Chapter Twenty-Seven
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
January 2029
“CAN’T BELIEVE I GAVE him the week off,” I mumble, shoving my laptop in my purse. There is about a foot of fresh, powdered snow on the ground, and I can already feel the chill blowing in through the open door at the front of the plane. There’s at least a twenty-degree difference between here and New York. I finally landed in Colorado after spending the last month and a half on the east coast. Elena and I bounced between New York and Winchester, spending our weekdays in the city and weekends in the Lowcountry. And because I didn’t originally plan to return until next weekend, I gave everyone here this week off. I got lucky when I called Steve, he was free to fly me back on such short notice. I couldn’t spend another day in the city (or around my family). I needed space, and the only place I wanted to be was Haven.
The end of the year is a busy time for our family. Between September and December, there are a million things to do and celebrate. With the multitude of birthdays, wedding anniversaries, holidays, death anniversaries, and company events, it is truly the busiest time of the year. By the time my birthday rolls around at the end of each October, I’m ready for it to be January when work is the only thing I have to worry about.
And this past holiday season was no exception.
The holidays were…interesting. The gaping hole Nick left at the dinner table was joined by the absence of Michaela, Elizabeth, and their husbands. Granted, Mic and Elizabeth had a good excuse: they both gave birth in December and weren’t ready to be around outsiders. Alex and Lara played host for both Thanksgiving and Christmas at their new home in Charlotte, and while I was glad not to worry about hosting everyone, it only added to the awkwardness.
Alex and I have grown distant in recent months. Why? I’m not sure…Part of me wonders if Alex thinks I blame him for what happened. Part of me worries he blames me for not finding his brother. I’m Nina Villa. I’m supposed to be able to do anything…At least that’s what my brother-in-law has always believed. Our relationship has shifted as more time has worn on in the search for Nick, especially after Sergeant Warren explained the case is (essentially) closed from the State’s perspective.
“You need me to give you a ride home, Nina?” Steve asks from the cockpit door.
“No, I’ll be fine. Please enjoy the rest of your time off, Steve. I’m so sorry I bothered you.”
“Not a bother.” He waves me off. “Kai requested the plane on Tuesday anyway.” At least I know Kai will be bringing Elena back on the plane. She begged me to stay a little longer with her cousins and her uncle couldn’t say no. “You call me if you need anything. I’m gonna stick around until Sunday.”
I press a chaste kiss to Steve’s stubbled cheek on my way out of the plane, freezing at the top of the stairs, and not because of the drastic drop in temperature.
What is he doing here?
He’s not supposed to be here…yet here he is. I haven’t seen him in almost two months, but we’ve been in contact almost every day while I was gone. He keeps me informed if there are any new updates (there haven’t been) and I bother him to see if there are any (even though there aren’t). They aren’t long conversations, but he’d check in, ask me how I was doing, and if I needed anything. Then he’d ask about Elena (Shortie, sorry), and then, he’d check in on the rest of the family. Once a week, he’d say he ran over to the house to check on it since it had been so cold. The conversation was easy and flowed naturally—no pressure, no expectations. Being gone made me miss him, and I didn’t even realize it until now.
He leans against the Spruce County Sheriff’s SUV, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded over his broad chest. A smile spreads across his face when our eyes meet.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, stepping down from the jet steps.
“Figured you might need a ride,” Beau says, wrapping his hand around the handle of my suitcase.
“But I didn’t—”
“Your brother told me.”
“Kai told you I was coming home?”
Beau nods. “Asked me to keep an eye on you.” He pushes a strand of hair that has fallen out of my braid behind my ear, gently caressing my jaw, and the motion sends a shiver down my spine. “C’mon, Sweetheart, let’s get you home.”
“Thanks for bringing me,” I say, pulling a water bottle from the fridge. I’m surprised to find the house awaiting my arrival: the fridge is restocked, the heat is turned up to a comfortable temperature, and firewood has been brought in from outside and neatly stacked in the holder. “You did all of this?” I ask, turning back to Beau.
“Figured it would help you unwind a little more if you didn’t have to worry about it.”
“Beau—”
“You don’t have to say anything, Sweetheart.” He lifts his hand from the white marbled countertop and chews his bottom lip. “I wanted to make sure you had what you needed. I know dealing with the family and going back and forth has been hard on you. Just wanted to lighten the load a little.”
I don’t know what I would’ve done without this man for the last nine months. He has been my rock and my shelter in the hurricane. He has made sure I’m taken care of when I don’t remember to take care of myself. When I’m too busy worrying about what comes next in the list of things to handle, what someone in the family needs, what I can do to continue the search for Nick…Beau worries about me.
