Chapter 5
Gracie's POV:
Mondays sucked, I thought.
I would rather be in my room instead of my literature class at 10 A.M and on top of that, I had a giant headache that made me lose every last bit of my remaining concentration.
Plus, it didn't help that Colleen was right next to me. Ever since the girls' revelation, I kept wondering what Colleen wanted of me. Was she just being nice or did she have some hidden reason to befriend me?
? Ms. Slater! ? The teacher's voice took me out of my thoughts.
? So...Sorry, I did not hear... ?.
? I was asking the following question: Scout realizes she's different from the other kids in her class but in what aspects? Can you answer, Ms. Slater? ?
Oh...OK. We were studying 'To Kill a Mockingbird', right? Yes, Scout, obviously. My hands started getting clammy. I was so lost. I read the book but I didn't listen to anything since the beginning of class. I was too tired and mentally exhausted to do that.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Colleen slightly raising a piece of paper. The teacher couldn't see it but I could. I tilted my head a bit, on the paper was written in a beautiful cursive handwriting 'She can write and read'.
? She can...write and read ? I read aloud the written words.
? Excellent, Ms. Slater ? He congratulated me ? Next time, keep your attention on the lesson though ?. Then, he went back to his explanation.
I turned my head toward Colleen who was looking at me with that same weird expression on her face.
The exact same she had every time I caught her looking.
She looked...happy? She was smiling, faintly but she was.
She had quite a nice smile. Her eyes were sparkling, her gaze lost, looking but not really, like she was deeply lost in her thoughts.
I couldn't help but shyly smile back. I didn't know why but I found her quite endearing, I felt a sense of safety radiating from her.
Like she had no bad intentions toward me. It appeased me a little.
But I wasn't supposed to feel like that, like the girls I should hate her. Right? I should find her disgusting. According to the Bible, she was destined to hell. Yet, I didn't feel aversion toward her. I should, homosexuality wasn't natural, it wasn't right.
Even though Coleen was wrong I couldn't feel hatred toward her. She intrigued me to the highest level. My own feelings actually intrigued me too.
Suddenly, her eyes focused back and her smile disappeared as she blinked a few times, shaking her head. She looked startled. She turned her head back down to her desk, burning holes through the paper in her hand.
She didn't glance back at me once during the remaining time of the class.
However, as soon as the class was dismissed, Colleen put some papers on my desk. My brows knitted in confusion looking up. Colleen leaned in, visibly nervous and said:
? I noticed you didn't take notes today so I took some for you, I hope it will help ?.
She smiled then walked away before I had the chance to thank her.
I was left dumbfounded, sitting at my desk while everyone exited the room, observing the notes Colleen gave me. What just happened?
We didn't know each other and yet, she understood by just observing me that I couldn't follow everything going on.
She cared enough to look at me, to understand me and to take care of me.
And even more, take notes for me. The situation seemed more and more sketchy as time went by.
If I hated her that much before why was she helping me now?
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Oh, my head was hurting so bad. I rubbed my forehead, the intensive noises of the busy hallway made it even worse. Every sound amplified to my extreme discomfort.
Who the fuck was Colleen Witzel? And why was she so nice to me?
This girl didn't seem like the monster everyone portrayed her to be, even if she was gay. What kind of girl was hiding behind those glasses? Behind that shy yet genuine smile. That smile. Those eyes. So kind when they handed me the notes. KIND.
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Flashback:
? Your friend still didn't come to see you? ? Nurse April asked while helping me wash myself.
It's been almost a week now since I woke up.
Everything was still new to me. I felt like a newborn baby.
But in my case, I had to relearn everything.
Every day I discovered new people that were once a part of my life.
A life that seemed to belong to somebody else.
And yet...here I was. Who I was before and who I was now was still a quest that I had yet to uncover every pieces.
I was the explorer of a past that was supposed to be mine and a present that left me more than surprised.
? T...They are...co...coming...a...almost..
.ev....everyday ? I difficulty answered a bit puzzled by her question.
Nurse April saw them multiple time by now.
They came most days to visit me at the hospital.
Talk loudly to me about the past, about me, about them, about people I didn't even know of, about things that I supposedly have done.
