Chapter 20
Nate
It’s late when we get back from Layla’s party.
The snow bites at my face as I help Iris down from the truck, and I can still smell cinnamon from those Christmas candles Layla loves so much. There’s glitter all over Iris and me, in turn, from the paper that Layla wrapped her present in.
Cheesy as hell, but it made Iris light up.
We’re halfway across the yard when Alex comes down the steps in a hurry, not even sparing us a glance. “I’m heading out.”
“We just got home,” I call after him, but he doesn’t slow down, doesn’t even look back.
“Thought we had a breakthrough, y’know?” I say to Iris as we climb the porch steps. “But it still feels like I’m losing him.”
“You’re not losing him, Nate. He loves you,” she places a gentle hand on my arm. And I believe her.
I trust her, even if I don’t trust myself.
While I’m unlocking the door, she looks around at the decorations. The lights, the wreath, that goofy Rudolph Alex had a fit over when he was a kid.
She watched while Alex and me put everything up, giving us directions. We had fun that day, right after the championship. But sometime around then, Iris started acting weird. More closed off. She barely touches me lately.
“You’ve been quiet,” I say, attempting to broach the subject as I push the door open. “Everything alright?”
Once we’re inside, she hesitates, picking at her scarf.
We’ve been official for almost two months, and she’s started to open up more, get more comfortable around me, but something’s been bothering her, and she hasn’t told me what.
“Just thinking about Christmas, I guess.”
“You got plans?”
She shakes her head. “I’ll probably stay home.”
“You’ll stay home?” I ask, pulling her scarf out of her fidgeting fingers. “What about your family?”
Her gaze drifts away from mine before she admits, “I haven’t seen my family in eight years.”
“Eight years?” I echo, shocked. That’s a long freakin’ time.
She nods, but her words come out slow, like each one hurts more than the last.
“I left home when I was eighteen. They don’t agree with who I am,” she says vaguely, and that hurts me something terrible. Who wouldn’t agree with who she is?
“I’m sorry, Darlin.”
She lets out a shaky breath. “It’s okay. I made my choice. And I don’t regret it. But around the holidays, it’s hard. I miss it. The food, the music, the smell of spices my mama used to use. I miss them terribly, but I had to leave so I could be who I am.”
“You don’t gotta explain, Iris. I know I’m all about family, but the truth is, despite all the crap, I got real lucky in that department.”
“Yeah,” she whispers, blinking against tears. And damn if it doesn’t break my heart, seeing her trying not to cry.
“Now, I know it ain’t the same,” I tell her, my thumb brushing away a tear, “but you could spend Christmas with us.”
“With your family?” She asks, her eyes widening.
“Uh-huh,” I say, because to me it’s that simple. “Ben and Liz, the kids. Alex, of course. It’d be fun.”
I’m not expecting the frown I get for my offer. “Nate, I don’t want to intrude on your family celebration.”
“You’re not ‘intruding’ on anything. They’ll love you. Hell, Liz’ll probably corner you the second you walk in and make you sit by her so she can tell you embarrassing stories about me.”
“I don’t know…” She pauses before adding, “Are you sure you want me to meet them? What if we break up?”
Why the hell would she think that?
“First of all, we ain’t breaking up. Second, I want you there, Iris. I want my family to meet the woman I’m so damn crazy about.”
“Okay,” she agrees, even though I can still see some reluctance in her. “I’ll come.”
“You will?”
“Only if you promise to stay next to me the whole time.”
“You couldn’t pay me to leave your side,” I say, moving my hands to her waist and pulling her close.
I’m happy she’s coming, and she gives me a little smile that tells me she is too, but there’s still something tense about her, and I don’t got a clue what’s causing it.
It’s the coldest day we’ve had so far.
The roads are covered in ice, and snow is still coming down. It’s a damn white Christmas, that’s for sure.
I’ve got Iris beside me, looking more anxious than I’ve ever seen her, and Alex in the back with a pile of presents stuffed beside him, his scowl locked into place.
But I gotta make a stop before we can go to Ben’s.
We pull into Dad’s driveway, the tires crunching over snow-covered gravel. The place looks smaller every year, and I try not to let how I feel about that show on my face.
I kill the engine and turn to Iris and then Alex. “This won’t take too long.” When I asked Iris to meet my dad, she didn’t seem thrilled, and I can’t say I blame her. I’m a little worried myself.
But he’s still my dad.
I just hope he doesn’t scare her off.
Inside, it smells like stale smoke and bourbon. The old recliner’s still in the same spot, and Dad’s parked in it, watching a game on TV, but I can tell he’s not really paying attention.
He doesn’t have it in him to care about much these days.
