Chapter 12
Kole
As Beck’s breathing deepened, Kole’s heart broke all over again. He had so many possibilities floating through his head about what had happened to Beck, but unless he was willing to talk, Kole could do nothing. But at least he could offer his bed, even if it was for comfort rather than sexy times.
Needing a minute, he left the room and headed for the kitchen to grab a glass of water for them both. He drank one while he stared across the apartment, not really seeing anything. Where had Beck been all afternoon? Why had he run? They were questions no one could answer. Kole had messaged Joey and Ethan when Beck had called him to let them know he was okay, but he hadn’t sent any other updates. What could he say? Beck was physically all right, but that was about it. He wasn’t sure how much anyone else knew, and he refused to break confidences by asking, so it was a case of leaving it as it was and seeing what happened when Beck woke.
It certainly gave Kole a level of reassessment of his own situation. Even though he didn’t know what happened in Beck’s past, Kole’s mind went to abuse of some kind, which, in his opinion, was significantly worse than just being hit a few times. He wasn’t undermining what he’d been through, but it was a lot easier to push it aside when he had Beck to focus on. Was that healthy? Maybe not, but he wouldn’t stop it from happening. If he could, he would forget all about that asshole and never think of the incident ever again.
He wandered to the doorway of his bedroom and rested his head against the frame while watching Beck sleep. Letting out a long, soft sigh, he allowed his heart to voice its wants.
It wanted Beck in his bed from that moment forward.
He wanted Beck in his bed from that moment forward.
****
Kole and Beck fell into a routine of sorts. They would work and then Beck would leave, eventually turning up on Kole’s doorstep, where they would share a late dinner and fold themselves into bed. And every time, Beck would disappear before Kole woke, leaving a “Thank you” note behind. It didn’t worry Kole as much as it had the first time. He would see him again. Nothing else sexual had happened between them, but Kole found it reassuring to have someone else not only in the apartment but in his bed, and it both worried and eased him.
Then three weeks later, Beck didn’t turn up. Kole put a movie on and settled on the sofa, obsessively checking his phone every few minutes in case he hadn’t heard the notification of a message or call, even though it was in his hand. His gaze darted between his phone, the door, the TV and the window as the sky darkened further until the film ended and he sat in the glow of the screen wondering whether Beck was all right.
Did he have the right to call and ask him if he was coming? It wasn’t something they’d discussed; it had just started happening. Would he push Beck further away if he did call? Had something happened to him? Was he in a hospital somewhere and no one had told him?
His mind went through every potentially bad thing that could’ve stopped Beck from getting to his house, and by the end, his hands shook and his breathing came in ragged spurts. When he noticed, he clenched his hands into fists and closed his eyes, working through the breathing exercises the therapist had told him to do until he calmed. Then he grabbed his phone again and messaged Ethan.
KOLE: Hey, do you know where Beck is?
He didn’t expect a message straight away, so he set about cleaning the apartment, and even though it wasn’t exactly dirty, he made good use of his scrubbing brush against the wooden floors—something he’d been saying he needed to do and had never had the energy to do.
When his phone chimed, he jumped for it, almost knocking the bucket of water over, and checked his messages.
ETHAN: He’s gone to Paris. Annabelle requested another appointment. Is everything okay?
The air left his lungs in a rush, and he dropped his chin to his chest. Beck was fine. He was working. After a moment of regaining his equilibrium, Kole replied, trying to tactfully say he was just wondering.
KOLE: Yeah, everything’s fine. I just hadn’t heard from him. Sorry to message you so late.
A few seconds later, Ethan’s name flashed up on his screen, and Kole groaned and then answered.
“Hey.”
“First, you don’t need to apologise for messaging late. You know I don’t mind. And second, are you ready to tell me what’s going on between you two?”
Ethan’s no-nonsense tone sent Kole’s pulse spiking, but he couldn’t lie to him. Not when they were talking; he’d hear it in Kole’s voice.
“Not really. But only because I don’t know what’s going on if I’m honest.”
