Chapter 10
Kole
Kole didn’t say a word. He had questions, of course he did, but he knew from experience that whatever Beck had been through, he wouldn’t want to discuss it until he was ready to. When neither of them spoke, he felt Beck’s body release the tension. It had taken everything in him not to respond to anything that had happened when all he wanted to do was take Beck into his arms and take away all the pain. And when he broke in the shower… Kole had felt his own tears building, but he refused to let them go. No one had the right to push someone to explain their actions, especially when they weren’t ready. But it killed something inside him that Beck had been through anything that had caused that reaction.
As the episode progressed, though he had no idea what was going on because he was focused on Beck, his mind whirled, needing answers but not wanting to ask. His brain supplied so many versions of what could’ve happened to him, and he didn’t like any of them.
When the episode finally ended, Kole let it run onto the next one, but he moved around to rest his hands on Beck’s chest and his chin on his hands, looking up at the gorgeous man who deemed him worthy of sharing a bed with.
The corners of Beck’s mouth twitched. “What? Have I got drool on my chin or something?”
Kole chuckled. “No. I was just reminding myself you were real and not a figment of my imagination.”
Beck brushed his finger across Kole’s cheek. “I’m real.”
They spent more time in bed, watching TV and switching between shows and movies depending on their mood, and mid-afternoon, Kole made what he called a “picky” lunch, which was basically a picnic-style lunch but on individual plates instead of a spread across a blanket. They took that straight back to bed, and once the plates were cleaner than they probably had been after being in the dishwasher, Beck dragged him into a searing kiss, and he promptly lost his mind.
Mutual handjobs followed, and Kole fell into a dreamless sleep.
He woke, smiled and stretched like a cat rising from a nap in the sunshine. Glancing over to the other side of the bed, his smile dropped when Beck wasn’t there to greet him. He checked the clock, seeing it was just after five o’clock—he’d only slept for around an hour—and strained his ears for any sound from the apartment.
Nothing.
He inhaled and let it out slowly, vacillating between getting out of bed to check and see if he’d left or staying where he was to hide from what he knew was the truth.
Beck had left.
Being the big boy he was supposed to be, he climbed from the bed and dragged on the joggers he’d thrown to the floor after making lunch. Inhaling once more, he left the room and scanned the place, but no one was there. Not sure how to feel—though he understood their arrangement had been one night and nothing more—he swallowed hard and went to make himself a cup of tea, and that’s where he found it. Beside the kettle was a note:
Thank you. B
Kole couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. It didn’t change the outcome—Beck had left, and they didn’t have any plans for a do-over—but it settled something inside Kole to know that Beck had thought enough of him to leave him a note before he’d gone home. With that in mind, he filled the kettle, flicked it on and headed to put some more clothes on. It wasn’t particularly warm in his apartment when he didn’t have someone’s arms to warm him, but he didn’t dwell on that fact.
When he was better dressed, he made his tea, flicked a lamp on to fill the space with a soft but warm light and settled onto the sofa with a drawing pad and pencil. His mind was awash with images, and he needed to get some down. His hand moved across the empty page, filling it with swirls and dots and lines until there wasn’t an inch of space left. And then he flipped to the next page and continued. He’d never had so much energy and so many ideas needing to be extricated.
He only stopped when his hand cramped and he had to shake and stretch it out, and he spat his tea back into the cup when he received a mouthful of cold liquid. Checking the clock again, he’d been sitting there for three hours. No wonder his tea was cold. He put the drawing pad on the coffee table and made himself another cup of tea before returning to his warmed seat. He didn’t pick up the pad again until he’d drunk the tea, not wanting a repeat of the cold version, but once he was done, he swapped the cup for the pad and went back to the beginning.
Eyes widening, he stared at the designs. He’d never designed such intricate—and large—designs before. There were designs within designs on the page, and he could see a little of Beck in each one. Nothing that could be identified as relating to him, but Kole could see it as the artist. His emotions laid bare on the page. Kole swallowed hard and closed the book, unsure if those designs would ever see the light of day again, especially at Life in Ink.
His phone rang, jarring him from his staring match with the darkened sky through the window. He reached for it, smiling when he saw Christi’s name.
“Hey, you,” he said.
“Hey, yourself. How are you doing?” Christi asked, the noise of subdued music in the background.
“I’m good.” And he was. “Where are you?”
“Where do you think on a Sunday evening?”
Kole shook his head. “You really need to get more sleep before a Monday morning.”
“I get enough sleep, thanks. What I don’t get enough of is seeing Di singing her heart out at karaoke.”
Kole laughed. “You’re smitten.”
“You will be, too, when you find your match. How’s that going, by the way?”
Ignoring the need to divulge and dissect what had happened with Beck, he huffed a laugh. “I’m happy to just find my feet in a new city for now. I’ll consider looking for my soul mate in a few months. Is that okay with you?”
