Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Ben
I pace my loft, replaying the entire night in my head. I got back from the gala twenty minutes ago, and all I have done is throw my tux jacket over a chair and untie my tie. After my talk with Jeremy earlier this week and then with Allie and Jordan tonight, it’s like something broke free inside me. It is scary as fuck. But for the first time in the eleven years since I started seeing Hallie as more than a friend, I let some of those feelings out.
The looks. The touches. The dance, Jesus Christ.
Nothing has ever felt as good as holding her on that dance floor, and she was not unaffected. I felt the way she melted into me. The way she shivered when I whispered in her ear. The way she looked at me when the dance was over.
There was confusion, sure, but there was also curiosity and a shimmer of heat I have never seen before in those green eyes I have known my entire life. It may be wishful thinking, but somehow, I don’t think so. A whole ocean’s worth of hope expands in my chest. After eleven years, my head and my heart are in perfect agreement that the possibility of what we could be is worth the risk of whatever might happen if it turns out we aren’t that.
I go to the kitchen and grab a beer from the fridge. Then, I sink onto my couch to think. Because this is happening, and I need a plan. A lifetime of knowing Hallie means I know two things for sure. First, she hates change. And second, there is no one more in need of a safe space than her. Come at her with something new and different, something that could shift her equilibrium and change her life and the lives of all the people she loves, and she’ll run, all alone, fast and far in the other direction. There is no change bigger than this one. But all I have ever wanted was for her to run to me, not away from me. I have tried to be her safe space for our entire lives, and to make this happen, I have to show her that I can be that for her no matter what our relationship looks like.
Tonight at the gala was as good a start as any, and our lake trip could not be coming at a better time. None of us are ever more ourselves than we are when we are at my family’s lake house. For two weeks every summer, we put work and our regular lives away and let loose, just like we did when we were kids. At the lake, everyone is a little bit more. A little happier. A little freer. A little wilder. It is the place where the good things happen.
My phone dings, startling me out of my thoughts. It’s the group chat with the guys.
Jeremy
Ben, you ok? Your head was somewhere else at the end of the gala.
Jordan
What happened at the end of the gala?
Jeremy
Yeah, way to leave early, asshole.
Jordan
Listen, when your girl tells you that you’re leaving for dessert at home, you follow instructions. And dessert was had *winky face emoji*
Jeremy
Gross dude, I don’t need to hear about that.
Jordan
So, details please.
I snort out a laugh. My friends might be grown adults, but they gossip like teenagers. Feeling better with the beginnings of a plan brewing in my mind, I decide to play along.
Me
I’m not sure you deserve any details. Details are for friends who didn’t leave early.
Jordan
Come onnnnnn. Give them to me. You know I hate being left out of shit.
Jeremy
Double your donation from tonight and details will be yours.
Jordan
Done.
Jeremy
Our Ben had a bit of a moment with Hallie on the dance floor.
Me
Saw that, did you?
Jeremy
Everyone saw that.
Jordan
I need more please.
Jeremy
There was no space between them. None at all. It did not look like a friendly dance, and Hallie was definitely picking up what Ben was laying down.
I grin at that, because she sure was. I knew I wasn’t imagining it.
Me
It didn’t feel all that friendly either.
Jordan
Yeah she was! So what’s the plan?
Jeremy
What makes you think there’s a plan?
Jordan
Ben, is there a plan?
Me
There is the beginning of a plan.
Jeremy
It’s the lake, isn’t it? That’s where you’re going to tell her.
Me
It’s the lake. It has to be. I’m going to tell her.
Jeremy
Fuck. Yes. Proud of you, brother.
Jordan
But wait, you can’t just blurt it out. You have to wind her up a little first. Take a day or two. Act different. Stand closer. Touch more. Flirt more. Show her. It will confuse the shit out of her. You’ll know if she’s into it. Then, when the time is right, you tell her.
Fuck, he’s right. He is so absolutely right. I’m going to show Hallie that we are meant to belong to each other. That we are endgame. That no other future makes any sense but the one where we end up by each other’s sides. Then, after I show her, I’m going to tell her. Finally.
Jeremy
For what it’s worth, I watched her tonight. Her eyes were on you when she didn’t think you were looking. She’s thinking about you, even if she doesn’t understand why.
Jordan
She’s yours Ben. Go get her.
Jeremy
Second that.
Me
Thanks guys. I needed this. See you at the lake.
Decision made, I lift up my beer bottle in a silent toast.
Buckle up, Hallie girl. It’s so fucking on.