Chapter 20
Jade glowed with delight for the rest of the day, and Haewon made all efforts to keep a smile pinned to her face, to hide her distress over the most unpleasant conversation she had ever endured.
Sleep evaded her that night as she recounted all that had transpired, and at first light the next day, Haewon grabbed her veil and discreetly set out.
She traveled the usual path she took on her early-morning walks, but pressed herself farther this time until she reached a neighboring village nestled against the overlapping silhouettes of misty blue mountains.
She was perspiring, the hem of her skirt dusty, by the time she returned home to greet her parents, who had just awoken.
But not even a long stroll could ease her inner turmoil.
Lord Yu’s declaration still agitated her; his berating of her family still upset her, too. She felt justified in all that she’d said to him, yet the image of his sincere expression continued to haunt her.
For months I’ve thought of you, he had said.
What had he meant by that? They had only known each other for a few weeks.
She was desperate to confide in Jade, but her sister had gone with their mother to visit an ailing aunt and returned home too exhausted for conversation.
The next day, when Haewon tried again to approach her, Jade was preoccupied, writing a letter to Young Master Byeongho.
And letters were dangerous. She couldn’t risk Jade sharing too much with the young master, for Lord Yu might hear of it and mistake her feelings for remorse, when she felt nothing of the sort. She was only confused.
Most violently confused.
It was at this precise moment, right at noon, that Mistress Wol appeared at her home, and by her outfit it was clear that Wol had traveled from afar, and on her own.
She was disguised as a gentleman, garbed in a silky robe of lavender that shone bright in the sun.
Blossoms sat on the brim of her hat, tilted at a roguish angle over her jade-spectacled eyes.
“Are you leaving for somewhere?” Haewon asked.
“Returning from somewhere.” Wol slipped out of her sandals and stepped onto the veranda. “I went to visit a few book peddlers and thought to visit you.”
“I’m honored—but why?”
“Must I have a reason to visit a friend?”
Haewon examined her friend skeptically. Wol preferred the company of books to people. The last time Wol visited had been years ago, when Jade was deathly ill. Concern crept in. “Is something the matter?” she asked.
Wol took off her hat, found her way to Haewon’s room, and sat down.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“No,” Wol said. “I shan’t be staying long.”
Haewon settled on the other side of the low table, gathering her knees against her chest as she watched her friend. “So? What brings you here?”
“Two concerns.”
Haewon waited as Wol looked around, surveying the space. “Your room looks the same as when I visited long ago.” It took a moment for Haewon to realize Wol was searching for something. “Lord Yu came by this morning to return books. He asked if you’d visited Five Willows of late.”
Haewon froze, then she managed a smile. “Asked for me? Whyever would he?”
“Indeed, whyever would he? Did something happen between you two? Something must have for His Lordship to have stalked into my bookshop looking so—so heartbroken. What happened?”
Haewon could no longer hold back. She’d had no one to talk to about this matter and had been desperately itching to share it with someone, anyone. And so Haewon told Wol everything, from the storm and his dislike of her to his sudden confession at the pavilion.
Haewon shared this all, fully prepared to see Wol surprised and offended on Haewon’s behalf.
Instead, she saw Wol’s expression crumple into a look she had never seen before.
Her friend had turned pale, her brows knitted over wide, compassion-filled eyes, and the corners of her lips were pulled low.
“You … you refused him,” Wol whispered, her voice wobbling a little, as though they were speaking of a shivering stray left out in the rain and not Lord Perfect himself.
“Your refusal must have made him so very unhappy. He usually conceals his emotions so well…”
“You are grieved for his unhappiness?”
“Of course I am sorry to hear how poorly he confessed to you,” Wol added, her frown deepening as she appeared lost in thought.
But what more was there to think about? “He is to be the master of a grand house. And his family is highly respected. They are treated like royalty. You do not regret having refused him?”
“No matter his wealth and privilege, I could never endure a life with a man who would, at best, propose marriage and resent me for the rest of his life for accepting it. In all likelihood, though, I think he never intended to make me his bride. And perhaps that is why I turned him down so easily,” Haewon reflected, then let out a little laugh as she jokingly noted, “He likely planned on proposing that I become his concubine, as men of his standing do.”
“Yes, most men would. But he is a gentleman. He would not have done that.”
“All the men with concubines are gentlemen, and the most virtuous and well-respected ones have an entire harem—”
“Lord Yu is not like that.”
“I was only making fun…” Haewon mumbled, then a troubling thought pinched at her. “Are you … are you friends with Lord Yu?”
