Chapter 7
Gracie's POV:
? We knew each other before, didn't we? ?.
Her jaw clenched as her eyes fell on the ground. She sighed before looking at me with tearful eyes.
? Yes, we did ? She whispered, waiting nervously for my reaction.
I was right.
But even though I had my doubts before, her confirmation set my entire body on fire. I could feel my heartbeat fastened and the pulsations reaching my temples. It felt so good. Finally finding a new missing piece of my life.
And yet another question popped into my head.
? My friends didn't know, did they? ?.
That made her chuckle. The cute sound made the corner of my lips slightly rise.
? If they did, they would have murdered me on the spot and locked you up to brainwash you ?.
? OK, Class. Today we're going to continue where we left off yesterday ? yelled the teacher interrupting our conversation, startling me in the process.
? Can we talk later? ? I whispered to her, once I regained my composure.
I had to know. I needed to know. I had so many questions and it was always 'Why?'or 'How?'.
She nodded ? Sure ?. She gave me a soft reassuring smile but not the same one she had used before. This time it was...brighter. Lighter. She seemed happier, something in her eyes I had yet to see. Even her features were a bit different. Less tensed than earlier.
Happiness looked good on her.
Wait...what?
What am I thinking?
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When the bell rang, we both left as fast as we could. We had five minutes in between classes and I needed as much explanation as I could get. I probably had a lot to catch up on.
Unfortunately, once we reached the hallway the girls were waiting for me at the other end of it.
Colleen immediately flipped around in panic.
? Do you still have the same phone number as before? ? she whispered, faking looking through her backpack.
? Yes ? I answered without moving my lips too much because the girls were watching.
? Good, I'll call you in the evening ?.
With that, she walked behind me toward the other end of the hallway.
Bella was excitingly waving at me from afar as the rest of the girls looked around like they were about to murder anyone that dared to look toward their direction.
How was Bella even friend with them? Us?
She was so nice and innocent compared to the rest of us.
I was sure she never did anything bad in her life. That girl was like a puppy sometimes.
That thought alone made me laugh. I waved back, walking toward them but my mind was already busy playing the different scenarios of what Colleen could possibly reveal to me.
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It was now 7 P.M and Colleen still hadn't called. I passed the entire day wondering about what she would tell me. I couldn't focus on anything else the entire day, so much that people thought I had another headache.
So far, I only knew we were friends, that was it. But were we occasional friends, greeting each other and having small talk or were we close friends?
Earlier, Colleen made it sound like we were close friends. It made me think of what Nurse April had said. That Colleen came crying at the hospital after my accident. That fact alone made me believe we were close friends.
I checked my phone again. Nothing.
I let out a frustrated sigh. It was now 7:34 P.M. I've been pacing back and forth in my room for almost an hour already.
Not able to concentrate my attention on anything else.
I needed to know. Colleen was the key to unlock an entirely new part of my past life.
Our friendship was a secret which meant they were things that only she knew.
? Gracie! Are you okay? ?
My mother's voice startled me. I jumped back a little, bumping into the dresser behind me. There was a faint ? Thump ? noise of something heavy falling on the floor. I turned back, searching for what I had maybe broken but there was nothing apparent.
? Gracie, sweetie? ?.
I turned back, looking at my mother, who looked at me with concern.
? Sorry, I...I am...fine. Ju...Just a...little nervous about school...that is all ? I lied, sending her a smile to emphasize my point.
? Maybe you should get some sleep? Give your body and mind some rest. The doctor said it will help ? She replied, moving closer.
? Ok, I...will ?
? Good night, sweetie ? She whispered kissing my forehead.
? Good night, mom ?.
After she closed the door, I started looking around. I knew something fell but what? And where? Something definitely did, I wasn't crazy. Well, Colleen was driving me crazy but not to that point.
It was near my dresser. Somewhere. I took a few steps back to assess the whole area and there it was, underneath it.
It was some kind of box from what I could see where I was standing.
I got closer and kneeled carefully in front of it, taking it easy with my injured leg.
Bending my leg was always difficult now.
