Chapter Thirty-Four
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
DO YOU EVEN CARE that he’s gone?
Alex’s words echo through my mind as my feet pound against the dirt trail. They haven’t left me alone since he said them, not even after I talked to Beau about them yesterday. I know it’s Alex’s grief talking, but it doesn’t make his words hurt any less. I want to talk to Alex, to try and fix the damage done by our argument, but every time I try, something pulls me back. I think it’s my fear of escalating the situation further. Beau’s presence last night only pissed Alex off further, but the rest of the family didn’t seem to mind, and it made Elena happy. Her happiness was all I cared about.
My pace slows as I round the bend leading to the Marah Lakes, a group of three large bodies of water off the trail. The largest one is a bit farther off the path but has the best views. Slowing even further, I take the path veering to the left of the main trail. After another ten minutes, I finally step through the tree line where a gorgeous (and worth the new bruise on my shin) view awaits me. A rocky beach leads to crystal waters where the mountain peak rises high into the sky, and the day’s last sunlight reflects off the remaining pure white snow yet to melt away. I don’t have long before it’s dark on the trail, and I don’t want to be out here without any light.
Not alone, anyway.
Sitting on one of the bigger rocks on the shore, I take a deep breath and hold it before exhaling.
Do you even care that he’s gone?
Those words hit me like a freight train, and every time I hear them, it makes me think of the fight Nick and I had the September before he disappeared. The fight we had before we returned to New York…I can still remember it like it was yesterday.
“What did Kai want?” Nick’s voice caught me off guard. When did he get there? Turning away from the window, my husband stood in the doorway of my home office. His arms were folded, his gaze slightly narrowed.
I sighed.
I wanted to digest this before telling him. Hoped I could find the right time, but I knew that wasn’t possible, considering the time constraint. From the look on his face, I was ninety-nine percent sure he already knew what my brother wanted, and I hadn’t even said anything yet. It wasn’t hard to guess what it meant when I said Kai wanted to talk business.
“Oh, hi, Fossette ,” I said, offering a smile, the familiar nickname rolling off my tongue.
His brow raised, unimpressed with my attempt to deflect. “Dee, what did your brother want?”
I bit down on my bottom lip, setting my phone back on my desk. Nick was going to be mad, there was no doubt about it, but I didn’t have a choice…
“Eileen is about to pop any day now and he wants to be able to be there for her.” I shrugged. “He asked me if I’d consider stepping in for a bit.”
“He’s not giving you much time to think about it. Eileen is due in two weeks.”
“I know…I said yes.”
“You said...” Nick scoffed, shaking his head in utter disbelief. “Nina, we didn’t even talk about this! Don’t I get a say in this, too?”
“I can’t let the company fall into anyone’s hands.”
“What about us?” The word us had a particular bite to it. “What about our break? We’re supposed to pack up and move back to New York because Kai doesn’t want to do his job anymore?” He gripped the other side of my desk, staring me dead in the eye as my face fell. “I don’t want to go back to New York, Nina. And neither does our daughter. She likes it here. I like it here, and I thought you did, too.”
“I do! It’s just—”
“It’s not enough for you.”
“Nick, that is not what I said.”
“You’ve been going nonstop your entire life, Dee. You have always been there to step in for Kai when he didn’t want to do his job, but who steps in for you? Even now, you’re still helping out with DV Designs. You’re still on the board of Villa Inc. You haven’t fully stepped away.”
“I can’t—”
“You could, but you don’t.”
“Non capisci ,” I pleaded with him.
“But I do understand, Dee. Probably better than anyone.” Nick’s hand reached for mine, his thumb grazing the back of my hand, and his touch spread fire across my skin. “You think you owe it to your dad to make sure things run a certain way, to live up to the expectations people have set for you because of him—”
“ Non farlo. ” Don’t do that. I pulled my hand from under his. “Don’t you dare bring my dad into this.”
“I don’t want Elena to grow up with parents like yours, Nina,” Nick said. “And I know you don’t, either. Your dad left the company to Kai, Nina, not you. Non tu. He didn’t want this for you. And yet, you’ve been running things since Ric died, and Kai is only there when he wants to be.” He reached for me again, but I stepped back from the desk, staring at the ground. He sighed and walked around the corner of my desk, lifting my gaze back to him. “You finally get a chance to have a break, to enjoy life, and now you’re letting them suck you back in. Non è giusto. ”
“Giusto?” I scoffed. What did he know about fair ? “I have to do this, Nick. I have to—”
“Davina.” His tone silenced me. “Your brother has had his time. He had his chance to play house and not worry about a damn thing while still getting the title and all the credit. When do you get yours?”