Our fingertips graze on the island and the feeling draws my gaze up to his when a charge spreads across my skin. The feeling is something I haven’t felt since…Nick. And from the look on Beau’s face, I know he feels it, too.
“I should…I should go.” Beau rips his gaze from mine, pulling his hand away to rub the back of his neck. “If you need anything, you know how to get ahold of me.” Without giving me a chance to respond, he bolts out of the kitchen and straight out the front door.
When the door closes, I finally allow myself to breathe.
I pour scalding water from the kettle into a mug filled with lemon juice and honey. Pouring the rest of the water down the drain, I bring the mug to my lips and inhale, letting the aroma fill my senses. The sweetness of the honey mixed with the acid from the lemon juice creates a warm, harmonious scent. Before I take a sip, there’s a knock at the front door.
When I open the door, my heart stalls. Beau stands in the doorway. His hands have a death grip on the frame and his gaze raises to meet mine. There’s something in his green eyes I’ve never seen before, or maybe I’ve never noticed: want, need, desperation…A mix of all three? Whatever you want to call it, the heat in his gaze makes my skin flush.
“Hi.” My word comes out more like a question. What is he doing here?
“Nina.” It comes out strangled. His hands flex on the frame.
“Beau.” Before I can fully get his name past my lips, he steps inside and his mouth is on mine. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I don’t think it was this…Or maybe it was. I don’t know. All I know is his kiss ignites a fire inside me that was dampened a long time ago.
His tongue strokes mine as he reaches out to close the door with one hand, the other hugging my waist to keep me as close as possible. He bends slightly, sliding his hands under my ass and lifting me off my feet. My legs wrap around his waist, and he carries me through the house in a frenzy.
Beau sets me on the island, and I gasp when his mouth trails down my jaw, nipping at the sensitive skin behind my ear.
“Fuck.” Beau rips himself away from me and takes two large steps back. “Fuck, Nina. I—I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I—” His green eyes meet mine before he scrubs a hand down his face.
“Don’t apologize,” I say, stepping down from the counter. Two of his steps equal three of mine as I cross the room. He tries to take another step back, but I reach out for him, pulling him back to me. “Beau,” I whisper, hands gripping the front of his sherpa-lined jacket.
Warm hands cradle the sides of my neck, his face so close to mine I can smell the mint on his breath, mingling with his cologne, and it’s intoxicating. His eyes remain closed as his tongue darts out to wet his plump lips, biting down on the bottom one.
“Nina.” He groans. “You gotta tell me you don’t want this.”
“I can’t.”
His forehead rubs against mine as his face contorts almost in agony. He says my name again. Green eyes open to meet mine, thumbs grazing across the skin of my cheeks before his right traces my lips. Eyes heavy with want, he groans when I tug him another step forward, his hips pressing against mine.
Fuck.
We are toeing a dangerous line, and if we cross…He has to know I can’t offer myself to him. Not wholly. Not now, and maybe not ever. But for tonight…
“I can’t promise you anything, Beau,” I whisper. “I can’t promise you tomorrow or the next day, but I can promise you tonight.”
“Say it,” he demands, his lips ghosting over mine. “Tell me what you want, Davina.”
“I want you.”
His mouth covers mine in a bruising kiss, all teeth and tongue, as his fingers grip my jaw. His kiss is different than what I’m used to, what I know, and it offers a different spark than the ones I shared with my late husband. The guilt begins to settle in already and we haven’t done anything.
Why do I feel guilty? Nick is gone. He’s not coming back. This isn’t supposed to be a long-term thing, one night to get it out of our systems…So, why do I feel like I’m doing something wrong?
“We can stop,” Beau says, parting from me again. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, letting his fingers trace down the side of my face and jaw, lifting my chin to meet his gaze. “No hard feelings.”
I bite my bottom lip, never breaking our stare, and shake my head, pulling his mouth back to mine.
In one quick motion, my feet leave the floor when he lifts me onto the island again. His tongue sweeps across mine and they dance together in a fight for dominance—one I’m happy to let him win.
I push the jacket from his shoulders and he shrugs out of it, letting it fall as my fingers make quick work of untucking the plaid button-down from his waistband. A soft whimper passes through my lips when Beau parts from me. I already miss his touch, watching as he kneels before me.
He lifts my left leg, kissing the inside of my thigh as his fingers lightly trace down the length of my leg to my boots. He undoes the lace, slipping the first boot from my foot before repeating the process on the other side. His green eyes burn when he stands, looking down at me as he drags my ass to the edge of the counter.
