Chapter Eighteen
Kieran
The tension in my muscles waned as the hot water pounded against my body. I’d meant to wrangle the fucking truth from Tomás when I decided to wait for him, sending the others to Arcas alone. We had to plan our survival. But when Tomás got out of the shower and gave me that fucking look, his eyes pleading, needy, I couldn’t stand my ground. I could never stand my ground when he needed me. How the fuck was I supposed to love him when he lied to me?
I didn’t love him.
I couldn’t.
I shut my eyes when I heard the bathroom door open and shortly after he slipped under the shower behind me. I couldn’t fight him away. I didn’t have the damn energy. I let him take what he needed from my body and fuck the rest.
Cillian had been right when he wanted me to kill Tomás. He’d be the death of me and everything I worked hard to attain. He compromised everything. And I’d let him. Just for a soft touch. A careful kiss. Just because he said he loved me and somewhere deep inside I wanted to believe it, though I knew it couldn’t be true. Not with the lies we kept from each other.
His fingers trailed my scars and his lips followed. “I’m sorry, Kieran,” he whispered against my skin. “I don’t want to argue anymore.” His hands trailed my side, ran along the juncture between my thigh and pelvis. Instinctively, I spread my legs, giving him more access. On his way up, he cupped my balls and slowly ran his hand the length of my soft cock. “I’ll tell you everything. Can we just wait until this whole investigation is over?”
The reminder that I wouldn’t be here after the investigation was over slammed into me. His assumption that I would be also made my heart sting. I hadn’t told him I couldn’t come back. Arcadia was for bastards, not heirs. I couldn’t stay past the investigation.
I stopped his roaming hand and lifted it to my lips, grazing a kiss on his knuckles. “Okay,” I lied. Because at this point, there was nothing I could do to salvage whatever we had, and I didn’t have the strength to deal with the emotions behind it. “But we have to go. There are things we need to work through.”
I rushed through my washing without touching him, and he did the same. Though he remained close to my body. I knew he wanted more but he didn’t push it. I’d given him what he needed and nothing more.
I climbed out of the shower and changed. A few minutes later, Tomás did the same, meeting me in the kitchen. “Luca left pictures of us in my room as well. I don’t know what game he’s playing, but I plan on finding out with or without your help. It involves me whether you like it or not.”
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and nodded which pissed me off. I preferred being pissed than anything else. It felt right.
“And if your lies harm me or anyone else I care about, I will not hesitate to end you.”
The shocked expression on his face looked so damn familiar. His lips tightened, his body turned to stone. And I ignored the scream in my head and the pain behind my sternum. “Fuck your love, it means nothing when it’s riddled with lies. From this point on, my focus will be to keep my crew alive beyond the games.”
“And I’m not part of your crew.”
He still had no fucking clue. “You are everything . Now get in the fucking car. I’ll explain everything at Arcas.” I walked out first and waited for him in the utility vehicle I may have stolen from Declan. Tomás climbed in after me. The knee bobbing started up immediately as I took off. Tomás and his nervous twitch. He kept snatching glances at me as if wanting to say something, but turned back to look out the windshield.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said.
“I don’t care.”
He shook his head. “Why does everything with you have to be black and white? There are gray areas.”
“And people die within those gray areas,” I shot back.
“Why does everything have to be a fucking threat with you!”
I swerved the piece of shit vehicle to the side and turned to him. “You do realize I am a killer.” He didn’t move. “Say yes. I need to hear that you understand.”
“Yes,” he gritted through his teeth.
“You do realize that everyone I’ve ever met, except my crew, have tried to kill me or wants me dead.”
He nodded.
“Say it,” I gritted out between my teeth.
“Yes, I get it.”
“Then why should I trust you ?” My heart pounded furiously against my chest. “Why? Tomás. Tell me. Give me one goddamn reason to trust you.”
“It doesn’t matter what I say. You still won’t believe me. You’ve never trusted me. I’m your fucking lie. I will always be your lie. So, no. I don’t have a fucking reason to give you.”
