Chapter Fourteen
Azazel
“Today, Mariella said she loves me. I told her we can’t see each other anymore. This is why Father doesn’t like me to go to the Star District. It only causes trouble.”
What a load of absolute garbage.
Maitoza wasn’t only getting on my nerves now, she was crossing a line. What would she tell Tershetta? How would she attempt to sway her to join the rebellion? Why didn’t she want me there?
“You’re thinking so hard you look like you’re going to shit yourself.”
Whipping around, I found Celeste leaned against a tree, a burner between her fingers and a too-honest grin on her face. Probably because if I was here, it meant her sister was too, and that was enough to put even Celeste in a good mood.
“What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be in a meeting or something?
It’s past lunch.” I walked over to her, trying to resist the urge to hunch over in defeat.
I felt like the small amount of control I had was slipping through my fingers.
Like water flowing through a river, passing over rocks instead of being stilled by them.
Celeste’s smile grew as she handed me the burner, which I eagerly took a hefty pull of. “You greedy ass! Give it back if you’re going to be a beast!”
Passing it back, I quickly blew out the dark smoke into her face, laughing when she sputtered.
She’d been the one to get me hooked on burners when I was suffering through withdrawals from the whiskey.
I could still see the moment she sighed and offered me one, chuckling in satisfaction when I nearly hacked up my lungs.
“Seriously, why are you out here?”
“I’m not supposed to be. The second the wards were triggered, Maitoza ordered me to hide.
We knew it meant Nova was here.” Taken aback by her choice to disregard orders, I openly stared at her, trying to understand the version of Celeste before me.
She had always been so eager to follow Maitoza’s commands—to fall in line.
Maybe this was the piece of her that she shared with her sister.
The half not even the possibility of death could stomp out.
“I guess I wanted to at least see you. Just for an update. You haven’t written since she woke up. ”
“Yeah, well, your sister isn’t exactly easy to hide from.” I snatched the burner with a groan, nearly snapping it as I brought it to my lips. The scorch of the herbs made my throat itch, but my head was wonderfully—blissfully—light.
“Seriously, Az, how is she?” Her lips pursed as she took the burner and threw it to the ground, stomping out my only source of peace for the next hour.
I’d been wrong before, they really didn’t look as alike as I’d thought.
Celeste had chopped her curls even shorter, the ends stopping just below her ears now.
Her eyes were slightly more round, the deep grey like violent storms rather than summer heat.
Her freckles were more spread out, not contained to her cheeks and nose.
While the wrinkles at her eyes and on her forehead didn’t match that of a fifty year old eadi, they still separated her from Little Void.
“She’s okay. Sad. Angry. Bored.” Not that it really mattered when I was lying to Tershetta already, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell Celeste about what happened in the Sham District.
It felt like a secret between the two of us, something Tershetta would want to tell her sister on her own.
Or maybe I was the one who wanted it that way.
“It’d help if she knew her sister was still alive. ”
A tear pooled on her lower lashes, but she didn’t cry. Not fully. Celeste would save those feelings for when Desi was in her presence and prepared to hold her. I knew that much about them, at least.
“I’m doing what I have to do to save Dajahim. Nova will understand that.”
“Will she though? I don’t think that exactly fits the personality of your sister.”
Celeste crossed her arms, lifting her chin. “She won’t have any other choice. Just like I don’t. Not really.”
Silence pooled around us, falling in time with the tear she quickly wiped away as she sighed.
“The commander is sending me on a mission. Before you ask, I can’t tell you anything about it. I’ll be gone for a few weeks.”
“Oh, perfect timing. I’m sure Commander Psycho didn’t do that on purpose at all.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“I know that your sister is already choosing this rebellion in your name,” I shot back.
My fists clenched at my sides as I turned to face her, looking down on the woman who held all of Tershetta’s remaining hope.
Why couldn’t she see that? Why couldn’t she just choose her sister?
“She’s only doing this for you. To finish the fight you started. ”
Her palms shoved into my gut, pushing me away from her, but she only followed.
She beat her fists against my chest, her angry words spilling without breaths in between.
“Then fucking help me! Stop being useless and convince her so I don’t have to hide!
