Chapter 18
I sleep well this time. The combination of the wine and the stress-relieving conversation was exactly what I’d needed. I’m excited for the day. I’m ready to get out of the hotel room and explore this beautiful country.
I have mixed feelings about Sebastian. I’m not as mad at him as I should be after he forced me to stay. I think avoidance is probably best today. It should be easy with five other women there to steal his attention and act as a buffer.
Anticipation is high this morning as we wait for the announcement of who will be going on the group date today. Emma and I are certain we will be despite the girls teasing me last night that I’d be the first woman to ever get two solo dates before the destination round.
One-on-one time with Sebastian is pivotal if the other women have any hopes of staying through the next rose ceremony. What surprises me is how many of them are desperate for the chance. Katie is still take-it-or-leave-it. She’s here for the experience, not the relationship. I think Emma likes Sebastian, but she’s not the least bit hopeful of winning his affections, so she’s also just enjoying her time. But the others are all very much invested in the idea of a relationship even though they hardly know Sebastian and he’s been such a closed off grouch the whole time.
Nervous, excited murmurs sweep the room when there’s a knock on the door. Laurel answers it, and we all gather on the couches when Aaron walks in. “Are you guys ready to learn who’s going on the date today?”
“Yes!” we all say.
“All right. I won’t beat around the bush.” He pulls out a white card and pauses dramatically. Then, before he reads the names off, the cameras have to reposition themselves so they’re focused on us to get our reactions. They’ll have to do the same thing between every name read. I really hate this part of it. Having to draw everything out and do it all over and over again is really annoying. It takes forever.
“Emma,” Aaron says while I’m spaced out.
The women smile and congratulate her even though no one is surprised. After Emma are Laurel, Katie, and Selena. When my name is called next, I see several relieved faces. There’s only one spot left, and all the women seem to be holding their breaths. Of those not called, one will get a solo date, but the other two will be fighting to not be sent home automatically. They won’t find out who it will be until tomorrow. They’ll have a whole day stuck here in the hotel to agonize over it. This show is cruel.
“And the last woman who will be joining Sebastian on today’s group date is…Bridget.”
Bridget’s mouth falls open. She blinks in shock. Calista pumps the air with both fists. “Yes!”
I snicker. Bridget hears it and glares at me with so much contempt I can practically taste it. Aaron claps to regain our attention. “Congratulations to those names I called. You guys will be enjoying a fun day in the sun, so pull out your swimsuits and make sure you bring lots of sunscreen.”
The other girls get excited, but my stomach rolls. I was really hoping he’d tell us to put on our hiking boots or something. Ziplining or four-wheeling through the jungle would be awesome. But in a tropical place like this, swimsuits can only mean the ocean. I hate the ocean. I know I’m from Southern California, but the ocean is huge, dark, and full of dangers that you can’t see. No. Nope. No way. But per my contract I’m obligated to participate in all activities, and I seriously doubt that the only thing they have planned for us is sunbathing. I’m so screwed.
I brought a few swimsuits to choose from. From a tasteful one-piece to a sinful bikini, but I decide to go with one I designed myself. It’s a vintage-style pink-and-white checkered halter top one-piece that ends in tiny shorts. It’s like something you might see out of a ’50s beach movie. I couple that with a high ponytail and no makeup. My freckles are a little more prominent, but I don’t care how waterproof a mascara claims to be, I’m not risking spending the day with raccoon eyes.
Emma goes with a one-piece as well. Hers is a classic black number with small straps and cut just low enough to be enticing without being too revealing. She looks good. I don’t know how she’s never been in a relationship, as pretty and sweet as she is.
We say our good-byes, Jalisa and Willow wishing us both luck, and then we’re whisked off to the harbor. That sick feeling comes back when we board a boat. Okay, it’s a fancy catamaran yacht, but it’s still going to take us out onto the open ocean. I’m going to die.