“Up,” he commands, lifting my hips.
I leverage my feet on the handles, and he shimmies my leggings off my hips and over my ass, removing them one leg at a time.
Beau kisses me again. “Stand for me, Sweetheart,” he commands. His eyes never leave mine as I slip from the counter, sliding down his body the entire way. I hold my breath, waiting to see what he does next. The air surrounding us grows thicker with each passing second.
Beau doesn’t waste time, hands flying to my hips and spinning me around. The edge of the counter digs into my stomach with his body flush against mine. His breath is hot against my ear when he moans softly at the connection.
“Beau.” I gasp when large fingers splay across the bare skin of my stomach beneath my sweater, igniting a fire across my whole body. His right hand comes to my neck, holding me steady as he grinds against my ass. I can already feel how hard he is through the denim. I can’t stop myself from thrusting my hips backward to meet his. His lips and teeth meet the left side of my throat, no doubt he’s left his mark on the skin. I don’t care because it feels too fucking good. Beau Turner knows exactly how to please a woman.
His fingers tighten around my neck with the slightest pressure, and his mouth trails from my neck to my bare shoulder where the sleeve of my oversized ribbed sweater is halfway down my arm. Warm lips ghost over my shoulder, scruff bringing every nerve to attention, and the sensation elicits the slightest whimper from my lips. I feel him smile against my skin.
“You’re not wearing a bra,” he rasps against my ear. His hand releases my neck, trailing down my chest. He cups one of my breasts through the fabric before he reaches under my sweater, palms rough against the sensitive skin. His fingers tease my hardened nipple and it sends a shockwave through me.
He pinches my nipple again before trailing further down my body until he reaches the waistband of my underwear. His hand slips beneath the fabric until it finds what he’s looking for and my legs practically fall out from under me at his touch.
“You’re a needy thing, aren’t you?” I can hear the smirk in his voice and, normally, I’d roll my eyes at his sense of pride, but right now all I can think about is how his hands feel against me. And what I wouldn’t give to feel all of him against me. Beau dips one finger between my folds and I claw at the countertop. “Fuck, Nin, you’re drenched,” he moans and pushes another one inside me.
“Beau,” I whine.
“Stay put, baby.” Beau kisses the back of my neck. “You got that?”
I nod in response, sucking in my bottom lip.
One of his feet comes between mine, widening my stance, before he pulls my hips out from the counter.
“Holy fuck, just look at you,” he moans, grinding against my ass once more before the weight of his body disappears.
“What are you—” I gasp when I see him back on his knees, and the ache between my legs grows.
Beau shrugs out of his flannel, leaving him in a T-shirt, and he gently nudges my legs a little farther apart, pulling my underwear down. “Put your hands on the edge of the counter and lean forward. I want to watch as you come undone on my tongue.”
Holy fuck .
My body craves his touch. I don’t have time to think about how this would look if someone were to walk in because I’m so desperate for him. His mouth moves to where I need him most and I have to grasp the counter to keep from falling, eyes screwed shut, as I call his name.
“Eyes on me, Davina,” Beau commands, and when I meet his hooded gaze, I practically come right then and there. His tongue moves in languid circles against me, drawing out deep cries of pleasure. I haven’t felt like this in so long, I’m not going to last. One hand threads through his hair, tugging, when his lips suckle on my clit. He does it over and over, building the weight of ecstasy in my veins. I feel like I’m going to combust. When my legs begin to buckle, he tightens his already firm grip on my ass. No room for escape from his assault. Licking. Biting. Sucking. Nipping. It’s all too much.
“Beau.” I whimper, my orgasm building stronger, and he slips two fingers inside me. “Holy fuck,” I cry out, unable to contain myself at the feeling. I feel so full and all I can think about is how good it will feel when his fingers are replaced by his cock. He crooks his fingers inside me, and it sends me spiraling, chasing my orgasm.
“You wanna come?” he asks against me, and I nod my head frantically. Beau spreads me wide again with one long lick from top to bottom before his mouth finds my clit.
I’m so close. The pressure in my belly tells me I’m right on the cusp, and when his teeth graze the sensitive bud at the same time his fingers thrust inside me, I step right over. I can’t contain the scream that rips through my throat as shockwaves of pleasure course through me. His moans spur me on, and I grind against his tongue as he continues to work me through my high.
My breaths come out in heavy pants when his assault finally relents. He stands from his knees, but I still lean over the counter, trying to catch my breath.