Christi sighed. “I suppose. I just want you to be happy.”
“I know, and I am. I promise. This move, while unexpected, was the best idea I think I’ve ever had.”
“What about that time you—”
“Nope. We’re not doing memory lane. We all have plenty of things hidden in our closets, Christi. No need to unlock those doors.” He laughed, setting her off.
“Well, if you insist.” She snorted.
“How’s the salon?” he asked once they’d calmed.
Christi and Di were working on getting the perfect location for the salon they wanted to open together. It was an inspired idea, what with their unique skill sets and abilities, and clients would beat the door down as soon as they opened.
“We’ve just found a space that might work,” she gushed. “We’re going to look at it tomorrow.”
“That’s great. Just remember not to sign on the line before you’ve gone away and thought about it first.”
“Yes, Dad,” she sassed.
They spoke for a few minutes more before Christi rang off when Di got the microphone. Apparently, Di couldn’t persuade Christi to go running, which Kole was not surprised about, and she also couldn’t get her to sing with her. She wasn’t remotely into getting sweaty anymore, as she called it, but give her yoga, Pilates or meditation, and she was there for it. She used to go to the gym all the time, but recently, she had changed what she had enjoyed previously. Kole thought something might’ve happened, but he had no proof, especially as Christi had never seemed scared or anything remotely unsure or unhappy. Maybe he was looking for answers where there weren’t any, and Christi was just fed up with what she had been doing and wanted a change. He hoped so, anyway.
Despite the still fairly early hour after he’d said goodbye to one of his best friends, he got ready for bed and slid between the clean sheets. The scent of Beck had gone, although he could lie to himself, but the memories hadn’t. And they are what kept him company during the dark hours of the winter’s night.
It was three days before he saw Beck again. The guy had been sent to cover Dallas in Scotland, and because they loved taking their own equipment, he had driven himself up there early on Monday morning. Kole wasn’t sure why he had gone in Dallas’s place, but it wasn’t his place to ask.
When he did catch a glimpse of him, Beck was running down the stairs to reception, but by the time Kole got there, he had left the building for lunch. If Kole had been a worrier, he’d have thought Beck was avoiding him, but there was no reason for him to do that. They both knew what they’d had was a fleeting one night—all right, one night and one day—but they’d agreed that it wouldn’t affect their working relationship.
Hadn’t they?
Kole thought they had, but what if Beck didn’t want to see him anymore? Even as a friend? What if it made things too difficult for them both to work there? Kole would have to leave. After all, artists were a dime a dozen, whereas a tattooist was a different matter. Especially one as talented as Beck was.
“Everything okay?” Ani asked, and Kole realised he’d stopped at the desk and was staring out into the rainy day. He shook himself.
“Yeah, sorry. My mind is a little frazzled.”
“You should go for a walk. Staring at the same four walls can drive everyone insane at times. Have you had lunch?”
Kole shook his head. “I brought stuff.” He tilted his head towards the stairs.
“Even so. If you hurry, you might be able to catch up with Beck. He’s gone to get his and my lunch. He won’t mind you tagging along.”
But would he?
“Thanks. I just might do that. Be nice to get some fresh air, even though there’s a little shower with it.”
Ani chuckled. “Well, British people could never be said to stay indoors when it’s raining. We’d never be out of the house.”
Smiling, he left the shop, even as those pesky butterflies in his stomach tried to fly out into the rain-soaked streets. He pulled his hood over his head and headed down the street to where Ani said Beck was heading. He wanted to see him, to make sure they were okay, that there weren’t any issues between them. Seeing Beck’s eyes was the only way for him to know the truth. And when he stepped inside the sandwich shop, Beck’s eyes lit up, and all the tension Kole had been carrying disappeared.
“Hey.” Beck’s smile was contagious. “You want something?” He pointed at the chiller cabinet.
“I’ll get it. It’s fine.”
“No, my treat. What are you having?”
Kole tried to focus on the chalkboard behind the counter, and in the end, picked the first thing that sounded half decent. He didn’t have the brain power to do much more right then.
“How was Scotland?”
Beck blew out a breath. “It’s a fucking long drive.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to have some equipment stashed across the country, so that you could fly to these places and just pick up the kit along the way? If you had the stuff close to the airports you mainly use, you could easily pick them up before continuing to your destination.”
Beck stared at him, mouth gaping. “Why the fuck didn’t I think of that? Or any of us, for that matter? We’re so fucking stupid.”
A ball of fire lit inside Kole. “No, you’re not. Sometimes, it takes someone from the outside looking in to see what you’re too close to. You’re not stupid at all.” And he wouldn’t have anyone saying so, even themselves.
