Chapter 30 #3
That realization begins to unravel the knot of shame I’ve been building for my entire life. I have a long way to go. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with the body I was born with. But maybe it’s okay to let him love my body, even if I can’t.
“Now,” He starts. “You got any lube?”
I lay back with a sigh, my face heating more than it did when Nate took my clothes off. “In the drawer.”
He crouches slightly to reach it, popping back up with that stupid grin on his face. “What’s this for?”
Oh god.
I fumble for an answer, trying to sound casual, to think of an excuse, but fail miserably. “I… um. tried to… you know…”
He tilts his head, getting his fingers slick with the lube, his tone playful but curious. “Tried what?”
The only response I give is a glare. He knows.
“You mean, you tried to finger yourself?” He questions, and I’m really starting to wonder if dying from embarrassment is a thing. It certainly feels like it is.
I swallow hard, biting my lip once before releasing it because he’s not letting this go, standing there with an expectant look on his face. “I wanted to know what it felt like. After that day in my classroom. What it might feel like if we—”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Hang on. You’re telling me I was sitting at home with the world’s worst case of blue balls, losing my damn mind, while you were—” He cuts himself off with a mix between a scoff and a laugh, shaking his head.
“You could’ve at least called me. We could’ve made it a team effort. ”
He’s clearly enjoying this way too much.
I open my mouth to yell at him, but the words vanish the moment I feel his slick fingertip pressing slow, but insistent, inside of me. My breath catches on a sharp gasp. I hadn’t even realized he’d gotten so close.
“You—” My voice breaks off into a shaky sound.
“Mhm,” he hums. “Doing so good.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, my hips twitching as his finger penetrates me. It doesn’t even hurt like I figured it would. I think he might actually know what he’s doing.
His touch is careful, but every gentle thrust of his finger sends a ripple of heat curling low in my stomach. And then, he crooks his finger slightly, making my entire body jolt at the pleasure.
“Nate,” I gasp, fisting the sheets.
“That feel good?” I nod, a whimper tearing from my throat when he adds more pressure to that spot, focusing on it. It has pleasure blooming deeper than I’ve ever felt, more intense than anything I did when I used to touch myself.
His other hand slides up my shaking thigh, holding me steady.
“Knew I’d make you feel good,” he says, watching his finger slide in and out of me.
Part of me thinks I should be embarrassed, letting him see me like this, everything on display for him. That I should tell him not to look. But all I can do is arch into it, helpless and wanting, craving more of him.
All of him.
It definitely didn’t feel like this when I did it.
His fingers move in a slow rhythm, a second finger joining the first. The initial stretch makes me gasp, my thighs tightening around his hand, overwhelming in a way that makes me arch off the bed. “Just relax, I’m not gonna hurt you.”
He works me open with slow, deep strokes that turn faster and more confident the longer we go. A third finger follows before I even realize it’s happening, as it all starts to blur together. The pressure, the heat, the way he somehow knows exactly what I need.
My body clenches around his fingers, every nerve inside of me lighting up. My hips roll into his hand, shameless and desperate, chasing the friction. “That’s it,” he says, curling his fingers. “That’s my girl. Taking it so good for me.”
When the pressure in my groin gets to be too much, my hand moves on its own, reaching down between us. My shaking fingers squeeze around myself, attempting to find relief even though I’m still mostly soft.
I’m almost there when Nate stops.
The sharp pleasure fades away as he pulls his fingers out of me, leaving my entrance to clench around nothing. A strangled whine falls from my lips, and my hips twitch, seeking more. I look up, pleading for him to put them back.
And he just… laughs! Full-on laughs! “Sorry, Darlin’, I wanted to make sure you didn’t come yet.”
“Why not?” I snap, genuinely angry because I was so close and it’s been so long, and my body has decided that enough is enough and I need to come now.
He grins down at me, and somehow, in the middle of all of this intensity, my own lips tug into a matching smile because I love him so much.
And I’m angry that he stopped fingering me.
How is this my life?
Nate shifts back, his hands going to the waistband of his pants and shoving them down without ceremony.
There’s no need.
My thighs press together. “Maybe we should stick to the fingers.”
He adds more lube to his hand and wraps it around himself. “It’s not that big,” he drawls, thumb brushing over the tip, catching a bead of precum. “You’ll be alright, promise.”
