Chapter Twelve
Nova
“Yesterday there was a protest. Celeste said today while I was at training the officials beheaded one of the protesters and dragged their body through the shops.”
While it wasn’t exactly comfortable to live with Altair—stars, it was weird to even think—we’d yet to find a truly awkward moment. Until now, that was.
Did I eat the eggs? Did I smash the plate into his face? Did I thank him? What the absolute fuck was I supposed to do?
“Are you seizing? Should I be concerned?” he asked. In my head, I heard his words from moments ago repeat. I’ve been working with the rebels for months. They’re the ones who saved me from the dungeons.
I waved my hand at him, feeling a headache blossoming at the tip of my spine, crawling its way to my temples and jaw. “Shut up, I’m thinking.”
“You’re always thinking.”
“At least one of us is!”
Altair leaned forward, his large hands spreading across the wooden table. “I’m a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them, Little Void.”
“Oh, please. Agree to disagree there,” I spit, rubbing the back of my neck to ease the tension.
“Look, I was just trying to give you some space to breathe before you were thrust into an all out civil war!” His fingers slid through his hair, messing it without ruining how it looked.
He was always so pristine. On the other hand, his words were a mess of panic and defense, jumbled together to fit his narrative.
“A rebellion isn’t a civil war, Altair. This will be liberation.” I pointed at him, my jaw tight and my eyes wide. “You should know all about that word, seeing as your father was planning to misuse it for his eradication.”
He reared back, the force of his movement so strong his chair screeched across the wooden floors. “Oh, so now you’re conflating me with my father?”
Shaking my head, I moved my fingers to my temples, trying to massage away the growing ache. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Yet, that’s what you said. Ever heard of intent versus impact? Maybe you can read about it.”
“Don’t start with me, you’re the one who lied! I knew you were keeping something from me!”
“Oh, there’s plenty I’ve kept from you, Tershetta.
I think if you spent a day in my head you’d be terrified.
” Though the words were a low growl, his lips lifted in a pained smile.
“But this? Keeping the rebellion from you? That was always for you! You may think you’re invincible, but even the brilliant Tershetta needs rest. Even you are fallible! ”
“What I need is to do something! Anything! To redeem myself and finally do what my sister begged of me for so long!”
Altair flinched, leaning even further back into his chair. How odd that of all things, it was my sister that finally made him show pain. Probably the one person in this world other than me who was never impressed or charmed by him, and she was the one that had him cowering?
“Regardless, what’s done is done. I can’t take back my choice to keep the rebellion from you, and I honestly wouldn’t even if I could, because I did it for you. Believe me or don’t, I really couldn’t care less. Either way, I’m taking you to the commander today.”
Though he leaned forward and began eating, practically inhaling the food, I couldn’t shake the thought that he wasn’t happy about something.
While I now knew he had been keeping me safe because the rebellion wanted me, that didn’t explain his hesitation to tell me or the way he always watched me.
I was perfectly safe in his cottage, yet, I always felt his eyes on me. Like he was studying me.
“Altair, this is your last chance to give me the full truth. Tell me now, and I’ll forgive you.”
He paused, lowering his fork and raising his eyes. The silver was a rim around his too-large pupils, his breathing rapid as we stared at each other. “What if I don’t care to be forgiven for keeping it from you? I’m not sorry, after all.”
Pursing my lips, I considered what I was about to offer. Did Altair really deserve it? After all he had done to me?
“If people cannot change, where does that leave you?”
They had me there. Though I hated to hear them whisper reason even more than I hated hearing them spew nonsense.
“No, Altair. I mean I’ll forgive you for all of it. Everything. Tell me the truth right here and now, be honest with me, and we can start fresh. We can be allies.”
“What makes you think I want that?” His voice was hoarse, a deep crackle that mirrored the fire alight in the hearth.
The question wasn’t actually if he wanted that, it was why he wanted it.
But I wasn’t going to say that. In fact, I said nothing.
I’d offered him more than he might have even deserved, now it was his turn to choose which path he’d take.
When he finally sighed and reached his long fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose, I knew I had him.
“I don’t like Maitoza. She’s…I don’t know.
