Chapter 20
Ethan took in a lungful of fresh air as he hobbled out to the garden to meet with Johanssen.
The steward had arrived at last, and his timing was a blessing as Ethan’s movements were still restricted by his ankle.
Staying inside and immobile the past days had severely affected his temper, and he was about at his wits end if he couldn’t do something useful.
He begrudgingly acknowledged that being forced to delegate and lean on others was good for him, but having time on his hands also allowed Ethan’s mind to wander to Alice.
It was almost impossible not to think of her as much as he tried to focus on other things.
Picking up a book and attempting to get lost in the story inevitably led to something on the page as simple as a passing reference to a flower reminding him of her, diverting his imagination from fiction to that which he remembered all too clearly.
Ethan could still feel her in his arms, skin warm from sleep and eager for his touch.
The taste of her mouth lived vividly in his mind, and her hair—oh god, how he was obsessed with her hair.
Anything even close to resembling red within his line of vision would send his thoughts and desires spiraling.
Shaking his head and attempting to also shake his thoughts away, Ethan was startled to see how far the masons had progressed on the stone wall, already finished with the westernmost portion and now onto the northern side. How had he not noticed?
This was the trouble with Alice, she consumed his waking thoughts and he lost track of his responsibilities.
She was a danger to all he was striving to achieve, not only for West but for everyone who relied on the estate.
Almost the entire time they’d been stranded, Ethan hadn’t spared a thought for anything other than Alice, everything else he needed to worry about simply out of his mind.
In some ways her effect on him was a blessing, quieting the thoughts that ceaselessly swirled about in his head.
She lent a sense of calm that he’d been longing for all his life without ever knowing it—part of the reason he loved being here in the countryside and away from Town.
But it was also dangerous—Ethan couldn’t just forget his obligations and exist in a world with only Alice, as much as he might like to. It simply wasn’t practical.
Finally making it out to the wall, he saw Matthais and Johanssen who were busy studying Alice’s garden plan. He studiously ignored the fact that he was thinking about her once again while extending his hand to the new steward.
“Johanssen, I am so glad you made it to Hampton House. I’m sorry I couldn’t welcome you properly until now.” The steward shook his hand vigorously and dipped his head.
“Not at all, everyone has been extremely kind. I heard about you getting stranded in that storm a few days ago. I understand why you’ve been unavailable. I’m just impressed with how put together my place was, knowing you had to shelter there.”
Ethan cleared his throat, forcing his mind to stay in the present, as mention of the cottage and the storm made visions of Alice’s copper curls and soft skin flash behind his eyes. “I’m glad it was put back to rights before you arrived. Your hospitality was appreciated, even if you were unaware.”
Johanssen and Matthias both laughed, easing him back to the present, focusing on the work that lay ahead of them.
“Matthias was just showing me around the glasshouse, it seems most of the starts are ready to be transplanted into the prepared beds. We came out here to get a sense of the progress on the wall.”
The three men wandered about and proceeded to talk through designs for the next hour or so until Ethan, irritated, had to sit, having exceed the amount of time allowed to use his ankle.
“I feel damned useless,” he grunted. “I never should have gone out looking for the wood anemone that day, I knew it was likely to storm.”
“From what I understand, the request came from a fetching young lady. I don’t think many of us would have refused,” Johanssen said, a small snort escaping Matthias as he tried to conceal his laughter.
Ethan glowered at Johanssen’s easy referral to Alice.
Not picking up on his supervisor’s sour mood, Johanssen unwisely continued.
“I have yet to meet Miss Pembroke, I understand she has taken ill after your time together in the rain,”—the steward leered, the corner of his mouth turning up—“but I understand she is most agreeable to work with. Too bad I wasn’t around to share close quarters with the lady.”
“Watch the way you talk about Miss Pembroke if you wish to keep this position,” Ethan ground out, his jaw tight with outrage as he lunged to his feet. “You are talking about a lady and the cousin to the marchioness.”
Johanssen held up his hands and took a step back.
“I meant no harm, simply trying to have a laugh. I promise I’ll treat her with respect.
I do admire the plan she’s put together, shows an innate talent for form and function.
” He tipped his head respectfully, and Ethan grudgingly lowered his own before turning away on a grunt, leaning heavily on his walking stick.
Of course, it was just his luck to discover West standing only a few yards away, observing the interaction.
“What was all that about?” his cousin asked with a frown.
“Nothing you need to worry about, my lord.” Ethan was beyond exasperated and immediately hated himself for the sarcastic tone.
Sighing, he hung his head and closed his eyes, hoping to recenter himself but finding Alice’s dainty face imprinted on the back of his eyelids instead.
“Forgive me, I’m irritable from being cooped up for so long.
