Chapter 11
Beck
While Beck had an outwardly calm demeanour, inside, he was a mess. He’d never thought he’d ever run into Drake again, especially as the last time he’d spoken to him, he’d said he was moving out of the country. Beck had celebrated that news by getting considerably drunk and finding someone to share the night with. He’d thought he was free and clear. It was too much to hope for, he supposed.
He swallowed hard and kept the smile on his face as Drake began to speak.
“I’m good, thanks. Great, actually. Just got a promotion with work after spending a few years in Dubai, so I’m taking a holiday before that starts up in a few weeks. I thought I’d come back and touch base with some friends.” He grinned. “Didn’t think I’d see you here.”
There was something in his voice, the same something that had always been there, the same something that had the hair lifting on the back of Beck’s neck and his forearms.
“Congrats on the promotion. Are you heading back to Dubai again or is it back here?” Dubai, Dubai, Dubai. The chant started in his head—or rather, the prayer. Beck wasn’t a religious man, but he would pray with the holiest people on the planet for the rest of his life if Drake said he was going back to Dubai.
“Dubai. Such a beautiful place. Best decision I ever made was to take that job, even if it meant I couldn’t see my family anymore. The price of plane tickets is crazy.” Drake grinned again, his eyes flicking to the side.
Beck wet his lips and swallowed again. “You still see Roger and Erika?” He wasn’t sure he truly wanted to know the answer, but in some ways, he did. Roger and Erika Price had been the foster parents he’d shared with Drake until they’d told the social worker to find another placement for Beck. It had been completely out of the blue, and Beck had no idea why.
Beck entered the room, eyes darting around at the four adults seated on the sofas and chairs in the small space. Two of them, Roger and Erika, his foster parents, wore slight smiles on their usually cruel faces, and the other two had pursed hips and annoyed expressions.
“Come on in, Beck. We need to have a chat,” Roger said. “Sit down.”
Beck dropped into an empty chair, the words, while quieter and softer than usual, still holding the demand they usually did. He had questions, of course he did, but he was twelve, and he wasn’t supposed to ask.
“Good morning, Beck,” the unknown woman said. “I hear there have been a few issues with your stay here. We would like to find out what those issues are so we can find you a better fit with a new family.”
The woman sounded harsh and, in all honesty, fed up, but if she had to deal with this shit all day, Beck wasn’t surprised. What he was surprised about was the so-called issues he was having. What issues?
He glanced at Roger and Erika, who smirked at him, and it was then he realised what she’d said. New family. He was leaving. And while he was half grateful for the opportunity to leave this awful place, which had far too many children for the space and far less love and support he had hoped for, it had been his home for three years. He’d believed—wrongly, it seemed—that he wasn’t going to stay there until he aged out after all.
“Tell us about the forest. Why did you hurt those children?”
Beck frowned. “Hurt who?”
Roger scoffed. “You know who. Daniel got his arm broken and Lisa sprained her ankle. Not to mention the scrapes and bruises littering their bodies and the nail scratches on your body.”
Beck shook his head. “Daniel tripped over a log as we were playing chase, and Lisa fell off a stone as we walked across the stream. The scrapes and bruises, including mine, were from running through the trees.” He paused. “I don’t understand.”
“I told you he wouldn’t admit it, but he needs somewhere with no other kids, I believe,” Roger said. “He might be a danger to them if this behaviour increases.”
The unknown woman scratched a few notes in her book. “Are you willing to keep him for a few more days until we can find a suitable place?” she asked Roger and Erika.
“We are. At least we know what to look out for.”
The conversation continued without his input, and he blocked them out, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He hadn’t been there when Daniel and Lisa had hurt themselves, only turning up when he heard them shouting for help. In both instances, he had carried them on his back to the house so they could get some first aid. Never had he believed his actions would come back to haunt him—especially as he’d done nothing wrong.
Had Daniel and Lisa complained he had, or had Roger and Erika finally decided they were sick of him? It was most likely the latter because he believed he had wonderful friendships with Daniel and Lisa.
He tuned back into the conversation when the two unknown people, who he now believed were from social services, stood.
“We’ll be in touch as soon as possible. In the meantime, I would suggest keeping an eye on him and keeping him away from anyone else as much as possible.”
Beck’s denials stuck in his throat. He couldn’t be left alone. He couldn’t. He enjoyed being around people and hated it when he was alone. Alone was when the problems happened. Alone was when he got hurt. Alone was when… He blinked and shook his head. He just had to survive the next few days. Maybe they’d send him to a nice family, one who actually took care of the children they looked after.
