Chapter Thirty-Two
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
THE STATION IS QUIET this morning as I follow Elena inside. She skips through the lobby and past Flo’s desk without a care in the world. I half expect to see Deputy Johnson sitting at his desk in the corner, but it’s empty. The whole place is empty—which isn’t unusual for a Sunday—but I know at least one person is here, I saw his SUV parked outside.
Elena woke up early this morning, begging me for a hot chocolate from Vintage House in downtown Haven. And who was I to deny her a warm, chocolatey beverage and some breakfast from her favorite restaurant? It was the same place Daddy and I used to go when we were in town for some father-daughter time and I loved sharing the same tradition with my daughter. Besides, it would be nice to get some time for ourselves before the rest of the day started. Today would be filled with family activities, including a lantern ceremony before dinner.
While sitting at breakfast, Elena suggested we get some breakfast for Uncle Beau because he was probably hungry, too. Little did she know it was already on my agenda to order at least a coffee to-go for our favorite sheriff. I wanted to stop by on our way home and see how he was faring this morning.
Elena likes Beau. I’m not surprised. I suppose her fondness for him is par for the course considering how often he’s been around the past year.
I like Beau too, but…it’s a little more complicated.
Elena continues to skip through the bullpen until she comes to Beau’s office and bolts through the door without knocking. A squeal of delight echoes from inside, which means Beau already has her in his grasp.
I lean against the frame, and a real smile tugs at my lips. Beau kneels in front of my daughter, talking in hushed tones as he offers her a blue raspberry-flavored sucker.
Elena nods her head and greedily takes it, rushing over to me. “Momma! Look what Uncle Beau gave me!”
“I see. Did you say thank you?”
She turns over her shoulder. “Thank you, Uncle Beau!”
“You’re welcome, Shortie.” Beau chuckles, pulling himself up from the ground, and wipes his palms on the thighs of his jeans.
“Momma, can I get some juice and watch cartoons?” She turns back to me and gives me her best doe-eyed expression, lip pout included. Beau keeps a secret stash of juice for her in the fridge—and everyone knows it—in case I have to bring her along when we meet at the station. He even taught her how to work the tiny television on the counter to keep herself entertained after she called our conversations boring once.
“Sure, Shortie. You know where it is.” Beau answers for me, and Elena doesn’t wait for my confirmation, dashing out of his office. “Don’t look at me like that,” he says when I give him a questioning glance.
“What if I was going to say no?”
“You weren’t.” He sits on the edge of his desk, arms crossed over his broad chest, which strains against the fabric of his khaki-colored button-up. I quickly avert my gaze from his arms. “I was wondering if I’d see you today.”
I shrug, lifting the paper bag and tray with two coffees in the air. “I wanted a coffee, and Shortie wanted a hot chocolate, so we went to Vintage House for breakfast. Picked you up something.” Walking around the back of his desk, I drop the items on top of the paperwork and fall back into his chair. “I needed a break from the chaos inside my house.”
“You have everyone there?” he asks without turning around completely, and I nod while allowing myself a moment to take in his side profile.
A small dip in his forehead from the crease in his brow that I know too well. An almost perfect, Grecian nose. Full lips. A strong, defined jawline that could cut fucking glass. His warm, beige skin was peppered with dark stubble from a few days without shaving. I prefer it that way.
He sucks in a breath, turning away from me. “Damn, that’s a lot of people.”
“You’re telling me.” My head falls back against the headrest of the leather chair with my feet planted on the floor, twisting from left to right. I keep my gaze locked on the ceiling tiles above, but I can feel the heat of his stare, sending a wave of fire across my skin. He’s moved to the back side of his desk now and if he came even an inch closer, our legs would touch. Actually, with each twist, my jeans swipe against his.
“How’s it going?” Beau asks and I shrug, still staring up at the ceiling. “That good, huh?”
