Chapter Seventeen
Tomás
Clouds invaded the morning skies as time passed. I wasn’t sure how long I stayed on that cliff. My brain had shut down giving me a short reprieve, but when my body started to shake uncontrollably, I had to call it. Getting out tested my patience. I wasn’t a fucking woodsperson. I liked the city streets lined with numbers and street names. Out here, there was shit to let me know where the fuck I was going. I followed the fading glowsticks. One point led me to another and another. Luca shining the way.
Asshole.
He could’ve ended me on that cliff. Why hadn’t he? What was his fucking game?
Alessandro was coming here. What would happen when we saw each other? What the fuck was I supposed to do? Ignore him?
I hated my life.
But I made it out of the fucking woods and onto the main path to Harper House. I’d left in a hurry and hadn’t locked the door behind me. Dasher, Charity, and Micah had let themselves inside. They were waiting for me in the living room when I walked in.
“Did you get it?” Dasher asked. I’d never heard him so panicked before.
“Oh, shit, look at his face. He did,” Charity said.
“I’m tired. Tell me what you think I got and go away so I can sleep.”
“He didn’t get it,” Micah said. I almost missed him standing near the window.
“Where’s your phone?” Dasher asked.
I shrugged. I hadn’t had it since the day Amir died. “My room?”
Dasher sprinted up the steps, his crutches knocking hard on each step. Charity took off two seconds after him and Micah didn’t even bother to wait.
Now they were all in my room.
Grunting, I started to climb when a heavy knock pounded the door. “For fuck’s sake,” I grumbled and swung the door open. Kieran practically, almost, rammed into me as he charged inside. Morgan looking sheepish behind him.
I breathed and closed the door.
“What did Luca want?”
I dragged my eyes accusingly to the rat who found a piece of lint on the floor interesting and kept his eyes there.
I didn’t have time to answer when the three nosey bodies appeared at the top of the stairs. “Do you realize what this means?” Dasher said, already descending. The beat of his crutches loud against the stairs. He still had a balance issue and was going to physical therapy for it. It didn’t seem to ward him from getting into my business. Charity and Micah behind him.
“We’re fucked, that’s what that means,” Charity added before they caught sight of Kieran.
He was standing way too close to me. If it were any other time than just before I’d been threatened by a painted madman for something I couldn’t remember, I may have welcomed it. Instead, I grunted. “I need a shower. When I get out you all better be out of here.”
Without looking back, I sprinted up the stairs, charged into my room, and slammed the door. Then I did the same with the bathroom door. I needed to clear my head. I needed to think . A subtle hum vibrated under my skin. I was edging, needed a damn blunt. Something to calm myself. I couldn’t think straight with my head buzzing. Too much shit running through it.
Luca Mancini here to kill me.
Alessandro Mancini was Enzo. One of the Four. And something told me it wasn’t coincidence that he had bought me from moms all those years ago.
The collar Luca gave me meant something, though I didn’t know what.
Dasher, Charity, Micah here and afraid meant something too.
Kieran and the pictures were some sort of warning.
All of it swirling around in my head making no type of sense. I was going to fucking explode. By the time I got out of the shower, I still couldn’t form the puzzle in front of me. Except for Kieran. He hadn’t left me. He’d been sitting on the bed and got to his feet when I entered my room. His eyes dragged down the length of my body—my naked body—and heat flared in my belly.
“We have to talk,” he said.
I ignored him, narrowed the gap between us and smashed my mouth against his in a feral kiss that pushed every other fucked up thought out of my head. I felt him fight me, but I wasn’t letting him go. He was my lifeline, the only chaos in my life that made sense. I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t. I pulled away from his mouth just to breathe, and trailed kisses along his jaw.
“Please give me this,” I cupped his thickening cock over his pants. He gripped my shoulders and thrust into my grip as I licked a trail up his throat. He moaned and it made me feel so good. It gave me a purpose. I lived to rip those sounds out of Kieran’s throat. To make him mine if only for just these precious moments we’d been given.