Beau pushes the hair from my shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to my skin, and I smile lazily at him.
“You look pretty on your knees, Beau Turner.” My statement makes him laugh—a hearty, full belly laugh—and the sound makes me smile. Finally catching my breath, I stand to meet him, draping my arms over his broad shoulders. His hands rest on my hips.
“You sure you wanna do this, Nin?” he asks, gaze never leaving mine.
“A little late for that, isn’t it?”
Beau shakes his head. “Not if you want to stop. I’ll walk away…No hard feelings and no questions asked.”
I trace the side of his face before pushing my fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends, earning a grunt in response. I don’t deserve the man in front of me. The same way I didn’t deserve Nick. Both men too good for the world we live in. The world I live in. “Beau, I can’t give myself to you. Not in the way you deserve…I just…I’m not there yet.”
“I know, Nina.” He pushes the dark waves behind my shoulder, cupping my face. “I’d never push you.”
“I meant what I said earlier…I can promise you tonight, but that’s all I can offer.”
“Then let’s stop wasting it.”
Beau pulls me in for a kiss that will forever be burned in the back of my mind. He kisses me the way every woman wants to be kissed—soft, yet rough all the same. He devours me. He isn’t trying to win a battle, seeking only the closeness of another person who yearns for the same thing he does. Two people sharing the same breath…the same sensation…the same moment.
Fisting the cloth of his T-shirt, I pull him closer, and I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks as his tongue dances with mine, tasting me as if he’s been deprived—quick and delicious, then firmer and more determined. There’s a yearning deep inside me to make him feel as good as he’s making me…made me. Something tells me Beau hasn’t often been awarded the same opportunities he has given others, and I can’t wait to show him what it’s like…
The morning light shines through the windows of the guest room as I watch Beau sleep. Last night, I couldn’t bring myself to enter the same room I had with my husband so many times, instead opting for one of the many guest rooms. My eyes trace the dips and curves of Beau’s strong body, committing every inch to memory as his chest rises and falls with each slumbering breath. The scents of blue cypress and vetiver, with a hint of the coast, cling to him, and when he shifts beside me, the sunlight catches the curve of his jaw as his dark hair falls across his forehead.
I woke up about an hour ago but haven’t been able to force myself to climb out of bed yet. Because once I do…this all ends. And when it ends…I go back to being Davina Villa: widow, mother, and CEO; but when I’m with Beau, I get to be just…Nina.
Last night was the first time I felt like I could breathe again. Like I wasn’t barely keeping my head above water, at risk of drowning in depths of uncertainty. No one in the family understands the massive weight crushing down my chest every time I think of my husband. The guilt knowing that had we not fought before Nick left, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have gone hiking by himself. I knew the only reason we had been fighting so much was because I chose my career over my family, and it killed me to know Nick left thinking he and Elena weren’t enough for me. They were all I ever truly needed. I’d give it all up for them.
I close my eyes, willing away the monster of grief trying to deepen the grasp it has on my mind, but my attempts are useless. The past nine months have been anything but easy. They’ve been the biggest fucking rollercoaster of emotion and grief and hopelessness I’ve ever experienced, a pain far worse than the one I felt when my dad died almost ten years ago.
And now…if anyone finds out what I’ve done—what we’ve done—they’d never forgive me. They’d never forgive Beau. My family would never look at either one of us the same.
I can’t let Beau know. I refuse to let him think I regret what happened between us. Because…I don’t. I don’t regret what we did. I only regret not waiting until I could fully offer myself to him. Beau Turner is a good man—too good—and he deserves better than this. Deserves better than me. Better than the fucked world my life is rooted so deeply in.
Tears cloud behind my lids, refusing to be willed away, and a few slide down my cheeks. I’ve made a complete mess of things and have no idea how to clean it up.
Beau shifts beside me and a warm hand drags up my back, along my spine, until it settles on the nape of my neck. He pulls me toward him, pressing a kiss against my forehead. “Mornin’, Sweetheart,” he murmurs.
I wipe my cheeks, hoping he hasn’t seen the tears already. His eyes are still heavy with sleep, but he smiles at me, and it pulls one of my own out from the depths of my core.
“Did you sleep at all?” he asks, and I lean into his touch when he traces the side of my face.
“A little. I don’t sleep much anymore.”
Beau hums in response, pulling me back into his chest. “I have to go soon,” he whispers against my hair. “I gotta meet Max at the station.”
“Okay,” I say, because what else is there to say?
“Okay,” he agrees, and the weight of the word chips away at the small piece he had mended back together.