Actually, doing anything with it was difficult now.
I carefully took the brown box and sat on my bed, setting it on my lap.
The box had duct tape on the side, it must have been duct taped beneath the dresser.
But why? My life became a mystery more and more every passing day. I mean what's next? Am I going to learn that I'm secretly part of a gang or something? Damn. Why was my life so complicated?
That box was in my room, so it must have been mine. But why giving myself all that trouble to hide it?
What was in it that necessitated that must secrecy? Something I didn't want anyone to find out for sure.
I put my shaking hand on the lid, hesitant and nervous.
On one hand, I couldn't wait to find out what it was but on the other hand, I was scared as hell.
Apprehensive of what it could possibly behold.
What if it was something bad? Like a dark unspeakable secret?
The gang thing didn't seem that crazy suddenly.
Ok, maybe I was going too far.
I inhaled deeply and opened the box, putting the lid aside.
When my eyes fell on the content nothing seemed to be awful inside. That seemed actually rather pretty ordinary. The box was big enough to contain two notebooks and a few other small items.
On top of the notebooks were some polaroid pictures. I took them first to examine them, my heart started racing. However, when I looked at it, I was left confused once again.
The first picture was of an old treehouse in a middle of the forest. It seemed like a banal picture but felt somewhat familiar, like I've been there on the daily and it been impregnated in my retina.
Maybe it was a childhood spot? Maybe that was why for the first time since my accident I had a sense of familiarity. It was so deeply implanted inside my brain that I could sense it behind the heavy fog of my amnesia.
However, as much as I tried to remember it, I couldn't. So I passed to the second picture. Maybe that would help me. The more you see the more you will remember. Right?
The instant my eyes fell on the other picture, they widened in shock.
It was not a childhood memory. It was more recent than that.
In the picture, Colleen was waving on top of the ladder that led to the treehouse. The happiest smile on her lips.
Well, it explained a lot. If I hid my friendship with Colleen, it made perfect sense why I kept our memories in a hidden box. I wouldn't take the chance of someone discovering it.
I passed to the next picture who left me speechless.
We were together, arms around each others shoulders, forehead touching on the side, laughing.
We seemed really happy but something was off.
I had a weird feeling about it that I couldn't explain.
Like there was something more to it than what it seemed.
I looked at myself. My face seemed different from the over pictures I had looked of myself before.
Even, the ones I had on display in my room.
That gaze, that smile; they seemed so different.
That girl looked like she truly cared about Colleen.
Colleen looked the same way, her eyes weren't like they were now.
They had an exciting warmth in it; the sadness and pain were nowhere to be found.
She smiled so care-freely. Something I had never seen before in Colleen.
And all that, hidden from everyone.
If only the girls and my family knew about it. Me, befriended a homosexual.
Colleen was right. They would have flipped their shit and locked me away.
I didn't know how to feel about that neither.
It was supposed to be wrong but apparently, I didn't seem to care about that before.
The girl in the picture didn't look like she cared at all.
But what about now? Was it bothering me?
I was torn apart between my moral code and my feelings.
My conflict had been going on ever since I met Colleen and I hoped it will end after I talked to her.
Besides the fact that she liked girls, Colleen seemed like a nice person but again she liked girls. Damn this world.
I passed to the next picture. I fought nothing could shock me anymore but I was dead wrong.
Our faces were so close in this one. Our foreheads were still against one another. Gazes lost in each other. I felt a warm feeling emerging in the pit of my stomach. That picture gave out that off feeling again. There was something deeper between us.
Maybe we were more than friends?
No, I shook that idea out of my head. Impossible. I wasn't gay.
Was I?
Colleen seemed to be a nice girl but that's all it was.
A jolt of electricity traveled through my body, burning my insides in the process. I took deep breathes, trying to calm myself the best I could. I was just getting ahead of myself. I was jumping to conclusions. I was starting to panic.
Breath, Gracie, breath.
I put the polaroids aside, taking the notebooks. Maybe they will give me more explanation so I could stop making speculations. Colleen really needed to call me. I needed to know.
