21. Ben （and Mandy）
21
Ben (and Mandy)
T he dogs dance around me as I stand in the yard, looking down my empty driveway. I stand there for a while, hoping that maybe Trey will change his mind and I’ll see him coming back. But that doesn’t happen, and finally, I turn and go back inside, the dogs following.
My feet carry me to the kitchen, where I put a pod into the coffeemaker and wait for it to brew. I’m not sure what to do, and on autopilot, I pull out my phone and call Sherri.
“Ben, what’s up?” Sherri says, answering on the third ring.
“I fucked up with Trey,” I say, noting distantly that my voice sounds hollow.
She draws a breath but doesn’t say anything, and I can see the expression in my mind’s eye. Her forehead would have a crinkle right between her brows, and her lips would be parting and un-parting as she tried to think of the right thing to say. I don’t swear much, at least in normal conversation, and I am sure she is trying to decide which part of my call to address first. “Ben… Why? What happened? Break it down to the base parts.”
I pull in a deep breath, hold it, and let it out slowly. “Trey and I have been seeing each other. Today I told a client that I had a boyfriend, and he made an ass out of himself. I told him off, and it was done, but Trey overheard it and said that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way and left.” I swallow, my throat aching. It hurt when Sherri left, but this was a whole different kind of pain. “I didn’t stop him, I didn’t know how, or if I should, or…”
“Or…?” Sherri prompts softly.
“Or if I–” I stop, unable to vocalize what I was thinking. “Sherri, I’m sorry for how our marriage ended. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you needed to be happy.”
“Oh Ben…” she says, her voice very sad. “Ben, sweetheart, we weren’t right for each other from the beginning. You loved me. I know you still love me. We just need to be with different people. We need to be different people. There’s nothing wrong with that. The expectation that you know what you want to do with your whole life when you’re a kid, lock it in, and then live with it forever is absurd. People have long lives, and they grow and change. I grew and I needed a change, and it sounds like you’ve grown quite a bit recently, too. Changed?”
I chuckle a bit wetly. Tears are welling in my eyes, and my throat is thick. “You could say that.”
Sherri hums knowingly. “Did you find what you needed?”
“Yes,” I say without reservation. “I found so much more, things that I had no idea I would want.”
Sherri chuckles softly. “That’s good. But now he’s gone? Did he seem upset with you?”
“No, he looked sad.” I frown, picturing how he looked in the driveway. “He looked heartbroken.”
“Tell me what he said, Ben,” Sherri prompts.
I tell her word-for-word, and she sighs. “He’s playing hero a little. He thinks he’s bad for you, and he’s afraid he’ll ruin your life,” Sherri says.
“I don’t want a hero. I want him,” I say.
“Then go get him. He didn’t want to go. Go show him that it takes more than a bigot to scare you away from the man you’ve been waiting for your entire life.”
I am shocked by her wording for a second, and then I know that Sherri is right. He didn’t leave because I wasn’t giving him something he fundamentally needed. He left because he was trying to protect me.
Well, dammit, I’m forty-six years old. I can take care of myself.
“Thank you, Sherri. I appreciate it.”
“Go get your man, Ben. Drag him home and show him that you love him.” Sherri says. Leave it to her to say the quiet part out loud.
“I will,” I say quietly.
I end the call with resolve solidifying in me. I know what I have to do. I scroll down and call Mandy. She’ll know how to win Trey back.
“Hi, Daddy,” Mandy says when she picks up. “How are you doing?”
“Not great. Mandy, baby, is Trey there?” I ask.
“No, he’s not here, why? Isn’t he supposed to be home by now?”
“He was, but he left. There was a little bit of a misunderstanding, and he took off. I thought he would have gone to see you,” I say.
“No, I haven’t talked to him in a few days. What kind of misunderstanding?”
I sigh and lay out everything that happened, including what Sherri and I had talked about.
“Holy shit, Daddy. That’s a lot.” Mandy sounds sympathetic.
“Kinda, yeah,” I concede. “I need to find him and get him to come home. I have no idea where he is if he isn’t with you, though. Not even a text from him?” I ask her.
“No, nothing. I’ll find him, though, I promise. What do you want me to do when I find him?”
I open my mouth but realize I don’t have an answer for that. “Uh. Maybe ask if he would come back so we can talk?”
“I can do that, Daddy. So… I was right, though?” Mandy’s voice goes up with her question, a pleased lilt. “I knew it! He was drooling over you at the wedding, and I’ve never seen you look at anybody else like you looked at him.” She gave a short, if maniacal laugh. “I love being right! I’ll find him for you and drag him home to you.” She made a kissing noise through the phone and hung up.
