Chapter 29
Nate
Standing in the middle of the living room, I look around. At the couch where I fell asleep, no idea what was going on. The coffee table I didn’t bother to clean because everything happened so fast, still piled up with snacks that Alex was so happy to get that afternoon.
My body feels like it’s made of stone. Aching from sitting for too many hours, but I can’t move.
Iris slips around me, dropping her bag on the chair. “Nate,” she says in that gentle tone, touching my arm. Her voice cuts through the fog enough for me to look at her. “You need a shower. Come on.”
I open my mouth to argue, but she keeps her hand on my arm, warm and steady, guiding me, and it’s enough to get my feet moving.
I shuffle down the hall, the floorboards creaking under every step.
In the bathroom, I stare at the tile.
The light feels harsh, the mirror reflecting a man I don’t recognize.
A man who let his brother get hurt.
I don’t even notice Iris following me until her hands are on my jacket, easing it off my shoulders. “I can do it,” I mutter, but my arms hang heavy at my sides.
“I know.”
She tugs my T-shirt over my head, dropping it onto the floor. She works in silence, moving to my belt. Her fingers are steady as she slides my jeans down, waiting for me to step out of them, and I don’t say a word when she takes my boxers too.
When she straightens, she doesn’t step back right away. Before I can say anything, she leans in and presses a kiss to my bare shoulder. “I’ll put something in the oven. And I’ll leave clean clothes on the bed.”
I nod, unable to speak.
She pulls the door shut behind her, leaving me alone for the first time since everything happened.
The shower water burns as it hits my skin, but I don’t turn it down. I let it beat down on the back of my neck, down my back.
I can’t get it out of my head.
Alex’s bruised face, his broken body. The tremble in his voice when he said don’t leave. The way he flinched away from the nurses. Jason’s words in the locker room, poison echoing in my head.
My breath comes in ragged gasps.
I should’ve known. How the fuck didn’t I see it?
I bury my face in my hands, my fingers tugging at my hair. All the guilt, the anger, the helplessness I’ve been shoving down for days ripping free now that I’m alone.
I’m not the strong big brother right now.
I’m a mess, choking on every thought of what Alex went through, while I was too damn busy worrying about football and my love life to see it.
The kitchen smells like pizza when I come out, and Iris is filling up a bag with some of Alex’s favorite snacks, and I’m so damn grateful.
I don’t know if I’d be able to do this without her.
When she turns around, she frowns. “Are you okay?” she asks, coming to stand in front of me and caressing my cheek with her hand. I guess my crying session in the shower ain’t much of a secret.
I shrug, leaning into her hand, “Getting there.”
She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug that I desperately need. But in that moment, I realize that she’s wearing the same clothes from the other day, too.
She never left my side.
“Darlin’,” I mumble into her neck, and I think I feel a small shiver, but surely not. “You wanna take a shower too?”
Iris pulls back, biting her lip the way she does when she’s nervous.“It’s okay, I’m fine.”
I shake my head, “Take a shower, Iris. I’ll put your clothes in the washer, and you can borrow some of mine.”
She frowns. “Your clothes won’t fit me.”
“Might be a little big, but better than nothing.” She hesitates, but eventually agrees with a sigh.
“Looking good,” I say, when Iris emerges from the bedroom, my t-shirt hanging off her and sweatpants way too baggy.
She still looks damn good in my clothes.
She crosses her arms and frowns. “Shut up. The boxers didn’t fit. They kept falling.”
I can’t help the way my eyes glance down, thinking about how she doesn’t have anything on under those pants. A spark flickers in me, something deep inside liking the sound of that, but it’s buried underneath twenty pounds of guilt and exhaustion.
“Any other time, I’d be all over you,” I admit, watching her cheeks flush. She looks away, an attempt to hide how flustered that single comment makes her.
I guess I still got it.
“Yeah, well…” she stammers, glaring at me like she used to when I’d flirt with her and she’d act all grumpy about it.
Man, I love her.
The door creaks open, and I’m through it first, holding it wide so Alex doesn’t bump into it.
He steps in behind me, moving slowly ‘cause moving still hurts. His arm is in a thick blue cast, and the bruises on his face have gone yellow around the edges, but they’re still there, not letting any of us forget.
“Watch your step,” I say, even though the floor’s clear.
I can’t stop myself.
Every part of me wants to make this easier for him. To make sure he never gets hurt again. Iris follows, carrying his bag, and I can tell she feels the same way.
“Come on, bud. Sit down before you break your other arm.”
I guide him to the couch and he lowers himself carefully, hissing as he sits down and wiggles into a spot that doesn’t hurt as much. I hover, grabbing the throw pillow off the recliner and tucking it behind him, and draping the blanket from the back of the couch over his lap.
“You good? Need another pillow? Want me to get the blanket off your bed?”
Alex gives me a tired look. “Nate, I’m okay.”
“You need your meds yet?” I ask, reaching for the orange bottle on the coffee table. “Or water? You hungry? Iris said she was gonna make some soup, but I can get you something different. You want McDonald’s?”
“Nate,” Alex says again, his good hand coming up to rest on the blanket. “Relax. Seriously.”
“Alright,” I sigh, dropping onto the edge of the coffee table to sit in front of him. “But you’ll let me know if you need anything, right?”
Alex nods, rolling his eyes but wincing when it hurts.
I pat his leg sympathetically.
I’m trying to be quiet, coming through the front door with bags of groceries, full of things to make some of Alex’s favorite meals. He’s been sleeping a lot, and I got him set up on the couch. But when I get into the living room, I see something that makes my breath catch.