But he wasn’t my lie anymore. I’d come out already. I didn’t say shit. Tomás didn’t deserve my truth. I drove the vehicle in front of Arcas and Tomás followed me inside.
Everyone was in the living room. Even River. He’d come back for the games. Seeing me, he quickly got to his feet and approached us. “I heard,” he said with a bright smile on his face while all my insides wanted to spill out. “About fucking time.” Then he hugged me hard and turned to Tomás. “Welcome to the family, bro,” River said and hugged a stunned Tomás.
Fuck my life.
I glowered at Fox and Wren. I hadn’t told River so one of them must have.
“You know you got this guy dick whipped,” River said to Tomás because he could not read the fucking room. “And fuck you for thinking it’d change anything, but I heard you already got chewed out,” he added to me.
“Yeah, whatever,” I said. “Let’s get this thing over with. We need to get everyone up to speed.”
Ignoring Tomás, I greeted Tor, Rumor, and even Graham. John wasn’t a bastard and had never been a student at Arcadia, the reason we used him as the face of Arcas International. He wasn’t linked to us, so he was absent from the group. The addition of Dasher, Charity, and Micah complicated things. Morgan was branded. I took the floor as River took a spot away from Wren while Tomás took a seat next to Dasher.
Tor gave me a tight nod. Rumor remained the solid pillar beside him.
“First things first. Dasher, Charity, Micah, Morgan, Tomás, meet Tor, Rumor, and Graham. They’re former students of Arcadia.” I gave the group a moment to measure each other before I went on. “And unless you’ve been branded, you don’t belong here.”
Charity narrowed her eyes at me. “The other groups are a bunch of morons, one of which is being led by Ashton who wants you dead. I don’t want to be there.”
“Commendable, but you’re not branded.”
“Then brand me.”
My traitorous eyes met Tomás’s and I wanted to see something more than indifference in them. I wanted to see that jealous spark he had when I had branded Morgan. The fucker just looked at me as if he could see right through me. Fuck, I needed my head straight. I glanced at the other two. “Micah and Dasher must be branded too.”
Dasher got to his feet. “Fuck you,” he snapped which I knew he would. “I’d rather fucking do this alone.”
He started to leave, but stopped when Tomás blocked his path. “Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on first?” He glared at me. “Just the good parts.”
Wren chuckled.
“Amir’s death was ruled an accidental drowning most likely caused by the drugs in his system. As such, the Four have called for funeral games. We were all given five selections. Declan waived his right to select, so I selected for the Brennans. I added Wren, Fox, River, Morgan, and a fourth year by the name of Matthew. I don’t even know the guy. Constance added Henry, Charity, Micah and the Martinelli sisters.”
“No shit,” Charity chimed in. “They run with the Brazilian House of Pain. You want to stay away from them.”
“And how would you know that?” Wren asked with a smirk on his lips.
Charity motioned zipping her lip. “I shall speak no evil.”
“Moving on,” I interrupted. “Edward put in Ashton, Zarek, Beck, Kennedy and—” I turned to Fox. “Dasher.” Fox remained unmoved. Anyone who didn’t know him would think he hadn’t cared that his uncle just made a play for Dasher. Every muscle in his body tensed and his eyes remained on the floor in front of him. Dasher said nothing but he no longer tried to run. “Luca added Tomás, Annika, and two first year newbies and Blake.” Dasher opened his mouth, but I cut him off. “We’re not taking any more strays. Your roommate’s going to have to find his own way.” Dasher closed his mouth. “Those selected will be released along the woods surrounding the castle. You’ll have twenty-four hours to reach the castle, alive preferably.”
“What are the rules?” Tomás asked.
Henry took over the explanation, having the laptop open. “We are only allowed blunt instruments like bats, training swords, those sorts of weapons. No guns, no explosives, poisons, knives. The objective is to spill blood, not kill. But the rules of Arcadia Law will be waved for twenty-four hours. There will be no consequences if some should die. Those who have been chosen will meet at the great hall for dinner this evening to meet the Four.”
“That means they’re going to assess us. See who they want to fuck over, that kind of thing,” Fox said.
