Chapter 16
Kole
Kole could see the indecision on Beck’s face from the moment he was handed the paper; he took it as if it was made of glass, resting it on his shaking palm. Wishing he could make everything better, Kole nodded at the police officers and led Beck out of the station. They didn’t talk until they reached the bike.
“Are you going to call her now?” he asked carefully, not wanting to push Beck too far.
Beck scraped his lower lip with his teeth, a tick he was showing more and more recently. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“How come?”
Beck exhaled roughly and rested back against his bike, still staring at the slip of paper. “What if she blames me?”
“I don’t think she would ask to meet you—or that the police would allow it—if she blamed you. But, if she does, you deal with it. You can’t control other people’s opinions. You know this more than the average person, being in the spotlight already.”
Beck tilted his head as he stared at him, making butterflies swarm in Kole’s stomach. “Thank you,” he murmured. He dropped his gaze to the paper again, but then he pulled his phone free and pressed the screen several times. Inhaling deeply, he put the phone to his ear and met Kole’s gaze once more.
Kole had no idea how the conversation was going to go, but if Beck needed to stare at him to get through it, then he would glue his feet to the ground for as long as he needed him to. He couldn’t begin to imagine what was going through Beck’s mind. Having people he had lost contact with years prior just turn up, out of the blue, was a difficult scenario.
“Um, hi,” Beck said, his voice strained. “Is that…Rebecca?”
Kole couldn’t hear what the other person was saying, but Beck blinked a few times, his nostrils flaring.
“Yeah, yes. That…would be nice.” He listened a bit more. “Um, there’s a pub called Forest Tavern in Stratford. Two hours? Okay. See you then.” He paused and then pulled the phone from his ear.
Kole watched him swallow as he slowly put the phone in his jacket pocket and waited him out, knowing he was processing the conversation.
“Is it bad of me that I specifically chose a place I rarely visit to meet her? I didn’t like the idea of…” He exhaled and frowned. “I suppose, souring is the right word. I didn’t want our meeting to sour the places I like to go. That sounds awful. I’m sure she’s lovely.”
“I’m sure she is, too. But I completely understand that. You need to be able to have a safe place. A place you can keep free from issues. It was a good choice.”
At that exact moment, the hair stood up on the back of his neck, and it took everything in him to not react. He clenched his jaw and every muscle in his body to keep his fight-or-flight response from kicking in. Every time it happened, he swore it felt like someone was watching him. Previously, he would’ve studied his surroundings and walked away, but he couldn’t leave Beck alone.
“What’s wrong?”
Kole blinked, bringing Beck back into focus, and found the man on his feet and looking around. “Nothing.”
“Kole.”
The voice that brooked no argument was back, and while Kole appreciated the return of some normalcy, he wished it wasn’t at the expense of his mental health.
“I think I just need to get out of here. Are you okay to head out now?”
Beck stepped closer, lowering his head to look directly into his eyes. “We’re good to go, but talk to me.”
“Later. Please.” He wasn’t sure he had enough air in his lungs for a full conversation right then.
Beck studied him for a long moment, then nodded. “As soon as we get back.”
But he knew Beck would let it go if Kole said no. It didn’t take them long to get on the bike and back home. He felt awful for wanting the ride to last longer so that he could not have the conversation he knew Beck would want to have. How could he explain his issues? That he saw and felt things that weren’t there? That he was scared of his own shadow some days? It made him feel weak and defenceless, and he hated that. He was able to acknowledge that he was a lot better than he had been, and he truly believed that was due to his new home and the amazing people he worked with. Plus Ethan, he supposed. That thought brought a small smile to his face as they entered Beck’s house.
“Are you feeling better?” Beck asked as they removed their coats and hung them up.
Kole inhaled and let it out slowly, relaxing his body in the familiar space. “Yes, thanks.”
Beck stared at him for a long second and then headed for the kitchen. “Would you like a drink?” He rounded the counter and met Kole’s gaze again. The corners of his mouth lifted. “A hot chocolate maybe?”
“I’d never say no to that.” Kole settled onto the stool and watched him putter around. After a few minutes, he started talking. “I feel someone watching me sometimes. It raises the hair on the back of my neck, and depending on my mood, I either run or freeze.” He huffed. “Or breakdown.” He wrung his hands, rubbing some warmth into them. “There is never anyone there, but it feels like it. I hate it. I hate that I have no control over it. When it happens, I mean.”
“How do you know?”
Kole frowned, going over his words to figure out what he meant. “Know what?” he asked when he couldn’t.
“How do you know no one is there?”
“Whenever I look around, I can’t see anyone.”
Beck poured the milk into the hot chocolate, the clink of the spoon against the mug soothing in its monotony. “People are good at hiding,” he murmured, sprinkling a small handful of marshmallows over the top. “I know that far too well.”
