Chapter Thirty-Three Lucifer
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lucifer
I find Azrael in the exact spot in Hell I expected he’d be, where he used to retreat whenever we were fighting.
He sits on top of the ledge at the Black Plains, overlooking the Abyss, a vast, endless expanse of black obsidian and scorched earth meant to terrify the damned when they first realize they belong to me.
The very first part of Hell to take form, actually.
Before the souls, before the hierarchy, before the politics.
Back when he and I were . . .
I tilt my head to the side, squinting. “Looks a bit primitive now, doesn’t it?”
Azrael grunts but doesn’t say anything.
He leans forward onto his knees, brooding, his posture letting me know in no uncertain terms that he doesn’t want company.
I sigh, placing my hands in my pockets. “Charlotte says I’m supposed to—”
“Don’t insult me,” he tosses over his shoulder.
Like the mere thought of receiving aftercare from me infuriates him.
But unfortunately, I’ve learned a little more than a thing or two about feelings from Charlotte. Inconvenient as they may be.
Hurt is often a quiet thing.
Nearly as insidious as the temptation he and I created.
I take a seat on the ledge beside him, looking out over the Abyss. “You always loved to stay silent. Like that helped anything.”
Azrael’s posture stiffens. “It helped you. That night, after the Fall. When you screamed the sky empty and then you just . . . stopped. And I stayed.”
“You did,” I admit, my mouth unexpectedly dry as an unamused huff escapes me. “I thought you were mocking me, sitting there like one of my shadows.”
“No.” He shakes his head, before he finally looks toward me. “I was staying so you would know what it felt like—to be seen, even when you’re monstrous.”
I swallow, my throat writhing. “You never looked at me like I was a monster. Not even when I became one.”
He snorts. “Maybe that was part of the problem. I was too afraid of losing you.” Reluctantly, he glances toward me. “Still am.”
A heavy silence falls, the kind that used to feel companionable but now simply feels like an echo of everything we once were.
I clear my throat. “Do you remember what you said that night? About the Plains?”
He lifts a brow, and I nod to the rock where we’re sitting as I reach into my suit coat and offer him a cigarette. He refuses but then conjures a lighter and lights it for me.
“You said we were building for what came after,” I mutter in between puffs.
Azrael snorts again. “I lied.” He plucks the now lit cigarette from between my lips and takes a long drag, the smoke obscuring his face momentarily. “I was building it for you. I wanted to protect you. It was just you and me. That still matters.”
“And my Father?” I accept the cigarette back and flick the ashes, giving him a tight, bitter smile. “You chose to include him, too, remember?” I take a pull before offering it to him again, but he waves it off, and I rise to my feet. “For Charlotte’s sake, I suppose we should call a—”
“I’m sorry,” he says, causing me to still. “I should’ve never kept the promise I made to your Father from you, and now Charlotte, but I . . .” He forces a bitter laugh. “I wanted you, and I would’ve done anything to have you. You might understand what that’s like now. Thanks to her.”
I swallow. “Anything except tell me how I might finally best Him.”
“This isn’t about Him, Lucifer,” Azrael growls. “It never has been.”
The end of my cigarette flares and then goes out, leaving nothing but smoke in its place as he rises to stand beside me. His muscled forearms flex, his gaze raking over me. Another reminder of how things used to be.
I wave him off, turning to leave. “If it wasn’t about Him, perhaps you should have told me that you—”
“I love you,” he says, gripping my shoulder.
I freeze.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner, but I still fucking do, and you know it. We were both just too afraid to—”
“I fear nothing.” I step into him, eyes narrowed. “Nothing but having her taken from me.”
Azrael’s gaze is cruel and mocking as he shakes his head at me.
“And what do you think she’ll say when she finds out about our deal?
About the final choice you’ve been keeping from her?
How’s that any different?” He draws closer, until he’s standing nearly nose to nose with me, so close I fear he . . .
My eyes fall to his lips.
He clocks it, smirking, like I’ve proven his point.
Goddamn him.
“How is that any different from what I did?” he asks.
“It’s not,” I admit.
“Then how can you—”
“Because I love her more than you ever loved me,” I snarl, my mouth no more than a hairbreadth from his. “You didn’t even tell me, and I wasn’t capable of it then. How could you have felt anything close to what I feel for her about me, when you didn’t even—”
He huffs, laughing in my face as a spark of fury ignites in me.
“I may have believed that before, but not anymore, Lightbringer. Now, I know better.” He leans forward, placing his hands on the side of my face, and I brace myself, expecting .
. . but then he thinks better of it, releasing me.
“I love her too,” he says, the reminder of what they shared in the playroom severing me, “and the three of us could be so much more if you’d just swallow your goddamn pride and—”
“You know exactly why I can’t—”
“Can’t or won’t, Lucifer?” His gaze flicks over me. “The choice has always been up to you. You’re just too fucking stubborn to see it.”
My body temperature rises, and I start to turn away.
“Kiss me,” he growls, grabbing my shoulder.
I snarl. “Why would I?”
“If it didn’t mean anything, then show me it didn’t.”
My mouth goes dry, and something dormant sparks inside my chest.
A thrill. A challenge.
And also . . .
The echo of everything I still loathe about myself.
I grip the back of his neck, pressing him against me. “Eyes on me, Reaper.”
I drag my mouth against his so hard I’m certain the earth shakes with the force of it. His taste, the heat of his body, the smell of his skin reminding me of every vulnerable moment I’ve tried to forget so thoroughly. Of every part of myself I locked away long before my Fall.
He buries his hands in my hair, dragging us both deeper into the kiss.
And I let him.
It seems to go on for an eternity, our tongues intertwining as I’m lost in everything we once were, everything we could be.
Everything I could’ve been.
Without her.
Abruptly, I pull away from him, my hand dragging across my mouth as if he’s poisoned me. But Death just smiles like he’s already stolen all that I am.
“It’s your decision, Lucifer. Who are you going to be? The Lightbringer or what He made you to be?” He turns and leaves me standing there.
Alone and broken by his venomous love.
And as raw and vulnerable as the day he first met me.