Fuck over or just fuck. I didn’t add that part. Tomás looked like a rabbit about to bolt already.
Henry went on. “At noon tomorrow we meet at the bell tower. They’ll release us inside the property. Our objective is to get to the castle. At the twenty-four-hour mark, they’ll sound the end of the game and bring in the medics. Each heir will be allowed one collar for one person to do as they will.”
“What does that mean?” Tomás asked. “The collar?”
“Well, a collared will remain with his owner,” Henry answered. “They can’t kill you, but they can do other things.” Henry cleared his throat. “Constance has offered me a collar.”
Tor glared at him. Micah cupped his face and leaned over, breathing deep. I curled my hands into fists. We all knew that Constance was a fucking psychopath and she had hurt Henry when she found out he was alive. Tor had gotten him out of the cage she had kept him in and brought him to Arcadia.
“She’s my sister. She won’t do anything in public. She just wants to make sure no one else does either.”
“I don’t trust her,” Tor said, his voice deep and menacing. Micah lifted his head to look at Tor, then back at Henry. They were both having a staring contest.
“But … but that’s a good thing, right? I mean, you’ll be safe,” Micah said.
Henry nodded. Tor turned his glare to Micah. “Kieran’s right. You should be branded to be here.”
And no one would brand him if Tor didn’t permit it, and the way he was looking at Micah, I’m pretty sure Micah was two seconds away from being thrown out.
“I am branded,” he said and pulled the collar of his t-shirt to reveal two circles, one incomplete on top of another. Henry’s brand.
The whole room reeked of shock as Tor dragged his eyes to Henry. The first time I’d ever seen the guy wearing an expression of betrayal. He schooled it fast enough to have been missed if you didn’t know him well enough. I knew him well enough.
Henry’s face turned crimson. “He’s my friend ,” he said in defense. After a few seconds, he cleared his throat and returned to looking at the laptop.
“Okay,” Tomás broke the awkward silence, “so that means Kieran gets a collar. And since Henry is, well, okay for now, we should give the extra collar to Dasher,” Tomás said.
Dasher got to his feet. “No fucking way.”
No fucking way. “I’m collaring you .” I glared at Tomás. Because fuck all if I was going to let him run around unprotected.
Dasher turned to Tomás. Fury in his expression, but also pain. Everyone knew his leg wasn’t getting any better. But fuck him, he wasn’t mine to protect.
“He’ll take your brand,” Tomás said to me, over Dasher’s blatant refusal and my fuck you, no.
Fox looked to me with the same expression he wore when Brooke died. The night everything changed between us. He couldn’t lose Dasher. Not after losing her. “Can you force someone into your collar?” Tomás asked, breaking my eye contact with Fox. I almost laughed. Dasher paled.
“No. They have to willingly accept.”
“I don’t accept your collar,” Tomás said. Because of course he would. Then he turned to Dasher. “You either take it, or we’re both fucked because I’m not leaving your side. Ever.”
The stubborn way he said it made me believe him. He would stay at Dasher’s side, even if it meant something worse than death. The fucking martyr. I hated him for those words and wondered consequently if they were the reason why I loved him too.
Because fuck all, I loved him, though I couldn’t examine those feelings closely. Love meant shit in the grand scheme of things. Husbands loved wives who they cheated on and killed. Mothers loved sons they tortured. Love started fucking wars. It wasn’t enough. The word itself wasn’t enough.
Dasher folded. “Fine,” he ground out. “But I’m not taking another brand.”
Tomás looked to me to agree. I didn’t do it for Tomás. I didn’t do it for fucking Dasher. I agreed because of Fox. I owed Fox everything. “Fine. Fox and Morgan, you’re with Tomás. Wren, you’re with Charity. River with Micah. You go in pairs. And learn the fucking map. Avoid confrontation because they’re going to be gunning for you.”
“What about them?” Tomás asked of Tor and Rumor
“They’re with Declan at the castle..”
“Where will you be?” Tomás asked me.
“I’m a fucking heir. I’ll be on the dais with my pet.”
I glared at Dasher who didn’t look at me.