Ethan said nothing for a moment. “Is this something we need to talk out face to face?”
Was it? Kole needed someone to talk to, but was bringing Ethan into it the best option?
“I’d be happy to discuss some things, but I can’t tell you everything.”
“I understand that. If it won’t help you, I’ll leave it alone, but you sound like you need an ear.”
“I do,” Kole answered honestly.
“You order the pizza. I’ll bring the vodka.”
Before Kole could argue, Ethan had hung up. Resigning himself to a long night—but also inwardly grateful to his best friend—he ordered their usual food, despite being unlikely to be able to eat it.
Half an hour later, Ethan was at his door, and the man pulled Kole in for a hug straight away.
“I was wondering how long it would take for you to need to talk about it.” Ethan pulled back and gave a lopsided grin. “Whatever it is.”
Kole pushed him away with a laugh. “You’re nosey, that’s your problem.”
“Oh, honey. I have so many problems I wouldn’t know where to start.” Ethan snorted and headed for the sofa, placing the bottle of clear liquid on the coffee table. “I couldn’t decide what juice to bring, so I brought apple juice, orange juice and some coke. The drink, not the drugs.”
Kole handed Ethan two glasses and settled beside him, tucking his legs beneath him and resting his elbow on the back of the sofa. “I can always rely on you to make me laugh.”
“Not just me.” Ethan side-eyed him, and Kole exhaled, staring at Ethan’s hands as he made their drinks.
“There is a lot I can’t tell you, Ethan.”
“And that’s fine. But just know, whatever you tell me will never go further than these four walls if you say it can’t.”
“I know. But it’s not my story to tell.”
Ethan nodded, handing him a drink. “Understood.” He leaned back, meeting Kole’s gaze. “How are you?”
Kole sighed. “Tired.” He frowned. “Worried. Unsure.” He stared into his glass. “Scared,” he whispered.
Ethan’s hand dropped onto his forearm. “Scared of what? Is someone bothering you? Is Beck bothering you?”
Kole shook his head quickly. “No, not Beck. Never Beck.” He licked his lips. “I’m scared of falling in love with him.”
“Oh, Kole. It’s a little too late to be scared of falling, don’t you think?”
Kole closed his eyes and swallowed against the lump in his throat. He opened his eyes again and gave a wry smile. “Let me rephrase. I’m scared of being in love with Beck.”
Ethan squeezed his arm and let go. “He’s not Andrew. He would never be Andrew, I can almost swear to that.”
“I know that. I truly do. My brain keeps flitting between knowing that and being scared.”
“What is scaring you the most?”
Kole considered the question while sipping his drink, wincing at the strength. “Giving it a go and realising we’re bad for each other.”
“I doubt that would be true, but I can see why it might be a worry.” He scraped his teeth over his lip. “I know nothing about Beck’s past, but I know Beck, and so does Joey. If he wasn’t a good guy, he wouldn’t be working with them.”
“It’s not his character I’m worried about.” Kole scratched his fingernails against his scalp as he tried to explain without explaining. “We both have issues, and I’m concerned that we might…hold each other up, so to speak. That we’ll begin to rely too heavily on each other and won’t…heal properly.”
Ethan nodded slowly. “You’re already in love with him, Kole. Whether you admit that to him or not, you’re already in deep. I don’t know how Beck feels because I don’t know him as well, but even if you don’t trust your own instincts, I trust you. I know you will do what you believe is right.”
And wasn’t that the conundrum?
Kole tossed back the vodka and orange and gestured for another. “It’s Friday, and I’m not working tomorrow. I plan to get drunk.”
Ethan frowned. “I thought you were going in tomorrow?”
“Only because I had nothing else to do. Instead, I’m going to sleep off my hangover.”
Ethan chuckled. “Understood.”
And by god did he have a hangover. When his body brought him to consciousness, he didn’t even need to move to know his head hurt. The jackhammers and steamrollers were playing in their playground, also known as his head, and when he tried to peel his eyelids open, he realised the gritters had also been out doing their job. He felt like he had a year’s worth of grit sliding across his eyeballs. And don’t get him started on his mouth. The inside of his hoover was probably cleaner.