I’m barely even listening because the sight of him stroking himself is mesmerizing. The pink wet head, the way his hand grips his thick shaft, I let my legs relax back open without even realizing.
“It’s pretty,” I tell him, because it is.
He scoffs, his hand faltering. “My dick ain’t pretty, Iris. I’m a dude.” The tone of his voice doesn’t match the blush creeping onto his cheeks.
He climbs back onto the bed, shifting forward until I can feel his hard cock press against my entrance. His hand trails up my thigh, slow and warm until he reaches my hip. “Deep breath for me, Darlin’.”
His thumb strokes circles against my skin, waiting for me to inhale like he said, before he starts to push in.
The blunt pressure makes my body tense, my nails digging into the sheets. It’s a lot more than his fingers. It’s so much.
He’s inside of me.
But he knows this is my first time, and he doesn’t take.
I drag in a shaky breath, my hips twitching at the growing pressure as he eases in impossibly deeper.
His forehead drops to mine, our lips brushing, but neither of us can kiss right now.
“Fuck,” he whispers, rough and reverent all at once. “So fucking tight, Iris.” His body is trembling over me. His muscles are strained, and his fingers dig into my thigh like it’s the only thing keeping him in control.
Like he’s equally affected by this.
He pushes deeper, inch by inch. His chest brushing mine with every shallow thrust, “Jesus,” he rasps. “You feel so fuckin’ good. Never—” he cuts himself off with a ragged breath. “Never felt anything like this.”
My head tips back against the pillow on a cry, no room left in my body for shame, consumed by him.
Every inch of his heated skin against mine, my nails scratching down his back. His cock presses into me, carving its place inside my body. It’s so much, so big, but I want more.
I want it all.
When he bottoms out, he freezes. “Gimme a second,” he rasps, “’bout to— fuck.”
I don’t know what comes over me, but seeing this man, who is supposed to be a pro at this, struggling not to come from being inside of me, I can’t help myself.
I clench around him, making him groan.
“You little—” he growls, voice strained, teeth gritting, but I see him shudder, and I feel his hands digging into my hips.
But that gets him going.
He begins to thrust, slow, but more than before, pressing into me in just the right way to hit the spot that makes me moan every single time, helpless to stop.
Every movement, every gasp, every slick sound of us pressing together just has me wanting more. He never stops being careful not to hurt me, but he fucks me until I’m lost in him, trembling, gasping, holding onto him wherever I can reach.
One of his hands slips beneath my thigh, pushing my leg up, opening me up even more, The new angle has heat coiling in my stomach immediately, every thrust taking me higher and higher.
Until it snaps.
My body goes taut around him, warmth spreading in unstoppable waves as my nails dig into his arms, and a sound louder than I’ve ever made escapes me. I’m trembling, utterly lost in a way I’ve never felt before.
Above me, Nate’s groans vibrate through my skin as he fucks me harder than before, less controlled. I wrap my arms around him, along for the ride, holding on tight as he chases his own release. And then his body stills as he fills me with his come.
He shudders, sweat-slick and hot, and I cling to him, every inch of us aligned.
“Fuck, Iris…” he rasps, collapsing to the side so he doesn’t crush me. I curl against him immediately, and his arm wraps around me, holding me close as he kisses the top of my head.
“You okay, Darlin’?”
“I—I think so,” I whisper, still trembling from the intensity of my first orgasm in a long time.
And being fucked.
“You sure?” he asks, running a warm hand along my bare back. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? Might have gotten a little carried away there at the end.”
“Of course not, Nate,” I say, hugging him tighter. “I know you would never hurt me.”
He smiles against my hair. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I breathe out, my heart pounding from more than just the physical intensity. He leans back so he can look at me, and I meet his eyes reluctantly.
“I meant what I said, Iris. You’re perfect to me.”
I cup his cheek, brushing a thumb across his jaw. “You’re pretty perfect too, you know.”
He chuckles, leaning down for a much-needed kiss to my lips. “I’m never letting you go,” he says between kisses. “Ever. You hear me?”
“I hear you,” I murmur, sinking back into the comfort of his arms.
And wrapped up in his solid strength, with his steady heartbeat in my ear, I let myself believe, for the first time, that this is forever.