18. Eighteen
eighteen
ELLIOT
Eight women remain after I send Hailey and Jess home. I attempted to eliminate Amanda, sick of her attention-seeking, but The Panel stepped in to rescue her at the end of three long days in the great outdoors. As my limo winds its way up the Hacienda’s steep driveway, I grow uneasy about what’s in store for me.
I’ve had one day away from the set, away from Ginger and Matt and the beautiful women remaining, but it isn’t like I got to fly back to Chicago, spend a night in my own home, and get my head on straight. No. The show put me up in a hotel room in Malibu, leaving me to ruminate on what I remember about my contract and jerk off to thoughts of Ginger riding my dick in the redwood forest.
The sight of her standing at the bottom of the patio steps, a look of tight-lipped impatience on her face and her iPad in hand, sends electricity charging through my body. She mumbles something into her headset, but as I step out of the limo, her eyes lock on me, and she gestures for me to hurry up.
Grinding my teeth, I put some pep in my step. As usual, her presence has an unbalancing effect on me. There’s the anxiety mixed with dread, and then there’s the drooling lust. Makes my head spin.
She’s downplayed her looks today in more old, baggy clothes and the barely contained mop of clean but unbrushed hair tied on top of her head, but the part that always yanks my insides through my navel—is her bare face. The rest of her might not be naked, but when her mouth is, it sends my desire careening into the deep end.
“We need to get you out of these clothes,” she says.
I’m already hard. “Where do you want me?”
For the briefest second, a spark of her own interest flares as she slides her gaze down my body, but she douses it with a quick shake of her head. “Go change into something more casual.”
“Can you tell me what I’m doing today?”
“Go.” She points in the direction of the guesthouse. According to the schedule Ginger messengered me this morning, we’ll be shooting at the Hacienda for the next two days.
As I head away from her, I think about what she meant by what she told Matt when he caught us coming out of the woods—whether she’s determined to put our past behind us and force me to move on with finding a wife. I swore there was something in the way she touched me the other night—something that hates the idea of losing me as much as I hate the thought of losing her. Each time I’m close to her, I want her more than the last time. The dread of losing her forever grows exponentially with each kiss, each lingering look.
Never again , she said.
I’m not buying it.
Once I’ve changed clothes and given myself a quick shave, I find my way back to the living room where everyone is assembled. Included among the production team and crew are Amanda and Cassie, The Panel, and Davis. I greet them all with what I hope looks like casual ease.
Davis lays out the rules of a tag-team cooking challenge. I glance over at Amanda and Cassie warily. I’m no home chef, so I hope they brought their patience today. After Davis explains the rules, he drops a bomb. “The winner of the challenge will be decided by The Panel.” Davis turns to face the ladies. “And will be guaranteed to move on to next week.”
I sense the nearest camera zooming in on my face and give Davis a curt nod in acknowledgement. The Panel shouldn’t have this much say so early on, but I promised to play by the rules.
“The Panel is looking for teamwork—who works together best, who has more fun, who clicks. In short, this is a compatibility challenge. Are we ready to get started?”
Michelle told me I need to open up. Share my heart or some shit in order to get closer to finding what I’m truly looking for. Unfortunately, all her pep talk in the woods had done was convince me to go hard and fast for Ginger. It paid off in the moment, but now I’m back where I started, with no clue how to create a happy ending from here. Maybe I need to do what everyone keeps telling me to do for once and trust the process.
Ready to get on with it, I take my place behind the kitchen island.
“Amanda,” Davis announces, “since you were The Panel save last week, you’ll have the first half hour.”
Since I tried to eliminate her, anyone could have guessed my time with Amanda wouldn’t be pretty, but no one could have predicted she’d rush out of the kitchen fifteen minutes later in tears.
I’m not trying to be a dick, but when she gets snippy about seasoning the roast, I get quiet, and it’s all downhill from there. Cassie, on the other hand, is great—fun, funny, cute, easy. She’s exactly who I said I wanted. A teammate. A pal. She doesn’t make my heart pound or anything, but it doesn’t matter how many times I remind myself attraction was never the point of returning—the lack of it stands out.
If a life with no spark is all that’s left for me at the end of this, I’ll need to get a few more things out of my system first.
GINGER
Davis corners me on the garden path when the crew breaks for lunch. I’m on my way to the control room to give Marlon an update on Amanda’s breakdown when the eager host backs me into a large terracotta pot. He speaks in a whisper.
“She’s in town.”
“Who?”
“ Jenna. She agreed to lunch. Think we can get away for an hour or so?”
“We’re in the middle of production.” My smooth words belie the riot of conflicting emotions in my brain. “You can’t leave.”
“You can, right? Look, I think this is a maybe, leaning yes. She needs to be sweet-talked a little.” Davis speaks with his hands. It looks great on TV, but up close, it overwhelms.
I try to ease away, but the back of my knees hit the edge of the planter. “I haven’t spoken to Marlon yet. I don’t know what I can offer her at this point.”
Also, the thought of having Jenna back, while it sounded like an excellent idea a few days ago, now seems like overkill. Elliot has plenty of women to pick from, right?
Except I promised Matt. Shit.
Davis holds up one finger, like an idea struck. “Maybe we get her onboard first, then go to Marlon with it.”
I hesitate. “Wait. What’s in this for you?”
He balks at my suspicion, hands up in his own defense.
“Hey—I want this to be a great season, too. You sold me. And beyond that, you’re right. Jenna never wanted Eric. She wanted Elliot from day one. She chickened out. Bringing her in now is exactly what the show needs. Let’s light this fire.”
Davis is right. I need to think like a producer. My instincts are good. Therefore, the idea to bring Jenna back is a solid one, and sure to keep me at the top of the list for the job I want. And isn’t that what Elliot came back for in the first place? To find a future like the one he missed out on with Jenna?
So why the fuck am I hesitating?
“Give me her number,” I say. “I’ll do the meeting.”