Chapter 27
Nate
It’s too quiet in this damn house.
Alex has already gone to bed, and the only thing making any noise is the dishwasher, while I’ve been staring at my phone for god knows how long, trying to work up the courage to press call.
Liz answers on the second ring, “Nate?”
“Hey, Lizzie,” I say, and she must be able to tell by the sound of my voice that there’s something wrong because she sighs.
“What’s wrong, now?”
“It’s Iris. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
First, there’s only silence, like she doesn’t know what to say. When she does respond, there’s pity laced through her words, “I know this is hard, Nate. But she lied to you about something major. You did the right thing.”
I wince, hearing the story I didn’t deny spoken back to me. It’s what everybody’s assuming happened. That Iris lied to me, and when I found out, I left her. I came outta this with people giving me sad looks and asking if I’m okay.
Like Iris is some kinda villain.
I fucking hate it, and I’m done going along with it.
“I knew.”
There’s a pause on the other end. “You knew what?”
“That she’s trans. She told me months ago, way before this whole mess, and I didn’t feel any different about her.
I love her. But I messed up. Bad.” I look up at the ceiling fan, making myself continue ‘cause I’m going crazy not talking about it.
“She broke up with me. Blames me for everything that happened.”
“Wait. She broke up with you, and you didn’t say anything?”
“I didn’t know how. Wasn’t sure y’all would be okay with me loving her. Nobody else is.”
“You’re such an idiot.” She says with an offended scoff. “I’m sorry you’ve been going through this alone, Nate, but you know we’re better than that. I’m not saying Calvin and Ben aren’t gonna be dumbasses about it, but above all else, we just want you to be happy.”
I chuckle, but it comes out sounding sad. “Yeah, well, I’m not.”
“Have you told her that?”
I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “She won’t hear it. She’s made it pretty damn clear she doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Nate—”
“I gave her mom’s locket, y’know that?” I interrupt, unable to stop talking now that I’ve started. I’ve been holding all this in for so long. “She was the one, Liz. I told her I wanted to marry her. And she hates me.”
“You have to talk to her. Tell her that you’re sorry and you’re miserable without her.”
“She won’t care. She thinks I ruined her life. Ain’t like it’s not true. And hell, I think she’s dating somebody new anyway. She was all but fucking Holloway right in the hall the other day.”
Ugh. Thinking about Iris kissing him, touching him… it makes my stomach twist.
I guess I can’t blame her, though. Smart dude like that probably knows exactly what he should and shouldn’t be doing. Probably doesn’t have to look shit up like an idiot.
“Then at least you’ll know you tried. If you don’t, you’re never gonna forgive yourself for letting her walk away. You gave her mom’s locket, Nate. She’s special.”
“Plus,” she adds when I don’t respond right away, “I liked her way better than any of your other girlfriends.”
Hearing that my sister approves undoes something in me. I was a little worried about how my family would react to Iris being transgender. It wasn’t gonna change how I felt about her, but now I know I don’t have anything to worry about.
“I hate when you make sense.”
“That’s what sisters are for,” she says, “And Nate?”
“Mhm?”
“Make sure she knows it’s not her job to carry all this on her own. That you’re willing to stand by her.”
“Right. Of course I am.”
“I know you are. Now get some sleep. You don’t wanna try to get Iris back with dark circles.”
I chuckle, running a hand through my hair. “Sure, wouldn’t want that.” I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of everything start to settle. “Thanks, Liz.”
Sitting back in my chair, I let myself, for the first time in three months, think that maybe it’s not over between us.
I just have to convince Iris.
I force myself through the door of the teacher’s lounge. Coffee first, then I’ll worry about having to teach PE at eight in the damn morning. I make a beeline to the coffee pot, burning my mouth a bit when I take a sip.
“Ow!” I exclaim, earning a frown from one of the old English teachers Layla talks to in the halls.
In my haste, I almost miss Iris sitting in the corner.
She has her legs tucked under her and a notebook open at her side, staring at her cup with a downturned expression.
I consider leaving without saying anything.
I know I’m supposed to be trying to make things better, but seeing her face now, it’s gonna hurt something awful if she won’t give me a chance. But I remember what Liz said, you’re never gonna forgive yourself for letting her walk away.
“Tea do something to offend you this morning, Ms. Patel?”
She startles, looking up at me behind a pair of glasses. She’s been wearing ‘em since Savannah outed her, like she stopped caring what anybody thinks. And I know this isn’t right to say, considering our situation.
But there’s something about her in those damn glasses that drives me outta my mind.
