9
“You’re doing fine,” he whispered over my shoulder.
I grimaced. “How many times have I told you? Fine isn’t good enough.”
“Alright, then.” His breath tickled my ear, his bare chest flat against my back. “You’re doing a real good job.”
I tried to keep my composure as I fucked in and out of the toy. It felt good, but the nerve endings on the back of my neck were on fire. I could feel his body heat, and his eyes on me felt like a physical touch.
“I like the toy,” I said, “but I’d rather be doing this with you.”
He touched my hip, stopping me mid-thrust. “Yeah?”
“Mm.”
Then he slid his hand down my front, took me in hand, and—
My eyes snapped open. I was breathing hard and drenched in sweat. Worse, my pyjama pants were damp and sticky.
Ugh. I hadn’t had a wet dream in months. I’d hoped they’d stop once I finished puberty, but they still happened every now and then.
I pushed myself out of bed and moved through the dark into my ensuite, where I took off my pants and wiped myself up with a few damp tissues.
I fell back in bed and checked the time. 6:23AM, which was too early to get up, but I felt too awake to fall asleep again. The yellow beginnings of dawn slipped under the crack in my blinds.
I grabbed my phone and searched up how to stop wet dreams.
An answer came up immediately. There’s nothing you can do to stop wet dreams. However, you may have fewer of them after releasing sperm by masturbating or having sex with a partner.
That wasn’t very helpful. I switched off my phone and dropped it on the mattress beside me, then blinked up at the ceiling. Even in the gloom, I could still make out the light fixture. My mind wandered and—
Holy fuck. I’d dreamt about a guy.
A few days later, I sat on the floor of the living room with Atticus, who was setting up the pieces for Azul, one of his favourite board games. Elena was having a shower. I’d agreed to play with them, mostly because I wanted to procrastinate on reading the numerous studies my tutors had assigned.
“Hey, can I ask you a question?” I asked as I cleared the coffee table.
“Sure,” Atticus replied, eyes on the pieces.
“How did you know you were gay?”
“When I was eight, a boy in my class made my stomach feel weird. I later found out they call that ‘butterflies’. Therefore, I deduced I was gay.”
“You deduced that when you were eight?”
“Yes,” he said. “But I didn’t know the word ‘gay’ back then.”
“How do you know you’re not, like, bisexual or pansexual or something?”
“I think I would know if I was attracted to women.”
I rested my head on my palm. “Hmmm.”
Atticus looked at me. “Does this have something to do with your kissing research?”
“You remember that?” I asked. “Yeah, it does. Initially, I was researching how to kiss girls, but I think I should broaden my investigation.”
“Don’t you have a male tutor?”
I blinked. “How do you know about that?”
“Elena told me you had a suspiciously handsome guy prowling across your bed.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised Elena told Atticus that. They told each other almost everything. “Yeah,” I said.
Atticus gave me a long look. Despite his blunt nature, he could be surprisingly perceptive, and for a second I worried that he could see right through me, all the way to the wet dream I’d had. “I think broadening your investigation is a good idea,” he said eventually.
On Tuesday afternoon, I waited for Nick at Professors Lane Caf é like we planned. Today was different though—I felt more nervous, but also more excited.
My class had finished earlier than usual, so I killed some time by ordering an iced latte. Doctors advised against drinking coffee so late in the afternoon, but I was pretty tolerant of caffeine.
“It’s you.”
The voice was loud, and I turned to see the blond vape guy from the party all those weeks back. Nick’s friend. Like me, he was waiting off to the side for his beverage to be made.
“Oh hey,” I said, walking over to him. “Tyler, right?”
“That’s right. Remind me of your name?”
“Hayden,” I said. “Hayden Miller.”
“How’ve you been? Still cut up about your girlfriend dumping you?”
“Oh, no,” I said with an awkward chuckle. “I’m over it. How have you been?”
“Eh, not bad. Trying to give up vaping, it’s going awfully. After this, I gotta study at the library. Got an assignment due at midnight.”
“Have you finished most of it?” I asked.
“Haven’t even started,” he said with a grin.
Oh, so he was one of those people.
“Good luck,” I said, trying to sound encouraging.
“Thanks, but I ain’t worried. You know what they say: P’s get degrees. Anyway, what are you up to?”
“I’m here to meet Nick, actually.”
His brows jumped up. “Nick? As in my Nick? Nick Dimitriades?”
“Yeah,” I said, ignoring the prickle of irritation I felt at my Nick .
