Chapter 17
Beck
Despite feeling emotionally, mentally and physically wrung out from the meeting with Rebecca—Becca—Beck also had an itch inside him. He needed what he always needed when he felt like this. Sex. But not with just anyone. The idea of sleeping with anyone who wasn’t Kole sent a shiver up his spine. He needed Kole in a way he had never needed someone before. And he needed him right away.
He barely gave Kole enough time to safely climb off the bike before he’d turned it off, grabbed Kole’s hand and dragged him into the house. The swarm of ants feasted on his body as he made himself wait until they were in the bedroom before he faced the man he loved and paused. His chest heaved, and he could taste the sweat on his upper lip.
Kole tilted his head, his mouth curving at the corners, and said, “Take your clothes off, Mr Cavanaugh.”
And with those six words, Beck’s world narrowed to where there was only him and Kole. His hands were already unbuttoning his trousers by the time his mind checked in again, his shirt already gone.
“That’s it,” Kole breathed. “Show me everything.”
And boy did Beck want to. It wasn’t what he usually did—listening to someone else call the shots—but he pushed the thought away and focused on Kole and his words. It was so much better than drowning in his own mind.
When he was naked, Kole stepped closer, lifting his hands and skimming his fingertips across Beck’s skin. Goosebumps followed in his wake, as did Beck’s gaze. Kole left no area untouched, and by the time he returned to his starting point, Beck’s knees shook.
“Lay down on the bed.”
Beck licked his lips at the order, swallowed hard and obeyed. The second his back hit the bed, it was as if his body understood. He sank into the mattress, letting his limbs stay where they fell, and let out a long exhale.
Kole towered over him. “Are you okay?”
He nodded. His throat had closed enough to require some heavy swallowing before he could talk. “Yeah.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
That made him smile. “Not even a little.”
“In that case…” Kole smirked and crawled onto the bed, caging him in with his arms and legs. As he looked down at him, Beck stared into his eyes, knowing exactly where his heart lay—at Kole’s feet.
“Why has it taken me so long?” he whispered, mainly to himself.
Kole seemed to understand. “Because you weren’t ready. And neither was I. We both needed each other but didn’t know it.” He brushed his fingers across Beck’s cheek. “I never believed I could trust anyone. Until you.”
“But I’m broken.”
Kole shook his head, grabbing Beck’s jaw with his fingertips. “You’re not broken. You’re bruised. As am I. But bruises heal. They might leave a mark behind for a while, but they heal. As will we. Together.”
“I love you,” Beck said, unable to keep it in.
Kole smiled. “I love you.”
Beck lurched up, fusing their lips in a kiss as soft as it was harsh. Kole responded in kind, and they tangled for a while, slowly decreasing the intensity while increasing the fire. Kole manoeuvred him onto his back again, and the feeling of Kole being fully dressed against his nakedness sent fuel through his body. He wanted that man with a burning he couldn’t explain, but his body knew, as did his subconscious. His conscious mind was beginning to catch up. Finally. Although…
“Get undressed,” he said when he pulled away for air.
“Soon.”
Beck shook his head. “Now. I feel like…” He paused, shaking his head, not wanting to explain, but when he glanced at Kole, he saw patience. “I feel like you’re ready to leave.”
Kole dropped a kiss on his lips and lifted from him, standing beside the bed. Beck instantly missed his warmth, but that fire roared when Kole’s fingers went to his buttons. It didn’t take long, and Kole didn’t take his eyes off him the whole time. Then, not even three minutes later, Kole was back, the warmth of his skin sliding over Beck’s as he returned to his previous position.
Cradling Beck’s face in his hands, Kole said, “You can always ask for anything you want or need. No matter what it is, don’t be afraid to ask. I will never curb your ability to choose the best option for you. I might ask you to do something, but I will never make it an order you can’t disobey if you need to. Do you understand?”
He did. Kole was giving him the control, even as he was taking it from him. Something Beck had never thought he could allow anyone to do. Drake had taken his control away from him, and he hadn’t been able to stand anyone else having that again. Until now.
He told Kole as much.
“Thank you for giving yourself the chance,” Kole said. “You are the bravest man I know.”
Beck shook his head. “You make me feel brave.”
“I’m glad I could help.” Kole stared at him for a second and then lowered his head.