Makes me want to grab her and—
I ain’t gonna go there right now.
“They changed the brand. It’s terrible,” she responds, and just that hits me hard. The fact that she’s telling me about her damn tea feels like a damn miracle.
Monumental.
I settle into a chair at the table, keeping some distance, but turning to face her. “Aw, man. That was your favorite. Want me to go kick Holloway’s ass for you?” I offer, even though it ain’t exactly selfless.
Her mouth twitches, like she’s fighting a smile. “I’m tempted to say yes.”
God, I’ve missed the sound of her voice.
“I can check in the cabinet,” I say, trying to keep it casual, “Sometimes there’s some old stuff hiding back there.”
She glances down into her cup again with a pout. “No, it’s okay. Thank you, though.”
For a second, it’s quiet between us, but not the cold, heavy silence from before.
I’m not a fool. I know she still doesn’t want me right now. But maybe I’m taking a step in the right direction, for once.
“I saw Alex yesterday.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask, keeping it cool.
“He stood up for me when Grant was saying some really mean things.”
My jaw clenches, cool going out the window. I hate that guy. “Grant said something mean to you?”
“I didn’t want to make a scene, but Alex… he told Grant exactly what he thought. Said he should be grateful that someone is telling him what a massive dick he is to his face for once.” She doesn’t have to say that she’s pleased it happened. Her smile tells me she’s as proud of Alex as I am.
I can’t help but laugh at that. Grant’s been needing to be put in his place for a long time, and the fact that Alex did it? Even better. “That’s fucking great. Kid’s my hero.”
“Mine too.”
The lounge door swings open, and a few more teachers wander in, talking about lesson plans, the weather, the basketball game this weekend. The normal morning chit-chat.
Iris shifts in her seat, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I should go set up for first period.”
“Right. Hope the rest of your day treats you better than the tea did.”
“You too, Coach,” she says as she slips past me, close enough that her skirt brushes my arm and I’m hit with that familiar floral scent I’ve been missing so bad.
I watch her leave, fighting the urge to follow like some lovesick puppy.
It wasn’t much. But it was something. And these days, something feels pretty damn good.
After school, I take Alex with me to the grocery store, mostly because I know damn well if I don’t, he’ll be whining about there being nothing good to eat until I take him back to the store to get what he wants.
Sure enough, barely two minutes after we walk in, he’s already tossing bags of chips and sugary cereal into the cart like we’re stocking up for the apocalypse.
“Don’t even try to give me shit. I got homework tonight, I need fuel.”
“Fuel,” I echo, holding up a family-size bag of sour gummy worms. “Pretty sure I know why you’re damn near failing math,” I grumble, dropping the gummy worms back in the cart anyway.
“Yeah, yeah. Keep talking. I’ll remember this when you ask me how to find your voicemail later.”
“You ask for help one time.”
He heads straight for the poptarts, debating out loud between chocolate or strawberry like it’s life or death. I hang back a step, looking for something worth eating, but my eyes catch on the tea off to the side.
There, right in the center, is the brand Iris likes.
Pretty box with flowers all over it and a fancy logo. I pick it up thinking about her face, all upset cause they changed it.
“Dude, ew,” Alex’s voice cuts in, closer than I thought.
I glance up. “What?”
“Tea,” he says, gesturing like it’s obvious.
I nod, looking down at the box. “Iris likes it. School switched to a different brand, and she was real put out about this morning.”
Alex snorts, tossing the chocolate poptarts into the cart. “Just get them. Maybe she’ll take your sorry ass back.”
“Wow, thanks for the support.”
“Dude, you’ve been killing my vibe for months. I’m about to start begging Iris to take you back.”
“Oh, your vibe?” I shoot back. “Ain’t that emo boy who wears too much eyeliner?”
“Exactly. And your sad old man country song energy is clashing with it.”
I shake my head, but I can’t help the grin tugging at my mouth. Kid’s got a point, even if he’s annoying as hell about it.
“All right,” I toss the box of tea into the cart. “Happy now?”
“Sure am. Oh! We need popcorn, grab some! And none of that healthy shit, we need extra butter.”
I don’t know how the kid isn’t five hundred pounds.
In the checkout line, while Alex is talking about what he thinks is gonna happen in the new superhero movie, I glance down at the tea again, smiling like an idiot, thinking about Iris’ face when she sees the teacher’s lounge fully stocked tomorrow.
“Come on, Romeo, the line’s moving,” Alex complains with a shove to my back.
By the time I’m done putting away the groceries, Alex is walking out of his room with his hood up, head down, eyeliner a mess like he was rubbing his eyes.
