Chapter 19
Pure panic overwhelms me as I fall, and I let loose a bloodcurdling scream. I can’t control my terror. I don’t even have the mental clarity to take a breath before I’m submerged in the ocean. I scramble and flail about with no conscious thought running through my head, helping me find my way to the surface. I’m not even sure which way is up. All I know is that I have no control over my arms and legs, and I was out of air before I closed my mouth. I am truly lost to my fear. I’m going to die. Drowning has always been the worst way to die I could possibly think of. I don’t even love swimming in a pool very much. I’m more of a soak-in-the-hot-tub kind of girl.
My lungs are burning. My body is cramping up. My heart feels like it’s bursting from my chest, and I can’t make sense of anything. Instinct is the only thing that’s kept me from trying to breathe in a lungful of water.
Something wraps around me and pulls me from behind. I scream again and swallow a mouthful of water just as I’m pulled to the surface. I cough and sputter and gasp for air, but I can’t calm down. Even though I can breathe, I’m still floating in an endless body of water. I thrash wildly, screaming and trying to escape whatever has me in its clutches.
“Vivian! It’s me!”
The voice penetrates my panic, and I go from thrashing to get away to grabbing on and clinging for dear life. “Sebastian!” I cry. “Get me out of here! I want out! I need to get out! I can’t do this!”
“Vivian,” Sebastian says more gently this time. “I’ve got you. I won’t let you drown. Try to take a deep breath for me. Can you do that?”
No, I can’t do that. I can barely make sense of what he’s saying.
He flips me around so that I’m floating on my back against his chest. His arm locks around my waist while the other starts to pull us forward in long, powerful strokes. His legs start to kick, and slowly, we begin slicing through the water.
His rich voice fills my head, breaking through my panic. “Focus on my voice. Can you hear me?” He speaks firmly, but calmly. “Come on, baby, take a deep breath for me before you hyperventilate and pass out. One deep breath. You can do it.”
I concentrate on his words. Try to push out any other thoughts, and only listen to him. His strong, confident, calm voice keeps up constant reassurances. I drag in a deep breath.
“That’s right. Deep breaths. Good girl. Hold it for a count of three and then let it out slowly.”
I take another deep breath and hold it in my lungs until my chest burns.
“Let it out slowly, Vivian. You’re doing great. We’re almost to shore.”
Shore. Shore sounds good. It sounds safe. I take another breath and will myself to stay calm. Sebastian has me. He won’t let me drown.
After a few more strong strokes, Sebastian stops and puts his feet down. The water comes to about his chest. “You can touch now.”
He starts to release me, but I cling to him. I don’t want to let him go. He’s the only thing making me feel safe. “Okay,” he murmurs. He grips me around my back and guides my legs around his waist. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in the crook between his head and my arm. I try to keep breathing. My whole body is shaking. He rubs my back and then carries me the rest of the way to shore.
He gives me a gentle squeeze. “We’re here. Hop down.”
I pull my face out of his neck. We’re on the beach. It’s such a relief that my whole body deflates. He lifts his hands to pry mine from around his neck. My feet fall from his waist, and I slide down his body to the dry sand. The second my feet hit the ground, I collapse. Sebastian catches me and lowers me gently until we’re both sitting. He drags me into his lap and wraps his arms around me. I melt against his chest, still shaking uncontrollably. He starts running his hands over my skin. My arms, my back, my legs—anything he can reach that won’t get him slapped. Some of my shock starts to wear off.
We sit like this for a while. Not saying anything. Just him holding me and soothing me with his touch while my body relaxes. Slowly, my breathing evens out, and my heart returns to a reasonable pace. As I calm down, the adrenaline leaves my system, and exhaustion hits me. My body sags. Sebastian lifts my chin to look at me. He pushes my hair back and wipes the stray tears from my face. “Feeling better yet?”
His light-gray eyes lock on mine with nothing but compassion and understanding in them. For the first time since I was pushed into the water, I realize just how intimate a moment Sebastian and I are having. His rescue, talking me through my panic, holding me through my shock, and now wiping away my tears. He was even so thoughtful that he brought me to shore, knowing I needed that more than getting back on the boat.