Kole stared down at his hands, thinking back on the earlier times. He couldn’t remember exactly when they first started happening, but there had been no one there. At least…he thought there hadn’t been. Bringing up the night of the event, the night Beck had helped him, he walked himself through the memory. It was dark, and people were walking past him. Laughter, conversation, until…there wasn’t. It had gone quiet. He hadn’t remembered that. It was as if someone had blocked his ears or turned down the volume. He remembered the feeling of unease, the tingling on the back of his neck, skating down his spine. How his hands started to shake.
He closed his eyes, sinking himself further into the memory. The hotel hadn’t been too far ahead; the lights seemed to glare bright. He looked over his shoulder, tracing the shadows with his gaze. Nothing stood out.
Swallowing, he paused. No, that wasn’t true. He didn’t want it to stand out. Warmth covered his hands, and he turned them over to grip tightly as he looked closer at the shadows. A figure disentangled themselves, stepping free. Someone with broad shoulders, hands in pockets with a baseball cap on.
His breathing increased. Who was it? His hands trembled as his heart pounded with knowledge. He snapped his eyes open.
“No.”
Beck tightened his hold on him. “I’m here.”
The words Kole had previously said to Beck settled him more than he expected. He took a breath. “Someone was there.” He met Beck’s gaze. “How did you know?”
Beck shrugged. “Your body’s responses don’t lie. If something is telling you to run, then there’s usually some reason for it.”
“But who?” Beck stared at him, and Kole realised he knew the answer but hadn’t wanted to. “Andrew.”
“Is it?” Beck asked.
Kole brought the image to the forefront again. “I think so.”
“Maybe we can talk to the police about it.”
“I don’t think there would be any point, would there?”
“Why not? It seems he’s still following you. They should be able to do something about it. Even if it’s just to warn him away.”
Kole thought about it as Beck put a mug of hot chocolate in his hands. The heat burnt his palms, but he didn’t move it. He needed the grounding it gave him.
“Drink,” Beck ordered from beside him.
Kole did. Pushing aside his own issues, he asked, “How are you feeling?”
Beck licked his lips, staring at his mug. “Weird. I still don’t know if it’s her, but I think it is. I’m hoping she doesn’t hate me.”
“She won’t. You weren’t to blame for what he did.”
Beck nodded slowly. He didn’t believe him, but Kole would do everything he could to make him believe it one day. Maybe not that day. Maybe not the next day, but eventually, he would help Beck to understand it wasn’t his fault what Drake did.
“Finish your drink. We’ll have to leave soon.”
Kole didn’t push, so he let them drop into silence and drank his drink. And when Beck dragged himself from his stool, Kole followed suit. The silence lasted through the journey to the pub, and when they paused beside the bike, studying the building, Kole slipped his hand into Beck’s and squeezed. He heard Beck’s inhale and exhale before he stepped forward, Kole staying beside him.
Unsure what to expect but having a feeling it would be an emotional time—because Kole was certain this was the Rebecca from Beck’s past—he kept quiet, trying to be as much of a rock as he could. Beck had been so helpful to him, especially with his most recent revelation—something he’d think about another time.
The pub wasn’t very busy, and as soon as they entered, a woman with long, dark hair stood from a stool at the bar. She stared at Beck, and Beck stared back. Kole squeezed his hand again, not only to show solidarity but to break the moment enough to not cause too many heads to turn their way.
Beck stepped closer. “Rebecca,” he whispered.
The woman licked her lips, one side of her mouth curving up. “It’s just Becca.”
Beck huffed a laugh. “You used to tell us off for calling you anything but Rebecca.”
“I had to put my foot down about something. There were far more boys than girls.” She cleared her throat. “Would you like a drink?”
“A lemonade would be great, thanks.” Beck turned to him. “What would you like?”
“A glass of water would be good, please.”
Becca ordered for them, and when she turned back to them, Beck said, “This is Kole, my boyfriend.”
“Nice to meet you,” Kole said through a closed throat. He hadn’t expected such an introduction, but he couldn’t deny he was pleased.
“You, too,” Becca said. She gestured to a table. “Shall we sit?”
They headed over and settled in, the gentle conversation humming around them, the music only just loud enough to mask their words. It had a homey feel to it, kind of rustic, and Kole liked it.
“I asked to speak to you because I had so much to say, but now you’re here, I can’t think of any of it.” She sighed. “I’m so sorry, Beck.”
Beck played with the condensation on his glass. “You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I am the one who should be sorry. I thought he’d stop when I got sent away. I don’t know why I thought that. Maybe I just needed to believe it, but I need you to know… I tried to tell them. I tried several times, but they didn’t believe me.” He huffed. “Or if they did, they didn’t care.”
“Oh, they knew,” Becca said. “I heard them talking weeks after you went. I didn’t really understand it at that age, but thinking back now, I know what they meant. You weren’t the first, either.”
“I wish I had been the last.”
