Chapter Forty-one
LUCAS
Unusually but thankfully left alone by pygmy goats in need of a cuddle, I made it all the way to the loch in the middle of the island before I realised space from Kit might be a helpful step toward clearing my mind of the almost undeniable need to be close to him, but space alone wouldn’t be enough.
To unpick the tangle of my mind, I needed something else at the forefront.
The one aspect of my life that actually made me feel like a capable adult.
I veered away from the glittering water and towards Oscar’s farm. This would be an unscheduled visit and I didn’t have my kit with me, but after weeks of absence, surely he would be happy to see me. Regardless of whether I arrived panting and wild eyed.
I needed the distraction of caring for animals to give my mind space to figure out what I had to do to prove to Kit that I could be a normal partner and not some sex-crazed loon.
Aster said I did my best non-thinking while working.
Most of my brain would be focused on the animals, but the bit left over whirred along on its own.
Oscar was at his gate when I arrived, a hammer in one hand and a box of nails in the other.
He’d laid down a sheet of wood across the cattlegrid to provide a stable base while he worked.
Two of his Labradors laid beside him, their eyes fixed on me.
The pack of pygmy goats who’d been watching him from the other side of the gate scattered at my approach.
Oscar’s head snapped up and his thick blond eyebrows lowered when he spotted me.
‘I guess you’re alright then?’ He straightened, leaning the head of his hammer on the gate.
I slowed to a gentle stroll for the last few steps, leaving an arm plus a hammer’s distance between us. Oscar wasn’t a jolly guy, but he’d always been friendly enough before. My becoming a mystical beast was apparently not the only thing that had changed.
‘I’m fine. Thanks.’ I tried for a smile that was very much not returned. Hopefully, even if Oscar was mad at me for some random reason, he would let me run around his farm caring for his animals.
‘Nice of someone to let me know you made it through the storm unharmed,’ Oscar grumbled.
‘Oh.’ My turn to frown. ‘Didn’t anyone tell you I made it to Aster and Callum’s cabin? Then decided to stay there for a few weeks because I missed my bestie?’
That was the official party line spread around the island. Aster claimed it was believable because who wouldn’t desperately miss basking in his magnificent presence and be unwilling to tear themselves away?
Bonnie told me, during a phone call when she’d impressed on me the importance of telling her all the interesting gossip I discovered because she was now my Alpha, that she had told everyone on the island about my impromptu bro-fest.
Everyone but Oscar, apparently.
‘Nope.’ He thumped the hammer into the top of the fence. ‘And you’ve officially become part of the gang, I see.’
I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut. During her phone call, Bonnie had told me the list of people I didn’t need to hide my newly wolfified status from. It wasn’t long. Oscar definitely wasn’t on it.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked in what I hoped was a wholly innocent manner. He couldn’t know about werewolves, had to be hinting at something else. Maybe the stink of goat had permeated my skin while I’d recovered in the mountains.
Oscar’s frown morphed into a glare. ‘Nothing. What would a simple farmer know about anything? And why would anyone think to tell me that some bloke I’d seen running off into the worst storm we’ve had here in years got through it without a scratch?’
‘Oscar?’ I waited until he looked at me, his arms crossed over his thick jumper. ‘I’m sorry no one told you I was okay.’
He huffed, but his eyebrows shifted upwards. ‘Did the storm catch you?’
I struggled to think of the details of my fake alibi. ‘I was almost at Callum and Aster’s when it hit. Just got a bit wet.’
Oscar might not be glaring or frowning anymore, but his stare was no less intense. ‘And you’ve been alright, since then?’
‘Oh, yeah.’ I nodded, as though being positive enough would make the mess of the past day not count. ‘All good and ready to return to work.’
‘Right.’ Oscar seemed to realise he had been barring entry to his farm while holding a slightly intimidating hammer. ‘Come on in, but be careful. The storm did a number on the gate. Since then, I’ve had to come down every day to check it so that none of those buggers get in.’
He glared over at the goats huddled in the distance. He was insistent that they were all on a mission to break into his farm, but I’d not seen any evidence yet.
