Chapter Thirty-One
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
“HEY, KIDDO,” JIMMY SAYS when he enters the kitchen. We had gathered about twenty minutes ago to watch a movie at the request of Elena and Ophelia. When Elena cuddled up in Brie’s lap instead of mine, I took the opportunity to get a few more minutes of alone time. Jimmy peers over his shoulder into the living room to make sure all eyes are still on the movie before he joins me at the other end of the island. “Doin’ okay?”
“I’m fine.” A weak smile tugs on my lips. “How are you? We haven’t talked in a while.”
“Yeah, unless you’re pawning that beautiful grandbaby off on me.” Jimmy chuckles, and when I apologize, he adds, “I’m kidding. You know I don’t mind one bit. Anything you need, Nina.”
“Well, she loves it. She misses you when you’re gone.”
“Of course, she does! She gets spoiled rotten. And not even by me. Tessa beats me by a long shot.”
“I believe it.” Tessa used to spoil me whenever I’d go to her diner in Winchester. She has always been a kind soul, acting like more of a mother to me than my own. Every time Daddy and I would go into Honeybee’s Cafe, she’d be waiting with a stack of Funfetti pancakes for me and a newspaper and a black coffee for Daddy. Tessa would slide into the booth next to him with a toothy grin and little to no space between them. Over the years, I had watched their relationship blossom, but nothing ever came out of it, only a little flirting here and there. Despite my mother’s actions over the years, my dad would never step out on her. I had hope for him and Tessa when he finally decided to divorce Brina…until he passed. Tessa was heartbroken when Daddy died, like most people who knew him, and I thought introducing her to Jimmy would give them both a friend with something in common. I never thought they’d be anything more than friends, but I couldn’t have been happier when they decided to start dating.
“So,” Jimmy says, pulling a water bottle from the fridge. “You wanna talk about it?”
“Which it ?”
“Any of ’em.”
I swirl the red liquid against the sides of my glass, letting it rise and fall with each flick of my wrist. It almost crests the rim but falls back down before it can.
“How ’bout we start with something easy?” I doubt whatever he’s about to suggest will be an easy topic of conversation. “Something happen with Alex earlier?”
After our conversation in my office, Alex stormed up the stairs and out of the house. The whole thing left the others stunned and confused, and even from downstairs, I could hear the murmurs trying to figure out what happened. When I came upstairs about thirty minutes later, I didn’t say anything about it, and neither did anyone else. Alex returned about an hour ago and we’ve kept our distance since.
My tongue swipes my bottom lip before I pull it between my teeth. “It’s nothing. We had a…disagreement.”
“Pretty heated disagreement from the sound of it.” Jimmy reaches over to cover my hand with his own, squeezing my hand. “Nina, you can talk to me.”
“Jimmy—”
“Did he say something out of line?”
I could tell Jimmy what happened, but it won’t change anything. It won’t change how Alex feels about this situation or how he feels about me. Getting Jimmy involved won’t fix things. I think it’ll make things worse. “He’s worried about the wedding coming up next month.”
“Worried because Nick won’t be here?” Jimmy asks, almost a little incredulously, and sighs when I nod. “Well, my dear, as much as it pains any of us to consider, it’s something we have to accept. Think about why we’re here! It’s not for spring break, as much as I would like it to be.”
I fight the tears collecting in my eyes and look away from him to dab them away with the sleeve of my sweater.
“Nina.” His tone is fatherly, and he waits until I finally relent and look at him, giving me a teary smile. “You have done so much for this family—for my family—and I will never forget that. You have worked endlessly to bring Nick home. And when the time is right, all your hard work will pay off. I’m sure of it.” Jimmy pulls me into a tight embrace, eliciting a sob from deep within me.
It’s in moments like this when I miss my father most. Daddy would’ve known what to do. I have no doubt that had he been here, Kai wouldn’t have hidden the truth from me and Nick would’ve been found within hours of going missing. Nick probably wouldn’t have gone missing because my brother would’ve never taken a leave of absence from the company if Daddy was still alive. I wouldn’t have taken over and Nick and I wouldn’t have been on thin ice. The whole fight leading up to his disappearance wouldn’t have happened in the first place…
But my father isn’t here, so a hug from Jimmy is the closest thing I can get, and I cling to him.
Jimmy kisses the top of my head before pulling back to look at me. “You’re an amazing woman, mother, wife, and business owner. I’m proud of you, Nina.” A tear slips down my cheek, but he wipes it away. “It’s okay to let your guard down sometimes. You don’t have to be strong all the time.”
The same advice Daddy used to give me.
Jimmy wipes another tear from my face, but I can see tears building in his blue eyes. The color of his eyes is a softer blue than the ones that sat across from me earlier. “I love you, Nina. And I know that wherever my son is…was…he’d do everything he can to get back to you because he loves you, too.”
With a final squeeze, Jimmy returns to the living room, and I retreat to the safety of my bedroom. My feet move so fast that it feels like walking on air as I climb the stairs of the turret.