Becca leaned forward. “What happened to me was not your fault. Drake’s an asshole. He always has been.”
“I hope he goes away for a long time.”
Becca tilted her head, her hair slipping over her shoulder to cover her arm. “What made you say something now? If you don’t mind me asking, that is?” she added quickly.
Beck looked at Kole, his eyes roaming his face and making Kole feel hot all over. “He hurt the man I love.”
Kole’s heart pounded painfully. He could barely breathe. Where had the guy who didn’t want attachment gone? Not that he wanted that, but Beck seemed to be jumping through so many relationship hoops very quickly. If Kole didn’t want it so much, he might’ve been concerned. Well, he was concerned, but that was up for discussion another time.
“Aww, you two are so cute together. But I’m sorry to hear that you got hurt, too. As I said, he’s an asshole.”
“How long did you stay with the Prices?” Beck asked, taking the spotlight off their relationship.
“Another four years.” She stared at her glass, though her eyes were unfocused. “They only sent me away when I started making too much noise about what they were hiding.”
“Did social services not do anything?” Kole asked.
Becca snorted. “They wanted nothing to do with it. If they could pretend it wasn’t happening and that I needed moving for a different reason, they would.” She met his gaze. “Less paperwork, you see.”
Kole shook his head. “I sometimes wonder how these people keep their jobs.”
“Well, if they’re still doing them now, they won’t be for long.”
“Why?”
Becca smiled. “I’m a social worker myself now. They wouldn’t look too kindly on people who hurt one of their own, even if it was before my time. I guarantee, if those workers are still doing the same role, they’ll be out on their asses before the end of the week. Even if it’s just to cover the higher up’s asses. ”
“Do you know how many people he hurt?” Beck asked.
Becca bit her lip. “I have an idea, but some won’t come forward.”
“How many?”
She stared at him for a long minute, then sighed. “You were number two. I was number four. Including Kole as his most recent, I believe the number is around twenty-four.”
Beck inhaled shakily and panted, pushing his chair back as he rested his hands on his head. Kole rubbed his back, encouraging his head further down to help with his breathing.
“It’s okay, Beck. I’m here. Breathe for me. Just breathe. In. And out.” He repeated the mantra into his ear, hoping that at least some of his words got through to him.
When Beck lifted his head, tears stained his face. “I should’ve fought harder. He has darkened many lives. I should’ve stopped him.”
Kole opened his mouth to answer, but Becca beat him to it. “You couldn’t. They wouldn’t let you. It wasn’t that you weren’t loud enough, Beck. It was that you were too loud. They silenced you the only way they could. Labelling you a troublemaker. You did the right thing. You lived to tell the tale.”
Her words brought tears to Kole’s eyes. She was so right, and although he could see how Beck could feel about not having been able to stop Drake before, the fact that he lived his life to the degree he had was amazing.
“I’m waiting for the Prices to get their fifteen minutes of fame with this,” Becca said. “Although, hopefully, they’ll stay hidden if they know what’s best for them.”
“I need to go,” Beck said but made no move to leave. “Can we do this again?”
Becca smiled. “Absolutely. You have my number. Call me anytime.”
“Thank you for the drinks,” Kole said as they stood.
“It was nice to meet you, Kole. Take care of this lug.” She grinned, and Kole had a feeling they would be seeing more of her. In fact, he might make it a demand. She might be a good influence on Beck’s mental health.
Becca gripped Beck’s arms, and they stared at each other in silence for a moment before she pulled him into a hug. “Take care.”
Beck nodded, and they headed for the door. At the bike, Beck dropped his head back and exhaled roughly. “That happened.”
“It did.”
Beck glanced at him. “I’m guessing you didn’t black out some of what I said back there.”
Kole’s stomach somersaulted. “You’re guessing right.”
The man he was madly in love with stepped closer, pushing Kole back into the bike seat and caging him with his arms. His gaze traced his face again, something Kole noticed he was beginning to do a lot. “Bloody hell, Kole. How did you happen? How did you become so important in such a short time? How have you fit so seamlessly into my life? As if you’ve always been there.”
Kole swallowed. “Must be talent,” he whispered.
Beck cupped his jaw and kissed him. Kole let him. After all, who in their right mind would say no? He was lightheaded and weak-kneed by the time Beck finished devouring him.
“I need you, my love,” Beck said, and if Kole hadn’t already been in love with him, those words would’ve cemented it.
“You have me.”
“Let’s go home.”
As they wound their way through the streets, Kole wondered if he was strong enough to be what Beck needed. Could he provide what he was almost certain Beck needed in the bedroom? Could he dominate Beck fully? At the end of the day, they would find their rhythm, he had no doubt, but he wanted to be able to give Beck everything. And though his lover was unlikely to admit it—even then—Kole needed to be that person for him. He needed to be Beck’s haven. He wanted to be it. The question was, how?
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