***
Mandy
I squint at my phone for a minute after I hang up from talking to my dad. Trey didn’t call me, which tells me he probably thinks that I’ll be mad at him for running out on Daddy.
I might be a little bit, but I also know he thinks he’s protecting him, and the intent is admirable, even if he’s being a complete dumbass. I’m going to tell him that’s what he is doing, actually.
First, though, I have to find him.
I know every friend that Trey has, so I start calling people. I strike out with the first four, and I’m starting to get a little concerned that he either didn’t actually make plans with anybody or that it’s someone I don’t know.
Next on the list is Holden. Trey met him at work at the shelter, and he came out with us once when we went to a trivia night. He’s cool, and I got his number so I could invite him to more things, but I hadn’t gotten around to it yet.
I push the call button and wait while it rings.
“Hello?”
“Holden? It’s Mandy. Hey, I’m looking for Trey. Have you seen him?”
I hear some scuffling and a hissed voice, and then Holden comes back. “Look, Trey says he’s fine.”
“That’s bullshit. He broke up with my dad, who he's in love with. He’s not fine.” I am all but hands-on-my-hips indignant, and the way Holden sucks in air told me he hears it loud and clear.
“I–” Holden starts to say, but I don’t let him get more than a single word in edgewise.
“Tell me where you are, and then you tell Trey that I’m coming for him, and if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll be waiting for me,” I say.
“Trey said that–”
“I don’t care what Trey said; this isn’t optional. Now, what’s the address?”
And half an hour later, I’m knocking on Holden’s door.
Holden lets me in, wearing a sweatshirt and a beanie over his shaggy hair. “Mandy, look, I don’t know what you wanna say to him, but–”
I smile at him. “I’m just here to explain reality,” I say sweetly, and Holden backs up a full two steps, blue eyes going wide. He raises his hand and points to the living room, where Trey is curled around a pillow on the couch.
“Mandy, what are you doing?” Trey asks, looking at him.
“I came to bring you home, you dickhead,” I say. “You ran out and left Daddy wondering what he did wrong.”
Trey frowns. “He didn’t do anything wrong. I got him fired. What if more of his clients are angry that he’s with a man? I can’t let him throw his life away for me.”
I shake my head. “If they showed themselves as homophobic, Daddy wouldn’t have worked for them. He told me that he told the one who fired him today not to recommend him. He wouldn’t work for the likes of him.”
“Nice ideals, but life isn’t always so neat and tidy,” Trey says. “I lo– I really like your dad. I don’t want him to get hurt or worse.”
“If you really lo-like him, you’d treat him like an adult who can make his own decisions. You’re hurting both of you right now. Look at you. You’re miserable, and he’s no better. He thought that he ruined it like he ruined his marriage to my mom. He thinks he deserves to be alone.” It’s a low blow, but it’s not a lie. If my mom hadn’t reassured him, I’m sure he would be planning his eternal solitude.
Trey sat up straight, anger and hurt on his face. “That’s not true! He deserves to be with someone he’s in love with! He’s funny and sweet, and he’s the most amazing man I’ve ever known–”
I’m smirking at him, and he realizes it after he rants for a minute. “Oh yeah? So, who is he in love with?” I ask when he stops, and he stares at me with his mouth open.
“No,” Trey says, shaking his head. “He can’t be, he’s not– I’m not–,” He stops and breathes deeply. “Look,” he starts again, “I’m not worth him ruining his whole life over.”
“You are! And he’s not ruining his life. I told you, he doesn’t want anything to do with those people anyway.” I plant my hands on my hips and look at him. “I’d be a lot more patient if it were just you hurting, but you two need to work this out together. Now grab your stuff and come with me. I’m taking you home to my dad and putting the both of you out of your misery.”
Holden, who has been watching this back and forth like he was at a tennis match, takes a step forward. “Hey, I don’t want Trey to do something he doesn’t want to,” he begins, and I turn to him with a smile.
“Holden, I knew you were a sweetheart. Trust me; he wants to. He and my dad are made for each other. I love how much you care, and I think you should come out with us again soon. For now, though, we need to go.” I blow him a kiss, grab Trey’s backpack in one hand and his wrist in the other, and drag him to my car.
Trey slouches in my front seat, and I hear his phone go off. He unlocks it and snorts. “Mandy, Holden just told me to text him if I need him to call the police for me.”
I laugh and wave at Holden, who is looking out the window. “I knew I liked him. We’ll keep him. For now, though, you have something to do.”