“Don’t worry, Beck. We made sure to tell them you preferred being alone,” Erika said with a grin. She patted his head in mock sympathy. “Now, go to your room and stay there. You don’t leave for any reason other than using the toilet. If you do, you don’t want to know what will happen.”
Beck swallowed hard and followed her instructions. He was going to be alone. All day. Every day. Until he left this place.
Scared didn’t even cover what he felt.
“Yes, I do occasionally,” Drake said, bringing Beck back to the question he’d asked. “We talk on the phone all the time.
Beck wasn’t at all surprised. They were like peas in a pod. It was no wonder they had taken to Drake and not to Beck. They saw the same personality in Drake that they had themselves.
“That’s…good.” He stood. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I have to get to work.”
Drake didn’t give an inch, and even though Beck was taller and more muscular than Drake, he was still that trembling child inside, wishing Drake would go away.
“Who’s your friend?” Drake asked, tilting his head behind Beck.
Beck frowned, glancing behind him, surprised to see Kole sitting there. That’s right. He’d come to the sandwich shop to get some food, and Kole had turned up. How had he forgotten? But now he remembered, he didn’t want to introduce them. He wanted Kole as far away from Drake as he could get.
“Hey, I’m Kole, and sorry, but we need to get these back to our colleagues.” Kole stood, picked up a bag Beck didn’t remember seeing before and nudged Beck’s arm. “Come on. We’ll be late.”
It got Beck moving, his eyes on the floor as he put one foot in front of the other. The closer to the door he got, the more his breathing increased.
“I hope to see you around!” Drake called, and it took everything in Beck not to burst into tears at the thought.
“A little further,” Kole whispered, and Beck held his breath until they turned a corner. “Now breathe.”
Beck didn’t breathe. He hyperventilated. He dropped his hands to his knees and bent forward, his lungs screaming for air. A hand rested on his nape, and he tore himself away, putting several feet between him and his assailant. His eyes darted around, only seeing one person with him, but he didn’t feel safe. He felt alone.
“I have…I…go,” was all he managed before he ran.
He ran and ran, arms pumping, heart pounding, legs screaming, but still he ran. And when he finally collapsed in exhaustion, he sank to the floor near a tree and closed his eyes to stop the world from spinning. Then he lay down, cushioning his head with his hand and pulling the other over his head, blocking out the world.
And there he stayed.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been wherever he was when he finally moved his muscles and uncurled himself, his entire body screaming at him from being in the one position for so long. He sat upright and rested his forearms on his knees, his hands hanging free, while he let his head settle. He let his eyes wander around him, taking in the darker skies—which wasn’t any help with telling him the time because it was winter, and therefore, it became darker earlier—and the surrounding trees. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was, but he could rectify that easily enough by checking his phone. He didn’t want to, though.
Stretching his legs out in front of him, he groaned and then sighed, knowing he had to look. The phone beeped as he pulled it from his pocket, and he unlocked it. Several feelings flowed through him at the sixteen missed calls and twenty-one messages staring back at him. He was grateful to have people who cared to check up on him, scared that they would ask questions he wasn’t ready to answer, and tired. Just goddamn bone tired.
He took himself to his feet and stood there while he checked the messages. Ani had sent the most, Joey the second most. There was even a couple from Kole.
He dropped his chin to his chest. Damn it. Kole. He’d disappeared on him and left him at the shop, which was a shitty thing to do. Hopefully, he’d remembered his lunch.
What if Drake had done something? Would he have followed Kole once Beck had left?
Stomach somersaulting, he dialled Kole, talking the moment he answered. “Are you okay? Did you get back okay?”
“I’m fine, Beck. I’m fine. I promise.”
Silence descended, and he waited for the inquisition. It didn’t come.
“Have you eaten?”
Beck swallowed against the lump in his throat. The lump that wanted to climb up through his eyes and out through his tear ducts. Through his churning stomach came a growl that reminded him he hadn’t eaten.
“I’m okay,” Beck said. “I just wanted to check on you because I left…quite abruptly.”
“As long as you’re okay. I’m cooking lasagne for dinner if you would like to join me. No strings. No questions. Just a hearty dinner.”
The sincerity in Kole’s voice was easy to hear, and Beck agreed when he really should have said no and holed up in his house by himself. But he wanted to check on Kole in person. At least that’s what he was admitting to himself.
“Okay. I’ll see you whenever you get here.”
