8. Trey
8
Trey
I leave Ben’s house feeling confused and relieved. It’s taking me a bit to adjust to the idea that he truly doesn’t want anything in return for feeding and housing me. That’s just not the world I grew up in. From what he said, it sounds like it was pretty normal for Mandy’s friends growing up, and that’s obviously how he sees me.
On the drive back to the dorms, I start wrapping my head around the idea that if this works out, I’ll hardly have any expenses this summer, and I can take that unpaid internship. It would be a giant boost to my resume and my master’s studies, not to mention a really rewarding thing to do. By the time I’m back at the dorms, I’m getting excited. The first thing I do is write a new email to the crisis center, accepting the internship offer. If life is going to give me a chance like this, I’m going to grab it with both hands.
I bounce around my room for a while, putting things in piles to pack to my car in the morning. Finally, I force myself to lie down. As soon as I close my eyes, Ben’s face appears behind my eyelids. I smile at the memory of his awkward greeting and the adorable way he rushed to reassure me about the rent. If I can just keep a lid on the attraction, this should be a fun summer. I like Ben a lot, and I’m looking forward to having a whole floor to myself after living in one room for three years. I’ll even have a private bathroom! In all of the different living situations I’ve had in my life, I’ve never had a private bathroom.
After a night of dreams that Ben definitely had a starring role in, and that I’m not thinking about, I wake up just as excited as I went to sleep. I’m surprised at how relieved I feel to be moving my things out of the dorms. It’s like shedding an old, too-small skin and finally being able to stretch. Turning in my keys feels like a giant milestone that I should celebrate, so I buy one of the fancy coffees that I usually can’t afford on the way to Ben’s house.
Pulling into the suburban driveway next to Ben’s sensible SUV is so “Leave it to Beaver” that I smile involuntarily, and I have to squash the idea of yelling, “Honey, I’m home” when I walk through the front door. My plan is to pack my things in and then make a list of bedding, towels, and other items I’ll need, followed by a shopping trip. Ben is working in his office when I let myself in. I catch a glimpse of him through the door on my way up the stairs. The dogs are happy to see me and provide an honor guard on the trip up to my rooms.
I get to the room with the bed in it, only to find it still made with the obviously new bedding that was on it when Ben showed it to me yesterday. When I stick my head in the bathroom, the new towels are still in there as well. I can smell that everything has been freshly wiped down, but I’m surprised he didn’t pack his things away before I arrived. I’m trying to decide where to put his linens so that I don’t accidentally get them dirty when I hear his footsteps on the stairs. A shiver of anticipation runs through me, so I’m lecturing myself when he taps on the bedroom door frame to get my attention.
“Hi, Trey! Did you get everything packed in one load? I was kicking myself for not asking if you needed to borrow my car. It has a lot of cargo area.” Ben is bouncing on his toes and smiling at me from the doorway.
I smile back at him. The idea that he would just hand his car over to me if I needed it is amazing and foreign, but I can see that he means it.
“I got it all in my car. I don’t actually have that much. I was planning to pack this load in and head to the store to buy sheets and things. Where do you want me to put yours?”
Ben instantly looks almost comically disappointed, and one of the dogs whines in response. “Do you not like them?” he asks. “It’s fine if you don’t, no big deal, but I promise they’re new. You don’t have to spend money on other ones. I have spares. I’m sure we can find something you’ll like.”
“I just didn’t want to ruin any of your things. They look great, but I’d feel bad if I accidentally did something to them.” I wonder as I’m reassuring him if he has any filter at all between his feelings and his facial expressions.
“I bought these to be used,” Ben tells me with a smile. “If something gets a hole or something, I’ll just get more.”
“Thank you, Ben.” I gently place my hand on his shoulder, hoping to make him understand that I’m sincere. “I appreciate very much the effort you’ve gone to.”
Ben shivers under my hand, and I pull it away in case my touch is bothering him. When I scan his face, though, he doesn’t look upset; just a little flushed and a little confused and a lot adorable. I liked touching him too much, though, and I remind myself that I need to keep my hands to myself.
“I’m looking forward to having the company,” he tells me, “and it’s really no trouble at all.”
“Trouble or not, I appreciate it,” I tell him. “I’m going to get unpacked and figure out where I want things. I have my final internship interview tomorrow.”
“Sounds good,” Ben tells me as he backs out the door. “I’ll head back to work. Please let me know if you need anything.”
“I will.”
He gestures to the dogs, and they follow him a little reluctantly. I’m pretty sure it’s just because I’m new to them, but it makes me smile anyway. When the door shuts behind them, I take a deep breath and walk to the window, admiring the amazing view from the back of the house. The unspoiled mountainside right behind the house is almost surreal. I take a moment to sit in gratitude for having such an amazing place to stay for the summer. As I turn to unpack, I remind myself again not to do anything to mess it up.
The next few weeks are notable for both how normal and how unusual they are all at the same time. My internship is everything I hoped it would be, with great mentors and various challenges and people to help. My volunteer shifts at the shelter change a little to accommodate my internship, but I make sure that I keep one day a week completely free. I learned when I started college that if I didn’t give myself a chance to decompress every so often, the unhealthy thought and addiction patterns I struggled with in my teens could creep back in.
Living with Ben is so different from living in a dorm full of teenagers. The quiet is wonderful, and the conversation is interesting and fun. I also discovered quickly that Ben and I can happily sit in silence as well. I was hesitant at first to make use of the great room and kitchen for fear of getting in his way or making him uncomfortable, but I never get those vibes when we're in the same space. His invitations to eat with him and watch movies seem completely sincere. When I accept, he seems pleased, and when I decline, he seems slightly disappointed, but not upset or hurt.
Mandy comes over to hang out fairly regularly, and I enjoy watching the dynamic between her and Ben. Seeing what a loving, healthy family looks like from the inside is a revelation and a lot different from hearing about it in therapy or from textbooks. I understand now why Mandy is such an accepting, positive person. I bring it up to her one night, about two weeks into my stay, while we're cleaning up the kitchen after an amazing dinner Ben made. He took the dogs for a walk, so it's just the two of us in the house. I put the dish soap pod in the dishwasher and close the door, pressing the start button by muscle memory. Ben is a great cook, and I hope that if I clean up afterward, he might keep at it.
Mandy's wiping down the counters, and I turn to look at her. “You’re a pretty amazing human, you know. I’ve never known why you picked me freshman year, but I’m grateful that you did. Having a friend like you made all the difference sometimes when I felt like it was all too much or too hard.”
She stops wiping to stare at me. “Wow, deep thoughts much? What brought this on?”
“Staying here with Ben is the first time I’ve ever lived in a house that's safe and accepting. Living here and seeing how you and he interact, being part of that, really brought home how different our upbringings were.” Mandy looks upset, and I rush to reassure her. “Not in a bad way! It just makes me happy that I have you in my life and that I get to see this up close. It’s nice to have such a low-stress place to be.”
“If I could go back and give you the kind of love and support that I had when I was a kid, I totally would,” Mandy tells me seriously, and then she gets a mischievous look as she finishes talking. “I wish my parents could have adopted you. I mean, you’re a great big brother already. Except that would be awkward because you think my dad’s hot!” She throws her dishtowel at my face and runs for the living room, giggling manically, and I give chase as she heads out the sliding glass doors into the backyard. Ben shows up with the dogs then, and they join in the chase game. Finally, Mandy calls time and flops into a lounge chair, and I help Ben light the fire pit. It’s another slice of life that’s new to me, and I resolve to enjoy the comfortable family dynamic for the rest of the summer, even if I do think Ben is hot.