At that moment I realized I didn’t understand how my dad and Daniel could’ve given themselves over to anybody. They used sex as a way to get off, but for me with Kieran it wasn’t just about that. It was so much more. I could never do this with anyone else. I could never care this much for anyone else.
“Fuck, Tomás, yeah. Take what you need,” he breathed out.
And Kieran would always give me what I needed.
I undid his pants and dropped to my knees, pulling them down with me and freeing his cock. It was thick, veiny and pink. Uncut. He inhaled sharply, watching me. His eyes full of something I could interpret as love. That’s what I wanted to believe. I didn’t care that he hadn’t said it. What he gave me was enough.
“Go ahead, baby,” he said with such warmth in his voice, as if soothing me. I didn’t realize I needed the moment until I felt about to burst.
I leaned in and licked along the underside, feeling his cock pulse. I lapped up the cum on his tip and then swirled my tongue around its girth. He tasted of heat and spice. Something I could never find a word for. It was him. All him. I stretched my lips and took him in, sucking and licking. Every cell in my body awake to his desires. To the sounds he made, the way his fingers dug into my hair, massaged my scalp. The way my own body reacted to him. He’d been my first everything. And his praise made me preen. Made me feel worthy. Made me forget everything else.
I trailed my fingers up his thighs, cupped his balls as I bobbed into him. His thrust deepening the suction. “Fuck, Tomás, I’m going … no, not yet. Fuck.”
I loved the way he made no sense. The way he didn’t care who heard him because my man was loud as fuck. And it was okay. We were alone. His secret was safe with me. He hadn’t left me.
I popped his cock out of my mouth and got to my feet, kissing him while I helped pull his shirt off. He kicked out of his shoes and pants, and we were on the bed. My body over his, slotting our dicks together. His legs wrapped around my hips, thrusting into me.
“Take us together, Kieran,” I begged.
He cupped my length, drew in a few drags that had my eyes practically rolling inside my head. Then he wrapped his long fingers around both of us, squeezing hard. Dragging his hands up and down our length. The friction so fucking good. His lips were soft, pliant, while I ravaged them. Sucked, nipped, pulled on his tongue. I explored every inch of his mouth. Couldn’t get enough. It’d never be enough. Not with him.
“Tomás,” he said in between feral kisses. “I need you inside me.”
Fuck. I wanted that more than anything, but I wanted to come. I didn’t want to prep him. I didn’t want to wait. I leaned back, pumping myself to a painful hardness while he watched, uncertainty in his eyes.
I was so fucking close.
My balls drew tight and I came all over his cock, my chest so fucking tight. I ran my cum down to his ass and ran my finger around his hole. “I got you,” I whispered, trying to control my breathing. “Is this what you need?” Using my cum as lube, I pressed a finger into his hole, past the tight ring of muscle, then another. Stretching him. He leaned back and moaned.
“Fuck, Tomás.”
He stopped talking when I took his cock in my mouth while I fucked him with my finger. I knew I found his sweet spot when his fingers curled painfully into my hair and he tightened his ass. I sucked deeper, eyes watering, unable to breath, my nose against his pubes.
“Fuck, baby, I’m there. I need to cum.”
It didn’t take him long. Another graze against his prostate and he shot his load down my throat. I sucked him dry before pulling my fingers out of his ass and his softening cock out of my mouth.
His hands dropped from my hair, and his chest rose and fell as I trailed soft kisses up his body. His phone beeped. He needed to check his insulin. I kept kissing him, until I reached his collarbone, and I bit him there, sucking hard. He hissed between his teeth but didn’t move. I wanted him to have my mark. I didn’t give a fuck what people thought. He could hide it, but I wanted to know it was there.
“Fucker,” he said, with no anger in his voice.
I chuckled. “Sorry. Not really sorry.”
He smiled, cupped my face, and kissed me softly. Sucking my lips tenderly until the kiss ebbed and I fell beside him, drawing him into my arms. The silence lasted until our breathing calmed.
