Chapter 28
Iris
I’m teetering on the edge of a headache as Holloway drones on and on, trying to convince me to bring back the art club next year.
I’m not even sure I’m staying.
I nod along, attempting to listen to his pitch, but my mind is drifting. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Nate and our conversation yesterday.
I miss him so much.
I haven’t been able to get the nagging feeling that maybe I jumped the gun, breaking up with him the way I did.
“Ms. Patel?” Holloway prompts. “Am I boring you?”
“Oh,” I startle. “Of course not, I’m sorry.”
I try to give him my full attention, but then I hear it. Heavy footsteps. A door slamming down the hall. A loud, angry voice shouting, “Where’s Barnett?!”
A voice I would recognize anywhere, moving down the hall like a tornado.
He doesn’t see me.
Doesn’t even look in my direction.
I’ve never seen Nate like this before. His usual happy demeanor has disappeared, leaving behind pure fury. I step back instinctively, along with everyone else in the hallway.
“What on earth…?” Mr. Holloway mutters beside me.
Nate looks like he could tear the whole building apart with his bare hands.
Fear prickles at the back of my neck, seeing him like this. Not because I’m scared of him, but because I know in my heart that something terrible must have happened.
“Nate—” I speak up as he walks past me, but he doesn’t slow down.
I look up at Holloway, who’s still frowning down the hallway. “Iris, what—” he starts, but I don’t let him finish.
“I’m sorry, I have to check on him.”
My shoes click against the tile as I hurry after Nate. Students are staring after him, some of their eyes landing on me with curiosity, but all I care about is him. The way his shoulders are squared, and his fists are clenched, like he’s ready for a fight.
“Nate!” I call again, louder this time, quickening my pace, weaving between clusters of students until I’m only a few steps behind him. Close enough to see he’s shaking.
“Nate, stop! What’s wrong?”
His steps falter slightly at the sound of my voice, but he keeps going.
Nate wouldn’t ignore me, not after everything.
I take a deep breath, ignoring the panic threatening to take over, and follow him through the doors to the gym, all the way to the entrance of the boys’ locker room.
I pause briefly, knowing that I shouldn’t go in there, but before I can change my mind, I push through the door behind him. The smell of sweat and shampoo hits me immediately. Fluorescent lights hum overhead. A handful of students are lingering by the lockers, half-dressed, joking around.
I avert my eyes on instinct, but I look back up again when the laughter dies down at the sight of Nate. When he speaks, it feels like it shakes the walls. “Everyone. Out.”
“Not you.” He says, aggression controlling his voice as he grabs Jason Barnett by the t-shirt. He waits until the last guy shuffles out of the locker room before shoving Jason against the wall.
I open my mouth to say something, I don’t even know what, but the words die on my tongue when I see Nate’s expression. What I thought was only anger has quickly changed to devastation.
“Nate.” I try, but it’s useless.
His eyes are locked on Jason, whose lip curls into a shaky sneer. At first, I think maybe he’s scared. But something comes over him, shoved up against the wall by his own coach.
A confidence settling in.
“What?” he spits out. “You mad ‘cause your bitch brother couldn’t take it?” The words feel like ice water down my spine. Nate’s body goes still, but Jason pushes, more vicious than I would ever believe possible.
“He wanted it, Coach,” he taunts, “He was beggin’ for it.”
“Don’t you fucking say that!” His hand clamps on Jason’s shirt, shoving him back so his head hits the wall with a loud thud. He laughs, cruel and mocking, before looking in my direction, noticing me for the first time.
“Bein’ a fag must run in the family, huh? Maybe I’ll fuck your girl too—” Nate’s fist draws back, and he lands a hard punch against Jason’s face, drawing blood from his nose, but all Jason can do is laugh.
“Nate!” I shout, and I don’t know what comes over me, but all of a sudden I’m lunging forward, grabbing his wrist, wrapping both hands around his arm. It’s stupid. I don’t even care. “Don’t! Please!” His arm strains against me, trembling, muscles bunched.
Until, finally, he looks at me, and whatever is on my face, makes his arm drop.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Nate growls, shoving him back one more time. “Before I kill you.”
Jason doesn’t test the threat, standing up to his full height. He shoves past me, hard, leaving my skin crawling at the feeling of his body touching me after what he said he would do to me.
What he did to Alex—
Oh my god.
“Nate…” I start as his shoulders begin to shake. He turns toward me, and for the first time, I see it all. The broken expression, the tears trailing down his cheeks.
“Iris.” His voice cracks, his anger disappearing now that Jason is gone. “he hurt Alex. He hurt him.”
I wrap my arms around him, feeling every shudder of his body. He buries his face in my neck and holds on tight, crushing our bodies together. “I should’ve protected him,” he gasps, his tears soaking the collar of my blouse. “I should’ve known.”
“It’s not your fault, Nate,” I tell him, but it only makes it worse, his sobs coming out raw and helpless.
“I failed him.”
My own tears blur everything, turning the locker room into a smear of light and red. I try not to think about what Jason said, about what might’ve happened to Alex…
“No, you didn’t. You didn’t.”
We stand like that, in the empty locker room, for a long time. Nate cries until his voice is nothing, and still, he clings to me like he can’t let go, and I would never ask him to.
When his breathing slows, and he pulls back to meet my eyes, all the heartbreak and the anger and the guilt hanging between us fades away.
None of it matters anymore.
All that matters is Alex.
With Nate in no shape to drive, I take him back to the hospital. I was planning on dropping him off, but he’s clinging to my hand and looking at me with those shattered blue eyes, and I can’t leave him.