Walking into my bathroom, I grip the edge of the white marble vanity, trying to push down all the emotion clawing its way to the surface. I take a deep breath and flick on the hot faucet, letting the water run until steam rises. Filling my hands, I splash my face, looking in the mirror. The woman who stares back is not the same woman who stood here last year or the year before. The weight of the past three hundred and sixty-four days shows itself in my features. Despite years of diligent skin care and hydration, the signs of age are still there. I’m only thirty-four, but the formation of wrinkles in the corner of my eyes has started. Gray hairs have begun to pop up here and there. Constant dark circles rim my eyes under layers of concealer and foundation, something I’ve never had to do before. Makeup was always a choice, never a necessity. I feel like I developed more curves after having Elena, no matter what I do, they stay in place.
Nick never seemed to mind, though. He seemed to crave my body even more after I became a mother, worshipping it in a way only he knew how. And when I’d feel down about myself, my husband always made me feel better—even if only a little bit.
I hang my head and slam the faucet closed. I wish we could skip tomorrow and jump straight into Monday. Straight to getting on the plane that will take me to the other side of the country and far away from here. How can it already be a year since he left? It feels like it was just yesterday, but also a lifetime ago, all at the same time.
“I miss you,” I whisper to the air around me. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and feel the burn behind my eyes. “I needed you— we needed you—and you…left.” I try to withhold a sob. “How could you just leave me?”
I don’t get an answer.
I never get an answer.
I should’ve fought harder for that final conversation…I should’ve told him I loved him. When I walked in the door the night after our final confrontation about the flowers, I fully expected Nick to be there, cooled down and ready to talk. Instead, I was met with a silent condo filled with inky black shadows. I had checked my watch to verify the time. It was too early for him to be in bed, but not late enough for Elena. I shouldered off my black overcoat, hanging it in the entry closet, and stepped out of my boots, leaving them under the table. Walking farther inside, I heard the faint sounds of giggles and the bath faucet being turned off—the sounds of Elena’s bedtime routine.
My relief evaporated when I turned the corner to find Elena and her nanny, Alyssa, in the bathroom. Why was Alyssa still here?
“Momma!” Elena garbled the word around her toothbrush.
“Oh, Nina!” Alyssa held her hand to her chest. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Where’s Nick?” I asked.
Alyssa reminded Elena to rinse her mouth after she spat, and with a dramatic eye roll, my daughter did as she was told. “He asked me if I’d stay until you got home, something about needing to get out to Colorado early.”
My stomach dropped.
Nick left. Without saying goodbye. Was he really that mad? I never thought he’d leave for the bachelor party without saying goodbye. We’d had our fair share of arguments—what couple doesn’t?—but things had never seemed this bad before.
“I was supposed to call him in a few so Elena could say goodnight, but since you’re home...”
“I’ll do it.” I nod. “You’re free to head home. And Alyssa, you can take tomorrow off. I’m going to work from home.”
Alyssa’s brows raised, curious, but she didn’t question it. She hung Elena’s towel on the bar and said her goodbyes.
“I missed you, Momma,” Elena said, snuggling into my side when I kneeled to her level.
“I’ve missed you, too, my girl.” I gathered her in my arms and squeezed her tight, kissing her hair.
“Can we call Daddy?”
“Of course. Go get into bed and I’ll call him, okay?” I gave Elena a small push and she took off to her room. I sighed when she was out of earshot, pulling my phone out of my pocket, praying he would answer.
I stared at my reflection on the phone screen for what felt like ten minutes as the phone rang. A second before it ended, the screen opened to his side. The camera stared up at the ceiling, a distant conversation in the background before he picked it up and we were face-to-face, but not how I had hoped when I left work earlier that night. Neither of us said anything until I finally broke the silence. “You left.”
Nick blinked away from the phone briefly and then back. The warmth of his whiskey-golden eyes was missing.
“This isn’t us, Nick.”
He sighed. “Nina—”
“This isn’t how we handle things. Not anymore.” In the background, I can hear Josh calling for him. “You’re obviously busy. Tell Elena goodnight, then you can go.”
I don’t wait for his response, walking into Elena’s room. I handed her the phone, took two steps back to stand at the foot of her bed, and listened as Elena recounted her entire day, which I was sure she had done before he left. But Nick listened like it was the very first time.
“G’night, Daddy.” Elena blew a kiss to the phone.
“Good night, Little Bird. I love you. Be good for your momma, okay?”
“Mhmm! When you come home?”
“Just a few nights. I’ll be home when you get back from Florida with Grandpa.”
Elena held out her pinky finger to the screen. “You double-dog promise?”
“Promise,” Nick said, and I knew he was doing the same thing. It was something Elena had picked up on after watching us do it over the years—except she added the “double-dog promise,” mixing up “double-dog dare” and “promise,” but we went with it anyway.
“You wanna talk to Momma?” Elena asked.
“Tell your momma I have to help Uncle Josh, but I love her.”
“Daddy says he loves you!” Elena shouted toward me over the screen, and I could only offer her a small smile before I heard the sound of his disconnection. “Sam I Am?”
“Of course, Bird,” I said, fingering the thin orange book from the shelf and settling into bed next to her. I recited the book almost from memory as my mind wandered to the man on the other side of the screen more than two thousand miles away.