“Are you going to tell me what happened with Luca?” he asked.
“No.”
I knew he was angry by the way his body stiffened under me. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to lie to you.”
Kieran tried to break out of my hold, but I rolled on top of him, holding him in place. “You’re already a fucking liar,” he said into my face. His expression cold. “How could you say you love me, when all you do is fucking lie?”
“I’m trying to protect you.”
He shook his head. “How the fuck do you think you can protect me when you can’t even protect yourself.”
Ouch. That fucking hurt because it was true. I couldn’t protect myself. Not from Luca. Not from Enzo. Not from anyone. “Fine, you want to know what he wanted? He has pictures of us, pictures Cillian had when he took me.”
Kieran stopped moving.
“Yeah, I didn’t tell you about the pictures because Cillian was dead.”
“Dead because I killed him to protect you ,” he said.
Although I’d suspected, the knowledge that he chose me over his own safety made me feel warm inside even if he sounded as if he regretted it right now.
“Get off me,” he ordered.
I rolled off of him and he quickly sat up at the edge of the bed, his scars so damn prominent on his back. I wanted to touch them, to kiss them again. To share them with him some way. They had been his to bear alone for so long, I wasn’t sure if he knew how to share them with anyone. To share himself with anyone.
“I’m doing the best I can,” I said, my voice thick with an emotion I couldn’t erase “It’s not like I know how to do this shit.”
He glared at me over his shoulder. “Shit. That’s what we are? Shit?” He paused for a second, not expecting an answer. “What else did he do?”
I scooted back, sitting against the headboard, naked, my cock against my thigh. “Come here and I’ll tell you.” I patted the space beside me. “We can talk like civilized people.”
“Naked. Who just fucked?”
I smirked, going for sweet, can’t be rejected, smile. I didn’t want him angry with me, but I couldn’t tell him everything either. Not with the risk of him going berserker on Luca and getting killed. And I still didn’t know what the collar meant, so that convo wasn’t happening.
He sighed, long and deep, then scooted back to sit beside me, our shoulders and thighs brushing. I lifted my leg over his and ran my hand up and down the inside of his thigh, along his pelvis. “I love the way this feels,” I said, running my fingers up and down the arch. His cock pulsed but remained flaccid. The room was warm. Maybe too warm.
“Talk.”
“Luca is insane.”
“Yes, I know that.”
“But he’s not completely off the rails. He’s trying to figure things out on his own too.”
Kieran glanced at me. His eyes so light green they made me forget my words for a moment. I ran my finger down his face, pushed the errant stray hairs behind his ear. They were too short to remain there. “You’re so beautiful, Kieran.” His eyes remained on mine as if trying to call my bullshit. “I love you,” I said. His lips tightened as if he meant to say something. “And not just because you’re beautiful. I love everything about you,” I went on, needing to get this out of my chest. “I love how alpha you are around people, but a kitty cat in bed. I love that you’re loud in your pleasure. I love how you protect me and those that you love. Even from your own dark secrets. I love how you smile, even when people are not looking.”
“You love me enough to lie to me.”
I dropped my hand and removed my leg from over his. “You lied to your brothers about being gay, why?”
“This is not the same thing.”
“Why, Kieran? Why did you lie when you knew they wouldn’t care?”
“Because I cared. I lied because of me .”
I took his hand and put it on my thigh, interlacing our fingers as he thought through what he just said, hoping, he’d make the connection so I wouldn’t have to tell him. After a few minutes, he huffed and pulled out his hand. I didn’t watch him leave the bed but I heard the bathroom door close and the shower shortly after.
No, Kieran didn’t get it. Because all he saw was the narrow black and white of all the potential harm someone could cause him.
I knew that and I still couldn’t tell him about Enzo.
I lied to him because of me . Because I wouldn’t survive his reaction to the truth. Maybe because I believed I deserved what was coming.