Sebastian meets us at the dock wearing a pair of swim trunks that I picked out for him. They’re a little shorter and tighter than he wanted, but I didn’t pick them out for him. His muscular thighs and tight butt are worth the flack he gave me for them. Judging from the other women’s reactions, I’d say I made a good choice. He’s got a light blue button-up shirt on that is only half buttoned. Have to admit, I can’t wait until that sucker comes off. And he’s wearing flip-flops that also took some convincing. For a man who wears suits 98 percent of the time, he looks really good in beach wear.
I realize I’m staring—practically drooling—and quickly tear my eyes away from him. I am not supposed to be swooning over Sebastian. The man is holding me hostage. I reach deep for my anger and am severely disappointed in myself when I can’t find it. Still, I refuse to fall for him. I’ll just stand back and let the others keep him company.
All thoughts of Sebastian fly out of my head when it’s time to board the yacht. At least it’s a pretty big one, and it’s not a sailboat. Somehow a motorboat is less scary. You’re not at the mercy of the wind.
I do my best not to shake as I board. Everyone else is oohing and aahing over the luxury vessel. I’m just trying not to puke. It’s a nice boat. Two stories, with a beautiful semi-open galley and saloon area; an interior main deck lounging area; and a large, open deck lounge. I can’t decide what’s worse: being closed in or sitting out in the wide open. I opt for the saloon area. It’s closed in enough that I don’t feel like I’ll fall overboard, and not completely closed in so that if we were to sink, I’d be trapped. Oh man, I can’t think about sinking.
Everyone else settles in the outer main deck lounge area. I’m glad to be alone for a minute to have a freak-out in private. I sit on the couch and only let out a tiny squeak when the boat starts to move. The yacht leaves the harbor, and my unease flies through the roof when I feel the swells of the ocean gently sway beneath me. There’s so much power in the motion. One storm, and the waves will turn deadly. I grip the seat on either side of me as I try to breathe through my anxiety.
Emma wanders in, her brow pinched in concern. One of the camera crewmen follows her and gets right up in my face. Emma gives James a rare, dirty look and shoos them back a couple feet. She sits beside me and pats my knee. “You okay? You’re white as a ghost.”
I take several calming breaths before I can answer her. “Thalassophobia.”
She starts rubbing soothing circles on my back. “I’m guessing that’s a fear of the ocean?”
I nod. “Fear. Dread. Sheer terror.”
Emma wraps me in a gentle hug, and I lean into her, soaking up the support. “It’s strange they’d choose this outing for you,” she says. “I’m pretty sure they asked us about any severe phobias on the application.”
I give her a grim look. “I didn’t fill out an application. And from what I’ve seen so far, I’d bet that’s exactly why they planned this outing. I told José I was afraid of the ocean when they filmed my intro video. I’m sure that detail didn’t slip by them. They could have done something on land for the group date and saved the ocean for one of the other dates, but there’s more drama this way.”
A larger wave rolls under us, and panic hits me. I yelp, grip the sofa again, pinch my eyes shut, and hold my breath. I am legit not going to survive today.
“Vivian?” The quiet baritone voice has me opening my eyes. Sebastian is frowning at me. His gaze bounces between Emma and me. He takes in the way she’s holding me protectively, and his frown deepens. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” It’s an obvious lie, but I don’t want to admit to him that I’m completely freaking out. “I’m fine. You can go back out there with the others.”
He studies me for a long moment, then decides not to ask me what’s wrong again. “Come with me,” he says slowly.
I glance out toward the open deck where any small wave could send me right over the edge of the boat. I don’t think so. No way. My eyes bulge, and I frantically shake my head.
Emma squeezes me in another side hug and quietly says, “I think she feels safer in here.”
When Sebastian’s eyebrows reach for the sky, my face heats up. I’m a grown woman, and I can’t handle a simple boat ride.
“You’re afraid of boats?” he asks.
I squeeze my eyes shut and take another steadying breath. “More like the endless body of water beneath them.”
Sebastian surprises me when he crouches down in front of me and places his hands on my knees. “You’re safe,” he promises. “This is a sturdy boat, it’s a very calm day, and we have a big life raft. Come out and sit with me. A little sunshine will make you feel better.”
I shake my head fiercely. “You go. I’m good here.”
“Okay. If it makes you feel safer, we’ll stay here.”