And now, standing in front of my vanity, what I wouldn’t give to go back to that moment and tell Nick I loved him, too, or beg him to tell Josh to hold on for five more minutes so we could talk. What if I had pushed harder? Would he still have gone out for the hike? Would he still be here?
I open the third drawer of Nick’s dresser and pull out the old Boston University sweater faded from years of wear—between the two of us, I think it’s seen more action than most things in either of our wardrobes. It still faintly smells like him when I pull it over my head and bring the collar to my nose, even though I’m sure it’s only my imagination. There’s no way it could still smell like him. Nonetheless, the notion is comforting as the earthy scents of cedar and cardamom fill my senses.
On my way to rejoin the family, a photo in our sitting room catches my attention. What is that doing there? This is the first time I’ve noticed it since my return to Haven last year, but I haven’t spent much time here recently. This room was our safe haven, away from the chaos that filled our home more often than not. It was one reason I fell in love with this house. During the remodel, Nick even added built-in shelves on either side of the fireplace, and a wet bar, usually stocked with water or juice instead of beer or wine.
I stand on my tiptoes to remove the frame from the top shelf of the built-ins. The image grips tight on my heart and squeezes, digging in so deep I feel the pain in every nerve ending.
A prickle in the air caught my attention well before I felt the weight of his hand on my shoulder. His fingers applied a small amount of pressure on the space between my neck and shoulder and I covered his hand with mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I can’t wait to get you back to the room,” Nick whispered in my ear before he pressed a lingering kiss against my hair.
“Okay, time for you two to start talking,” Elizabeth said when he sat beside me.
Nick’s hand splayed across my thigh under the table. I tried not to squirm when his fingers inched closer to where I wanted him most. It had been months since I’d been this close to him and as much as I loved my friends and my sister, I was ready to get back to my hotel and consummate this love affair. When he showed up in the park earlier, I never imagined the day would turn out this way, but now I can’t imagine a more perfect ending.
“What do you want to know?” Nick asked.
“How about we start with that ring sitting on Nina’s finger,” Josh said from behind his whiskey glass. The suggestion from his cousin earned a glare from Nick, but a chorus of agreement from the others at the table.
“You guys have been apart for years! Now you’re…married?” Elizabeth’s apprehension confused me. Wasn’t she the one telling me Nick and I should set aside our differences and make it work the past two years?
The weight on my left ring finger felt foreign. My thumb was constantly fiddling with the new addition to my jewelry collection—a blue-green emerald-cut stone with a diamond halo and diamond-studded platinum band.
“Well, I think it’s romantic,” my friend and college roommate Lydia swoons, and Michaela agrees.
“It is romantic, just a little unexpected, I guess.” Elizabeth shrugged.
“I love her,” Nick said, his gaze focused on his hand resting on my thigh. Squeezing my thigh, he looked up and met my stare. “Yeah, there are some things we still need to figure out, but I didn’t need time to decide if I wanted to be with her or not…I’ve known for a long time. I’m just lucky she felt the same way.”
After that, the conversation shifted to Michaela’s new job promotion, but I knew the interrogation was far from over. Elizabeth and Michaela would question me…later when we weren’t sitting at dinner meant to be celebrating Michaela.
“I love you.” I looked at my husband. That sounded weird to say… husband. Every time I thought it or said it, a quick wave of adrenaline shot through my veins.
"Ti amo da morire.”
I love you to death. The words held such a weight, but I knew he meant them.
“To death, huh?” I asked.
Nick gripped the bottom of my chair and dragged it closer to his. He wrapped his arm around my waist and leaned in. “Till death do us part, Princess,” he whispered. The nickname was one of the many he’d used over the years, but I’d come to prefer Dee or Princess over all of them. I giggled when his mouth hovered over mine, bringing my left hand to caress his stubbled cheek.
“And after,” I answered.
“And after,” he agreed.
The flash caught me off guard. When we parted, Michaela had her phone pointed in our direction. “You guys were so cute, I couldn’t resist,” she said before returning her attention to the table conversation.
“Nin?” Michaela’s voice pulls me from the memory. She stands in the open door of my bedroom with wide blue eyes. “Is everything okay? You never came back, so I wanted to check on you. I knocked, but you didn’t answer. Then I saw you crying and—”
“It’s fine, Mic. I’m fine,” I say, wiping under my eyes, and return the frame to its place on the shelf. “I’m just…thinking about things.”
Michaela glances at the frame, a sad smile on her lips when she sees the photo from almost seven years ago. Next month should be our seventh wedding anniversary. “That’s still my favorite.”
“Yeah, me too.” The corners of my lips lift briefly when I gaze at the photo one last time. With a sigh, I usher Michaela out the door. “Well, c’mon, before we miss the end of the movie. Elena would never forgive me.”
The stars twinkle in the sky above the mountaintop through the window wall in the great room. When Michaela and I rejoin the family, my daughter climbs over Brie and into my lap, gripping the fabric of Nick’s sweater between her tiny hands. Kissing the top of Elena’s head, I think back to the photo in my bedroom. I think about that lovesick couple, how unfair life can be, and how blissfully unaware they were of what the future had in store for them.