“You know how it’s going,” I say, finally looking at him. “Everyone walks on eggshells. No one quite knows how to be. I mean, how could they? And then—” I scoff. “Then Alex and I got into a fight yesterday.”
“About?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Sure, it does, Sweetheart.”
I sigh. “He said some shit and…I let it get to me.”
“Like?”
“None of your business.” My tone earns an eye roll from Beau before he stares down at me from his desk, patiently waiting for me to continue. “He thinks I don’t care that Nick is gone.” With every word, I can see his jaw clench a little tighter. “And then he brought you up.”
“Me?”
I nod, biting down on my bottom lip. “Yeah, he thinks we’re sleeping together. Thinks we’ve been sleeping together.”
“And why would he think that?” Beau tries to hide his shock at the accusation. “Do they know about—”
“No,” I say quickly. “I didn’t tell them, but I’ve never hidden that you’ve been helping me, even after the case went cold. They all know, but now…I can’t help but wonder if they all think it.”
“That’s something I can’t answer for ya, Nin. You gotta talk to them, and I would…Talk to them, I mean. If you’re that worried about them thinking you and I are together—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “Don’t do that.”
“What?” His lips have been pulled into a thin line, and I can see the walls coming up between us.
“It’s not like that, Beau. You know it’s not.”
A burst of giggles comes from the kitchen, catching our attention. Elena races back to the office, her sucker now in her mouth, as she tries to retell the joke she just heard on the television. Without waiting for our response, she runs back to the kitchen, giggling. When I’m sure she’s gone, I stand to meet Beau at his desk.
“Beau—”
“Nina, don’t.” He withdraws slightly from my touch.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, pulling him back. “It has nothing to do with you . And I am so sorry, but I…I’m not ready. I don’t know when I’ll be ready. Not just because of me, but because I have a little girl to think about. How do I explain something like this to her?”
I cradle his cheek and lift his chin to bring his gaze back to mine. A wild mix of emotions swims in his green eyes before his lids flutter closed and he leans into my touch. His hands come to rest on my hips, pulling me to stand between his legs. A small gasp escapes me at the connection. My body is already reacting to being so close to him.
“I am so appreciative of you and everything you’ve done for us…for me. I wouldn’t have made it this past year without you.” My fingers play with the hair at the base of his skull, and a small hum of approval sounds in his throat.
“I think you’ve been doing alright.” When his eyes reopen, they glance down at my lips and back, and he swallows the thickness growing in his throat.
“I don’t.”
There’s a gentle tug between us and we don’t deny it this time. Like magnets drawn together, unable to resist the pull. His nose brushes against mine. I feel the ghost of his lips and I’m almost certain he can hear my heart pounding. We pause there, neither of us taking the final step forward.
“Nina.” A hint of icy mint ghosts across my skin. I can practically taste it on my tongue.
“Beau.” His name is strangled on my lips, and I want nothing more than to push forward and claim him as my own. Everything in me screams to close the gap between us. My body remembers the way his felt against mine. Remembers how good it felt to be close to someone, and not just someone…him.
But as much as I want to—and I really, really want to—I know we can’t.
“Beau, Elena is here.”
Those words break the trance once and for all.
Beau clears his throat and slips away from me, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Shit, Nina. I’m—”
“Don’t.” My tongue swipes across my lips, still tasting a hint of mint. “Do not apologize. There is nothing to apologize for. This…us…God, Beau. I wish I could give this to you. You have no fucking idea how badly I want to, but—”
He kisses me quickly, stopping my rambling. “It’s okay, Sweetheart.”
Fuck is the only thing crossing my mind. The only thing I want to do is finish what he started. Holding his gaze a moment longer, I clear my throat and do what has to be done. Taking a step back, I say, “We should probably get back before they send a search party.”
Beau doesn’t offer a verbal response, only nods, and I grab my coffee from the tray before slipping past him.
“Thank you, Beau,” I say from the door. “For everything.”
“Anything for you, Sweetheart.”
I smile, standing there for a brief moment longer before I force my feet to move forward.