I’ve never been so grateful to anyone in my entire life. I won’t forget what he’s done for me. The way his voice broke through my terror. The way his body kept me grounded in my sanity. The way he made me feel safe and protected. Even now, how he’s still taking care of me as if he understands my need to not be alone after experiencing trauma.
I gulp, swallowing back my overwhelming emotions. I have to blink back tears of relief and gratitude. “Thank you,” I whisper.
His eyes soften even more and his mouth lifts into a small smile. “You’re welcome.”
I could climb out of his arms now. I’m clearheaded enough. Instead, I snuggle closer and rest my head in the crook of his neck. He adjusts his arms, holding me to him a little tighter, and he leans his head on top of mine. Any hard feelings I had toward him are gone. The man is my savior. He’s more than earned my forgiveness.
After soaking in the moment for a few minutes longer, I finally pull back and notice the camera crew gathered around us. There’s a boom operator holding a microphone above our heads since neither of us were miked before we went in the water. I climb out of Sebastian’s lap and nod toward the camera with a grimace. “When did they get here?”
Sebastian doesn’t let me escape far. He sets me in the sand beside him, but he puts his arm around my back, resting his hand on my hip to hold me against him. The heat of his body pressed against my side makes me shiver. “Not long after we sat down,” he says, answering my question.
I sigh and let my head fall against his shoulder. “Well, that’s not embarrassing at all,” I mutter sarcastically, but also resigned. I’ve already comes to terms with the fact that I won’t have any dignity left after this show airs.
Sebastian takes my hand in his free one and laces our fingers together before letting them fall to his lap. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. We all have our fears.”
Fear is putting it mildly, but I appreciate his attempt to play it off. “Yeah? And what are you afraid of?”
He’s quiet for a moment. His thumb starts brushing back and forth against my hand. “Not being good enough,” he says. “Letting people down. Failing those who depend on me.”
My heart pangs at the raw honesty in his confession. He’s been such a grump since we met that it’s been easy to forget who he is and where he’s coming from. He’s in charge of a multibillion-dollar conglomerate, and he’s barely over thirty. He’s so young to be the head of such a large empire. I can’t imagine the pressure he must be under. The thought of him being afraid of letting people down makes me want to wrap him in a hug and never let go.
“And women,” he adds teasingly, after a pause. “Especially aggressive ones.”
That gets a laugh out of me. “Makes sense you’d apply to be on Marry Me, then.”
He chuckles and lays his head back on mine. “That had more to do with me not letting people down than trying to face my fear of the opposite sex.”
I know I shouldn’t push, but I can’t resist. “Are you ever going to explain that to me?”
“One day. After the show.”
He says it like we’ll still be in touch after the show is done filming. Will we? Are we friends now? I’m surprised when that thought puts a smile on my face instead of a frown. Sebastian’s not a bad guy. I wouldn’t mind being his friend. “I’m sorry,” I murmur suddenly.
I sit forward and turn so that I can look him in the eyes. “I’ve been horrible to you since coming on the show. Especially at the rose ceremony the other night.”
He sits up as well and stares at me for a moment. “You were upset.” He looks out at the water and pulls his knees up enough to rest his arms on them. “I surprised you when I picked you. I put you on the spot.”
He rakes his fingers through his wet hair before looking my direction. His eyes bore into mine, and his throat bobs. “I shouldn’t have made you stay, but…I didn’t know how to let you go.” He swallows hard again and wets his lips. His voice sounds pained when he adds, “I don’t think I can.”
The moment his eyes fall to my lips, the air leaves my lungs. My stomach explodes with butterflies. I’m trapped in his gaze. My heart starts pounding, and my mouth dries up. When he leans in, my brain goes haywire. He’s going to kiss me. Do I want him to? Will I let him? What will happen if he does?
