Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
ANDY
Can I not escape this asshole?
How long will he be in my town?
I swear, every fucking time I turn around, there he is.
Declan Valentine in all his six-foot-something sex appeal glory.
At this point, I'm going to stop turning around.
My features narrow into a natural scowl at the sight of him, and to my surprise, he grins instead of returning my childish scowl. A small dimple appears on his left cheek with the movement of his mouth, and his heated brown eyes lock right on me, each step bringing him closer and closer.
For a second, I wonder if I can shove Max back into the car, then hurry and drive away before he'd get to us. My hands twitch with the urge to bolt.
As if he can sense that I’m considering fleeing, his steps quicken until he’s near my car. All while my eyes never leave his.
Noticing that I have turned my attention away and am staring at someone, Max pushes my hands away from the buckles of her car seat and finishes removing the straps and climbing down from the chair .
My daughter's curly head pops out of the backseat to investigate what or who has my attention. At the sight of the man she claims is her new best friend, a broad smile takes over her features.
"My best friend!" she squeals in excitement, grabbing my hands to help her out of the car. Unlike the last time she saw him, she doesn't hold herself back. She runs full speed at him, barreling straight toward him with her arms raised and stars in her eyes.
He doesn't hesitate to bend down and catch the five year-old, taking her into his arms. My girl looks so tiny wrapped in those muscular, ink-covered arms, and for a moment, I allow my scowl to fall and look at them, taking in every detail of them.
Max has never had a male figure, so I'm not surprised she's clung to Declan after meeting him once. Obviously, she doesn't understand his music, but she's been listening to him from the backseat from the moment she was born.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she hugs him tight, which he returns without hesitation. The sight brings a smile to my face and breaks my heart simultaneously. I shouldn't encourage them because one day he'll leave, and my little girl will be heartbroken when that happens.
Once again, I hate myself for not being able to give my girl the father she deserves.
My first heartbreak was my father, but I was lucky enough that I had the most fantastic grandpa to step in and fill that fatherly role for me. Max doesn't have that, and it's one thing I wish I could give her.
Every day, I try hard to be everything she needs me to be, but I'm not naive enough to think I'll ever fill that void. No matter how hard single mothers try to make up for their children not having a father, we'll never be able to.
It's impossible.
One day, she'll feel the void and have questions.
All I can do right now is be happy that I don't yet have to deal with questions about where her father is. She has never asked me about him or expressed any interest for as long as she's been alive. But I know that she's still young. Being with me constantly, she doesn't yet understand what she's missing.
A family.
A father.
Things I can't give her.
Max turns to look at me with one arm around Declan’s neck as he holds her with one arm. "Mommy, look! My best friend is here."
"I see that, baby." Grabbing my purse from the backseat, I pull the strap on my shoulder, shut the door, lock my car, and then toss the keys into my tote bag. "We should get going, Max. We have shopping to do."
Her frown is instant, her wide eyes looking at the man she's claimed. "Best friend, you can come shopping with us, right?" she asks him with hopeful brown eyes, her bottom lip stuck out in a hopeful pout.
Catching Declan's eyes, I say. "Max, I think your friend has other things to do today." I give him a look that begs him to let her down easy. No way am I going to go inside a thrift store with the Declan fucking Valentine. I'm not embarrassed about my financial situation or the fact I'll be shopping for pre-owned items; I just don't want him here. I don't want to spend time with the man with the horrible reputation that exudes everything I hate.
I shouldn't even allow him near my daughter, let alone hold her, but my girl was so happy when she laid eyes on him that I didn't stop her from running to him.
After today, I'll put distance between them, I promise myself, genuinely believing it. Max will end up loving him because she has such a big heart and is desperate for more people. Which I can't be angry about because I understand.
I'm desperate for someone in my life, too.
I want to be loved as much as anyone else.
"Actually," Declan begins, giving me a wink before looking away from me and giving Max his complete attention. "I don't have anything to do today." He sets her down on her feet, but she quickly takes his hand. "What are we shopping for?" he asks her.
"My bedroom!" she announces, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Mommy and I are moving, and I'm getting my own room!" Happiness radiates off her, and I can't keep the smile away from my face. I love seeing my girl happy.