That we is not lost on me, but I’m too stressed to examine it closely.
“Seeebaaastiannn…” Bridget whines from the open deck. She’s in the skimpiest bikini I’ve ever seen and is holding a cocktail. Her mouth is pushed into a pout. “Come back. We miss you.”
If Sebastian weren’t still crouched eye-level with me, I would have missed the irritation that streaks across his face. It’s there and gone fast. I think he’d ignore Bridget completely if Laurel and Selena didn’t chime in with their own encouragement. “You should go,” I say, refusing to admit to myself how good his hands feel on my knees. And how amazing he smells—a mix of his cologne and sunscreen. “Spend some time with them. Emma can stay with me. We’ve both already had solo dates with you.”
His jaw tightens. “I don’t want to go with them. I want to be with you.”
Beside me, Emma sighs softly. I shoot her an exasperated look before I meet Sebastian’s unrelenting stare. “I’m pretty sure you have to spend time with everyone. Show rules. Plus, the other women will totally hate my guts if I hog all of your time.”
He cocks a brow at me. “We both know you don’t care a single bit what any of those women think about you.”
He’s right, but it will still be easier to live with them if they don’t all hate me. “Just go.” I give him a pained smile. “Give them a chance. That’s why they’re all here.”
He looks out at the ocean and mutters, “I wish that was why you’re here.”
Bridget whines again before I can figure out how to respond. “Please, Sebastian?”
He sighs and goes out to the deck lounge where he’s greeted with a chorus of excited cheers.
“That was sweet of him,” Emma says. Her eyes trail after him. He takes a seat on a sofa between Laurel and Selena. They’re both pawing at him, and he’s stiff as a board. “The poor man.”
Her sympathy for him brings back the memory of the lecture I got last night, and I curse. “I was a jerk again, wasn’t I?”
Emma’s face falls, but her frown is sympathetic. “You weren’t mean, it’s just…he was trying so hard.”
“And I blew him off.” Guilt pools in my stomach, making my frustration at this whole situation ten times worse. “I was supposed to apologize today, not reject him again. I’m a terrible person.”
“You’re not a terrible person,” Emma says. “You’re stressed, and you didn’t ask to be here. It’s understandable.”
I wish I believed her. I sag back into the sofa, my entire body deflating. I’m disappointed in myself. “This show is bringing out the worst in me.”
She snickers. “Pretty sure that’s the goal of this show—to bring out the worst in us all.”
I crack a smile at that, and then we’re both giggling like last night. Emma sinks back into the couch beside me and leans her head on my shoulder. “On the bright side,” she says, patting my leg, “you’ve distracted yourself from your panic attack.”
I laugh again. She’s right. As long as I sit here and don’t look around too much, I might just survive this stupid boat ride. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Emma. You’ve been a life saver.”
“Same, girl. Same.”
The boat ride seems to take forever, but eventually it stops. Aaron appears from where he’s been hiding in one of the cabins below deck. He’s almost always with us, but never interacting except at certain times where it’s scripted. He stops in front of Emma and me, looking down at us with his hands on his hips. “All right, ladies, you’ve hidden long enough. It’s time to join the others so we can explain the day’s activities.”
I sit up and glance around. Panic rears its ugly head again. We are not at a dock. “I thought the boat ride was the activity.”
Aaron smirks all condescendingly, like he knows I’m scared and finds it amusing. “Not even. You’re going to love it. Come on. We can’t start without you.”
He holds out a hand to help me up. I let him pull me to my feet only because I don’t think I’d have the courage to get up on my own. Emma stands up beside me and links her arm through mine. “Come on. The boat isn’t moving anymore. It’s really calm. You can manage to sit on the couch out on the deck.”
“But what if they?—”
“One thing at a time,” she says, pulling me into motion. “Right now, we’re just going to go sit on a couch.”
I take a deep breath. “We’re just going to go sit on a couch. I can do this.”
“Yes, you can.”