? No, not them. The one with the glasses ?.
? I...I do not...know...anyone with...glasses ?.
It was her, this time, who was confused. Nurse April helped me put the sleeves of my t-shirt on.
? It's weird. She was there the day after your accident. She asked about you. She was really distressed. She was crying too. Maybe you'll know about her soon, sweetie. Don't worry. You can't discover the world in a week ?. She smiled reassuringly at me.
She was probably right. Even if it left me frustrated, I couldn't do anything about it. It will take time to have things back in control. To return to a normal life. At normal at it could be at least.
? Let's take you back to your bed, shall we? ? She said, helping me walk.
I nodded. One step at the time, I remembered.
One step at the time.
End of flashback.
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I blinked a few times, my hand still grabbing the edge of my locker. How didn't I made the connection earlier? The girl Nurse April saw the day after my accident was most likely Colleen.
Holy shit.
But that didn't make any sense though. Right?
It seemed like Colleen cared enough about me to rush to the hospital and cried over me but I was supposed to hate her. The girls told me, we used to avoid her like the plague and messed with her to drive her crazy. Sarah wanted her gone.
Something wasn't right at all.
Two possibilities came to my mind. Either the girls lied to me or didn't tell me the entire truth OR I was friend with Colleen without the girls knowing.
Was there really a possibility that I was friend with Colleen?
Maybe she just wanted to be nice to the amnesic girl?
The girl surely didn't seem as terrible as everyone claimed her to be but then again, I didn't really know her, did I? Sure, she was gay but was it really a reason enough for me to hate her?
Homosexuality was a sin. The church taught us that. My parents preached by that.
What was wrong with me? Did my brain really have that much trauma?
Hate her Gracie, damn it, I internally yelled at myself.
Her kind smile flashed in my mind. Deep down, in that instant, I didn't feel like hating her. For God sake, the girl took notes for me.
? Gracie ?
Startled, I turned my head, seeing Paige walking toward me in the now empty hallway. When did it become so empty? Did the bell already ring? The constant ringing in my head wasn't helping, I put my hand on it. Trying to massage it.
? I searched for you everywhere ? she approached me, examining me up and down, brows furrowed.
? Are you okay? ?.
? I...I have...an...headache ? I let out.
It was just now that I felt how exhausted I was and how bad my headache actually was. My head was throbbing.
Paige started patting my back, leading me to the other side of the hallway, visibly concerned about my condition.
? We're going to the nurse's office. God, you're so pale. Maybe it will be better if you go home today to rest ?.
Damn, I hated those fucking headaches.
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Colleen POV:
I talked to her.
And not just one word but an actual full sentence.
I was so happy, excited and yet so conflicted.
Should I really get close to her like that?
I didn't want to stay away neither.
I loved her so much. Oh, god. I loved her. I wanted. No, needed to be close to her. It was like a survival instinct, telling me that if I was away from her I was going to die.
I wanted everything to be like before but it was impossible. There was no going back. The Gracie I knew wasn't there anymore yet it was still her. She was the same person, however, all of the moments we shared were gone. I knew that.
Even though I was once the victim of the school gossip system, now it was actually serving me. The good thing was that apparently, no one in this school knew how to talk quietly. Which allowed me to eavesdrop on them.
The thing with Gracie's friends is that they couldn't keep something for themselves, especially Sarah Holland. They didn't know what keeping a secret meant but now, I couldn't be gladder.
I currently knew everything that I could learn about Gracie's medical condition and how she was progressing in her everyday life.
Was it stalking?
No, probably not since everyone knew about it.
I passed entire nights doing research on traumatic brain injury and other medical terms whose names were very scary.
I didn't know how to process all these pieces of information.
The truth was that...I was terrified. I didn't know what to do or say or even what to think.
If tomorrow Gracie regained her memory, what will happen?
And what will happen if she never did? Should I tell her?
She had the right to know. But would she believe me if I did?
I watched Gracie's empty desk in our science class, I hadn't seen her since our literature class. Her headache was rather important this morning, she must have gone home again.
I sighed. This situation was a huge mess.