Chapter 33
thirty-three
. . .
Brynnlee
“Where does this leave us?”Jensen asks, as he glides his thumb over the top of my hand. My eyes are focusing on the movements.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. I wish I did. “I think right now, you need to take care of you and I’ll take care of me.”
“What if I want to take care of you?” The way he’s looking at me makes this all the more difficult. That longing, the desperation almost as he watches and waits.
“I’ve never been really great at letting anyone take care of me.” It is a struggle, but I don’t need a hero. “I don’t need someone to swoop in and carry me through.”
“I’m not looking for a damsel, Brynn.” He forces a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Part of what makes me so attracted to you is your strength.”
Confidence and self-reliance was something my mother and father taught me at a young age. But for the first time I did consider what it would be like to have someone there to protect me. To have a man that respected me but wanted to ensure that I was loved and safe no matter what. What I imagined, it was nice. “I’m just not sure right now that I can honestly say I’m ready to give you the things that you are looking for.” The second the words escape my lips my chest grows tight.
“Baby, I’m not looking for anything other than you. I want you,” he says this, finally threading his fingers through mine. “All I want is you.”
Why can’t I say yes? Why can’t I just say I want you too?
“I should go.” Standing, he stands with me. “I’m glad you told me.”
“Don’t go.” Jensen cups the side of my face and though I want to fight it, I lean into his touch. “Stay and let’s talk. Let’s figure this out.”
I see it coming, the shift of his body, how he slouches just enough to bring his mouth closer to mine. I should fight it, I know this, but instead I give into it. I’m instantly reminded of how good it feels to be with him, to feel his kiss and the promise of more.
Then doubt hits me, like it always seems to do, and I pull back. “Good bye, Jensen.” Stepping back his hand falls away and I notice the way his body sags in defeat.
“Is this you telling me that fighting for you would be pointless?”
Tears cloud my vision as I pause at his door with my hand on the handle. “This is me saying that right now I think what’s best is that we take some time.”
“Some time for what, Brynn?”
I wish I knew. I know I’m making a mistake, I know tomorrow when my emotions aren’t running high I will look back and think how I could have done things differently. But for now, I think I just need to breathe, and I need to do that without looking into his beautiful eyes.
He watches me leave, and at one point I stop, reconsidering my choice. But as the elevator dings and I step inside, I force myself to not look back. If I do, I know I won’t leave.
“So you left?”Taylor asks in a low tone while leaning in to ensure no one else around the table hears.
Sebastian has been watching me with curiosity since the moment I joined them. He’s yet to say anything but I swear I can feel his judgments. If Ciara wasn’t sitting at his side, I am sure he would have already started questioning me.
We are gathering to celebrate the announcement of my niece or nephew and to enjoy a nice family dinner prior to going into full wedding mode. Ciara hasn’t been feeling the greatest. Morning sickness has finally arrived and from what Seb said it’s been a vengeful bitch.
“Like just walked out,” Taylor adds and I’m reminded that I have yet to respond to her first question.
“I said we needed time,” I whisper in return and hope that she doesn’t continue to poke. Of course she does.
“Time for what?”
“Can we talk about this later?” I narrow my eyes at her and she scans over the table, understanding my need to drop it.
Taylor has always been my plus one. Having Taylor was a given. Anything family related and she was there, as my honorary sister. My parents treated her like she was one of theirs.
I grab my water, needing to rid myself of the dryness in my mouth when I see once again Sebastian watching me. I arch a brow, he narrows his eyes and I continue to stare.
“How was your day?” my mother interrupts the tense filled stare down my brother and I share like she feels it herself. Most likely she does, I swear she has a sixth sense for that kind of thing. She is the peacekeeper, always trying to ensure we are all happy and smiling.
“It was good,” I lied. I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours, maybe more, second-guessing everything I’ve said and down over the last few weeks. My head is not in the game and my brother may have picked up on that when I missed my meeting with him this morning.
Which may be why he’s glared at me since the moment I sat down.
Our waiter brings our entrees and I see Ciara bring her hand to her nose.
“Are you okay?” I ask and notice how she breathes slowly, blowing it out equally as slow.
“I’ve taken my medication, which helps, but the initial impact of certain smells still takes a few minutes of adjustment.”
“So this little one is already creating havoc,” I smile, “just like their daddy.”
I say the last part lower for only her to hear and she snickers. If anyone knows how difficult Seb can be it”s her.
“He cares, he just doesn’t always go about it the right way.”
“You see the good in him, when I can’t. To me it”s his way of controlling my life.” Which he has no right to do.
“That or it”s his way of being a big brother and trying to protect you.” I know she is trying to help, so sweet and polite. She is the complete opposite of my brother and I find myself wondering often how he persuaded Ciara to give him a shot.