We walk slowly, and I stumble to a stop when we reach the deck. We’re drifting in the middle of a small cove of a private island. There’s a short, secluded beach with lush jungle vegetation behind it and small, rocky mountains jutting up behind that. The water is calm and a beautiful, vibrant turquoise. It’s a tropical paradise. Absolutely breathtaking. If only I was seeing it from the shore—or better yet, on a postcard—I’d appreciate it a lot more. But the shore isn’t that far away, and tucked in the cove like we are, the ocean doesn’t feel quite so vast. I take another deep breath. I can do this. I can sit on the deck and pretend like I’m participating in whatever they have planned.
Emma squeezes my arm. “Not so bad, right?”
I take another breath and let it out slowly.
“Nice of you to finally join us,” Bridget says in her usual snarky tone. Funny, I would think she’d be glad I spent the entire boat ride where I couldn’t seduce Sebastian away from her.
Emma and I both ignore her. She’s not worth the effort of a reply. Katie scoots over to make room for Emma and me next to her. The deck lounge is sunken in a couple of feet and is in the shape of a square with couches lining each side. The boat rocks a little just as I’m stepping down into the sunken-in area, and I lose my footing. Emma’s right there to catch me, but it’s enough to make me let out a small shriek. Sebastian jumps up from his seat and pulls me from Emma’s grasp into his own. “Here. Sit.”
He leads me over to the seat Katie just made room on and sits down with me, leaving Emma to have to take his old seat between Laurel and Selena. Bridget huffs. “What’s her problem?”
“Nothing,” Emma says. “She’s fine.”
Neither Sebastian nor I offer any other explanation. Bridget scoffs, but doesn’t say anything else. James gives me a sympathetic smile. “We all good now?”
I glare at him. Whether he knew about my fear or not, he’s an accomplice, and right now I hate him. I hate them all.
Sebastian must nod to him over my head, because he claps his hands and says, “Great. Let’s get started, then.”
Aaron tells us about the island we’ve come to for the day and introduces the staff of the boat cruise we’re on who are here to help us with our various activities. The words snorkeling, kayaking, and paddle boarding are enough to fry my brain. There is No. Freaking. Way.
The rest of his speech and all of the yacht crew’s instructions fall on deaf ears. I don’t hear a thing until I’m handed a pair of flippers and a snorkel. I hold my hand up and shake my head. “Oh, no. I’m good, thanks.”
Sebastian is still sitting beside me, and James has the camera trained on me. He gives me a pointed look that clearly says I have to. If I could explode things with my eyes, James wouldn’t have a head right now.
“Would you rather try the kayaks?” Sebastian asks, I think trying to be helpful.
I shake my head, silently pleading with James to not make me do this. He winces. “You’re required to participate in all activities.”
My heart is going to stop. Not joking. Cardiac arrest. Any minute now. “You don’t understand. I can’t.”
James gives me a patronizing smile. “At least try.”
I start to shake. Anger and fear, that’s all I feel. It’s so strong I can’t think of anything else. A hand slips under my arm and grips my elbow. “Let’s just go down to the platform, and you can try to put your feet in the water,” Sebastian says. His voice is low and soothing. It’s something comforting to focus on. I follow instinctively when he urges me to my feet and guides me toward the back of the boat.
The platform he’s talking about is a flat deck on the very back of the yacht that is only a couple feet above the ocean. It’s down a flight of stairs and is just big enough for people to gather on while getting ready to get in the water.
I don’t realize that’s where Sebastian is taking me until we’re on the steps headed closer to the ocean. Panic seizes me. I whirl around, but can’t head back up the stairs because Sebastian is behind me, blocking my escape. His eyes are locked on me, but for once the expression in them is soft. “We’re just going to the platform. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Somehow, we make it down the stairs. The other girls are all putting on flippers and snorkels. Laurel and Selena are even already in the water. Just the sight of them floating out there has my pulse roaring in my ears.
Sebastian tries to guide me toward the edge, but I put on the breaks real quick. “No.” I yank my arm out of his grasp and back up a step. “I-I can’t.”
Bridget’s snarky voice snaps right beside me. “Ugh. Stop trying to get attention, and just get over it already.” And then I’m shoved off the side of the boat.