
I swallow him down to the root. He gasps and thrusts hard, touching the back of my throat. I breathe through the gag. His hands rush to my hair, tugging hard, and he thrusts again, but I’m ready, steadying him with my hand on his stomach.
I lick along the underside of his length and swipe my tongue over the cockhead, savoring his bitter pre-cum. His stomach rises and falls rapidly from his panting. I wonder if he even realizes he’s making these cute little noises.
“Fuck, you’re good at this…” he rasps.
That’s my sign to stop. I don’t want him to come yet.
“Oh, come on!” he complains, making me chuckle.
“We’re not done. Don’t worry, you’ll come… eventually.”
“Psh… I see how it’s gonna be.”
I sit up on my hands and hover over him. “Get used to it. I’m going to edge you often.”
He rolls his eyes and frowns. “Of course you are.”
“There’s that adorable brat that I’ve quickly gotten to know.”
I lift his legs and push them back. “Now, behave and hold these back for me.”
He pulls his legs back without complaint.
“Have you ever been rimmed, Jinx?”
He bites his bottom lip and looks away.
“Answer the question.”
“No,” he says with a sigh. “Girls never wanna.”
I’m not surprised he hasn’t. Good. More firsts for him.
“Buckle up, then.”