Chapter 22 Stassi
STASSI
The villa is quiet now.
Xander's room glows faintly with the soft blue of his dinosaur nightlight.
I close my eyes, my hair is damp and I feel the plush bathrobe against my skin. The shower washed away the remnants of a day spent chasing after a three-year-old, but nothing can wash away the images branded into my memory.
I haven't seen Theo move like he did today. Like a man who's waited his whole life to step into a role he didn't know he wanted.
I hadn't expected how much it would destroy me, watching the two of them together.
The way Xander leaned into Theo's voice when he read to him.
The way Theo crouched in the grass like a kid again while they played dinosaur kingdom in the garden, his expensive dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, covered in grass stains.
I press my fingertips to my mouth, as if I could hold in the emotions threatening to spill over. This isn't the Theo I knew four years ago. This is someone entirely new.
Or maybe not new at all. Maybe this person was always inside him, waiting for the right moment, the right person, to emerge.
Either way, the day is over, and Xander is asleep.
Now, it's just us.
I lean back against the headboard. The sheets feel cool against my bare legs where the robe has fallen open. I'm exhausted, but sleep seems impossible with my mind racing through today's memories.
Another pops into my mind, standing out crystal clear: Theo, scooping Xander up in his arms, lifting him high above his head while making the most ridiculous growling noise I've ever heard.
Xander's laughter, pure and unrestrained.
And Theo's face, God, his face. Like he'd found something precious he thought lost forever.
Before coming to shower, Marlena appeared with her warm smile. "He's a natural," she'd whispered to me. "Like he's been doing this forever."
It's hard to hear those things, however, because I'm still battling feeling terrible for robbing him of moments that will never come back. Even if it wasn't all my fault, when I see them together, it sure as hell feels that way.
But no matter how I feel, one thing is for certain: there's no turning back. Not now that Xander spent the day calling Theo "Daddy" like he'd been saying it his whole life. Or how he asked Theo to read him a bedtime story. I could never separate them again. And that leaves a hole in my chest.
Because of what I don't know.
Does Theo see this the same way I do? Has today melted some of the ice around his heart, or has it only reminded him of what I took from him? Has it made him more determined than ever to punish me, or give me grace?
The bedroom door handle jiggles and then swings open.
The thought that was forming in my brain vanishes completely.
Theo stands in the doorway. Nothing but a white towel wrapped low around his hips, water still dripping from his freshly showered body.
His hair is slicked back, darker when wet.
I watch as droplets race down his neck, over his collarbones, traveling the sculpted terrain of his chest, sliding down the ridges of his abdomen.
I forget to breathe.
My eyes linger on the little knot holding the towel in place and then I blink, suddenly aware of my staring and flushed arousal.
I see his eyes are locked on me like he knows exactly what I'm thinking.
"You—" I stop and clear my throat, fighting back the redness I feel creeping up my neck. "You didn't bring clothes in?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant.
He smiles. "Sorry. I left my bag in the car. I'll have one of my men bring it in," he says, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe. "Guess you'll just have to put up with me like this until I get them."
"I think I'll survive," I say without thinking, lips turning into a smile.
I can't get over how much better he looks.
Like, how the hell is that possible?
He always had a great body, but it's harder now, more defined. The muscles of his shoulders and chest are more pronounced, tapering down to a narrower waist. And that damn towel, riding dangerously low, revealing that V-shaped cut that disappears beneath the fabric...
It makes me want to...I bite my lip and stop myself.
"I came to get my phone,” he says pointing to the writing desk in our room, “I just need to text someone to bring my bag,” he says walking past me, and I see his perfect back muscles flexing, his dimples just above where the towel sits.
"Wait," I say, pulling myself together, my heart beating as fast as it can against my ribs. "I know it's late, but can you sit with me for a minute?"
He stops and looks at me. Studying me like I'm trying to trick him into something.
"Please. Something's on my mind and if I don't talk to you right now, I'm going to explode."
"Well, I wouldn't want that, Stassi," he says with a smile and walks over to me. "Think of the cleaning bill," he adds as he takes a seat.
Even with the joke, I can see a bit of stiffness.
I pull my robe tighter around me, suddenly aware that I'm completely naked underneath.
