16
I woke up to see an unfamiliar ceiling, which was pimply and covered in a thick layer of white paint. Morning light slipped through the cracks in the blinds, and there was something heavy against my arm.
Nick was curled up against me, his head facing my chest, his hair tickling my neck. Looking at him made my chest hurt, like I had heartburn.
I slid my hand over his side. He didn’t wake up. I trailed my hand past his ribcage, then flattened my palm over his abdomen.
Nick made a rumbly noise that was simultaneously adorable and sexy as hell. He opened his eyes. “Mmmmh.”
I smiled. “Good sleep?”
“Mmmmrgh.”
“Lost for words?”
He rubbed his eyes. “I just woke up. You can’t expect me to be eloquent first thing in the morning.” He turned around and reached for his phone, which was charging on the bedside table. From over his shoulder, I saw the screen say it was 10:06 am.
He muttered something about sleeping in and started to get out of bed, but I tugged him back, trapping him with my legs and bumping my morning wood against the curve of his butt in the process. He gave me a dry look over his shoulders.
“You can wiggle away if you really want to.” I loosened my arms around him.
Nick harrumph ed, but didn’t roll out of bed.
I lowered my head and dipped my nose into the wave of his hair, which was slightly dishevelled from sleeping.
Nick stilled. “Are you smelling my hair?”
“It smells good,” I said. Clean like shampoo, but also like something that had been left out in the sunlight. Warm, if warm was a scent. “Everything about you is yummy. I want to gobble you up.”
He snorted at that, and it was so different from his usual icy composure.
My heart felt like it was too big for my chest. “Nick, I—”
He rolled around so he was facing me, his irises bright and vivid up close. “Yes?”
I swallowed my words and forced a smile. “Thank you for inviting me here. It’s been really fun.”
“It’s a shitty studio, not exactly a theme park.”
“Yeah, well. I think I get what you mean about the parking lot thing. I would hang out with you anywhere.”
I might’ve been imagining it, but I swore there was a hint of pleasure in his expression. The next moment, though, he was frowning.
He was probably going to admonish me. What had he said yesterday afternoon?
Don’t say that stuff, Hayden.
So, I kissed him to stop him from talking, and he was frozen for a few seconds before melting against me, soft and pliant.
We had sex, getting each other off with our hands as we made out, then washed up in the shower. As much as I wanted to scrub the sleep off Nick, we’d learned our lesson from yesterday and showered one at a time.
Nick walked me down to the front door of his building. “See you next time,” he said, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“Going to kiss me on the cheek again?” I asked.
He reddened. “That was only—whatever.”
I laughed, although I was privately disappointed he didn’t do it again. We waved goodbye to each other, which felt weirdly cold and distant, especially since we’d been having sex less than an hour ago. But Nick looked distracted, and I didn’t want to wrangle him into a hug.
I walked down the street, thinking to myself how convenient it was that we lived so close together.
“Look who it is,” a voice called, and I stopped short. Standing on the footpath, a takeaway coffee in hand, was Tyler. “Hayden, how’re you going?”
“Morning,” I said. “Did you get that assignment done?”
Tyler waved an airy hand, then gazed at me up and down. “You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday.”
I looked down at myself. “Yes.”
Tyler’s mouth twitched into a small frown as he looked over my shoulder at Carlton Student Living. “You stayed the night?” he asked slowly.
“Uh, yeah.” I shifted on my feet. “I know guests aren’t allowed—”
“No one cares about that rule,” Tyler cut in. His gaze kept straying back to the building behind me, forehead creased. “You stayed over with Nick?”
“Yeah.” What kind of question was that?”
“Nick let you sleep over?”
“Um, yeah,” I replied, realising a second too late that Nick hadn’t told Tyler about liking guys. “We’re not—he’s just—we’re just friends.”
“And he’s your tutor,” Tyler said.
“Yeah.”
“Your calculus tutor.”
“Uh, kind of.” It wasn’t a good time to correct him.
“Nick let you sleep over?” Tyler asked again, voice dripping with incredulity.
“Yes,” I said. “Sorry, is something wrong?”
He blinked once, then straightened, shaking his head. “No, not at all.” He gave me a big, charming smile. “I’ll let you continue on your way. Have a good one.”
“Thanks, you too,” I said, and after exchanging waves, I walked home.
That weird interaction out of the way, I had a lot of time to think about Nick.
I didn’t just want to have sex with him. Yes, the sex was good—in a way I’d never experienced before. It was funny and silly and hot and pleasurable. But also… I liked talking to him. I liked grocery shopping with him. I liked watching a movie together, even though we didn’t talk much, even though we were just sitting side by side.
Maybe I’d always enjoyed his company, but I hadn’t known him well back when we started the lessons. I knew him better now, and that wasn’t only because I’d seen him naked. He could be prickly, but I could tell when he meant it and when he didn’t. I used to think of him as reserved, but I’d witnessed how animated he became when he talked about duopolies or wanted to win a board game. It was like his face lit up with sunshine.
