Chapter 4
FOUR
CIARA
Some of the tension slid off my shoulders as we stepped inside the pub. The Stag’s Head was my brother’s place, and so far, it was the one location Brodie had avoided since our breakup. Probably because he was afraid of my brother.
Justifiably. As a former Royal Marine, Ewan was a certified badass.
Beyond that, I’d worked here for my first two years after uni, so it felt like home. Even so, I was relieved not to be carting drinks and meals around the room. After the day we’d just had, I was too damned tired to even lift a tray. The wedding, which was the first time the bride’s divorced parents had been in the same room since their split, had gone off, if not without a hitch, at least without bloodshed, and that felt like a win we were all here to celebrate.
It was crowded tonight, and I found myself grateful for the room in the back that Ewan habitually kept roped off for family and close friends or private parties.
As we collectively moved in that direction, Sophie MacKean, who’d married my cousin Connor, Kyla’s brother, laid a hand over the gentle swell of her baby bump. “I’ve been dreaming all day of Dom’s cottage pie. Do you suppose anyone would look at me funny if I ordered two?”
Dominic Bassey, the genius in the pub’s kitchen, had a tendency to father the entire staff and a love of feeding people that transcended boundaries and endeared him to the entire village. He was also the reason I’d added more than a few curves to my figure since I’d moved home from Edinburgh. If the tradeoff for finally having cleavage was hips, I could live with that.
I looped my arm through Sophie’s. “I say you’re eating for two, so why should it matter? An order for each of you.” Especially as she hadn’t been able to keep anything heavier than rice down for the past couple of months. “For my part, I plan to sweet talk him into making me a steak and ale pie with a side of his famous garlic mashed potatoes. After which I intend to haul myself upstairs to my flat and fall face-first into bed. Maybe for the next three days.”
Kyla pressed both hands to the small of her back and stretched. “Getting off my feet sounds heavenly.”
“I’m grateful to work back of house so I can at least wear comfortable shoes. Nobody cares what’s on the chef’s feet,” Afton declared.
I mock glared at all of them. “At least you lot have partners who will offer up a foot rub at the end of a long day.”
It was bad enough that I spent most of my time planning other people’s nuptials. But all three of the owners of Ardinmuir Event Planning were disgustingly, happily married, with babies already here or on the way or actively hoped for. Not that I was ready for that. At twenty-five, my biological clock still had years to go. But I missed sex and intimacy. The dating pool here was small, so there was no such thing as a casual hookup that wouldn’t lead to complications. And after what had happened three years ago, I’d been soured on the idea, anyway. Nothing like having the most mind-blowing night of my life, only to find out that crazy chemistry didn’t equal a future.
Brodie and I hadn’t had crazy chemistry. He’d been… adequate. We’d been comfortable. For a long time, I’d let myself believe that I could have one or the other. In the grand scheme of things, I wanted comfort and stability. A partner to share my life. That was more important than chemistry.
Except I needed more.
It was just one of many reasons I’d ended things. I had to believe there was more out there. That I’d find someone I didn’t feel like I was settling for.
Of course, that would be far easier if I didn’t have a completely unrealistic standard in the back of my brain. The man I’d let into my bed, and far too deep into my heart, hadn’t been real. He’d played me, and I’d learned my lesson. But I still hadn’t been able to let go of the dream he represented.
It was probably just because I’d gotten no closure. He’d been an open wound for so long, and I hadn’t been able to move on properly.
Eejit. You’ve already wasted too much time and brain space on the likes of him.
“I say we get company-wide pedicures this week,” Kyla suggested.
Grateful for the save from my own spiraling thoughts, I grinned at my cousin. “You’re on.”
“Ciara, Kyla.” My brother’s voice rang out over the din. “Come meet my mates.”
I tensed, everything in me going on alert for reasons I couldn’t name. Then I promptly lost my breath as my gaze met familiar brown eyes that I’d once seen across a train car.
Alex .
I’d guessed back then that he was military. But I hadn’t known he’d served with my brother. I’d heard stories about these men that Ewan had served with for years. But he’d always referred to them by their last names. Not until Isobel had come along had I found out that Conroy was Alex Conroy. Even then, I hadn’t imagined that his squadmate was the same Alex Conroy I’d known so briefly. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to try to wheedle information out of my brother. Not when I had no reason I was willing to share as to why I was asking. Not when it wouldn’t change what had happened.
But here was the confirmation I hadn’t let myself seek out.
I’d wondered for years what had happened, wasted so much time pining over this man. And there he was, big as life, as if he had a right to be here. Seeing him was an absolute punch in the gut. He looked even better than he had three years ago. Civilian life hadn’t made him soft. That body that had once ranged over mine was still fit as hell, and my fingers itched to touch, as if he hadn’t stomped all over my heart. Heat flushed my body from head to toe.
He didn’t appear shocked to see me, which meant that, at some point in the past three years, he’d put two and two together about who I was. Had that been why he’d ghosted me? Because he’d realized he’d slept with his mate’s little sister?
Or had he always known? Had he taken me to bed knowing exactly who I was?
God, I hadn’t ever thought of that. I’d always assumed that if he was Ewan’s squadmate and if he knew who I was, he’d found out after. But if he’d known from the beginning, that made all of this worse.
My friends carried me toward him in a wave I was helpless to resist.
I barely heard Ewan’s introductions to Callum and Finley. Handshakes and nods were going round. When Alex came to me, he said only, “Nice to meet you.”
I stared at him, searching for some hint of recognition. Some spark. Either this man was an award-winning actor, who didn’t want my brother to know we knew each other, or he… didn’t remember me.
The flush of heat faded to a chill. Meeting Alex had been a life-altering moment in my life. Had our time together meant so little to him that I hadn’t even made an impression?
There was a distinct possibility I was going to be sick.
“—so nice you’re all here for a visit,” Kyla said.
“Not a visit,” Finley announced. “We’re opening an outdoor adventure company here.”
“Here? In Glenlaig?” They were the first words I’d managed to speak.
“Aye. We thought it would make a good base,” Callum said.
They’d moved here. He’d moved here, to my tiny village, where I wouldn’t be able to avoid seeing him. Not only because it was small, but because he was one of my brother’s best friends. He’d be a part of the circle of people I saw all the time.
I physically felt my world shrink around me. I was already avoiding places and people because of Brodie, and now I’d have to do the same because of Alex.
Abruptly, my temper kindled.
What was wrong with me? I wasn’t going to change my life because of some man. I shouldn’t have changed it because of Brodie. I sure as hell wasn’t going to waste another moment on the likes of Alex Conroy.
Fuck him.
It was my village. My people. I was here first.
I’d avoid him when I could, and when I couldn’t, well, it was fine. Because he didn’t matter. I wouldn’t let him matter anymore.
I turned to my brother and forced a smile that was probably a little feral around the edges. “I need a drink, brother. I’ve had a real pisser of a day.”
God knew I was going to need one to get through the next half hour.