Chapter Nate #2
I love her. God help me, I do. I’ve been turning it over in my mind since she told me the truth, like maybe I shouldn’t, like the truth should change things, but no matter how I spin it, I come back to the same thing.
I love her, and nothing she could tell me would change my mind.
I raise my hand to knock, but hesitate.
What if she doesn’t want to see me?
After what happened this morning, I wouldn’t blame her. Still, I knock. I have to try, I have to show up for her.
When she opens the door, the look on her face shatters me into a million pieces.
“Iris,” I push my way inside and wrap her in my arms. She falls into me immediately, like I can bring her any sort of comfort, and I hold her like she’s breakable.
I think right now she might be.
I can feel the tension running through her like a live wire. Her fingers clutch my shirt like it’s the only thing holding her up.
I stroke my hand through her hair, down her back, the only thing I can do while she cries into my chest.
I guide her further into her apartment, into the living room, but she never lets me go.
“I don’t understand,” she whispers, broken between gasps. “I didn’t—I didn’t do anything. Why is this happening?” I press my chin to the top of her head and close my eyes, fighting down the sick feeling in my stomach.
I know exactly why.
The name flares like a neon sign in my head, Savannah, and all I can see is her storming out of Holloway’s office, glaring in my direction. I thought I was doing the right thing, telling him what she’d done. I thought it would protect Iris, that she wouldn’t bother either of us anymore.
Instead, I handed Savannah a reason to come after her, and that’s exactly what she did.
Iris cries in my arms, her hands balling in the fabric of my shirt, trusting me to take care of her while my throat feels tight because the only answer I have is going to break us.
“It’s not your fault,” I manage.
She pulls back far enough to look up at me. There’s this helplessness on her face that makes me want to tear the world apart. And I did this to her.
“Then whose fault is it?”
I clench my jaw. I wish I could tell her something that won’t make her hate me. But the truth is clawing its way out. I can’t lie to her. It’s not right.
“It’s mine.”
Confusion flickers across her face before the words settle. “What?” Her voice sounds so small as she releases my shirt and takes a step back.
I swallow hard. “Savannah. She threatened you. Said shit I wasn’t gonna let slide. So I went to Holloway. Told him everything. He fired her.”
My voice drops lower, thick with regret. “She must’ve done it to get back at me.” Iris stares at me without saying a word. “I thought I was protecting you,” I rush on, desperate for her to understand. “I didn’t know she’d do this. I swear, Iris, I didn’t think—”
“Didn’t think?” she cuts in, her voice hoarse from crying, but there’s an edge to it now that I’ve never heard.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, completely useless, but the only thing I can say. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You did this to me?” I open my mouth, but she doesn’t let me speak. “You just had to play the hero. Couldn’t leave it alone. Couldn’t let me handle it.”
Her words are sharp, every word cutting somewhere deep, but I still try to defend myself, even though I know she’s right. “Iris, I—”
She wipes at her face, furious at the tears spilling down. “Do you have any idea what this feels like? Everyone knows now. Everyone. Because of you.”
I take a step closer, desperate to fix it. For her to forgive me. “I didn’t want her saying that stuff about you, I mean, the shit she said to me, it was so fucked up, I didn’t think—”
“That’s your problem, Nate. You never think. You do or say whatever you want, and then I’m the one left hurt,” she snaps. “And I’m supposed to what? Forgive you? Again?”
She shakes her head. “No. I can’t do this.”
“What?” She can’t really be saying…I step forward, reaching toward her, but she turns away from me. “No. Iris, no. Don’t say that.”
Her arms fold tight across her body. “You ruined my life.” The words are whispered, but they hit harder than if she screamed them. “You took my choice away. My safety. My future here.”
I put a hand on her arm, trying to get her to look at me. “Darlin’, I didn’t mean, God, I swear, I didn’t mean for it to go like this.”
She pulls away. “Stop. Just stop. Don’t call me that.” Her voice cracks on a sob, but she keeps going. “I can’t even look at you right now.”
I shake my head, panic rising as I realize I might not be able to convince her to forgive me this time. “I love you. We fixed things. You can’t walk away now, Iris, not after everything.”
“Love can’t fix this, Nate.”
Every word makes it harder to breathe. I can’t believe this is actually happening. “So that’s it? You’re done with me?”
She doesn’t answer right away, and the silence is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Finally, she whispers, “Yes.”
Yes. It’s one word. It shouldn’t mean so much.
I stumble back a step, shaking my head. “Iris…” My hands fall to my sides because reaching for her again would be wrong.
She doesn’t want me.
I ruined her life.
“I’m sorry.” It’s all I have left to say, and it ain’t worth a damn thing.
When I open the door, I glance back once, desperate for her to stop me. But all I see is the woman I love, standing alone, tears streaking down her face, her arms clutched tight around herself like she’s protecting what little she has left.
All because of me.
I walk out before I start begging her to forgive me like an asshole. But feels like I’m closing the door on my whole damn future.