There’s excitement and anticipation, but there’s also fear. I’m not supposed to like Sebastian. He’s looking for a wife. I’m not ready to be anyone’s girlfriend, much less a fiancée. I don’t know Sebastian’s story, but I know he has one. I know he needs this. I don’t want to be a disappointment. I hate to let him down, but I don’t know that I can give him what he wants.
Still, as he moves toward me agonizingly slowly, I don’t back away. I can’t. I’m locked in this moment, being pulled in by his magnetism. And the part of me that wants him is stronger, at the moment, than my fear.
He cradles my jaw, guiding my face ever so gently to his. My eyes flutter shut at the soft touch, and I hold my breath. His lips brush over mine once, then press firmly to my mouth. His pillowy-soft lips taste of saltwater and heaven.
For three whole seconds, his kiss consumes me. He steals the breath from my lungs. I melt into him, head swimming. And then we’re interrupted. “Hey, guys!” Laurel chirps, startling us both. She and Selena are standing right in front of us.
I flinch back and shake my head, coming out of my daze. My cheeks heat up. I glance at Sebastian just in time to watch him glare at the two women. They pretend not to see it and give us both huge smiles. “Vivian, are you okay?” Selena asks, falling to the sand at our feet. Her question is thick with false sincerity.
“I can’t believe Bridget pushed you in like that,” Laurel adds. “We were so worried.”
Yeah. I’m sure they were so worried about me. And I’m sure their interruption was out of concern for me and had nothing to do with breaking up the moment between Sebastian and me. Whatever. I’m not mad. I’m not even sure if I’m disappointed or grateful for their interference. Sebastian’s not happy, though. That much is obvious.
Laurel and Selena play dumb. Laurel sits down on Sebastian’s other side. “That was so amazing how you jumped in to save her. You’re a hero.”
She’s acting over the top, but she’s right. The man is my hero.
Katie, Emma, and Bridget are right behind Selena and Laurel. I’ve never seen someone look so murderous as Bridget does at the moment, but Katie and Emma both look genuinely worried about me. I give them a reassuring smile. “I’m okay now. Until we have to leave, anyway.” I grimace at Sebastian. “I don’t suppose we could use some of your billions of dollars to bribe a helicopter to pick us up or something?”
His mouth quirks into a smile. “I would, if there was room for one to land.”
I sigh.
The girls fawn over the two of us for another minute before Aaron appears out of nowhere. “Are you okay, Vivian?”
He sounds as sincere as Laurel and Selena did, but I pretend he’s really concerned and give him a nod. “I think so.”
“Excellent. Then let’s get you all back out there to enjoy your day.”
Sebastian growls. Legit growls. Like a pit bull. “Vivian is not getting back in that water.”
Aaron quickly lifts his hands in surrender and laughs nervously. “No. Of course not. We won’t make her do that. But that doesn’t mean the rest of you can’t enjoy the day’s activities.”
He’s good. He says it like it’s a suggestion, but we all know it’s not really a choice. He’s ordering us into action. Forcing Sebastian to interact with the other women. Sebastian’s jaw tightens stubbornly. The man does not want to leave my side. It’s another point in his favor. “It’s okay,” I tell him with a nudge to his side. “I’m good now. Go enjoy the ocean with the others. I’ll be fine here watching.”
He stays put until Katie holds out a hand to him with a smirk. “Come on, Romeo. Let Vivian be for a while. You’ve got to play at least a little hard to get.”
Sebastian ducks his head into his shoulders much like a turtle, and the tips of his ears turn pink. It’s adorable. Katie waits him out. Her hand stays outstretched until he breaks and allows her to pull him to his feet. “Come on,” she says. “There’re a couple paddleboards with our names on them.”
He looks out at the ocean, then back at me. I give him a smile, and he sighs. His hands move to the buttons on his shirt, and I only just realize that he’s still wearing it. It’s soaked and clinging to his muscular frame. He jumped in the ocean to save me without taking it off first. I wonder if his flip-flops are lost to Davy Jones’s locker.
