17. Seventeen
seventeen
GINGER
We file into my trailer, all three of us. My mind, riddled with exhaustion, scrambles desperately for an explanation that won’t send me straight to the unemployment line.
At every mental turn, I reach a dead end. I’m fucked. Utterly. All I have to rely on at this point is my longstanding relationship with Matt and my charm.
Since there’s no place for the three of us to comfortably sit, we stand in a huddle in the dark. The glow of the full moon makes it easy enough to discern the disappointed expression on Matt’s face and the wary one on Elliot’s.
The star of the show widens his stance with his arms folded over his chest, not acting guilty, but formidable and confrontational.
I’m pretty sure I can’t pull off an intimidating glare tonight—what with the leaves and dirt all over me. Doesn’t stop me from trying, though.
“So.” Matt nods for me to start talking.
“What?” I snap. So much for charm.
“This is happening? You’re fucking the star? That’s where we’re at now?”
Elliot clears his throat, sending a clear warning.
Matt shifts his attention to him. A cruel stiffness forms over my co-producer’s darkly handsome features. Matt has always been the laidback dad-type of the group, but tonight, I get a glimpse of how intimidating the hulking ex-linebacker can be. “Ten women after you isn’t enough? You need a few more? You gonna stop with Ginger or you have more plans?”
Elliot remains disturbingly silent. Apparently, he’s giving me the lead on this.
I speak up. “There’s some history here you don’t know about, Matt. The important thing is, it’s over.”
Matt laughs. “It’s over? Have you looked at yourself?” His withering glare threatens to shrink me into a ball, but I stand my ground.
“It is now.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“It’s over.” I will the words to be the absolute truth. “Elliot is dedicated to making this work, and there’s absolutely no reason the show can’t go on exactly how it’s been.”
“How it’s been is a mess. Now I get why.”
I shake my head with vehemence. “No. No, this has nothing to do with anything. This was a moment of weakness on my part, and I swear to God it won’t ever happen again.”
Elliot finally speaks. “Ginger...”
I raise a hand to shut him up. He gave me the lead, now he needs to fall in line with whatever lie I’m about to roll out. “Never again. There are no feelings here. We had sex. One time. I can pretend it never happened. Can you?”
“Can he ?” Matt gestures at Elliot.
I look up at the sexiest, broodiest star we’ve ever had. His hardened gaze conveys he’s not a fan of the words coming out of my mouth. “Elliot?” I prompt.
His jaw twitches as he loosens it to speak. “Sure. Never happened.”
Matt scratches at his beard, disappointment rolling off him in waves. “I can’t believe this. In a million years I never would have...”
I swallow hard, the shame of what I did settling in. I should lose my job. Matt should totally go to Marlon to tell him everything, and I should get kicked to the curb without ceremony, without severance, without any hope of working in this industry again.
“Elliot, go back to your trailer,” I order.
“I’d rather see how this wraps up.”
“I need to speak to Matt alone.”
“Get out, Hale.”
Without further argument, Elliot leaves Matt and me alone in the dark.
I collapse onto the small couch and clasp my hands together, hating how much they’re shaking. Matt leans against the kitchen counter. With his back to the window, his face is all in shadow.
Before he says anything, I do. “I can fix this. I have a plan.”
“What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t?—”
“And what history?” he asks.
There’s no reason to lie. “After last season wrapped.”
Matt utters a soft curse on an exhale.
“We went out there to talk. He was threatening to leave the show, wanting to see his contract.”
“So you decided to give him a reason to stay?”
I lift my chin in defiance. “Excuse me?”
“I’m trying to understand what would make you do something so stupid.”
I’ve asked myself the same question twenty times already. Leaning against the hard back of the barely cushioned bench, I cross my legs. “I got carried away.”
“Oh, come on.”
I feign nonchalance, though everything inside me is trembling, partly because it hasn’t even been half an hour since Elliot totally rocked my world, but also because I know my actual world might be falling apart. “I fucked up, but it won’t happen again. I’m bringing Jenna back.”
Matt flinches. “What?”
“I know he’s distracted. I know this is all a huge bore so far, but when Jenna comes back, everything will be different.”
He holds up a hand. “Why haven’t I heard about this?”
“Because I got the idea tonight. Davis is going to reach out to her, and as long as Marlon agrees, I think I can get her back.”
“Does Elliot know?”
“No.”
Matt stews, audibly breathing through his nose. It’s hard to tell by his continued silence whether he’s adequately distracted. “What about you?” he finally asks.
“What about me?”
Matt tucks both hands into his pockets. “You said there were no feelings.”
“I meant it.”
“I’m finding it hard to believe you’d flush your entire career down the toilet for the sole purpose of getting boned in the woods.”
I give him a look I hope reads as mysterious, not frantic. “Well, frankly, Matt, you don’t know me all that well outside of this place.”
“I know you well enough.”
“I’m not a relationship person,” I admit.
“You’re not a careless person, either.”
“Everybody makes mistakes.”
“Not like this, Ginj.”
It’s time to put all our cards on the table. I’m about to gag on my own anxiety. “What are you gonna do?”
Matt scrubs at his face, mumbling, “I never should have had that cigarette.”
“Some things are tough to quit.”
He lets out a cynical laugh. “I like working with you, Ginger. A lot.”
“I like working with you, too.”
Finally he says, “I won’t say anything.”
I nod, still cautious.
“But I need to know—are you the reason he’s so unengaged?”
“Absolutely not. Jenna’s the reason.” She has to be.
None of this would be happening if Jenna had done the smart thing and picked him in the first place. “That’s why we need to get her back.”
Because once Jenna comes back, I won’t have anything to worry about. Letting Elliot find his happy ending with someone else might burn a little, but in the end, there’s no emotion tied up in what we have. Granted, I have a soft spot for him. I can admit that, but I can’t let him become my weakness. What we have is just physical. A craving.
The only way to fix that is to go cold turkey.