The kiss started slow but soon heated. Kole’s fingers were everywhere, skimming across his skin. A sea of goosebumps followed, making him shiver. As their lips separated, Beck dropped his head back, giving Kole room to reach his neck. His kiss-swollen lips continued the path down his body, focusing far too briefly on each of his nipples before moving lower. Beck’s cock loved the attention, twitching and leaking with every nip and lick, and he raked his teeth over his lips to contain his groans. At least until Kole met his gaze and said, “Let me hear it, Beck. I want to hear everything.”
Beck gripped the sheets by his sides, fisting the fabric to keep himself from grabbing Kole by the hair and putting him where he wanted him. The place weeping and aching for him.
And the place Kole wrapped his hand around.
“Holy fuck, Kole.” He repeated the refrain when his lover’s mouth encased his cock head but couldn’t keep his eyes away from him. Watching his dick disappear into his mouth was one of the hottest things he’d ever witnessed, and feeling it at the same time was mind-blowing. He was right on the edge almost immediately. He panted to keep as much control as he could, but what Kole was doing with his tongue should have been illegal.
When Kole lifted his head, Beck dropped his back to the pillow, his chest heaving.
“You okay?”
Beck swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. Bloody hell. Where did you learn that?” He glanced at Kole. “Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I’m just glad you did.”
Kole grinned. “Glad my experience has helped.” He licked his lips. “Where is your lube?”
Beck reached for it and handed it over, barely moving from his position. “Kole…” He inhaled deeply, then met his gaze again. “I just want you to know… I want this. I know what I’ve said before, about not wanting to lose control, about having to be in charge, but I don’t…like it as much like that.”
“I know, Beck. And if you’ll let me, trust me, I’ll make it good for you.”
Beck rose until they were almost chest to chest and cupped Kole’s jaw. “I know you will. That doesn’t worry me one bit.”
“But what does worry you?”
He exhaled, mapping Kole’s face with his gaze. “That I won’t be enough for you. That I’ll freak out.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “And now I’ve ruined the mood.”
His hands were shoved off Kole’s face, and his eyes snapped open. But before he could apologise, Kole’s hands copied Beck’s gesture, sliding across the skin of his jaw. “You haven’t ruined anything. If anything, it has made me want you even more.” Beck frowned, and Kole hesitated before continuing. “I love having control, Beck. I love being able to give you everything you need, especially when you can’t articulate that you need it. I love being the one responsible for making you cry out because I’ve found something you didn’t realise you loved. I want to be that for you. I need to be that for you.”
Tears filled Beck’s eyes, and he blinked rapidly to stop their fall, to no avail. “Thank you,” he croaked.
Kole kissed him, pushing him backwards onto the bed again. And then his mouth left his and detoured down his body once more. Encasing his cock in wet heat again, Kole went to town, taking Beck right to the edge. But then he pressed against Beck’s pucker, his wet finger massaging the area before pushing more forcibly. Beck bore down, hissing when it slid inside his channel for the first time in far too many years. The sensation, while not foreign, sent his brain spinning. Or was it the pleasure racing through him? He hoped for the latter.
“Talk to me, Beck,” Kole said, having paused in his ministrations.
“I’m okay. It’s just…a lot.”
“Do you want me to back off?”
“No!” Beck glanced down at him. “No. Please. Keep going.”
Kole stared at him for a moment before he curled his finger and pressed against the spot inside him, sending his brain spinning once more, but for slightly different reasons. He’d never experienced that, though he’d known about it.
“Holy shit!”
Kole chuckled around his cock, and it sent more vibrations through him. Beck closed his eyes and let himself feel everything Kole was doing to him. A second finger joined the first, the initial burn something that tried to send him back to when he was younger, but he refused to let it. It helped that Kole was sucking his dick because Drake never did that. A third finger. A fourth, and Beck was right on the edge of coming. Kole must’ve realised it, too, because he removed his mouth.
“Ready for more?” Kole whispered.
Beck opened his eyes. “Always with you.” And it was at that moment that Beck realised something he’d always known but hadn’t realised he’d known—Beck had the control. Being a bottom was all about control regardless of what he’d thought before. Kole had the power to force him, but he wouldn’t. Beck had the ability and the right to say no, and Kole would obey him. With that epiphany, every muscle in his body relaxed, and Kole’s eyebrows rose.
“I love you,” Beck said. “You’ll never hurt me.”
“I won’t. Not intentionally.”
Kole pulled his fingers free and sat upright, his cock ready and willing to take Beck. He slicked it well, Beck watching his every move, and then Kole braced himself on one hand while pressing the head against Beck’s hole. Beck slid his hands up Kole’s body until he reached his face and cupped his jaw.