Iris is sitting on the couch beside Alex, the TV on low in the background, but they’re not paying any attention to it. Alex has his head resting on Iris’s shoulder, and they’re both looking down at the sketchbook balanced on her lap.
She pauses every so often, tilting her head to get it right. Alex watches her draw like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.
He still looks tired, but right now, there’s a calm that I haven’t seen from him since—
Relief and heartbreak are all tangled up inside me because Iris is good for him. She’s good for both of us. Alex hasn’t ever had a mother figure, other than me.
Iris has been that for him since she came into our lives.
She’s the best thing that ever happened to us, and I messed everything up.
Alex’s gaze flickers over and catches me standing there. His mouth tips up, small but real. “Hey,” he says quietly. Iris lifts her head too, a strand of hair falling over her glasses as she smiles at me.
“Hey, you two.” I hold up the grocery bags for something to do instead of staring like a dumbass.“Got the stuff you wanted.”
Alex’s lips quirk up. “Thanks.”
His voice is still scratchy and quieter than I’m used to, but he sounds better every day.
I drop the bags on the kitchen counter before joining them. Iris’s pencil moves in careful strokes while she keeps her sketchbook angled so Alex can see. “Whatcha drawing?”
“Alex playing his guitar,” she responds without looking up.
Alex looks down at the drawing with a frown, leaning further into Iris. “Figured since I can’t play anymore, I should at least remember I could.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “You’ll play again. Might take some time, but you will. I promise.”
Alex doesn’t answer, staying focused on the drawing. His good hand lifts, brushing lightly against the paper, careful not to smudge it. “I like it. Looks like me, but not all messed up.”
“It is you, Alex,” Iris says, gentle but certain. “You’ll be healed up in no time.”
“She’s got you looking cooler than you really do, though,” I tease, reaching out to ruffle his hair, earning a huff of breath that might almost be a laugh.
“Still cooler than you.”
While he’s staring down at the drawing, I look at Iris and find her looking back, and even though we don’t say anything, it feels like we’re silently agreeing that we’ll keep him safe, together.
I clear my throat, forcing my voice steady. “Alright, I’m gonna get started on dinner before you two starve.”
Once I’m in the kitchen, getting stuff out, I hear Alex speak up again. “Can you make the pick my blue one? It’s my favorite.”
“Of course.”
I watch them for a moment longer, Iris drawing lines on the page, Alex’s head on her shoulder. Seeing them together, Iris taking care of him, Alex trusting her completely…
I just can’t let her go.
It’s late.
Iris is beside me at the counter, drying the last plate, her hair falling out of the bun she put it up in.
She’s beautiful.
And right now, it feels peaceful, like we could do this every night.
Until she finishes drying, sets the plate down, and turns to me. “I should head home.”
“What?” I wipe my hands on the dish towel, turning to face her. “Why? You don’t gotta leave.”
She doesn’t look at me right away, folding the towel and putting it back on the stove. “I do, Nate.”
“Why? You’ve been with me all week, Iris. We want you here. I want you here.”
She finally meets my eyes, and the look in them hurts more than I can explain. “Nate. We’re not together anymore.”
“But I thought—” The words tumble out, even though I know how stupid I sound saying them. “I thought we were getting back there. You’ve been here, you’ve been helping with Alex. It felt like—”
“We’re not back together, Nate,” she interrupts, soft as always, but final. “You know that.”
My chest tightens at her words, and I can’t keep my emotions from bubbling up to the surface, saying shit I shouldn’t. “Why not? You know I’m sorry about what happened. I mean, after everything, are you seriously still mad?”
She hugs her arms around herself, pressing her lips together. “I know it was a mistake. But that doesn’t change anything. And you don’t need this, Nate. Especially now.”
“Yes, I do,” I respond, too loud, panic coursing through my body at the thought of her leaving me again. “I need you, Iris.”
Her posture changes at my tone, defensive now. “We’re not doing this tonight.”
“The hell we’re not,” I shoot back at her dismissiveness. “I’m tired of you acting like you don’t love me.”
She shakes her head, looking anywhere but me. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. You know how this town is, you know what they’d say. Everyone knows now, Nate.”
“I don’t give a damn what they’d say!” My voice cracks as the frustration boils over. “They’re not the ones losing you!”
“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”
“Harder?” I laugh, humorless. “Feels like you’ve already made up your mind. Probably going to see your new boyfriend right now.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You think I haven’t seen you with Holloway? You’re with him, aren’t you?”
Her eyes widen, but not like she’s been caught. And maybe I made a mistake there, because right now, she just looks offended. “Oh my God, Nate. Are you serious right now?”
I take a step toward her, desperate and doubling down. “Why else would you be so against giving me another chance?” Nothing can prepare me for what her next words are.
“I’m leaving Rosehill.”
“Huh?”
She looks away, blinking fast. “I can’t stay here, Nate. Not after everything. Everyone knows now. And they’re never going to let me forget it.”
The fight drains out of me. The anger, the jealousy, all crumbling under the weight of what she just said. “Iris—”
She shakes her head before I can reach for her. “I love you.” Her voice breaks on the word that’s supposed to mean something good. “But I can’t stay here. It’s too hard.”
I stare at her, wide-eyed, mouth open to speak, but I don’t even know what to say.
She said she loves me.
She said she’s leaving.
“Goodnight, Nate.”
Her mind made up, she slips through the front door, not looking back once.
And standing there, watching her little green car pull out of my driveway, I know this isn’t just her leaving for the night.