When we arrive at Alex’s room, he stops.
“It‘s really bad, Iris,” he says, speaking for the first time since the locker room. I nod, squeezing his hand, offering support as he pushes the door open.
And even though Nate warned me. Even though I knew he was hurt, nothing could have prepared me for seeing him like that.
Alex is…
He doesn’t even look like himself.
I’ve gotten to know Nate’s brother, underneath that tough exterior. He’s silly, and he loves junk food and his guitar. He’s one of the best people I know, and now, seeing him like this? Hearing what Jason said in the locker room?
I can’t comprehend it.
I don’t want to.
Nate lets go of my hand and goes to sit by Alex’s side in a chair pulled up to the bed, while Liz offers me a cup of coffee. I nod toward Nate, who needs it much more than I do.
In a hushed voice, I tell her what happened at the school. When I tell her about the punch, she grimaces, knowing as well as I do that hitting a student could end his career.
“I’m glad you were there,” she says. “I would’ve encouraged him.”
Seeing the state Alex is in, I think I made a mistake stopping him.
Liz had to go home, so it’s just us as the minutes stretch into long hours.
The nurses come in and check vitals, murmuring caring words they know won’t make us feel better. Alex has been in and out all day, but hasn’t fully woken up yet. At some point, close to midnight, Nate starts to nod off in the chair.
“Nate, why don’t you take the couch?” I pat the spot beside me. “We can trade spots for a while.”
He nods, standing up with a yawn, but he doesn’t wait for me to get up. Instead, he crashes down onto the couch, putting his head in my lap, closing his eyes instantly.
I go still, aware that this is too close.
Too intimate.
But I look back at Alex, and down at Nate, who hasn’t spoken a word since we got here, but still came to me for comfort.
He needs me, and that matters more than my insecurities.
I try to relax, brushing my fingers through his hair, until the rise of his chest evens out.
I’ve started to doze, leaning my head on the back of the couch, when a quiet, broken sound pulls my attention to where Alex is sleeping a few feet away.
The eye that isn’t swollen shut flutters open, his breathing picking up as he starts to panic. His gaze darts around, and I can see from here that he’s terrified.
“Nate?” He says into the quiet, his voice quiet gravel.
Nate jerks awake instantly.
“Yeah, buddy,” he says, lifting his head from my lap. “I’m right here.”
He’s on his feet in a second, hand wrapping gently around Alex’s uninjured one. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Alex. I’m right here. I’m gonna let anything happen to you again, okay? You’re safe.”
The tension in Alex’s body loosens, shoulders sagging against the pillow, Nate’s words settling him enough to go back to sleep.
He’s finally safe.
It’s been two days since Alex woke up, and he’s doing better, physically. They have him on strong medicine for the pain, so he doesn’t wince every time he moves.
Emotionally, it’s another story.
Every time he wakes up, he wants Nate, the only comfort he has. He flinches anytime the nurses try to touch him. Whatever happened to him must have been…
I shudder even thinking about it.
Nate hasn’t left the hospital room since we got here. He’s been camped out in the same chair, body curled forward, elbows on his knees, never far from Alex. His hair’s a mess, and stubble is rough along his jaw.
I’ve brought him snacks and coffee, but most of it goes untouched. He only looks at me when I ask him to eat, and even then, I’m not sure the words get through to him.
Ben’s here now too, sitting on the side of Alex’s bed, quietly talking to him about a show they used to watch. While they’re occupied, I put my hands on Nate’s hunched shoulders and lean down to his ear. “You need to go home. Shower, change your clothes, get some sleep.”
He shakes his head, even as he’s trying to blink away the exhaustion. “I can’t leave him, Iris.”
“Nate—”
“I can’t.” His bloodshot eyes meet mine for the first time in a long time. “What if he needs me and I’m not here?”
“He won’t be alone. Ben is here. Liz texted that she’s coming by with Calvin and Maisie. They won’t leave him alone for a second.”
Alex shifts then, tuning into our conversation, his voice comes out quiet and cracked. “Nate?”
Nate takes his hand immediately, squeezing it. “Yeah, buddy? I’m here.”
Alex’s good eye glistens with tears. “Don’t go.”
The words gut me as Nate’s hand shakes, resting gently on Alex’s cheek.
“Hey,” Nate says in that gentle tone. “I don’t wanna go, buddy. But I gotta run home, get cleaned up so I’m not stinking up the room, scaring your nurses off.” He tries to joke, but it sounds too sad. “I’ll be right back. I swear.”
Alex’s face twists in panic, shaking his head. “You can’t leave,” he whispers, a tear slipping down the side of his bruised nose.
“I’m coming right back, okay? Just a couple of hours.”
He looks up at us, swallowing roughly, “You’re coming back?”
I nod, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Ben’s going to stay here. Try to get some sleep, and if you wake up, call us, and we’ll come right back.”
Alex looks between us, searching for something with his lips pressed together. His shoulders shake with a silent sob, but after a moment, he nods once. “You do stink.”
Nate pulls back enough to look at him, chuckling wetly.
He looks at Ben, who nods silently, hand resting steady on Alex’s leg. “Go. I’ve got him.” Nate nods, standing up, and bending down to press a kiss to Alex’s hair before we go.
As soon as we’re in the hallway, he scrubs a shaking hand over his face, dropping the mask that says he’s even a little bit okay.
“Let’s go home,” I whisper. “You have to take care of yourself to take care of him, Nate.”
He nods, swallowing hard. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go.”