All is fine with Johanssen, we’re just feeling one another out. ”
“It didn’t look like nothing. And your continued perturbation worries me.” West studied him. “What’s rubbing at you?”
If he was going to insist on answers, maybe Ethan should just tell him everything and get his advice on how to free himself of Alice.
Ethan began staggering toward the house, and West turned to walk with him.
“Let’s get settled back at the house so I can prop up this damn leg, I can’t talk while doing a balancing act. ”
“See? Another reason settling in my study is better than your office,” West said, holding up a bottle of scotch and grinning.
Pouring a finger full into two tumblers, West ambled over to Ethan who was scrubbing his face while leaning back in the desk chair.
“Whoa. That bad, is it?” West asked, watching Ethan promptly drain the glass after depositing it into his outstretched hand. He politely sipped his own drink while raising a brow in his cousin’s direction.
“Everything is fine. I merely had strong words with Johanssen when he spoke impertinently about Al—about Miss Pembroke. He implied I might have taken advantage of the situation we found ourselves in, and I didn’t take kindly to the suggestion.”
It was quiet for a moment, West appraising him. Only the crackle of the fire broke the deafening silence that grew as Ethan squirmed uncomfortably.
“And is the reason you took such offense because there is an underlying truth to the accusation?”
West asked the question in such a straightforward way that it took a moment for Ethan to realize the gravity of it. His shock must have shown on his face, for West continued as if he’d actually voiced the objection he felt.
“I’m not implying that you compromised her or were less than the gentleman I know you to be, but—Ethan, I saw you the next morning. Don’t try and deny that something occurred between you two in that cottage.”
Ethan placed his elbow onto the arm of the chair and leaned into his hand, propping up his head, too tired to fight the truth any longer.
“There may have been a kiss in the morning when we awoke beside each other, but it was nothing more than being caught up in the moment. Circumstances temporarily overrode good judgment, but it went no further. I would never treat Priscilla’s cousin with such little respect.
” He certainly wasn’t going to share that Alice had initiated the encounter or that pulling away from her had nearly killed him.
West let out an exasperated sigh. “Ethan, I’m not worried about you displaying a lack of respect, you are a good man to your very core. I’m just wondering why you seem so torn up about it when it appears no harm was done.”
Ethan squeezed his eyes tight and leaned further into his hand, trying to block out the image of Alice in her thin shift that was seared behind his eyes every time he closed them. How could West assert that no harm had been done when he was constantly dealing with this torture?
“It doesn’t matter. There is no possible way it could have gone further, and it never should have happened at all.
She is here to prepare for her season and will soon be promised to someone better suited for her.
I’m only distracted because we’ve been forced to work so closely together—and because she’s so goddamned beguiling,” he sputtered.
Leaning back in his seat again, Ethan saw West’s eyes widen at the confession he hadn’t meant to utter aloud.
“Beguiling, is she?” A twinkle was in his expression, and his lips twitched with suppressed glee. Ethan would never hear the end of it.
West swiftly sobered, then leaning forward said, “Ethan, if you care for her, she could be a good match for you, don’t discount her out of hand.”
“A good match! Have you gone mad?” How on earth could West think they would suit one another? “I’m not exactly the prize that Miss Pembroke’s father is seeking for her, and she’s accustomed to a lifestyle I do not in any way prefer.”
“What are you talking about? Yes, our family may not be as established as the Wrexham’s, but we still hold a high title. Why shouldn’t her father approve? My in-laws accept me.”
Ethan shook his head and looked at West incredulously.
“Our situations are not in any way comparable. First of all, you are the one who holds the title, so of course you are a more acceptable match for a precious woman of the Wrexham clan. Second, Priscilla chose you without regard for her family’s wishes.
Alice is not the same—her father’s expectations are her guiding force. She has made that perfectly clear.”
“But if you care for one another, surely you can overcome—”
“Overcome what?” Ethan wished fervently that his ankle was not troubling him, as he desired nothing more than to easily get up and leave this conversation.
It was a futile endeavor. Alice had made clear her plans and wishes, and even if she was willing to work toward a solution, she still had expectations of a life that Ethan was not willing to return to.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be snappish with you. I just don’t see a way forward, and belaboring the point doesn’t help me forget about her.”
West sat in silence for a moment before draining what remained of his scotch and setting the glass down with a thump.
“I think you are not giving her enough credit and you are selling yourself short. You are a good man, Ethan, and any father worth his salt would be happy to have you as part of his family once they saw the joy you could bring their daughter.” Ethan gave a watery smile, not believing a word his cousin said.
“Alice is still discovering what is most important to her. I believe this is the first time she’s felt a sense of possibility. Let her decide what path she wants to go down—and just be open to the idea that it might be you.”