Finally opening his eyes, his blurry gaze landed on his bedside table, and despite the weird angle advertising he was probably diagonal across his bed, he could just about see the outline of a glass of water. As carefully as he could, he crawled himself forward until he could reach it and found two tablets beside it as well.
“Thank you, Ethan,” he whispered.
Shoving them into his dry mouth, he grabbed the glass, sipping it sideways so he didn’t have to move his head any more than he already had. He spilt half of it into his pillow, but he didn’t care. Putting the empty glass on the floor—because he had used all his energy and couldn’t reach up again—he pulled the duvet over his head and went back to sleep.
He jolted awake at the sound of a bell and groaned when the movement hurt. The bell sounded again, and he realised it was the doorbell, the annoying buzzing something he really wanted to change but had never got around to it.
“Go away,” he whispered.
The swarm of bees continued, and Kole finally dragged himself from the bed, using the walls and doors to keep him upright. He opened the door without looking to see who it was and came face to face with the person he’d least expected, but it woke him the fuck up.
“Can I help you?” he asked.
Drake smiled that fake stretching of his lips, and Kole’s stomach rebelled, but he swallowed it down. He tightened his hold on the door handle, wondering if he could get away with slamming it shut before the guy said anything, because Kole was sure he didn’t want to hear it.
“Yes. I’d like to talk to Beck.”
Over my dead body. “He’s not here right now. He’s out of the country, in fact.”
Drake’s smile turned to a sneer. “Is that right?”
That was the moment Kole realised he’d said the wrong thing, and a shiver went down his spine.
“Okay. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll come back another time.”
Kole opened his mouth to say the apartment wasn’t where Beck lived but thought better of it. He watched Drake wander down the corridor to the lift. The man winked at him as the doors closed behind him, and Kole slammed his door closed, leaning back against it.
“How the hell did he know where I lived?” he muttered to the empty apartment.
Brushing the thought aside, because trying to think when he hadn’t recouped all his brain cells yet was impossible, he headed for the shower. Might as well try to clean up while he was on his feet.
Once he’d showered and dressed, he dropped onto the sofa after collecting some snacks and a drink—the non-alcoholic kind—and put on some crappy TV show. He didn’t have enough energy to figure out what else he could watch. But as the food and drink soaked into his body, giving it the nourishment it needed, he began to feel better. Well, better, but sleepier.
His front door opening had him jerking awake, but this time without the groan of pain. Darkness had fallen over the room, and he could see there was a person by the door.
“Beck?” He lifted himself to sit and rubbed a hand over his face.
“No, sorry to disappoint.”
The voice had Kole freezing in place. “How did you get in?”
“I was very persuasive with the landlord,” Drake said, moving forward more into the light of the screen.
“What do you want?”
“So many questions. I want answers of my own, so you’ll shut up and answer them.”
Kole swallowed hard and didn’t reply. He had no idea what to do. His phone was on the coffee table, and he was sure he wouldn’t be able to go for it without consequences. There wasn’t necessarily menace in Drake’s voice, but he hadn’t broken into his apartment for fun and games. Well, not the kind Kole thought was fun, he was sure.
“Beck doesn’t live here, does he?” Kole didn’t answer, and Drake stepped forward and slammed his hand on the breakfast bar. “Does he?” he yelled.
Kole shook, visions of Andrew’s attack flashing through his mind, but he shoved it down. “No.”
“Well done. Where does he live?”
No way in hell was he answering that question.
Drake chuckled. “You’re going to make things worse for yourself.”
“I won’t tell you. No matter what happens,” Kole said, sitting up straighter, finding strength from somewhere.
Grinning, Drake stepped forward, each step a slow, methodical approach, and though Kole’s newfound strength faltered, he held his ground.
“That’s no problem. I like it when my partners fight me.”
Hands sweating, Kole eyed his phone. It was too far away, and Drake was too close. He readied for an attack, but nothing came.
