47. Arden
47
ARDEN
The music pulsed around me, through me, blaring in a way that would probably cause some permanent damage. But I didn’t care. I needed it.
As if it cleansed my system, getting all that darkness to purge, bleed out of me and into the sculpture. The only problem was that it felt like I had a never-ending supply. Just when I thought I’d gotten it all, a new flood would rise.
So, I simply kept creating.
I should’ve been at The Collective, helping set up for the show and auction, but Farah had assured me she had it under control. And she was meant for the job. Ordering people around gave her a kick, and no one would be stupid enough to give her a hard time.
Maybe I’d ask if she wanted Denver’s job. A pang lit just thinking his name. I hadn’t heard a word from him since. And maybe that was for the best.
I lifted my blowtorch, binding one piece of metal to another and then stepping back. As the torch extinguished, I lifted my mask to study the woman battling her way out. Out of what was open to interpretation. And I wanted it that way.
Because we all had darkness we were climbing out of, things that held us captive. And this woman had fought to emerge from it. She was scarred and battleworn, but she was breaking free.
The music cut out, and I whirled, the stark change from chaos to silence almost too much for my ears to handle. “Son of a biscuit-eating monkey. Don’t do that to me.”
Linc’s brows rose in amusement as he bent to scratch Brutus between the ears, setting a bag by the couch. “A biscuit-eating monkey, huh?”
I glared at him as I set the blowtorch down and removed my gloves. “Apparently, I get wholesome when someone scares the crap out of me.”
He chuckled, but there was something beneath it. I saw shadows in those hazel eyes. The instinct was too hard to fight. I pulled off my mask and crossed to him. “What’s wrong?”
Linc brushed his hand over my face as he held me to him. “You done running?”
A wash of panic swept through me, and hot on its heels came annoyance. “I’m not running. I’m right here.”
It was a lie. My heart was running—terrified and ducking for cover. And when it wasn’t running, it was building as many walls as it could, even though it was too late.
Linc held me to him, no judgment in those hazel eyes, but he wasn’t buying my story either. “I’ve given you this play for the past few days. Can’t give it to you any longer.”
I tugged myself out of his arms. “You gave me this play? I decide what’s best for me. And right now, it’s this.” I gestured to the statue behind me, the one currently saving my life as it took all the badness inside me and turned it into beauty.
“So, I’m just supposed to stand by while you work yourself to the bone, almost twenty hours a day? Only stopping to make sure I’ve eaten and taken my meds, but never once taking care of yourself?”
My mouth snapped closed .
Those hazel eyes flashed gold. “Yeah. I’m not going to stand by and let you slowly kill yourself. Because I love you. And despite the fact that it terrifies you, you love me.”
The panic surged anew like some sort of back draft, the flames strangling me. “Don’t.” I threw my hands up as if I could ward him off.
“You love me.” He took two steps forward.
I shook my head but couldn’t get out a no because my body knew it was a lie.
Another step. “And I love you.”
“Stop,” I croaked. The panic was too much, clawing, trying to drag me under into the inky black.
Pain swirled in Linc’s eyes. “Vicious,” he whispered. “You love me.”
I broke then, tears streaming down my face. “I love you.” A sob tore free, and I nearly collapsed, but Linc was right there, catching me as I fell.
“I know,” he said, lifting me in his arms and carrying me to the brand-new leather couch he’d had delivered.
“Your stitches,” I rasped between cries.
“Are fine,” Linc whispered, cradling me to him.
Sobs racked my body as I clung to Linc, terrified he’d disappear the moment I let go. Stolen because I’d had the audacity to love him.
Linc’s hand swept up and down my back in soothing strokes. “Talk to me.”
The words wanted out, but my body was battling to keep them in. “I-I was trying to keep you safe.”
He pulled back, his eyes searching mine, trying to understand. “And loving me puts me in danger?”