I should’ve been bouncing up and down with joy as I walked home because I’d just spent the night with him, but instead, my shoulders felt heavy with dread.
I thought you were going to confess that you were in love with me.
I’m relieved.
I’m just not a relationship person.
What was I supposed to do? I could continue to kiss and touch him, knowing that was all I was going to get, but my feelings would inevitably bob to the surface every time I looked at him.
I could pull away. Start to avoid him. But I couldn’t do that either. I wanted him too much. I wanted to breathe in the scent of his hair again. I wanted to make him roll his eyes as he stifled a smile. Then I wanted to make him laugh for real, unrestrained, low and deep and rumbly.
I wanted to wake up and find him curled up beside me, completely unguarded. Trusting.
And—maybe this was an ego thing—but I wanted him to want me . I wanted the effortlessly cool, nonchalant, above-it-all boy to be obsessed with me, Hayden Miller.
Maybe I could change his mind.
The idea came to me in a flash, and I set my shoulders. Yes. Yes . If I tried hard enough, if I showed him I could be the perfect boyfriend, I could make him want me. If I just became good enough, I could win him over.
I could make him change his rules.
After returning home, I did some chores. As I was taking out the laundry, Dad rang.
“Hi, Dad,” I said after picking up.
“Afternoon, Hayden,” Dad said, with the same cadence he used every phone call. “What are you up to?”
“Doing the laundry,” I said.
“Is university going well?”
“Yep.”
“And you and Elena are getting along?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Good. Lisa and I are planning to go to Melbourne next weekend if you’re free then. We can spend some time together.”
“Okay. I’m free, and Elena probably will be too. Are you going to stay with us?”
“No, we’ll book a hotel. We don’t want to crowd your space,” he said with a little laugh. “Lisa will handle all the logistics. She wants to see some sort of fashion exhibit at the NGV, and there are some restaurants she wants to try.”
“Sounds fun,” I said.
“Indeed.”
There was a short pause. Phone calls with Dad were always a bit awkward. It was better when we talked face to face, but only slightly. We never knew what to say to each other. I think I was closer to him when I was young. I remember sitting on the burgundy rug in the lounge room and playing with a train set with him, remember when he built Elena and me a tree house in the backyard and when we painted the walls together.
But he always worked a lot, and during school, I only saw him in the evenings when he was tired. And then my mum left, and from that moment on, there was a huge gulf between us that neither of us could really cross.
Talking to Lisa had always been easier—both in person and through phone calls. It was partly because she was a chatterbox—she loved talking about anything and everything. We’d have conversations about the most inconsequential things, like whether we’d rather be trapped in a room with a red kangaroo or a brown snake. Conversations with Dad always had a point.
Lisa reminded me of a school buddy who was a few grades above. Dad was like the school principal, who was friendly enough but also a little scary, and mostly did paperwork in his office.
“Have you been studying a lot?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, I watched some lecture recordings today.”
“Don’t you go to lectures in person?”
“I do,” I clarified. “But I rewatch the lectures to revise.”
“I see. That’s good. And how’s your social life?”
“Fine,” I said. “I made a new friend this semester. His name is Nick. He’s majoring in Actuarial Studies.”
“He must be clever then. He does a lot of maths, I assume?”
“Yeah, he’s doing calculus and algebra. I don’t know the details about the classes, but his homework looks complicated. He’s really clever, though. We studied together once, and he’s able to focus way better than I can. It’s impressive how he gets all his work done, because he’s pretty busy, and he also works a part-time job. You’d like him, though.”
“It sounds like you really admire him,” Dad said.
I blushed. “Well, uh. Yeah.”
“That’s good,” Dad continued. “You know, I always tell you that university’s a good opportunity to mix with bright and interesting people.” He started to talk about his own days at Lygon U, and as I listened, I hoped my gushing about Nick hadn’t been too revealing.
I arrived at Professors Lane Caf é , planning to meet Nick. He hadn’t arrived yet, and the place was quiet. A few students sat by the tables with their laptops out. Baristas dressed in black clothing moved behind the counter.
I checked the time on my phone. I was a little early, so I ordered an iced latte and waited by the side for it to be ready.
“Hayden?” a familiar female voice said from behind me.
I turned around to see Sophie. I’d forgotten how much shorter she was. She came up to my chest, and her hair was swept up in a scruffy ponytail.
“Sophie, hi. It’s been a while.”
She smiled, stretched out her arms, and gave me a hug. I froze for a second before returning the embrace. I’d forgotten she was the affectionate type, and I didn’t hug people regularly—not Elena or Atticus or Nick. But this was how most people greeted each other.
“How have you been?” she asked after pulling away, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I haven’t heard from you since that phone call.”
“Right.” I forced a laugh, rubbing the back of my neck. “I’ve been good. Yourself?”
“Yeah, you know how it is. Uni, assignments, work. Oh, but you don’t work, do you?”
“No,” I said, feeling a tinge of embarrassment. “I might get an internship this summer, though.”
“Really? I would have thought you’d go back to your hometown.”