Beck stared at his phone when the call ended, knowing he needed to let others know he was all right, but he couldn’t find the energy. Instead, he pulled up the maps and found he was around eight miles from Life in Ink. With no energy left to walk back, he called a taxi, giving the woman Kole’s address when she arrived. She tried to start a conversation, but Beck couldn’t reply.
He had nothing left to give.
And when Kole opened his door for him, it took every ounce of his willpower to not burst into tears when he saw him.
“Come on in. It’s almost ready.”
And that was it. That was all he said. Beck crossed the threshold and closed the door behind him, waiting for something…anything. He wasn’t used to feeling so out of sorts, and he wanted to say something to explain, but if he did, it would open an enormous box of snakes. A box he wasn’t sure he could close again.
“Do you want to get the drinks ready and I’ll dish it up?” Kole said.
Beck nodded and did his chore on autopilot, silence following them through the motions. When they sat at the table with a steaming plate of lasagne with a side salad, Beck tensed. Would Kole bring it up now?
“The shop was really busy this afternoon. I sold a few pieces, which is great. Oh, Joey has decided to get another tattoo done. He said he was going to let Ethan have a go, but Ethan started complaining, saying he wouldn’t trust himself to do it.” Kole chuckled. “Joey tried arguing the point, but I don’t think he’ll win. Well, unless he agrees to have it done in a really obscure place.”
Beck ate small pieces of the food, chewing a hundred times before he swallowed it felt like. But the more Kole talked about his day, the more Beck relaxed. And when the tension finally released its hold, he ate ravenously. Kole stood to get him a second portion with barely a pause in his talking. How he was eating and talking was beyond Beck’s comprehension right then.
When his second helping disappeared, he rested his hand on his stomach and groaned. “That was fantastic. Thank you, Kole.”
Kole beamed. “You’re welcome.” He gathered up the dishes. “Would you like a coffee?”
Beck exhaled. “Actually, I probably shouldn’t. I need to get some sleep.”
With those words, the tension crept back. Getting some sleep would mean going home, and going home would mean being alone, and being alone would mean he wasn’t safe. He shook his head, frowning. His home was safe. He’d made it that way. Even so, his stomach wouldn’t quit.
“You’re welcome to stay here instead of fighting with the traffic if you like,” Kole said from the kitchen area where he was putting the plates in the dishwasher.
The sight brought Beck’s manners to the forefront. “Let me do that.” He took the plate from his hand and nudged him from the kitchen. “Rest.”
Kole dropped into silence while Beck finished the chore, and then he wiped his hands and realised Kole was waiting for an answer from him. Checking in with himself, he decided he wasn’t ready to be alone, even if he knew his house was safe. Drake’s visit had shaken him enough to need company.
“If you’re sure, I’d love to borrow your sofa.”
Kole tilted his head. “You’re welcome to the sofa, but you’re also welcome to share my bed.” He held up his hands, palms facing outwards. “No strings attached. Just a slightly more comfortable sleeping arrangement.”
Beck nodded, but a yawn startled him. Covering his mouth, he wiped at his eyes and apologised. “I won’t say no to somewhere comfortable.”
Kole smiled. “Come on. Let’s get ready for bed then. I could do with an early night myself.”
Stepping into Kole’s bedroom again, Beck saw things he hadn’t taken the time to notice the first time around, like a lone photograph on the shelf opposite the bed. He moved closer, leaning down to see it more clearly. What looked like a teenage Kole was standing in front of his parents with huge grins on their faces at the beach.
Kole came to stand beside him. “I had just turned sixteen, and my parents thought a beach trip would be a good birthday celebration.” He chuckled. “It’s not like I saw the beach every day. Auntie Ava took this photo, and she’d just said something funny enough to make us all laugh.”
Beck had few and far between beautiful memories like that. He took one last glance and turned to the bed. “Thank you for…” He waved his hand towards the bed.
“Well, I’m being selfish, really.” Beck raised his eyebrows and waited. “You’re like a furnace, so I won’t need the extra blanket I often do.”
Beck chuckled and shook his head, tension leaving his body again, and suddenly, his body felt so heavy, like he couldn’t lift his limbs. Kole must’ve seen some change in him because he led him to the bed, unfastened Beck’s trousers and dragged them down. They stopped at his shoes, but that didn’t deter Kole. He pushed Beck to sit on the bed and took off his shoes, socks and trousers.
“Do you want to take your shirt off, too?” he asked.
Beck nodded, unable to make his tongue work. Kole lifted the shirt from him, yanking it over his head.
“Come on. Lay down.” He lifted the covers and encouraged Beck backwards. The covers fell over him, and Beck turned to his side, punched his hands into his pillow and was gone.
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