“No way. What are you doing with—”
“I’m here,” a voice said behind me. It was Nick, wearing his signature bored expression. His eyes shifted to Tyler. “Oh, hey.”
“Nick,” Tyler said, “Hayden was just telling me he’s here to meet you.”
“Yeah, we’re gonna hang out,” Nick replied.
“I didn’t know you two were friends.”
“We’re not exactly friends,” I pointed out, then realised how it sounded. “What I mean is that Nick’s my tutor.”
“Tutor?” Tyler repeated. “Tutoring what?”
“Calculus,” Nick said.
“Sex,” I said at the same time.
There was a beat of silence, during which Nick gave me a withering stare.
Then Tyler laughed and slapped my arm. “You’re kind of funny, you know that?” His lips curled. “Nah, but if Nick batted for the other team, I’d ask him to tutor me in sex too. He’s a cutie.”
“Tyler,” Nick said, looking irritated.
“I wouldn’t say he’s a cutie,” I said. For the second time in as many minutes, I was subjected to a glare. “He’s handsome, but in a smouldering sort of way.”
“Ha!” Tyler said, slapping my arm again. “You’re right. He wastes his looks on scowling all the time. It’s scary.”
“I don’t know, it can be kind of hot,” I said.
Tyler tilted his head as he regarded Nick, who was glaring at both of us. “You’re right, Hayden. It is kind of hot.”
“You have to stop saying stuff like that,” Nick told him. “People will think you’re actually into me.”
“But I am actually into you,” Tyler declared, eyes shining. He wrapped his arms around Nick and started making kissing noises. “My dear Nicholas, don’t you know I pine for you every night?”
Nick’s response was muffled by the kissing noises, but I made out a grumbled “Get… off…”
“Triple shot caramel frapp é for Tyler?” a barista called out, and Tyler immediately let go of Nick. “That’s me. I gotta head off to the library, but you two enjoy calc, okay? Good seeing you, Hayden. Bye, lover.” He winked at Nick, then he grabbed his frapp é and disappeared through the door.
“Ugh, he’s the worst,” Nick said, smoothing the wrinkles out of his clothes.
“I thought he was your friend.”
“He is. Unfortunately.”
The barista called out my order, and I grabbed my iced latte. I asked if Nick wanted something, but he shook his head. We walked out of the caf é , heading towards my apartment.
I sipped my drink. “Hey, why did Tyler think I was joking when I said you were tutoring me in sex?” I asked.
“Because the idea is completely preposterous,” Nick said.
“If the idea’s so preposterous, why did you say yes?”
I expected him to say something about it being repayment for finding his key or because he liked the free food.
“Because I’m an idiot,” he said instead.
When we arrived at my apartment, I chuckled my empty latte cup in the bin and made Nick his usual cup of iced water.
“Even your fridge is fancy,” he said as it filled the cup with pre-made ice.
“My parents bought it,” I said.
“Your dad and your stepmum?”
“Yeah,” I said, passing him the glass.
“And your sister’s the one who walked in on us.”
“Yeah, Elena,” I said. “Do you have any siblings?”
“No, but I have about ten million cousins.”
“Do they live here?”
“In Melbourne, yeah. Apart from my parents, my whole family’s here. Except for some super distant relatives, they’re in Greece.”
“Why don’t you live with them? Your family in Melbourne, I mean.” He mentioned the first night we met that he lived in student accommodation.
“I mean, I could, but I’d rather be independent. Plus, where I live now is closer to uni.” He put the glass in the dishwasher, then nodded at my bedroom door. “Want to do this?”
“Yeah,” I said, mouth suddenly feeling dry. I followed him into my room, trying to look casual. “So, uh, I’ve got some news,” I said after closing the door behind me.
“What?” Nick said, sitting on the edge of my bed.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other as I looked down at the floor. “I sorta kinda think I like guys too.”
“Okay.” He sounded… normal.
“Um. I guess this means that if you have any lessons about how to be good at sex with men, then you can teach them to me.”
“Like what, exactly?”
“Like fellatio and stuff,” I said, looking up.
His eyes went wide. “You want me to teach you how to give a blowjob? Would you be practising on me?”
“No!” I said quickly, ignoring the mental image of myself on my knees. “I don’t know how you’d teach me, you’re the expert.”
“Not in giving head to men. You’d have to ask Tyler about that.”
“Oh,” I said. “Do you think he’d be willing to help?”
“No,” Nick said immediately.
We were both silent for a bit.
“Now I’ve made things weird,” I said. “Forget it. Tyler said you don’t bat for the other team anyway.”