Max rushes ahead, dragging Declan along with her and into the store, leaving me behind to grab the small handbasket and follow them.
I may not have fast food money, but that's because I budget every penny I receive. Every check I put money aside for bills, gas, groceries, savings, and anything else I must have funds available. I'll admit, my gas budget is never huge. But that's not a requirement when this town is so damn small, and I rarely go anywhere besides work.
Since finding out we'd have to move and start completely over with furniture, I've been saving as much as possible to afford the necessities. I plan on getting a little today, but I need to check the prices for a bed and couch.
When I lived with my mother, I slept on the floor for months until I could save up enough money from babysitting jobs to afford to buy my own bed. Diane slept on an air mattress and didn't care what I was sleeping on.
An air mattress that I bought her.
I'd bought myself one, too, but after a month of sleeping on it, a hole formed, and despite patching it, it grew bigger and bigger, tearing each time I laid down. When I woke up one morning on the floor, the flat mattress underneath me, I said fuck it.
I continued sleeping on the floor for months until I had enough saved to buy a used bed.
I'm back at square one and need to buy a bed. I'll buy one, and Max and I can share until I can afford one of my own. It'll be fine.
It's not the first time we've had to make do with what little we have.
I follow Max and Declan inside the store as my girl leads him directly to the toy aisle. One place in this store that she never seems to forget where it's at, and every time we come here, she always runs right to it and spends way too long picking out the one toy that she decides is "the most perfectest toy to ever exist." She has an entire box of perfect toys, yet I never deny her when we come here.
Letting go of Declan's hand, Max begins digging through the shelves, searching for the toy we'll inevitably take home.
While she searches, he turns to face me. His hands shoved into his pockets as he steps closer to me until we’re toe to toe. "Look, Andy," he begins, sighing. A minty breath of air escapes him and fans over my lips. "I owe you an apology. What I said yesterday… that wasn't how I meant it."
Goosebumps rise on my flesh at our close proximity and the feel of his breath on my lips.
He looks over his shoulder to check on Max, and then he returns his attention to me. Max is still occupied with searching for toys and paying us no attention.
Lowering his voice, he leans into my ear, his nose pressed against my curls. "What I was trying to say was that if I had the honor of burying every inch of myself inside of you, I'd remember it." My lips part with a silent gasp at his words as his tattooed fingers play with my curls. "There's no way in hell I wouldn't remember having a goddess on my cock," he whispers, his warmth radiating off of him and waking a part of myself that has been dead for so long.
Desire.
It's been so long since I've felt anything other than emptiness. I haven't been fucked since the week before I found out I was pregnant. Sure, I've made myself come with the showerhead at night after Max is fast asleep, but that doesn't compare to the feeling of being touched by a man.
The feeling of having your pussy weep for a hard cock, then being stuffed and coming while squeezing the length, is such an extraordinary feeling, unlike the showerhead.
God, I miss having a sex life.
My thighs squeeze together at his words and the memories of what it's like to be touched by someone.
With a devilish grin on his lips and darkness that I assume is desire in his eyes, Declan rests his forehead against mine for a brief moment, then pulls back. "What are you two doing after this?"
When I don't answer him immediately, he speaks again, "Andy." The way his smoky voice says my name sends a rush through me.
Fuuuuck. I want to hear him say my name when I'm on my knees for him, gagging on his cock.
His moans would be music to my ears as I look up at him with tears streaming down my face, my throat full of his length.
My eyes widen at the thought.
Woah, down girl.
Where the fuck did that come from? He whispers one dirty thing in my ear, and suddenly my inner whore is awakened and ready to beg.
He raises his dark eyebrows expectantly, waiting for my answer.
Breathlessly, I say, "Nothing." My heart pounds in my chest, the pulse between my legs throbbing. "We're not doing anything."
"Spend the day with me." He doesn't ask. He commands. Any other day, I'd fight him and refuse to be submissive, but the only other option is to return to Diane's. I'd rather run over my foot than spend unnecessary time at her trailer.
Knowing I'll regret it later, I give in to him anyway.
Fuck being rational.
"Okay."