His good mood from earlier, gone.
“Where you going?” I ask, glancing at the clock. “We got movie night, remember? Superheroes, popcorn, too much candy.”
“I’ll be back.”
“Alex—”
“Later, Nate.”
I must’ve dozed off at some point.
The movie’s still on the menu screen, and the snacks are on the coffee table, uneaten. I pull my phone out of my pocket to check the time. There’s a missed call from Alex, and it’s damn near four in the morning.
Kid must’ve stayed out late again.
I’m about to go check on him when I hear a knock at the door, loud and firm, official sounding. Probably why I woke up.
My stomach drops to my ass.
I’m at the door in a second, faster than I ever moved in my life. When I pull open the door, two cops are standing there with a look on their faces that makes my blood run cold. “Nathaniel Wesley?”
“Yeah,” I croak. “W-what happened?”
“It’s about your kid brother,” the older one says. “He was found a little while ago.”
“Found?”
“On the sidewalk off Cypress,” he explains. “Looked like he was trying to get home but didn’t quite make it.”
My mouth goes dry. “Is he—”
“He’s alive,” the younger officer jumps in, seeing where my train of thought was going. “Paramedics got him to the hospital. But he’s in pretty bad shape, sir.”
They say something else, but I’m not listening, already heading for my truck.
The older one stops me with a hand on my shoulder, with real sympathy on his face. “Why don’t you let us give you a ride, son?”
Machines beep steadily, too loud in the quiet hospital room while Alex is lying there, in that damn bed.
It hardly even looks like him.
His face is swollen and red, and his lip is split, clearly from a punch. Or a few. His arm’s in a cast, propped on a pillow, and bruises bloom all the way up to his shoulders. His chest rises and falls, slow and shaky, ribs wrapped up.
There’s a nurse writing something on a chart at the foot of the bed, but she doesn’t say anything to me. She doesn’t have to. I know enough. The detective told me on the way here.
Beaten.
Evidence of sexual assault.
I’m sitting in this shitty chair, elbows on my knees, staring down at my useless hands. I can’t even bring myself to touch him, scared I’ll hurt him worse. “Alex,” I croak, “Jesus, buddy, what happened?”
Guilt, rage, and fear all grip my heart.
I should’ve been there.
Should’ve known something was wrong when he wouldn’t meet my eyes, wouldn’t say where he was going. I should’ve answered the fucking phone when he called me.
“I’m so goddamn sorry,” I whisper. “I should’ve been there. Should’ve kept you safe.” I drag in a shaky breath, tears falling from my eyes, dropping onto the hospital blanket. “I’m so sorry.”
Seeing him like this makes me think about him as a kid, trailing after me with sticky hands and curious eyes. Teaching him how to tie his shoes and how to throw a football. How to be a good man.
Now he’s lying there, broken in ways I can’t even begin to imagine.
My hands clench into fists, my nails digging into my palms. I’d trade places with him in a heartbeat if I could.
I’d do anything.
Alex has been in and out all morning, never fully waking up.
He groans, a broken, painful sound that cuts right through me every damn time and moves around a bit, like he’s trying to get away from the pain, but can’t.
Liz is perched on the side of the bed, resting a hand on Alex’s leg. Ben’s here too, silent in the corner, while I’m in the chair by his side, his hand in mine, waiting for him to wake up.
God, let him be okay. Please, let him be okay.
After what feels like a lifetime, Alex’s face twitches, his brow creases like he’s trying to fight through the pain, and the eye that isn’t swollen cracks open.
“Hey, buddy,” I rasp, leaning in so he can see me.
I hold back a fresh round of tears when he squeezes my hand hard. “It’s okay. I’m right here.”
His lips part, and at first, all he does is pull in ragged breaths. Then, hoarse as hell, he mutters one word.
“Jason.”
His eye shuts again, and his hand goes limp in mine, out cold from the meds they have him on.
But it’s enough.
Liz and Ben are both looking at me with confused, worried expressions on their face. I don’t even want to know what I look like right now.
The shock of what Alex told me is quickly turning into boiling rage.
I couldn’t put it together before. I knew there was something weird going on, but I never would have thought—
All this time, the late nights, the bruises, the fight Iris saw before the game, everything clicks into place at once.
My chair scrapes loudly against the linoleum, but I barely hear it. All I can see is Alex’s swollen face, hear the words whispered in the police car, that broken whisper of Jason.
Liz grabs my arm. “Nate,wait—”
I shake her off.
He hurt my baby brother.
I’m gonna fucking kill him.