They stared at each other for a moment, Kole entranced by the eyes that seemed to be a different shade of blue each time he looked, before Beck huffed a laugh and broke the spell.
“You’re dangerous,” he murmured. “Tell me what you want to eat, and I’ll tell you about Scotland.”
Kole tried to pay but Beck was having none of it, and when they settled on the stool by the window to wait for their order, he tried not to stare, focusing on the raindrops sliding down the glass instead. But he wanted to stare, wanted to look at the man who had caused him to have less sleep than was optimal since their night together.
“I rarely do the Scotland visits, mainly because Dallas has family up there, and it gives him the opportunity to see them. I’m normally in Wales and in the south-west of England. I say usually because all of us have made contacts throughout the country, and therefore, we’ll go wherever we’re asked, but we have certain areas we like best. I love Wales. One day, I might retire there.”
“Retire? You? I don’t believe it. But then I don’t believe Joey will retire to Italy either, so I’m probably not a good judge.”
Beck chuckled, and Kole wanted to roll around in the sound, feel it against his chest or back. “Yes, it does seem a pipe dream right now, but that’s the plan. Anyway,” he waved his hand, “Scotland was unexpected, and as such, when word got around that I was visiting instead of Dallas, well, I had a list of people who wanted my style. I was only supposed to be gone for an overnighter. Ended up staying a lot longer to get through everyone. Ani had to reschedule my other clients because there was no point in me coming all the way home to do that trip again later.”
“Makes sense.”
“I did use a few of your designs. I’ve let Ani know so she can keep track.”
“How did you…”
A flush coloured Beck’s cheeks, and he rubbed at it in a move Kole was sure he would have no recollection of. “I took some photos before I left. Showed them around while I was preparing.” He smiled and nudged Kole with his shoulder. “You’re popular already.”
It was Kole’s turn to hide his heated cheeks by ducking his head. “I drew some more intricate designs this week.”
He hadn’t meant to say anything.
“Yeah? Can I see?” Beck’s voice held a note of excitement.
Kole hummed, unsure, because he hadn’t wanted to show anyone. He’d wanted to keep them a secret, but Beck had a way of making him spill what was on his mind without even trying. And without even meaning to. It had been Kole who had blurted it out.
“I’m not sure…”
“That’s okay. I know some designs are private. It’s no problem. I love your work, though, so if they ever see the light of day, I want first pick.”
Kole stared at him. “You want my designs on you?”
Beck licked his lower lip, his tongue rolling over the mound and his teeth following the path. He wanted that over his body again, the feel of those sharp points scraping his nipple and the rough but slick tongue soothing the ache afterwards. He exhaled quickly but quietly, trying to get ahold of himself when Beck started talking again.
“Hell, yes. I’ve already decided about one, but I’m waiting.”
Kole frowned. “For what?”
“For you to learn to tattoo. You’re the artist, and I want you to ink it as it should be inked. Right here.” He tapped the back of his neck, just before his hairline.
Was it a coincidence that the place was Kole’s favourite? A place he spent many hours touching, sliding his fingers over the skin, mesmerised by the softness.
“But what if I never learn?” he managed to say.
“Then I’ll just keep the design with me. It’ll still be mine.” He leaned closer, lowering his voice. “But you want to, don’t you? I’ve seen you watching, your eyes sparkling.”
Kole met his gaze and couldn’t do anymore than tell the truth. He nodded slowly. “Yes, I do.”
Beck grinned, the crinkles around his eyes and mouth deepening. Kole wanted to kiss them or run his fingertips over them. Instead, he stared, taking everything in so he would remember it forever. Because he’d stopped kidding himself at that moment. He wanted Beck with a fire he’d never known before, but like a scrap of fabric that was soaked in fire retardant, he couldn’t catch him. Wouldn’t. Because Beck didn’t want him the same way, and he refused to lock Beck into something he didn’t truly want. He could deal with the pining if it meant he would still see Beck often at work, but if their friendship got ruined because of Kole’s wants, he’d never forgive himself and would slink back to Whitby with his tail between his legs.
He’d rather hide his feelings away than lose what he had with Beck.
After all, no one would blame him for not finding someone straight away. It would bide him some time. At least until Ethan or Christi set in on him again. They meant well, but they were like alligators after fresh meat when they wanted to be.
“Beck?”
They turned to the voice, and Beck flinched beside him. The only reason Kole knew was because their arms were resting close and he felt it. Ignoring the slightly overweight man for a moment, he focused on Beck, and what he saw he didn’t like. His usually warm skin had leeched of most of its colour, and his hands had turned into fists of stone. He stared at the man, his breathing increasing until he broke the spell and smiled.
“Hey, D. Long time. How have you been?”
Kole knew at that moment he wouldn’t be leaving Beck alone with whoever this guy was.
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