Chapter 5
My sleep scheduled was fucked. After sleeping so long the day before when Bas had gratefully woken me up on my day off, and then going to group earlier this morning, I knew I was crazy to sacrifice my sleep by agreeing to meet with Troian before my shift tonight.
But after talking to the group and then speaking with Claude, I needed to do it now, while it felt fresh and like my veins needed the release that only speaking to my brother could alleviate.
So, I’d texted him and asked if he was available to talk things through for a little of a late lunch at the diner I frequented because it was so close to the apartment, as well as the blood center that Bas worked at.
I had no idea what the hell Troian had been filling his time with since he’d arrived in Piper, so he’d agreed to meeting me at the diner for lunch without much of a fuss.
I’d arrived early, after taking a quick shower at the apartment after group, and after catching Bas up on what I’d learned from Claude about my twin.
Bas, being the best friend that he was, offered to go with me to the diner, since he was off for the day and had the time to spare, but I declined.
Whatever needed to be said between Troian and me needed to remain that way.
I’d hate for Troian to feel like I was weaponizing the validity of my side of things by having Bas there to defend me.
Our exchange needed to be as neutral as possible so that it could, hopefully, warrant a positive outcome.
Maybe it was a good thing that I had work later, in case I needed an out.
Granted, I wasn’t needed at work until after the sun had disappeared to its roost for the night, but I could always claim I needed to get some sleep in before that.
Which I probably needed before heading to work tonight, but I’d be willing to bet money that I wouldn’t be able to snooze once Troian and I got everything out that we’d been keeping to ourselves for the last five years.
“Can I get you anything while you wait, hon?”
The polite woman of middle age gave me a ruby slippered grin as she acknowledged me from the booth I’d been guided to just a few minutes ago. I gave her a head tilt, trying to shed the nerves that were keeping me reserved.
“I’ll wait for my company to arrive, if that’s okay.”
“Of course,” She smiled back. “I’ll check back in a couple minutes.”
“Thank you so much.”
She left me with my thoughts again, receding from my table. But no sooner had she vacated the area, I looked beyond her frame to see that Troian had just walked in, scanning over the confines of the diner until his eyes landed on me.
A completely unwavering, emotionless expression stood on my brother’s face, or rather the face that we shared, as he ambled over to where I sat in the back of the diner.
Steeling the reserves of my emotions for what was about to transpire, I rolled my shoulders back as Troian paused before the booth.
“Hey.” It was a simple hello, but the hollowness of it made me feel a bit guilty for having had refused his previous attempts to talk things out.
“Hey,” I choked back, gesturing for him to take a seat. When he obliged, I couldn’t take the silence right away. “Thanks for making the time.”
“It’s not like I have a lot going on at the moment.” Troian grunted as he got settled in the booth.
My brother, my mirror image, folded his hands on the table, and I sighed inwardly.
It’d been so long since we’d been this close, other than when he’d ambushed the shit out of me when he’d stumbled into town right at the exact time Bas had gotten admitted in the hospital following the riot on the Gossamer Avenue blood center.
Troian always did have impeccable timing for arriving in the middle of a shitstorm.
That day he’d first knocked on the door of my apartment when I’d gotten the call about Bas’ condition, considering that I was his emergency contact, I’d been so taken aback by his appearance on my doorstep that I felt like I’d barely registered it.
I hadn’t even really heard a word he’d said, although my brain had taken the time to register that his mouth was moving.
I had just blurted out that I had an emergency to tend to and if the reason behind him being in Piper was important, he was more than welcomed to follow me to the hospital.
And he had. He’d been there every time I’d gone to Bas’ bedside, because I’d refused to talk to him given the situation, and he’d silently agreed not to torment me with his reasons for being back in my life.
Now though, I had to hear what those reasons were. And I’d be lying to myself if I said I was ready to hear them.
Troian looked as he always did, calm and collected.
He’d always been the even to my odd, the calm to my storm.
But our likeness was unmatched, sharing black hair and our undisrupted olive skin, the same dark eyes, the very vision of our Vietnamese-Korean blended perfection.
We looked so much alike that it was good that he’d always been partial to a buzzcut, otherwise people wouldn’t be able to tell us apart as individuals.
Our parents had once said they’d had to temporarily put a permanent marker to our skin with different colors just to keep the right twin apart on the drive back from the hospital after our birth.
Just thinking about our parents had my mood plummeting, so I refocused on Troian’s attempt at a smile to ease the tension, and cleared my throat.
“I’m sorry for ignoring you and for prolonging this,” I nodded. “There’s just been a lot going on.”
“I get it. I’ve done my best to be understanding. I just hope that I can finally explain why I’m here. Or why I want to be back in your life, if that’s something you’d be open to as well.”
“I’m…apprehensive,” I admitted, giving him a nod. “As I’m sure you can understand….given how we left things the last time you were here.”
Sighing a depth of air out of his chest, Troian shook his head.
“I’m not here to make excuses for what I did to you, Thayer.
I meant what I said back at your apartment when Bas got us to have that initial little talk.
I know what I did to you is beyond fucked up, and all I can say is that version of your brother doesn’t exist. I’m not that guy anymore.
All I want is the chance to explain why I’m different, and what I’ve done in the years since I betrayed your trust.”
That was one hell of a preamble. I wanted to trust Troian again, to believe that he really was sober and clean and had changed into a better version of himself.
But I’d heard this story before, heard that he was doing better, only to find out it was a smokescreen to ask me for money, or a way to get his next fix.
I couldn’t, wouldn’t, go back to that place, to enable the behavior and be a part of his problem anymore. I couldn’t fucking do it.
“It’s been over five years, Troy.” I said, surprised how easily my nickname for him came back to my tongue and not revolting to be spoken.
“Five and a half years since you posed as me and stole the money I was banking on to always have in case anything ever happened. I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to move on from that. ”
“And that’s your right to choose whether you can or not,” Troian nodded as I notated the tears dancing in the corners of his eyes.
“I’m not telling you what to do. I’m not going to sit here and act like I have earned the right to beg you to forgive me.
I just want to explain myself, explain how I’m different, and everything else, whether you want to have a relationship with me going forward, whether you want to forgive me or not, is entirely your decision.
All I’m asking is for you to listen before you decided either of those things. ”
Seemed fair enough, my chest rising and falling in slow movements thinking about the pain and hurt I was about to sit and listen to.
But I needed to hear it in order to move on, in order to potentially not need to go to group anymore, even though the crutch of having it as an option again made me feel so much more stable.
I wanted to be stable enough not to need to go, and that was only going to happen after I heard what Troian had to say.
“Alright,” I told him before clearing my throat and mirroring his hands on the table, folding my own over each other. “I’m listening.”
Shifting in the booth, Troian wasted no time in relaying his history to me, seemingly needing to be rid of it as much as I needed to hear him out.
“When I tried to leave town with Dom,” I winced inwardly at the mention of his asshole ex that had helped convince him that robbing me of my portion of the life insurance money was the best way for them to find their next fix.
“After he took all the money with him, I was so fucking lost. I couldn’t believe that I’d betrayed you like that, and the universe made sure to pay me back by making sure that Dom did the same fucking thing to me that I’d just done to you.
I deserved every ounce of hurt from that. ”
He only paused because the waitress had returned to ask for our orders.
We both asked for a glass of water, and I’d opted for a standard cheeseburger and fries while my brother ordered a footlong hotdog with extra mustard and chili.
She quietly and quickly scribbled our order on her designated pad and left us to it, sensing that we were there for something far more serious than the type of food the diner had to offer.