‘Let me give you a hand.’
I stepped forward to help him haul the gate across the covered cattle grid, but jumped back when his dogs ran over and crashed into the patched slats. Their teeth were bared, their throats vibrating with deep snarls.
‘Woah, Jenny. Katie, get down.’ Oscar grabbed the dogs by their collars and hauled them away from the fence. Their growls subsided into whines as they panted at his sides. He held onto them for a moment, before letting go and looking at me. ‘Bloody hell. I thought you were the animal whisperer?’
Horror, much more visceral and consuming than when I’d woken in the storm and realised how badly injured I was, crashed through me.
An animal had never reacted to me with anything other than friendliness or casual indifference before.
I looked away from Oscar’s shocked face to the goats huddled in the distance. I took a step towards them. They skittered backwards.
Tiny Tim and Albert had tricked me. They were so used to being in the presence of a predator that they didn’t react to it anymore. Their violent nuzzling had fooled me into assuming nothing had changed other than all my obvious wolfy enhancements.
Kat had hissed at me. I’d assumed that was grouchiness at being woken from her beauty sleep. I had been too distracted by Kit to wonder why she would have stayed away after.
I’d lost one of the things I loved most about myself. Animals flocking to me had always brought me pure happiness, and that was gone.
‘I don’t know what’s happened.’ I turned back to Oscar and tried not to look at the dogs cowering at his sides, tried not to sound utterly devastated. ‘I guess I’ve lost my touch.’
‘Come here.’ Oscar encouraged me back towards the gate. ‘Get down on your knees and hold out your hands.’ He patted his dogs on the head once I complied, my fingers reaching through the slats of the fence. ‘This is Lucas the vet. You know him. He’s a good guy.’
One of the Labradors looked up at him with clear scepticism, but the other lowered her head and slowly crept towards my hand. She sniffed my fingertips.
The moment she realised who I was and put aside whatever instincts were barking at her to keep me away from her human was marked by her eyes transforming into wide saucers, followed by a whole lot of licking.
The other dog realised she was missing out and bounded forwards, her wet nose cruising across my other palm and into the sleeve of my jumper.
The sadness drenching me eased a little. Animals didn’t totally hate me. They might have some initial reluctance to come near but once they did, all was as it should be.
‘You’ve not lost it.’ Oscar leant on the gate and gazed down at his dogs as they nuzzled wetly at my hands. ‘Just might have to work a bit harder at first. That’s all.’
That was so much better than my initial assessment, but still different to what I’d enjoyed before. I gave the dogs one last scratch under the chin and stood.
‘Do you mind if I come back another day?’ Everything inside of me was too raw to stroll around Oscar’s farm, every animal running from me in terror until they were coaxed near and realised I wasn’t going to take a bite out of them.
‘That’s fine, lad.’ Oscar reached over the fence and squeezed my shoulder. ‘You’ve got a lot to adjust to. Don’t rush back to work before you’re ready.’
I nodded and stepped back despite the temptation to lean into his touch and collapse across the gate in tears. Anyone being too nice to me right now was dangerous.
I kept to a jog while I was in his eyeline, then pounded across the grass towards the loch. I’d rejected sitting by the still water earlier, had been sure that a day spent caring for animals who loved me just as much as I loved them would be the cure to my confusion around Kit.
But animals didn’t love me anymore. At least, not as unquestioningly as they had before. People had always been a challenge, I said the wrong thing and they lost patience with me, but animals had been my easy friends.
I blinked hard against the tears threatening to fall as I ran. I wouldn’t let everything be lost today. I couldn’t.
My chest hitched as I stumbled to a halt beside the loch and fell to my already grass-stained knees.
I only had so much say in what was lost today. An essential part of me was gone, changed. And as much as I wanted to be normal with Kit, maybe he would decide I was too much of a handful.
I leant forward and pressed my forehead to the sandy shore. I’d cry this out, then find a solution. There had to be a way I could crawl into Kit’s arms tonight and he’d tell me everything would be okay.