Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
ANDY
Thank fuck Declan gets in my car after the low fuel alert stops beeping. I didn't stop for gas yesterday like I needed to or even this morning. It's wishful thinking, but I've been hoping that I'll magically have a full tank when I start my car next time.
Yeah, I know, not fucking possible.
"Where are we going, Mommy?" Max asks from the backseat, too excited that her new best friend is sitting in the passenger seat, ready to spend time with her.
I don't know what compelled me to agree with his request for us to spend time with him. Right after agreeing, I'd been thinking of any excuse to come up with to back out of it. An excuse was right on the tip of my tongue when he had his freak-out.
I'm not sure what triggered it, but I noticed him spiraling. He spiraled the same way I have many times. As I stared into his vacant brown eyes, I felt desperate to bring him back to reality and see the spark of life shining in his eyes. At that moment, I knew if he were to leave, he would go and do something that he'd regret.
His eyes showed loneliness, and I wouldn't say I liked it. A knot had formed in my stomach, and I was afraid for him. Fearful of what he'd do to himself if he were left alone.
Little does he know that he's been the person to bring me back from the edge many times before. His music has often been the only thing to keep me centered.
If only he had known that I'm alive because of him.
"Yeah, Andy, where are we going?" Good question.
Considering I'm nearly out of gas, we won't be able to go very far. I could stop and put gas in, but then he'd see that I could only afford to put in ten dollars, which would be equally embarrassing. It wouldn't be nearly as embarrassing as running out of gas with him and my daughter in the car.
So, I swallow my pride and drive toward the closest gas station.
"Need to get gas first, then we can go somewhere." Maybe I'll get lucky, and he won't notice that I can't fill my tank.
During the two-minute drive to the gas station from the thrift shop, Max convinced Declan to get food and then go to the park and picnic. When she was a baby, I'd always take her to the park and lay out a blanket for her to play on while I fed us. It's been a few years since we've done that, and she was too young to remember, so I'm not sure why she wants to do it now.
Buying food and eating in front of Declan isn't something I'm looking forward to, but my girl always gets what she wants.
Parking at an open pump, I slide my SUV into park, then twist the key to shut off the ignition. "I'll get gas quick, then we can go into the store and find something for lunch." Suddenly, I'm flustered with awkwardness and unsure how this will work out.
Thankfully, Max saves me, "Mommy, I have to pee really super-duper bad!" She kicks her legs against my seat, whining like always when she needs to go potty.
"Go," Declan says, unhooking his seat belt. "I'll wait for you, then we can get some food."
Quickly, I take Max out of her car seat and rush into the store with her, knowing that if she has to wait, she'll likely have an accident, and I don't have an extra change of clothes for her.
Once we've washed our hands, I hold her tiny hand and lead her out of the bathroom and back onto the store floor. Thanks to his height, Declan is easy to spot. His eyes find mine, a smile spreading across his face as he makes his way toward us, his hands full of snacks.
My eyes widen at the sight, silently hoping we can pay separately, and I won't have to pay for everything he's getting.
"I wasn't sure what you two would like, so I have yet to get you anything. If you tell me what you want, I can grab it."
"Thanks, but we can do it," I say as Max pulls her hand away, waiting for permission to run and pick out a treat. "She likes to pick out her snacks." Looking at my daughter, who is already staring up at me patiently, I nod, and she runs toward the candy.
"We'll be quick. Just going to grab some sandwiches." I notice in his hands that he already has two turkey and cheese sandwiches, chips, water, and sour gummy worms.
Stepping away, I search for my lunch. Opting for water and the same turkey sandwich as Declan. I grab a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with apple juice for Max.
"Mommy! I got some yummy snacks." She holds the bag of chips in one hand and the bag of mini donuts in the other. No matter what, my girl must always have a sweet and salty treat. She does the same thing whenever she's with me at work, and I allow her to visit the vending machine.
Sometimes, she does things that make me wonder where it came from. Is it random? Or did she get it from the unknown man she shares DNA with? I have more of a salty tooth than a sweet tooth, so I know she didn't get it from me.
I know it's likely random, but the thought still crosses my mind more often than I'd care to admit.
Max follows me to the checkout stand with our food in hand and places her food on the counter beside mine. Joining us, Declan empties his hands, setting his items next to ours, and my stomach drops.
Oh, fuck. This will be more than expected, especially considering I still need gas.
Gulping, I watch the cashier ringing up the items and tossing them into a bag. The number on the screen is increasing.
As if I weren't spending enough, Declan grabs two Snickers bars from the candy bar display underneath the counter, winking at me as he hands the items to the cashier to scan.
"Your total is $56.75. Cash or card?" the cashier asks, her blue eyes looking between the both of us.
Reaching into my purse for my wallet, I'm prepared to tell her I'll be using my card when Declan steps in front of me with his card in his hand and taps it against the card machine.
It beeps with acceptance, and before I realize what just happened, he's shoving his wallet back into his pocket and grabbing the bag.
"Let's go." Max takes his hand, and the two walk out, leaving me behind with my jaw hanging open.
What the fuck just happened?
No one does anything for free, so what does he want in exchange for buying my daughter and me a gas station lunch?
With my signature scowl back in place, I rush after them, suddenly stopping when I see the nozzle of the gas pump inside my tank.
What the fuck did he do?
"What did you do?" I demand, hands on my hips.
Helping Max into the car, he looks from me to the gas pump I'm staring at. A low chuckle leaves him, his attention turning toward me after Max and the shopping bag are secured in the backseat and the door is closed.
"I left the gas pumping while we were in the store. Figured it would save time."
"You paid for it?" He nods. "Why?"
"Why what? "
"Why did you pay for my gas and our food?"
"Andy"—he steps toward me with a sigh, as if he's already tired of being questioned—"it’s food and gas. It's not a big deal. You're letting me intrude on your day, so it's the least I can do." His words are sweet, but I can tell that he wants something. Men always do. No one does anything just because.
"What do you want in exchange for it?"
He takes a step back as if my words had knocked him off-balance. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Nothing comes free. So, what do you want? Are you expecting me to suck your dick in exchange for a sandwich?" It wouldn't be the first time that was expected. Before Max, the first and only date I've ever been on, after buying me pancakes at Denny's, he expected to get his dick wet at the end of the date. I hadn't known that until after I thanked him for dinner, and we were in his truck, and I was ready to go home. That's when he began touching and kissing me, telling me that it was the least I could do since he bought me dinner.
Since then, I've learned that nothing comes free, and I'm careful about accepting things because I know everything comes with strings attached.
"Holy fuck, Andy." He shakes his head, exasperated. "Your company is all that I want. You don't know how fucked up my head is right now, but instead of leaving me alone, you're taking time on your day off to spend it with me. That's all I want." He appears genuine, but my guard is too fucking high to know for sure.
"I'm a man, so yeah, I'm always down to have a beautiful woman suck my dick, but that's not what I want, nor do I think that's going to happen. Truly, I want to be around you and Max. That's it." Without waiting for my response, he climbs into the car, staring at me through the windshield.
Fuck.
How can I believe him when I don't even know him? Since he is a stranger, letting him in my car and spending the day with him is the last thing I should do. But to get to know him, I need to spend time with him to do precisely that.
Despite his freak out at the store, which resulted in us leaving early and not getting anything we came for, I don't believe he's a danger to Max.
If anything, he's a danger to himself.
For that, I worry because I can already tell that Declan is someone who has the potential to change my entire life.
For better or worse, I'm not yet sure.
Only time will tell.