“Tyler doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
I froze. “So…”
Nick looked annoyed and shoved a hand through his hair, dishevelling it. “Ugh, just wait here, kay?” He got up and stormed into my bathroom.
Oh no. Had I majorly pissed him off?
But a second later, he was back, drying his hands with a towel. He folded up the towel, put it to the side, then sat on the edge of the bed. “Come here,” he beckoned.
I approached. “Should I kneel on the carpet?”
His eyes almost popped out of his head. “No. Jesus. Just sit next to me.”
“Oh, okay.” I did as he said.
He shot me a suspicious look. “Why do you sound disappointed?”
“I don’t!” I said, feeling my skin heat. “Alright, so what’s happening?”
He wiggled the fingers of his right hand. “So I might not be an expert in giving, but I can tell you what feels good when receiving. So, practise sucking on this finger.” He pointed his index finger.
“You really don’t mind?”
“No. Do you?”
“Nah. You just washed it, right?” I started to lower my head.
“Yeah. And remember, don’t use your teeth,” he said.
“Contrary to your opinion of me, I’m not a complete moron,” I said and wrapped my lips around his fingertip. He held it up so I didn’t have to bow my head too much, and it felt very small in my mouth.
I glanced up at Nick. He’d gone very still.
I went ahead, taking the length of the finger into my mouth, feeling it slide against my tongue—
“You’re tearing it up,” Nick said, yanking his digit out of my mouth. It glistened with my saliva.
“What?” I said, wiping the corner of my mouth. “No, I’m not.”
“I could feel your teeth.”
“It’s not like I’ve left any bite marks.”
Nick actually flinched. “That’s not the point. Cocks are sensitive, you know. Even a hint of teeth will rip your partner out of the moment.”
I couldn’t disagree with his logic. “Okay, sorry. I’ll try again.”
Nick grumbled under his breath as he wiped his finger on the towel.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No.”
He turned and presented me with his finger again.
“You seem kind of mad.”
“I’m not—” he cut himself off. “If anything, I’m mad at myself.”
“Why?”
He stared into my eyes, and for a second, I thought his expression softened. Then he frowned again. “It’s nothing.”
“Then do you think you could stop scowling at me? It’s kinda psyching me out.”
He blinked. “Right, of course. I’ll try to stop being so grumpy.” He pulled a smile, revealing his top row of teeth.
“Now that just looks terrifying.”
That made him laugh for real, and I stifled a smile, secretly proud of myself. Once both of us relaxed, I tried sucking on his finger again, making a concentrated effort to avoid running my teeth against his skin. I quickly discovered the best way to do that was to use my lips to cover the edges of my teeth.
“Was that alright?” I said after pulling off.
“Yeah. That was good.”
I grinned, and Nick rolled his eyes and patted me on the head. It could have felt demeaning, being treated like a puppy dog who successfully completed a trick, but I liked it.
“Two fingers,” I said, and Nick obliged.
The next few minutes passed in relative silence, our breathing and the wet sounds I made the only noises in the room. I kept glancing up at Nick, who was watching me with a little frown.
It wasn’t his annoyed or angry frown, though. It was his lost-in-the-moment frown.
His gaze flicked from my mouth to my eyes, and we held eye contact for a few electric seconds. I wanted—
But I didn’t have to say it. He understood.
With a sharp inhale, he pushed a third finger into my mouth. I lapped it up greedily, then took hold of his wrist with both hands, so I could better suck his fingers. Distantly, I knew I must’ve looked absurd, licking his digits like my life depended on it. But Nick had already seen me in a variety of ridiculous situations. What was one more? Besides, he wasn’t looking at me like I was laughable. He looked dead serious.
I slipped my mouth off his fingers, then licked the soft skin between each of the digits. I hadn’t thought it was a particularly erogenous spot, but Nick’s sucked in a sharp breath, and a moment later, he yanked his hand away from my swirling tongue.
“Fuck,” he hissed to himself.
“Did I do okay?” I asked.
He looked at me, and his wary expression was slowly replaced with a reluctant smile. “A plus.”
I didn’t expect that. “Really?” I asked, grinning widely.
He looked at his wet hand and nodded slowly. His other hand subtly shifted to his lap, the heel of his palm pushing down on something.
I stared.
“Hey,” I said, wetting my lips. “Wanna make out?”
He stared at me. His gaze roamed from my eyes to my mouth to the boner in my pants to my eyes again. “What are we doing?” he murmured, seemingly half to himself.
“You’re tutoring me in sex,” I answered.
Nick huffed a soft laugh. Then he shoved me down on the bed.