Chapter 27 #2
“You don’t get to defend him, Casey.” Kendra says. “You know better than that. David raped you. He had the power. You didn’t understand the consequences of what you offered. You were a child.”
“So were you.”
Kendra unbuckles from the passenger seat and kneels in front of Casey and me on the couch. She takes his hands.
Casey trembles in my arms.
“I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m sad for you. For us. We never should have been put through all that we have. I wish I could turn back time and we could have helped Dorian. I wish we didn’t have to do the things we’ve done.”
“I do enjoy torturing bad guys, though.” He bats his lashes at me. “And killing them in the end. For the most part.”
Kendra snorts, then leans in and kisses his head. “I will always make sure you have someone to torture.”
Hayden coughs. “About that. Dallas spilled that you’re Nightmare.”
“Yep.”
“How did that get started?” Hayden asks.
“You’re not freaking out?” I ask.
Hayden shakes his head. “I love Nightmare. He’s my hero. And I just found out I know Nightmare. I’m not a snitch.”
Casey sighs and nods. “Someone tried to rape Kendra in the homeless camp that we called home for a bit after David. That was the second man I killed.”
Neither of them deserved that type of life. I can’t stop the tears. No child should have to go through such horrible things.
“That’s when Darla found us,” Kendra says.
“I’m not following,” Hayden says. “Let me say what I understand, starting with the first cult.”
Casey hangs his head. “I don’t tell stories in order. I get things all mixed up. This is probably all confusing.”
“Just a little bit, but I don’t mind.” I kiss the side of his head and he nuzzles my chin.
He’s been slowly opening up to me on our little dates. Casey never hides himself, at least not for long, but I think he’s finally allowing himself to be comfortable. To relax for the first time in his life.
“Okay, so this Charles guy made you take care of another kid. The other kid, Dorian, was, well… you know. Casey witnessed and got the three of you out of the cult. Dorian couldn’t cope with what had been done to him.
The two of you lived with this guy named David.
Casey was used. You were both still children. ”
Casey nods. “You’re right so far.”
“So Darla,” Hayden says.
Kendra takes a deep breath. “She saved us from homelessness. Gave us a place to grow up. All she asked was discipline and obedience, but different from the cult. She taught us self-defense, how to fight. How to kill. How to hack systems. How to steal identities. How to sell our skills. We have a clean-up crew we trust and a middleman that gets us gigs when we’re bored or need an infusion of cash. ”
I blow out a breath. “You’re a well-oiled machine.”
“Sometimes,” Kendra says. “It takes a lot to run the Nightmare shows, so that’s what we focus on. Sometimes the victims are one of our paid marks so we get a lot of satisfaction out of that.”
Casey nods and traces his finger along my arm. “I like to watch these fuckers suffer by my hand. There’s a sick feeling of happiness knowing I’m making them suffer. Hearing their screams. Pleading for their lives. Then I fucking take it. The audience loves it. I think some of them think it’s fake.”
“I did.” I say. “Until I started looking into the stories. And you’re not a bad storyteller as Nightmare.” I kiss the side of his head.
“I make sure I know every detail forward and back before the cameras roll.”
“I really enjoy the stories,” Hayden says. “But now that I know who Nightmare is, I kind of wish you didn’t have the voice modulator. I get it, though.” There’s a bit of a laugh in Hayden’s voice. “The modulator gives you another layer of security.”
“Yeah, anyway.” Casey scratches the back of his neck and looks at the ceiling. “I need a nap now or a run. I’m rung out. No more words. I need silence.” His breathing picks up, and he shakes his head.
“Casey,” Kendra says his name, and he looks to her.
He rocks on his feet and hugs himself.
“Shit.” She unbuckles and pulls him in her arms. “I love you, you know. You’re safe.”
“Not until Charles is fucking dead. I want to flay him. Scoop his eyes out with a melon baller. I want to do so much to him.” Casey curves his hands as if they’re claws. “The fact I share DNA with him makes me sick to my stomach.”
I swear my head spins. Everything quiets except for the soft roar of the RV.
Kendra shakes her head when I give her a look.
“You can’t choose who you share your DNA with, but you chose your family, Casey. He’s just your blood, we’re your heart.” She presses her hand to his chest. “You’re nothing like him. Nothing.”
Before, I understood why Casey did what he did. Now I have insight I hadn’t had before.
“You’re not a monster,” I say.
“To some I am.”
“They’re the monsters, you’re Justice.”
Casey just nods. “Nap. I need... I need silence and calm.” He reaches over the couch into one of the overhead cabinets to retrieve a set of hot pink headphones. He’s silent as he walks to the back of the RV and closes the accordion door between us and the bedroom.
I move to stand, but Kendra shakes her head. “He needs to be alone. He’ll be okay.”
She squeezes my shoulder before going back to the passenger seat.
She and Casey have been through so much. I wish I could go back in time and change things for them.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
Kendra sighs, but it doesn’t sound like she’s upset with the question. “No. When he gets like this from feeling overwhelmed, he really does just need some alone time. Might be a few minutes, might be a few hours, but he’ll be okay.”
“I hate feeling useless,” I mumble.
“I can teach you how to drive this beast,” Hayden says.
Kendra snorts. “If you’re tired, I can take over at the next exit.”
“I’m actually enjoying myself. Other than your fucked up past. I’m sorry y’all had to live through all that.”
“We got through it. Now we’re living the dream.”
“So,” I start. “The mermaid thing. Your idea or his? There’s the trans allegory about transformation and everything, so I wonder.”
“It was his. The first time we saw the ocean, he got obsessed. Then he started learning about the ocean and mythology. He was fascinated by the idea of merfolk. Found out there were people that did this for a living. Casey doesn’t really do anything in halves.
We took the free diving classes, acting classes, makeup, etc.
ect. Everything it took to grow our business and be one of the best merfolk companies in the industry. ”
“Does everyone know about...” I look around, searching for the words.
“Oh, absolutely not. But our pod knows we lost Dorian, and it’s affected us. Everyone in our pod has been affected by suicide or sexual violence. Being mer helps us heal.”
“That’s beautiful,” Hayden says.
“I’m glad everyone has each other,” I say.
I can barely see Hayden nod. “I don’t know where I’d be without Dallas.”
My cheeks go red. I feel the same about him, but platonically. There’s nothing romantic about our friendship.
“Without you, I’d probably end up like my brother. The support group helps a lot, but your friendship saved me.”
I scrub a hand through my hair. “That feels like a lot of pressure, but I’m honored.”
Hayden snorts and taps the wheel just before the turn signal starts to bing.
“Casey is the best friend a gal can have,” Kendra starts.
“I’m so fucking mad at him for lying to me, though.
” She fiddles with her hands in her lap.
“But I understand why he did it. Dorian was our sun, and we were pieces of grass looking for his warmth. When Dorian...” She stops to take a breath and looks to the ceiling before continuing.
“Casey took it as a personal failure. He was so young and after that, he did anything he could to make sure we were fed, clothed, and sheltered. I just didn’t think he’d ever sell himself after what happened to Dorian.
” Kendra throws her head back and presses her fingers to her eyes.
“He’s probably so hypersexual to cope with everything that’s happened.
To take back his power or something. I thought it was just Casey being Casey. Fuck. We really need therapy.”
Hayden snorts. “I think he kills bad guys to cope with everything that’s happened.”
That makes Kendra laugh, and I join in.
“You two are good guys. If you weren’t, I’d have to stuff you in storage and deal with you later.”