“One more question…for now. When does Beck get back?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. Drake raised his eyebrows. “I actually don’t. I didn’t even know he’d gone.”
Drake frowned. “I thought you were his boyfriend? How can he not tell you?”
Kole ignored the hurt pressing on his chest when the asshole echoed what had been in his head the previous day. “We’re fuck buddies, not boyfriends.”
The smile that spread across Drake’s face was nothing short of terrifying. Kole must’ve said something that helped Drake in some way.
“You must be good to keep Beck coming back. From what I know about him, he never usually visits a bed more than once.” Drake’s hand ran over his crotch. “Maybe I need to get a taste.”
He stepped close enough for Kole to surprise him with a kick aimed at his balls, but he missed and rolled to the floor, scrambling on hands and knees to get away. Drake wrapped his beefy hand around his ankle, slamming him to the ground. His chin hit with a thud, sending a rattling ache through his jaw. Heart pounding, he got his hands beneath him again, kicked his free leg back, connecting with something, and crawled forward. A weight crashed into his back, taking him to the floor again and pushing the air from his lungs.
“I don’t think so, Kole. You’re my ticket to proving a point,” Drake said into his ear before licking a stripe up his cheek. Kole jerked his head away and bucked. “Hell, yes. Keep doing that, and we’ll get along just fine.”
Drake’s groin rubbed against Kole’s ass, and for a split second, he froze. Long enough for Drake to wrap his hand around his neck and keep him in place.
“What shall I do with you now?”
A boom sounded, and then voices. Lots of voices. But Kole’s gaze was narrowing, his lungs screaming for air that Drake was keeping from him. He scratched at his neck, at Drake’s hands, trying to get him to let go, but then the weight was gone, the hand was gone, and his head slammed to the floor. He dragged in a lungful of oxygen and coughed it out again, repeating it until his head cleared enough to hear a commotion behind him.
“He invited me here! He likes it rough, for god’s sake!”
“If I were you, I would keep your mouth shut until you have a lawyer, Mr Price,” someone else said.
“Mr Peterson? Kole? Can you hear me?”
Kole blinked, his vision swimming. Finally, a strange man came into view, but as he wore a police uniform, Kole’s mind automatically deemed him the safer option.
“Mr Peterson?”
“Yes,” he croaked. He winced at the pain of talking.
“Good. I’m Officer Bryant. We’re going to get you to hospital for a checkup. Your throat is severely bruised. Is there anyone you’d like to call?”
“Ethan,” he rasped, pushing to sit with help from the police officer.
Kole’s landlord handed him his phone when he gestured to the coffee table, and Kole glared at him. The man held his hands up.
“I’m sorry. As soon as I gave him the key, I called the police. I tried calling you but you didn’t answer. I didn’t get here quick enough. I’m so sorry.”
Kole didn’t have the energy to argue with him at that point. He dialled Ethan.
“Kole? Is everything okay?” Ethan’s sleepy voice made him realise exactly how late it was.
“No,” he croaked and winced again. He swallowed, but he couldn’t say anything else. It hurt too much.
“Kole?”
Kole held the phone out to the police officer, who took it and told Ethan what was happening. He tuned out and stared at the front door. He couldn’t hear or see Drake anymore, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t around.
“Ethan is going to meet us at the hospital,” Officer Bryant said and handed him the phone again.
Kole nodded slowly. Surprisingly, he was calmer after this attack than he had been with the first one. Andrew had been a nice guy until he had proven himself to be deluded. Drake had never pretended to be anything but creepy. Maybe that was why. Didn’t stop him from closing down, though, and as the officer helped him to his feet, he stayed quiet, only answering when he was asked direct questions.
The major difference between the attacks was, that time, Kole wanted Beck to be with him. Whereas the last time, he’d wanted to be alone. To not be touched at all. At that moment, all he wanted was for Beck to fold him in his arms and never let go.
But that would never happen. Not now.
Drake had effectively ended any chance of him and Beck having a relationship. Because now Beck would blame himself and wouldn’t touch a hair on Kole’s head ever again.
****