Chapter 32
thirty-two
. . .
Jensen
The knockingon my door gets louder as I grab my shirt and pull it over my head. Looking out through the peephole I do a double take thinking that I have to be imagining things.
The knock echoes over my apartment once more and I slide the chain, then twist the deadbolt, opening the door.
There opposite me stands Brynn, I can visibly see her shoulders lift as she takes a deep breath.
“I just had a very sweet chat with your wife!” The way she’s arching her brow, if I hadn’t already realized she was being sarcastic, I would now. “Apparently you’ve always had a wandering eye and I’m only one of your many sluts.”
“Excuse me?” I step aside and motion for her to enter. Yes, I’m pissed, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy to have her show up at my place.
Brynn stands with only a few feet between us, her eyes locked on mine. I have so many things I want to say, but instead I give her the floor. After all, she is the one that showed up on my doorstep.
“I want to hate you,” she confesses, her shoulder dropping as her body finally relaxes. “I told myself that option would be easiest. I immediately classified her as the poor wife with the asshole husband.”
She missed that by a long shot.
“The more I go over things the more I realize that I haven’t really been fair to you.” A spark of hope flickers inside me. “In no way does that mean that what you did wasn’t wrong, but I’ve come to realize that there is part of the story I’ve missed. Or more so, part of the story I’ve refused to let you tell.”
“Because I should have told it to you from the start.”
She shakes her head. “No, you were right, had you told me I probably would have written you off. I would have turned away and not looked back.”
Looking at her is painful, because all I really want to do is reach out and take her hand into mine. Or wrap her in my arms and just hold her close, breathing her in.
“I think what makes me the angriest of all is that I allowed myself to believe that what we had was real.”
“It was,” I insist. “Is.”
I hold her stare, feeling like I’ve been kicked in the nuts. My lower stomach hurts so intensely that I fight the urge to double over.
“Brynn.” The idea that we’ll never be an us is unbearable. I notice the way she quickly looks away and takes a step back, to gain some distance.
“So I’m here. You’ve been harassing everyone I know for weeks, trying to get to me.” She holds out her hands and sits on the arm of the chair. “The floor is all yours.”
“You’re beautiful even when you’re irritated.” She tries to hide her smile but she slips up and rolls her eyes at me.
“Time is ticking.” She raises her brow and my stomach tenses as I too join her in the living room, sitting opposite her and leaning over resting my elbows on my knees.
“I met Christina before I got my detective badge. I’d been working toward it from day one. I”d pushed myself, it had always been the goal.” I don’t look up at Brynn, it literally hurts to see her but not touch her.
“She was different in the beginning, and I know now it was because she had a goal. I didn’t even really propose, it was more of a conversation we had, what the future may be like, but the next thing I know we’re engaged and she’s coming home to show me the ring she picked out for herself.”
“She picked out her own ring?”
I look up to see Brynn’s nose wrinkled up in the cutest fucking way and it makes me chuckle. “Yup.” I nod and when she laughs I feel a little lighter.
“The next week I was already trying to figure out how in the hell I’d gotten myself into the mess. It was almost like she’d become a monster overnight. Demanding and rude, two months into it I’d had Jenna trying to help me out of it when Chrissy came home with a positive pregnancy test.”
Brynn’s smile falters so I hurry to continue.
“The thing was she was never pregnant but found someone to fake that shit because she’d somehow picked up on me wanting out of it. But I didn’t know this until I was already tied to her because?—”
“You’re a good guy and wanted to do the right thing,” Brynn finishes my sentence and something about her choice of words triggers a warmth in my gut.
“I made a lot of mistakes, before and after our wedding. The biggest one was ever going through with it at all. Two years of pure hell, two years of her screwing around whenever I wasn’t with her. Which being a detective made that difficult at times. She blamed me. I wasn’t showing her enough attention, I wasn’t home enough, or I was cheating on her and lying when I said I was working a case. It was always something.”
I take a deep calming breath.
“We fought every second of every day, she’d show up at the station creating havoc, following me to scenes and a time or two I had to throw weight to keep her from being arrested.”
Brynn stares at me all wide-eyed but never says a word.
“She’s living in my house, the one I bought with the money that was left to me after my father passed. She won’t finalize the divorce because it means she”ll have to finally fend for herself and she wants my house.” I realize I’m rambling on and barely taking a breath, but I just want this all to be over.
“She moved her boyfriend in, or at least he was staying there for a while. She wants everything, and my lawyer is pushing back. She knows she can’t afford to fight me on this, but she keeps trying. Chrissy has managed to run her own family off, what friends she does have aren’t willing to help her and she knows without me paying for shit, the house, the car, she”d have nothing. She’s already ran through her own money from any small jobs she’s had.”
I take a breath and lift my gaze to meet Brynn’s once again.
“It’s a fucking mess, and I’m tired of sitting around like I have for more than a year, going through the motions. She’s living, why can’t I?”
Brynn is quiet, and it is starting to make me nervous. What is she thinking?
“I was humiliated,” she finally confesses and I see the shimmer in her eyes that hits me hard. “My track record with guys has not been the greatest.” I remember what Taylor said the night I showed up at the club. “There I stood, my hand in yours, seconds after you’d kissed me and I’m hit with the fact that you”re married. Yes, I know now the horrible details of it all, but then?—”
“I know.” I scoot to the edge of the cushion and fist my hands, wanting to touch her but holding back.
“You didn’t tell me from the start, okay, we’ve established that it very well could have halted everything we did share. But what about the third date, the fourth. What about before you showed up at my apartment and we,” she pauses and yes the visions of what took place that night fill my mind.
Again Bree takes a deep breath as if she is trying to find the words to continue. I see it as a chance to grab hold of any hope I had we’d get past this.
“She’s harassed my family, my friends. To be honest when I met you it was the first time she hasn’t consumed my life with all her shit and I just wanted something for me for a change. It was selfish I get that, but I wanted to finally do something for me that she couldn’t taint. And yes I may have kept that part of my life hidden because I didn’t want her doing to you what she’s managed to do to everyone else in my life.”
“I can handle myself,” she assures me, holding my stare, a determined look is in her eyes, that strong demeanor I know now is part of the very reason I’d been so easily starting to fall in love.
“I know you can.” I stand and move around the coffee table, unable to remain at a distance any longer. Sitting on the edge, I reach out and hook my finger with hers. “But I didn’t want you to have to.”