“Hey, Dad,” I say, setting everything on the rickety old table. “Brought you some of the casserole you like and a couple of presents.”
Dad grunts, looking at Iris standing behind me. “Girl’s damn near tall as you, boy.”
“This is Iris, my girlfriend,” I say, keeping my voice even. “She’s coming with us to Ben’s.”
Dad’s laugh smells like whatever’s in the cup by his chair. “Figures. You always did like ‘em fancy.”
Alex shifts behind me, and Dad’s attention snaps to him. “You,” he says, words slurring. “What are you doin’ in my house? You know you ain’t welcome here.”
I clench my fists at my sides. Dad’s always got a chip on his shoulder about Alex when he’s drinking.
I know he blames Alex for Mom dying, and I figured we were all in agreement that he’s spouting off his bullshit, and none of it means anything. But after my conversation with Alex at the lake, His comments hit me square in the chest.
Before I can say anything, Iris rests a hand on Alex’s shoulder, who’s already frowning at the floor. “Nate, I think we’re going to wait in the truck.”
“Damn it, Dad. It’s Christmas. Can’t you just try to be nice?”
Dad waves a hand, scoffing. “Christmas. Same damn dog and pony show every year. You all actin’ like we’re some big happy family when we ain’t.”
“Ben and Liz would love it if you came. You’d get to see the kids. Meet Lizzie’s baby girl,” I tell him, hoping that maybe this will be the year things change.
Dad snorts. “Ain’t no point. I don’t need your charity, boy.”
“It’s not charity,” I start, but he’s already leaning back, dismissing me like he’s got anything better to do.
I look at him, the man he is now, and the man I remember when Mom was alive. I’ve been grieving somebody who isn’t dead for seventeen years. “Alright, Dad. Merry Christmas.”
When I walk out the front door, Iris and Alex are standing against the truck. Alex is saying something I can’t hear, and Iris nods, pulling him into a hug that he goes into willingly. She’s so damn good to him. I don’t know what we’d do with her.
And I swear, like something out of a movie, it hits me right there, clear as day.
I’m in love with her.
Ben and Gracie’s place looks like a damn Christmas postcard.
Snow piled on the porch rails, colorful Christmas lights, decorations all over the yard, making me feel bad about the ones I put up.
As soon as I cut the engine, the kids run out onto the porch, bouncing on their feet. Alex climbs out first, carrying the food, while Iris and I follow, our hands full of presents.
Noah’s already dragging Alex to show him his new toys before we’re all the way inside.
When I look back at Iris, her hands are empty, and she’s slipping off her coat, and I think I forget how to breathe for a minute there.
Because my god.
She’s wearing a red dress that complements her brown skin perfectly, with thin straps, tight until the skirt hangs loose from her waist. Her dark waves are styled in shiny curls, while her lips match her dress.
I stand there, staring, but I can’t think of a single thing to say that would be enough.
“What?” She asks, looking down at herself like something’s wrong.
“Wow,” is all I can say, and I know I sound like an idiot, but she laughs, ducking her head, and it’s all worth it.
My feelings bubble up right then, and I want to tell her, I love you, but it ain’t the right time.
And I got a plan.
My attention is pulled when Sammy gasps.
“Uncle Nate is dating a princess,” she announces solemnly, making Iris’s cheeks turn the same color as her dress.
“That’s right, Sammy,” I say, putting my hand on Iris’s back. “I sure am.”
Gracie comes over, giving me a quick hug before she turns to Iris. “We’re so happy you’re here! Come meet everyone!”
She takes Iris’ hand, leading her away to meet Liz and the babies, while I’m left standing there watching in disbelief that she’s my girlfriend.
God, she’s beautiful.
Ben hands me a beer in the kitchen, and Calvin’s leaning against the counter, grinning at me.
I ignore him and go back to watching Iris.
From here, I’ve got the perfect view of the living room. She’s perched on the couch beside Liz, who’s got baby Maisie on her lap. Gracie sits on the other side of her, Margot in her arms. They talk quietly, all three of them smiling when Margot’s tiny hand bats at Iris’ curls.
Liz says something that makes Iris look nervous for half a second before she gently sets Maisie in her arms.
She holds her so carefully, like she’s nervous.
But when the baby relaxes in her arms, her face goes soft in a way I’ve never seen. Ben follows my gaze, his eyebrows shooting up. “You look like a man in love.”
“That’s the mother of my children,” I announce to the room.
Ben blinks. “Shit, man.”
Calvin lets out a low whistle, coming over and clapping me on the shoulder. “Does she know that?”
Across the room, Iris lifts her head, and when our eyes meet, everything else fades away. My family, the distance.
It’s just us.