Wol adjusted her spectacles. “No, but I am good friends with his sister, and what she shared with me…” She worried her lower lip, then glanced up. “He is not who you believe him to be.”
“It doesn’t matter who he is.” Haewon straightened her posture as doubt niggled at her conscience. She hated the thought of being wrong. “It doesn’t matter. The more I get to know him, I am sure, I shall hate him all the more. I’m sorry you like him. I simply do not and that is that.”
“A pity.”
“A pity?”
“Sometimes you come across people who have been searching for each other all their lives.”
“As two enemies fated to despise each other.”
“As two lost souls searching for their home.”
A strange, painful lump formed under the ribs of her chest. Haewon let out a laugh, then laughed again, hoping to dislodge this ominous feeling.
“I assure you, Lord Yu’s feelings for me are no more than smoke, drifting wherever the wind wills.
The wind brought him to me one morning, and by the afternoon, it will fly in another direction. ”
Wol arched a brow. “What is that look on your face? You looked troubled.”
Haewon shifted under Wol’s scrutiny. There was something about the way Wol looked at her, like she could see straight into her soul, catching every small detail, just as she did when proofreading manuscripts. Nothing could be hidden from Wol.
Sighing in defeat, Haewon confessed, “The truth is, while I don’t regret turning him away …
I do wish, for the sake of my own conscience, that I had responded to Lord Yu with more graciousness.
It would have cost me little to be kind …
But what use is there in regretting the past?
My only consolation is that he will soon forget me—”
“EOMEONI! Where is Mother?! EOMEONI?”
Haewon flinched as the door was flung open. Yeonhee stomped in, her wild stare flying to Haewon, then pausing on Wol, then shooting back to Haewon. “Where is Mother?”
“I don’t know,” Haewon replied. “Could you not charge in next time like some—some soldier storming a fort—?”
“It’s urgent!” Yeonhee shrieked. “Look at me! I told Jade to pluck my brows a little bit! But she plucked out so many and now look!”
Despite the stinging ache in her chest, despite Lord Yu’s words still choking her heart, laughter escaped her. “My dearest Yeonhee,” she said, “you look like a bandit leader with a scarred eyebrow.”
A great sob escaped her sister, and she collapsed to the floor, grabbing ahold of a small mirror and examining her reflection again.
“Stop laughing!” Her voice broke through the desperate heaves of grief.
“I’m going to the capital tomorrow and how am I supposed to show up like this?
” Another sob, and then Yeonhee stormed out of the room, yelling out for her mother again.
“You know I said I had two reasons for visiting?” Wol spoke calmly, Haewon’s smile fading at her tone. “My second is your younger sister.
“You know I’m particular about who I let in to Five Willows. There was a strange fellow Yeonhee brought in after so elaborately vouching for his character. Her guest seemed more curious about the patrons than the books themselves, though. He also bore the most peculiar expression.”
“How so?”
“With my patrons, whenever they browse books, they appear as though they’re searching for a new world. But the look on his face was that of a man searching for errors. Perhaps I am fretting overly so, but I wonder if you know him? She kept calling him Young Master Wuyeong.”
“I’ve never heard of him—” Haewon lifted her head sharply. “No … no surely it couldn’t be him. Yeonhee had a gentleman admirer but promised to never associate with him.” Haewon rubbed her temple, struck by a sharp headache. “I oughtn’t to have trusted her.”
“You should keep a better eye on her.” Wol rose to leave.
“I should go now. Tomorrow is the start of the five-day market—there will be no rest for me then.” Pausing, she glanced around the room again.
A beat of silence passed before she said cryptically, “Black Lotus used to write such long and elaborate letters to you…”
“Black Lotus?” Haewon echoed absently, leaning her forehead into her palm as she stared at the table, dread building in her chest. Yeonhee, Yeonhee, Yeonhee.
That foolish, reckless girl. When Wol repeated her remark, Haewon finally looked up.
“And, as you know, Black Lotus and I have stopped corresponding for quite some time.”
Wol offered a tense smile. “You burned all the letters, I hope? With this edict reinforced, I think Black Lotus is more cautious than ever, and wishes to keep her identity a secret.”
Guilt crept up her spine with stinging heat.
As soon as Wol left, Haewon moved to retrieve her book of Black Lotus’s letters, which was stored at the bottom of her wooden chest. She had destroyed the original letters but had made transcriptions of them.
She hadn’t thought there could be any real danger in that.
The lid of the chest creaked open, and when Haewon shuffled past the old dresses, her hand touched nothing but the wooden bottom.
Her journal was missing.