He peels the wet material off his shoulders, and every woman present gasps. The man is gorgeous. His skin is a light golden bronze, and his muscles are so defined they could cut glass. He’s lean, but compact. I’d gotten a sneak preview at his fitting when I’d taken his measurements, but even I am not prepared for the chiseled perfection in front of me.
None of us can stop staring. Like, seriously, we can’t look away. Not even when Sebastian glances around at all of us and grimaces. I feel a little bad for making him uncomfortable, but when he looks back at me, I give him a subtle wink. It’s enough to make him relax. He rolls his eyes and chucks his shirt at my head. I laugh when it smacks me in the face. “You’ll be okay?” he asks, hesitating. I have no doubt that if I say no, he will tell Aaron to take a hike and sit here with me until it’s time to leave.
“I’m fine now. I promise. Go.”
His shoulders slump in resignation, and he lets Katie pull him away. “Sebastian?” I call out. He turns back immediately. “Thanks.”
I get one of his rare smiles. It’s small, but it transforms his face into a thing of beauty, and my heart picks up pace at the sight. As he’s led away, something stirs in my stomach. It takes a moment to recognize the feeling as butterflies, the beginnings of a crush. I am so screwed.
As soon as everyone is occupied in the water, Aaron takes a seat beside me. He sits a little too close, so I scoot a few inches over. Before he can say anything, I blurt out, “I did my job. I participated. I gave you plenty of dramatic footage. I’m not getting back in that water.”
“No,” he agrees quickly. “I know. No one will make you go back in. You will have to get back on the boat; there’s no other way off this island. But you can catch a ride back with the camera crew in the dinghy.”
I’m not looking forward to that, but I’ll take it over swimming back.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. That seemed pretty traumatic for you.”
I scoff. “As if you guys didn’t do that on purpose.”
He doesn’t deny it.
My eyes find Sebastian. He’s riding in a kayak with Katie while James and his camera crew follow them around in the dinghy. With the boat’s small motor, I know they’re not hearing a word Sebastian and Katie are saying. In fact, it doesn’t look like Katie and Sebastian are even talking. It’s not like they’re even facing each other in the kayak. Come to think of it, this was a horrible date for the show. There’s no way to get good footage of the contestants spending time with the bachelor. They really must have picked this activity with the sole purpose of torturing me.
Jerks. All of them. I really hope this is the show’s last season after all. Though, with the kind of drama I’m giving them, it’ll probably be its most popular season yet, and they’ll start finding more creative ways to torture future contestants.
“You know…” Aaron says, pulling me from my thoughts. “I could talk to Sebastian for you. Get him to release you at the next rose ceremony. I could get you your job back. You could go back to being just crew.”
I frown at him. “Why would you do that?” There’s no way the show would let him do that. I’m their golden ticket. If Sebastian doesn’t let me go, there’s no way the show will agree to it. And, honestly, I doubt Aaron could talk Sebastian into it. The man seems pretty determined to keep me.
“Don’t be coy,” Aaron says, scooting closer to me and sliding his arm around my waist. “With you being a contestant, we’re not allowed to fraternize with each other, but there’s no rules about hooking up with crew.” He runs his fingertip over my bare thigh. “We could explore this tension between us.”
My skin crawls, and I smack his hand away. “I’ve told you before not to touch me.” I scoot out of his reach. “Look, I’m not interested, and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop coming on to me. It makes me uncomfortable.”
He blinks at me in shock, as if he’s never been refused before. But his surprise quickly turns to hostility. “This can’t be because of Sebastian,” he hisses. “He may be a billionaire, but the man is a robot. He could never satisfy you the way I can.”
Bile climbs up my throat. “You’re delusional. There is nothing between us. I’m not going to hook up with you whether I’m a contestant or crew. Stay away from me, or I’ll tell the producers you’re sexually harassing me.”
He hisses and glares so nastily that I worry he might actually get physical with me. He doesn’t, though. He jumps to his feet and sneers down at me. “You’ll regret rejecting me. I promise you that.”
He stomps off, and I can’t help wondering if I’ve just awakened a poisonous snake.