So I can fucking atone and fight! Help! Me! Dammit!”
Catching her wrists, I bent my head, looking directly into her eyes.
“First of all, I’m not useless. I’m the only one doing anything for her right now.
” Every breath of hers became louder, body shaking, as if the guilt and fury was trying to burst out of her.
“Second of all, I’m doing my best. You don’t get to blame me when you’re the one choosing this path.
I don’t care what Maitoza thinks. You are actively choosing this rebellion over your sister.
Which, in case you didn’t see when you were busy blaming magic for all of your problems, is the direct opposite of what she has done for years.
Every turn, your sister has chosen you, even in the face of death. ”
I shoved her back, annoyed and aggravated and so damn confused. Because what I really wanted to say was I’d choose her. I’d choose her every time. And it was then, as I stared at her sister, that I realized something monumental. Something stars awful. Something dangerous.
I was in love with Nova fucking Tershetta.
“Don’t pretend like you understand Nova better than me!” Celeste said, her hands flying up into the air. But I couldn’t focus. I needed space. Solitude. A second to shatter without anyone there to watch me.
Stumbling away, feeling like a lunatic as the world spun and Celeste’s voice distorted, I tried to grasp any semblance of sanity I might have still possessed.
My feet pushed me forward, bringing me to an all out sprint.
I wasn’t sure where I was headed, I just knew that everything was falling apart around me.
Every wall I’d built. Each belief I’d held.
All of my life crumpled and withered in the presence of her.
Of Nova. Nothing but her face seemed to form and stick in my mind as the brick buildings turned to trees, which trickled into open fields.
Soon enough, I was surrounded by tall, brown grass that swayed with every gust of wind.
The chilly air prickled my cheeks, stinging as I sped up.
With each gasp of air, her name became louder.
A chant. A song. A prayer. A divine hum.
Nova. Nova. Nova. Nova. Nova.
Maybe I’d die there. Maybe the end had found me and whatever was happening to my mind was the result of it failing.
No, it had to be a problem with my heart, which ached and beat in a violent symphony.
“Altair! Where the fuck are you going? Commander Maitoza said you were supposed to help us strengthen the cloak!” A woman’s voice tore me out of my trance, forcing me to a stop.
Why was she out this far? The cloak was nowhere near this spot.
“You really are insane, you know that? I swear, you’ll be the death of us all. ”
“Oh, because fighting in a war that has us outnumbered and outskilled won’t kill us first?
No, of course not. It’s me running that will do the trick.
” Slowly, I pivoted, facing not only one rebel soldier, but three.
At the front was Gemma, Peter and Val just behind her.
Though I was positive I’d never met them before the first time I’d cloaked the island, they all three hated me viscerally. My voice was hoarse, my head aching.
“As if you aren’t chomping at the bit to betray us all and go back home to your daddy.
Just so we’re clear, you are the most likely reason for us losing this war.
Not our lack of skill or knowledge. You are evil to your very core, just like you all love to call yourselves,” Val said, stepping in front of Gemma like a shield.
I was nearly as annoyed as she was. Well, I would have been if the chanting in my mind wasn’t so loud.
If Little Void wasn’t consuming me entirely.
“You’re a traitor in the making, Altair. Don’t think for a second that we don’t see you for exactly what you are,” Peter added, remaining in the back.
“Maybe if you all didn’t sit here with your pristine uniforms and your baseless claims, then your opinions would matter to me.
But I’m the one your precious commander chose.
I’m the one who has actually seen war and lived to tell the tale.
You grunts existed as no more than trained dogs for the shaytan military, and that was at your peak.
So, excuse my lack of offense by your words. ”
Shoving past Val, his arms flexing as if that would somehow help him grow eight inches and gain a hundred pounds, I quickly made my way to the edge of the cloak charm. I needed to get away from everyone before I truly snapped.
I need Nova.
Stars, I had a problem.
“Don’t walk away from us! We’re your superiors, you know!
” Gemma shouted from my back, probably pointing at her useless ribbons.
As if they somehow made her better than me.
Awards granted for completing trainings and not being recognized by officials while on a mission?
So impressive, truly. Except, it was fucking pathetic.