I nodded. It was so stupid. Juvenile, even. But it was the only thing I knew to be true. The tears only came faster. “They weren’t perfect, but I loved them. The only people I’ve ever really loved in this life. And he killed them. One and then the other. And it almost killed me .”
I sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to keep the worst of the sobs down. “You know why I do jujitsu with Kye? It’s not just so I feel safer. It’s so I feel strong . Because I was so weak back then. I almost let it take me under. I wanted it to.”
Linc’s thumb traced my jaw, the rough pad assuring me he was there. “You were a kid. You were scared out of your mind and trying to make sense of it all, but your love didn’t kill them. A monster did.”
A hiccuped cry left my throat. “I miss them.”
Linc wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. “Of course, you do.”
My fingers twisted in his tee. “I can’t lose you.”
He held me tighter. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere. If you haven’t noticed, I’m stubborn as hell.”
A cross between a laugh and a cry bubbled out of me. As they eased, I pulled back and forced myself to look into Linc’s eyes. “You almost died because of me.”
He stilled, then his hand lifted to my face, brushing some loose strands of hair away. “And it reminded you of what happened before.”
I nodded, that pain tearing at my insides again. “She was trying to protect me. She didn’t get out in time because she was hiding me.”
Linc muttered a curse and pressed his head to mine. “Should’ve seen that. I’m so fucking sorry. But I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
My throat tightened as I struggled to swallow. “I didn’t want to love you. I didn’t want to love anyone.”
“I know.”
My fingers tightened in his shirt, the cotton warping around them. “For so long, it was like I was living in exile. This weird in-between. My old life wasn’t mine anymore, but I wasn’t really living the new one either.”
I pulled back, making sure my eyes met his so he could truly see. “You showed me the beauty of that in-between. Showed me I could blend them into something new—something where I didn’t keep everyone at arm’s length, if I was only brave enough to reach for it.”
“Vicious,” he rasped, holding me tighter. “I wish I could erase all the darkness that has ever touched you.”
“You don’t have to. You just have to be with me in it. ”
“Sure about that?” Linc asked, leaning to the side to snag a bag from the floor. “Got you something.”
I took the bag, glanced at him, then opened it. “Cowboy,” I croaked, pulling out a small key ring flashlight in a light purple. I traced the curves with my fingers.
“It’s rechargeable. You just plug it in each night with your phone, and your flashlight will never run out of juice.”
My tongue felt heavy, and my throat constricted as I pulled out a pack of four night-lights.
“These are solar, so they’ll charge every day just by being out and light your house anytime it’s dark. They turn on automatically.”
I forced my gaze away from the lights to the man who cared enough to make sure I was never scared again. In every way he could manage. “Linc,” I whispered.
“There’s one more thing in the bag.”
“Stop it.”
His lips twitched. “What’d I do?”
“You’re too amazing. It’s rude.”
He chuckled. “Pull out the pamphlet, Vicious.”
I grumbled something indiscernible under my breath and pulled out what looked like instructions. Then I gaped at him. “You got me a freaking generator?”
“Best on the market. They’ll service it every month to make sure it stays running, and it can power your whole house.”
Tears pressed against the backs of my eyes. “Stop making me cry.”
“Okay.” Linc brushed his lips across mine. “Never want you to feel powerless. Not ever again.”
I stared at him for a long moment, saying the only thing I could. “I love you.” The words stirred a little less fear this time. Didn’t strangle me quite as much on the way out.
“Say it again,” Linc said, his lips hovering just against mine. “I want to feel it.”
“I love you,” I whispered, my lips moving against his with the words .
“Best gift I’ve ever received. Because I know the cost. Know how terrifying it is to let yourself step off that cliff.”
It was terrifying. But now that I’d taken that step, the fear started to melt away. And it was because of one thing. “You’re with me.”
Linc slid his fingers through mine. “Always. And that will never change.”
I pulled back and searched those hazel eyes. “Will you do something with me?”
Linc’s gaze softened on mine. “Said I was with you, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did.”