I shrugged a shoulder. “Our apartment is leased for a full year. I might as well make use of it and stay in the city.”
“Your apartment was pretty nice. Very fancy. How’s your sister?”
“Good, good. I’m not sure if she’ll go home for the summer or stay here.”
Sophie nodded, still smiling. I racked my brain for something to ask her. I used to catalogue everything she said about her life and file it away in my brain. Now, it was like everything I knew had been replaced with—
Suddenly, Sophie twitched, pushing hair behind her ears again. I recalled it was a nervous habit of hers. “I don’t look weird, do I?”
My brows flew up. “What? No.”
“That guy’s staring at me like a psycho.” She nodded at someone over my shoulder. “Thought I might have something on my face.”
I turned around and was somewhat unsurprised to see that the psycho was Nick. He was standing in line to order, his arms crossed, his mouth a flat, grim line. As soon as we made eye contact, his frown melted away, and he turned around to glance at his shoes.
“Must’ve scared him off,” Sophie murmured from behind me. “I hate it when people stare at others—like, mind your own business.”
I hummed in agreement because no one liked to be stared at, but—
“That’s my friend,” I said.
I turned to look at Sophie. She blinked. “The psycho’s your friend?”
“He’s not a psycho,” I clarified. “He’s just got a resting bitch face.”
“No,” Sophie said. “I know what a resting bitch face looks like. He was staring daggers at me specifically.” She tugged at her clothes self-consciously, and I felt a pang of sympathy. “What did I ever do to him?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I’m sure it’s nothing. I’ll introduce you two.”
“You really don’t have to—” Sophie began, but I was already waving Nick over.
He hesitated, gave a little nod, then stood up to the counter to order. A few seconds later, he strolled over, wearing his usual blank expression, not a glare in sight.
“Nick!” I said once he was in earshot. “This is Sophie. Sophie, this is my friend Nick.”
“Nice to meet you,” Sophie said.
“Yeah, you too.” Nick pulled a quick, obviously fake smile, then looked at me. “Have you ordered?”
I nodded. “Wanna study in the science library after?”
“Sure.” Nick glanced at Sophie. “So you two used to go out?” He said it with a stony face like it was taking all of his effort to ask her a question about herself.
Sophie gave an embarrassed smile. I wasn’t sure whether to be offended. “We did. Ages ago.”
“Two months ago,” I clarified.
“Yes,” Sophie said.
Nick looked at her. He didn’t say anything. Sophie shot me an unsure look, and when a barista called out her name, she seemed to collapse with relief. “Well, I’d better go. Lovely to see you again, Hayden. Nice to meet you, Nick.” Then she was gone.
I waited until she left the caf é , then raised a brow at Nick. “She said you were staring at her like a psycho.”
Nick frowned. “I was not. I just have a resting bitch face.”
“That’s what I said.” But his glare had looked personal. “Do you…”
Nick stilled.
“… think she’s hot?” I finished.
He glared at me. “What? No. Why would you even ask that?”
I shrugged. “You seem like the type to glare at people you find hot.”
“That’s ridiculous. I don’t glare at you.”
Pleasure tingled down my spine, but I tried not to let it show. “Actually, you do glare at me. A lot.”
My order was called out, and I grabbed the latte, sipping on it while we waited for Nick’s order to be ready.
“So, what’s been happening?” he asked. His voice seemed to have warmed up since Sophie left—no longer did he sound frosty and uninterested.
I told him about my classes and a test I needed to study for. “Oh, and my family’s visiting this weekend. Well, only Lisa. My dad was supposed to come too, but he had a work thing last minute.” Dad had rung me last night to let me know, and while it was a little disappointing, I was used to it. “It’ll still be fun, hanging with Lisa, but she made reservations at a bunch of restaurants for four.”
“Can she change it?”
“Nah. It’s okay—Elena’s bringing Atticus to dinner. He can’t make it to the high tea place, though. I’d ask you, but I doubt you’d enjoy it.”
“Why not? I’ll come.” His gaze flitted away. “I mean, if you’re inviting me.”
I opened my mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “Of course you can come. But only if you want to. You’d be hanging out with my stepmum and Elena.”
“And you.”
“And me,” I conceded.
“High tea sounds fun. I’ve never had it before.”
I licked my lips, unsure whether to say what I wanted to say. I decided to just go for it. It would be a good opportunity to see his reaction. “I would’ve asked you earlier, but I thought you might find it too… relationship-y.”
Nick didn’t react. Shit. I shouldn’t have said anything.
“But I suppose friends hang out with other friends’ families all the time,” I added.
“Yeah,” Nick said after a moment. “Tyler and I always see each other’s family.”
I pounced on the opportunity to change the topic. “You two have been friends for a while, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, since primary school,” Nick said. “He’s a year older than me, but our school was so small that everyone was close with each other.”
The barista called out his name, and he grabbed his coffee. When he returned, he popped the straw into his mouth and took a sip, looking up at me all the while. My mind immediately went to the gutter.
I locked those thoughts away. “Let’s head to the library.”