With him now beside me, the air feels charged, crackling with an energy that's both familiar and terrifyingly new.
Gone is the faint citrus smell from the surrounding trees.
Now, all I can smell is Theo, and that alone is making a heat pool deep inside me.
"Um, first, I want to say," I begin, trying to focus on his face rather than his defined shoulders. "Thank you. For being so good with him."
He nods. "He is my son."
"Yes, yes. I know. And you probably need time to process all of this, meeting Xander, me back in your life, but I... I just wanted to know." I swallow. "How did it feel for you? Today. With him?"
Theo leans forward, elbows on knees, rubbing the back of his neck. "Like my world just tilted and now I'm trying to figure out which way is up."
I laugh, because if I don't, I might cry. "That's honest."
He looks at me. "He's incredible," he says and sits up. "Smart. Observant."
"Like you," I say, the words flowing without my thought or input.
Theo looks at me for a moment and smiles.
"He has your laugh," Theo continues. "And the way he scrunches his nose when he's thinking. That's all you."
I hadn't noticed that similarity. The fact that Theo did, after just one day, makes my chest ache.
And then his demeanor shifts. "I kept thinking today," he says, staring at the floor, "about all the firsts I missed. His first word. First steps."
The guilt rises in me like a tide. "I'm sorry," I say, the words feeling pathetically inadequate. "If I could go back—"
"Don't." He cuts me off. "It's something I know I need to figure out on my own. About my father's role. It's all so complicated. I'm not saying it's all on you, I'm just being honest with what I'm thinking."
I nod, accepting the boundary. "Well, I appreciate your honesty. It's all I want. No more secrets between us."
There will be time for endless apologies later. For now, this tentative peace between us feels too precious to risk.
"On that note... How did you feel," I stop and lower my head, "being with me today?"
He's quiet. I look up to meet his eyes, those impossibly blue, beautiful eyes.
"I don't know yet, Stassi. Honestly, I'm fucking lost."
I nod. I get it. I would be too. I've come storming back into his life with news about unknown threats, details about his dad, oh, and a son he didn't know he had. Saying it's a lot doesn't even begin to cover it.
"And yet..." Theo's eyes flick down my body, to the hem of the robe riding up my thigh, then back to my face. "I never stopped wanting you. Not for a single goddamn minute," he says and rubs his face. "Damn you for making me love you so much it felt like losing a limb when you left."
The room tightens.
Heat swirls between my legs. "I know the feeling. I… I never stopped loving you either. I thought of you every day. Hell, every time I look at Xander, I see you in him."
Theo moves in closer, our faces inches apart.
His fingers make contact with my skin, cupping my cheek as his thumb brushes over my bottom lip. The touch is so light it's almost not there, but it burns through me like wildfire.
"I don't know if I can do this again," he warns, voice rough. "I don't know if I can survive losing you twice."
"You won't have to," I promise, my voice trembling. "I'm not running anymore."
His eyes search mine, looking for lies, for traps. I hold his gaze, letting him see everything—my fear, my regret, my longing.
"I want to move forward and live this life with Xander and you. Even if I have to spend the rest of my life making up for it. I will," I say, breathy under his sudden lustful gaze.
Suddenly Theo leans in and finally kisses me. Deep and passionate. Tasting him again almost makes me melt.
His mouth is exactly as I remember, demanding, consuming, perfect. His tongue slides against mine, and I whimper into him, years of longing breaking free.
I press closer, hungry for more, desperate to erase the years between us. My robe loosens as I arch against him, my nipples hardening, seeking his touch.
When he pulls back, I see his eyes are wild, lustful.
I'm breathless, trembling for more.
His mouth curves in his dangerously beautiful smile. "You've been a bad girl, Stassi."
I suck in a breath. The words trigger something primal in me again, something we left behind years ago. Something I've missed so desperately.
His hand grips my hair, tugging just enough to make my scalp tingle, sending electricity through my body. "And you know what happens to bad girls, don't you?" he asks.
My heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my throat.
"Yes, Sir."
His title slips from my lips naturally, like I never stopped saying it. I watch his reaction. He still loves it when I call him that.
He gives my hair a firm tug, reminding me who's in control.
"On your knees."
The command puts me back in my role. The role I was always meant to be in for him.