Fanatic? I’ve been surrounded by zealots my entire life—people who will do anything for power and the stars’ favor.
She is everything they all were. A mirror of my father.
Maybe she’s a better version and I just can’t see it.
Stars know that everyone else loves her. ”
Crossing his arms, he leaned back again, letting his head fall until his face was pointed towards the ceiling.
There was one thing I knew for certain, Altair trusted me.
Because not only had he shared some rather awful things with me, but he was sitting there, neck exposed, as if it was impossible that I’d try to hurt him.
What I once thought was the absence of fear seemed to be proving itself to be the presence of certainty.
So when he began speaking again, I decided that I’d believe him, if only to try to offer what little trust I could in return.
“I guess you want more than that though, right? You mean you want me to be honest about everything. What a thing to ask too, Little Void. Should I tell you about the way I watched you in academy? How my eyes always flicked your way? Or I could say that I used to fantasize about your blood on my hands. I once had a dream that I received the stars’ essence moments after snapping your neck, only for me to dream the next night that instead of killing you, I let you kill me. ”
Sitting up straight, Altair dropped his arms on the table, his hands landing mere inches from mine. My eyes were wide as I took in his flushed cheeks and sardonic smile. He almost looked feral, as if the honesty was leaching his sanity from him.
“Did you know that all of my failures lead back to you? That as much as you thought I was the one haunting you, it was actually the reverse? Every step I took seemed to be followed by the whisper of yours, like you were chasing me. And then suddenly, you were ahead of me. You had the stars and the future title and everything I had ever wanted in life. You’d stolen it from me.
But do you want to know what’s even more scandalous? A part of me is grateful.”
The only warning I had before he moved was the brief snap of his gaze to my hand, and then he was reaching forward, his fingers entwining with mine.
While I’d successfully been silent before, I couldn’t hold back the faint gasp that slipped through my teeth.
For just a second, I considered ripping my hands free, but I fought the urge, watching as he pinched his eyes closed and sucked in desperate gulps of air.
“Tershetta, when you meet Maitoza today, I need you to remember that you are the one in control, not her. The rebellion needs you to win, and even then, we might all die trying to fight. So be smart when you speak to her. Don’t promise her anything, don’t give away what you really want, and don’t forget that the stars chose you. ”
With that, he released my hands and stood, not looking back as he made his way out of his cottage. The sound of dishes clattering from the door slamming clinked like chimes, but all I could hear were the giggles of the stars in my head.
“Sounds like someone has a new ally.”
Groaning, I folded my arms on the table and placed my forehead down.
Leave me alone.
“Do you want to know what he’s doing right now?”
Yes. No.
“Liar. He’s smoking one of those sticks he likes.”
Shut up, please.
“He’s also planning. Plotting. Preparing. Just as you are. Things are becoming very interesting indeed.”
I knew they’d leave, but I still tried to convince them to be useful for once.
What’s his plan? What’s coming?
Silence. Of course.
Death’s fur tickled my ankle, her purrs loud as she attempted to get my attention. Not silence then, just freedom from the stars’ constant meddling. That was a relief in a way. I reached down and grabbed Death, rubbing behind her ears as I tried to take in all that Altair had said.
My head was pounding now, jaw locking as the pain seeped down my spine. So many thoughts swirled within my mind, rushing through the pathways like a violent current.
The rebellion was alive and Altair was a part of it.
The very people Celeste had worked with were only an island away, waiting for me to continue what she had started.
The snake had kept it from me, for my own wellbeing, apparently.
Which meant he cared about me enough to demand I have time to rest. Why was that?
While I didn’t care about Altair, I did find myself looking towards the front door, wondering if he was okay.
The stars had one thing right, we were allies now.
If I told myself seven months ago that Altair would be my closest ally, I’d have laughed.
Now, I was only resigned. In fact, I was rather certain that Azazel Altair was the only person I could truly trust on all of Dajahim.
***
“Okay, this right here is where the rebel base is. They have a huge hub here with a cloak that is managed by multiple shaytan.” Altair’s finger tapped the spot on my map just east of the island we were currently on, the small piece of land colored a deep grey to represent how supposedly uninhabitable it was.