One of the notebooks was full, while the other was half written. I wanted to learn things chronologically wise so I started logically with the full one.
The first sentence was enough to leave me in complete shock again. I was left unable to move. My blood was rushing even faster in my veins, my whole body was paralyzed. My mind was blank.
My eyes couldn't move neither. I kept reading that sentence over and over again.
? I think I'm in love with Colleen Witzel ?.
What?
What the fuck?
It couldn't be right, right? It was a joke. I didn't write that. I couldn't have.
Except that, I did. It was my handwriting. At least, my handwriting before the accident anyway.
Suddenly, I came to the realization that a lot of things actually made sense now. The pictures made perfect sense too. The vibes they gave were ones of love. Colleen crying at the hospital. Her secretly looking at me. The way she behaved.
It was no use to lie to myself anymore. Now it wasn't maybes. I confirmed it to myself.
We were in love.
Holy shit.
Or have been in love? I didn't know anymore.
What were we now?
Why didn't she tell me? Why did she keep that away from me?
Was she scared too?
Panic was all I could feel now. My entire body was shaking.
I needed to know more. I tried to read what was coming next but my eyes wouldn't leave that first simple sentence. They were glued on it like a black hole attracted them, leaving them no chance to escape.
I didn't know how long I stayed like this, my mind blank but at the same time, so many things passed through it at light speed. So many questions.
Was my life that secretive before? Compartmenting it into little boxes that only few knew about some of them. My family knew a part of me, my friends knew another part and now Colleen was a part of a new one.
What else was I hiding?
Did I had another box under my bed, my desk...
Anyhow, that box began to explain plenty.
I remembered how Colleen looked at me when she first saw me on my first day back to school in the hallway.
Everything became suddenly clearer.
The sadness, the disappointment in her eyes. Watching the girl who was her girlfriend not recognizing her.
My pounding heart now broke for her. I may be the one who was amnesic but she remembered everything.
What I didn't remember couldn't hurt me but not for her.
It was a torture for me to not know myself and everything around me and it was torture for her to know everything and not speak about it.
Since my accident, it must have been hard for her too.
She's been through that because of me. If the fact that we were a couple was true that is.
Couple?
It felt so strange to think of that.
The little heart I drew on one of my notebooks came back in mind. Now that made sense too. I was in love, the girls just didn't know it. Because it was Colleen.
My eyes finally removed themselves from the love confession.
I had to continue. I simply had too.
Lord, help me.
Well, should I really bring the Lord into that now? Now that I was most likely a sinner. Please, forgive me.
? I handed her my spare clothes the other day because dumbass Sarah purposely wetted hers. I felt so bad. It wasn't my fault but I felt so guilty over it. I can't help but feel like I could have stopped it.
She told me she was used to all this. All of the violence. I...I...
Her heart is so pure.
I wanted to punch Sarah square in the face after that and she's my friend, that says a lot. But Colleen is not that stupid, she knows it will only make things worse.
She has better self-control than I does.
Colleen is different. A good different though.
I really like her.
We started talking together and hang out. She's way cooler than I could have ever imagined.
I didn't know where it would lead us but now all I can think of is how much I want to kiss her.
Lord forgive my sinful mind.
But is it really that monstrous? I'm starting to think we are the ones who are wrong and Colleen is the only sane one among us. Oh, Colleen...
Her lips.
They are...I'm going crazy. ?
Suddenly, my phone's ringtone resonated loudly in my room, making me jump and sending the pictures and the notebook flying across my room.
It was Colleen.
My heart was brutally pounding in my chest. I was still trembling, my hands were so shaky that I could barely press the call button.
I put the device against my ear, breathing deeply.
? Gracie? Hey! Sorry, I couldn't call you before ?.
I heard her but my eyes were still fixed on the diary. That diary changed everything.
? We really need to talk Colleen ? I said in a breath. I thought she hadn't heard me but she replied with a confused voice:
? Isn't it why I called you? ?.
? Not on the phone. Not anymore. We need to do it face to face ?.