“I trust you. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Kole pressed in, and Beck’s breath caught at the welcome intrusion. The heat, the uncompromising pressure, the stretching. The pleasure. It was everything his previous times had never been.
When Kole was fully seated, he caged Beck in with his arms, and Beck wrapped his legs around his waist, needing the full-body connection for just a moment. Beck kissed him and slowly built the intensity of it until all he could feel, hear, taste, see and smell was Kole. He was all around him. And when Kole finally started moving, it was everything.
Tears overflowed as their movements increased, the push and pull of their bodies indicating a frenzy was oncoming. Beck unhooked his legs, resting his feet against the bed so he had more leverage and for Kole to go deeper, but Kole had other ideas. He grabbed Beck’s legs and lifted them to his shoulders before slamming into him. Beck’s eyes crossed at the pleasure, the heated flush working its way through his nerves, his muscles, his skin, everywhere. All he could hear was their panting breaths and the slap of their skin, and it was beautiful music.
He wrapped his hands around his cock and stroked, his other hand reaching above him to brace himself on the headboard.
“Fuck, yes.” Beck gritted his teeth, unable to look away from Kole, sweat dripping down both their faces. “Give it to me.”
“Jesus, Beck. Don’t talk like that if you want me to last.”
“Fuck me, baby. Come on. Give it to me.”
Kole’s rhythm faltered, his grip tightening on Beck’s thighs, and Beck increased his stroking. “Fuck, fuck,” Kole chanted and held himself deep inside Beck.
Beck helped himself over the edge at the same time, his head dropping backwards as his climax rushed through him, wracking his body with contractions. With the rushing in his ears, he couldn’t hear anything except Kole’s cursing, and he couldn’t help smiling.
He let out a long exhale when his body finally stopped and caught Kole as he slumped forward.
“Holy shit, Beck,” Kole panted.
“That’s my line.”
Kole chuckled and kissed him briefly. “That was…” He didn’t finish, just shook his head, and Beck grinned, feeling much lighter than he had before, almost as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
They stayed that way for a long while, even as their skin cooled, and goosebumps covered them both. It was only when a shiver wracked Kole’s body that Beck’s instincts had him rolling them over so he could climb off the bed and start a bath. He put in some lavender bubble bath and headed back to the room. Kole hadn’t moved an inch, although he was awake, but his eyes tracked Beck’s movements.
“What?” Beck asked.
Kole smiled. “You’re amazing.”
A warmth heated his body, nothing to do with arousal this time, and he cursed silently as his cheeks flushed. He knew they had because he felt it. “You’re not too bad yourself.”
“High praise.” Kole sat upright. “You’re running a bath?”
Beck nodded. “We could do with a relaxing soak, I think.”
“Sounds like a plan.” He stood. “I’ll grab some nibbles for us.” He slipped on Beck’s robe and disappeared after another smile in Beck’s direction.
Alone, Beck expected some of his previous thoughts and images to bombard him, but nothing showed its head. For the first time in such a long time, he was completely at ease. Completely and absolutely and undyingly content. And it was weird. Wonderful, but weird. Wonderfully weird.
Shaking off his crazy thoughts, he aimed for the bathroom again and checked the water level, how many towels he had and anything else he might need before Kole appeared, which he did just as he turned off the taps.
“I thought we could do with something to drink, too.”
He held up two small bottles of Appletiser and a large plate filled with nuts, cheese and other picky foods. Beck chuckled. “I’d forgotten about those drinks.”
They climbed into the bath, and Beck leaned against Kole’s chest, his head resting back on his shoulder. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply, enjoying the scent hanging in the room.
“How do you feel?”
Beck inhaled and held it, then let it out slowly. “Really good. I had thought talking to Becca would terrorise me or something, but I think it actually helped.”
“I’m glad.”
“I don’t know where we’re going from here, but I feel positive about the future for the first time in a long time.”
“And what does your future hold, Beck?”
“Tattoos, friends, family, fun and fu—”
“I get the picture.” Kole laughed, covering Beck’s mouth with his hand.
He snorted and moved until his hand dislodged. “I was going to say full stomach . Someone has a dirty mind!”
“Yeah, sure you were, Casanova.”
Beck chuckled and closed his eyes again. “What are your plans, Kole?”
“Tattoos, friends, family, fun and…giving you everything you want.”
Beck’s heart pounded as he met Kole’s gaze, and he slid his arm around Kole’s neck and kissed him. “You already have.”
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