“Now, that’s not fair. Kai is—”
“There’s no getting through to you.” He sighed. “You know…I guess I hoped this would be enough for you…That we’d be enough for you, but I knew better.”
We’d be enough for you.
Those words cut me to my core. What did he mean? Of course, he and Elena were enough for me. I’d give up everything for them if I had to. But there wasn’t any reason I couldn’t go and fill in for my brother for a few months while he helped Eileen adjust to having two kids. We could return to our sabbatical once they were more adjusted and settled in their new life as a family of four.
“Nick—”
He cut me off, his tone void of the same sense of reassurance from before. “When are you leaving?”
“I, um…”
When am I leaving? That’s an odd thing to say. We’re all going…Aren’t we? I didn’t plan on leaving them in Haven.
“There’s a board meeting in two days. Kai wants to tell them I’ll be taking over then.” I reached for Nick’s hand when he turned away and for a moment, I thought he would keep walking. When he stilled, his back remained facing me. “Nick, I’m sorry.”
A dry chuckle escaped his lips, and he looked up to the ceiling, shaking his head. “No, you’re not, Davina.” He pulled his hand from my grasp and left me standing there.
It’s hard being back in my home office after that argument, but it’s also one of the only places I can find solitude when the house is full. And when I can’t find it there, I come here, despite Beau’s continued warnings against it.
I don’t care if this is the trail where Nick went missing. It’s where I find the most peace. Sometimes it makes me feel close to him—even if it’s all in my head.
Things had been going well those ten months we lived exclusively in Haven, starting in late December three years ago. Nick and I had taken a step back from work, occasionally helping out when someone needed some support or when I had to be in the city for a board meeting…but it was the first time we had truly taken a break.
“Six months tops,” Kai said on the phone that day. I thought about saying no…Highly considered it, but I knew that I had to go. I couldn’t sit by and watch someone else run the company I had worked so hard to grow since Daddy died. And there was no way the board could find someone else in such a short amount of time. From my conversations with other board members, they’d been waiting for the day I decided to leave behind the quiet, mountain life and return to the city.
Nick and Elena did come with me to New York the next day, but neither of them was happy about it. Scratch that, Elena was, at first, because going to the city meant getting to see her aunts and uncles, but her excitement seemed to dwindle when she realized we weren’t returning to Haven anytime soon. Nick didn’t have to say the words I told you so , they were written all over his face from across the plane.
The tension between us seemed only to grow when the plane landed on the tarmac in New York. He carried a sleeping Elena off the jet into the back of the SUV, and we rode in silence the whole way to our Upper East Side condo.
It wasn’t until he climbed into bed, pulling me flush against him and kissing the back of my neck, that I felt some of the walls come down.
“I’m not happy about this, Dee.” Nick sighed. “But I don’t want to fight. I support you. I would’ve supported whatever decision you made if you would’ve talked to me first.” His warm, whiskey-golden eyes met mine when I turned in his arms. “We’re in this together, Davina. I just ask that you try to remember that.”
“I love you, Fossette ,” I whispered and kissed him.
A few months in New York turned into six sooner than expected and by the time Alex’s bachelor party rolled around in the seventh month, there were no signs of Kai returning anytime soon. Nick had decided to pick up a few projects here and there—nothing daunting, but it still meant he needed help with Elena. I had to hire a nanny, which was something I never wanted to do, but it was necessary. Not only was I working on current projects, but I had a backlog of projects to catch up on that my brother had failed to mention. There was a lot of work to be done. More than I anticipated, and that was saying something…I was spending less and less time at home. Nick and I started getting into more fights—most of them small, but the divide was noticeable to both of us.
It was becoming too much, and a few days before our last fight, I had a difficult conversation with myself. Maybe this life wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I loved my work. I loved my companies—both DV Designs and Villa Incorporated—but it wasn’t worth the cost of my marriage or family.
Now, the only things I have left are Elena and my work.
And Beau.
But do I have Beau?
He isn’t mine. I’ve made it clear that I’m not ready for anything resembling a relationship, but it seems like the harder I fight it, the harder it pushes back. It isn’t even Beau’s fault. He respects the boundaries, and he respects me, but neither one of us can deny there is something there. Something that continues to draw us together. There is also the guilt I feel, it keeps me from even dipping my toe in. Whenever I think about what I could have with Beau, the guilt creeps up from its hiding place and reminds me why something with Beau wouldn’t even be possible.
The more I think about it, the more I can’t wait to return to New York. Going back will be good for both of us—Elena and me. She’ll be happy to be closer to her cousins again and it will give me the fresh start I’ve been looking for. Maybe it will allow me to start healing once and for all.
Now, I have to tell Beau…